Nubian113:
All this "it's about her" malarkey. What about this Man's family?His mother who desires a grandson or more children. So He must loose out on his linage because of his so called wife,lover and partner. Hun she had no birth complications. She didn't go to work for the ten years he did. He paid the bills and loved her alone. Now he can't have his God giving right to procreate. I feel for African men in the west I swear. BeCause if this was Somaliland he would've remarried and even her mother will whoop her ass if she complained. But in the west he must compromise just so she won't leave with his daughters.

I am going to disagree with the lineage part. Son of no son, he is not losing his lineage.

Since he's capable, how about surrogacy? Everybody literally wins...

Miami11:

Very ignorant rubbish post. Hope you are not married. Her health does not matter Hope you smoking something.

calm down madam
You don't know chillis?
She is just being naughty

There must be a reason why the woman wants to stop at having 2 children
All I am reading here from the OP is why the man wants more
Have you asked her why she only wants 2 or are you just looking in from the outside?

BTW childbearing is a very risky thing and people do die during childbirth.
having kids is also not just about being able to afford it
money alone does not bring up a well adjusted kid.

If he wants to go down the polygamy route then good for him, but he will find that it may not be as sweet and plug in all the gaps that he is looking for.

This matter is not a gra gra matter at all and he needs to hear his wife out and if possible reach a compromise and they are unable to reach a compromise then for him to say thank you to God for what He has done and get on with his life and enjoy the 2 children that he has.

As for lineage issue I dont understand what the big fuss is. Nowadays families are smaller and scattered all over the world.
When you are dead you are dead and its what you do whilst you were alive that matters.
Mr Obama has 2 daughters but when he dies his name will never be forgotten and even if it does get forgotten, he is already dead and gone so it doesn't matter.
All this "I must have a boy" is just sentiment
Back in the day when you needed boys to farm and hunt it made sense
a child is a child and today girls are achieving great heights and are of much pride to their parents too.

bjcole:

Don't you think your own post is so biased too, you may plan to have 5 kids before marriage and you end up with 2kids and vice-versa. If they plan to have 2 and the man based on how God blesses him decides they should have more, is he wrong? he is the head of the family, I think the family should just come to an understanding for what is best for the family. I don't know of any sane man that wants his wife to suffer from child bearing, nobody wants his wife looking sag, and issue of compromise whether they want to remain marry does not come in, the Op said they love each other
Women should soften this issue of divorce, anything misunderstanding in marriage does mean you have to be discussing whether you want to still be married or not. That you are empowered and independent does not give you licences to want out of marriage. Women glow better when they are under their husband with mutual respect for each other.

Her post seemed biased to me so i had to make her see things from the woman's perspective, i wasn't trying to take sides.

Clearly, you didn't read the Op very well. The woman has been given an ultimatum to either have more kids or give way for a second wife. Now you call that love? Out there, there are childless couples loving up and supporting each other. No one is threatening to bring in a second wife and here you have a case of a woman that has got 2 kids already.

@ the phrase in bold, maybe i'm missing out on something. when people say Love, i get confused sometimes 'cause their actions are the exact opposite of what love should be. My godparents didn't have any children till after 10yrs in marriage, the man didn't run-off for a second wife. My Aunt doesn't have any children, adopted or biological and they are in their 70s now and still loving up. These are real life cases that remind of what love should be.

Love is patient and kind, it is not proud or self-seeking. Love protects.... If they love each other as you wrote, the issue of a second wife won't even come in. they will find a way around the challenge.


If they cannot come to an understanding, what do you advice they do?

Just as the Man is the head of the home and has the right to as many children as he wishes, same goes for the woman. She also has the right to a certain number and the choice to share her husband with another woman or not.

I wish them the best!

Nubian113:
All this "it's about her" malarkey. What about this Man's family?His mother who desires a grandson or more children. So He must loose out on his linage because of his so called wife,lover and partner. Hun she had no birth complications. She didn't go to work for the ten years he did. He paid the bills and loved her alone. Now he can't have his God giving right to procreate. I feel for African men in the west I swear. BeCause if this was Somaliland he would've remarried and even her mother will whoop her ass if she complained. But in the west he must compromise just so she won't leave with his daughters.

My dear, go and ask my Papa that has 6 boys, he will tell you that the Lineage thingy is a scam...
My Dad is more thankful for His 2 girls.

I went through the updated Op and i kinda understand the man's plight.
It's the desire of many to have both male and female, but then again, the uncertainties of Life can happen.

He should find a way to sort out this issue with his wife and not resort to threatening her with a second wife, i'm sure they will reach an understanding that will leave them both happy.

Because he is a "Real" man who is responsible for 3 women. God is great and may he never separate them. The love he has for his wife won't even allow him to be polygamous because Islamic law states that love must be shared by all wives and he would certainly love his first wife more than the other wives so therefore he is not allowed polygamy at this stage. Men and women age differently so maybe in another 10/15 years she'll gift him with a young wife

Thank you everyone. The man went home. The thread is closed.

Chillis:
Let him go and marry another woman who will bore him baby boy.

If the wife no gree. She can carry her load and move out leaving the kids behind for the rightful owner.
It doesn't matter if her health is in danger.

That's the faith of most Nigeria woman. They have no say here. I wonder why the man never give one ekaette bellé yet. What's he waiting for? Advice from nairalanders. ?

Mtshewwww

Thank you
All is well because love will conquer all if love truly lives in the home. I pray for their protection because divorce is not an option. He will bear his cross for the sake of love amen.

DBestDoc:


Her post seemed biased to me so i had to make her see things from the woman's perspective, i wasn't trying to take sides.

Clearly, you didn't read the Op very well. The woman has been given an ultimatum to either have more kids or give way for a second wife. Now you call that love? Out there, there are childless couples loving up and supporting each other. No one is threatening to bring in a second wife and here you have a case of a woman that has got 2 kids already.

@ the phrase in bold, maybe i'm missing out on something. when people say Love, i get confused sometimes 'cause their actions are the exact opposite of what love should be. My godparents didn't have any children till after 10yrs in marriage, the man didn't run-off for a second wife. My Aunt doesn't have any children, adopted or biological and they are in their 70s now and still loving up. These are real life cases that remind of what love should be.

Love is patient and kind, it is not proud or self-seeking. Love protects.... If they love each other as you wrote, the issue of a second wife won't even come in. they will find a way around the challenge.


If they cannot come to an understanding, what do you advice they do?

Just as the Man is the head of the home and has the right to as many children as he wishes, same goes for the woman. She also has the right to a certain number and the choice to share her husband with another woman or not.

I wish them the best!

The desire and importance of having a male child in a family cannot be over emphasised. Our generation due to the influx of western culture into our part of the world have chosen to bury their heads in the sand like the Ostrich. We Africans as a people hold so dearly the continuity of "Lineage" and that has not changed the last time I checked. The woman in question is being selfish if like the OP said is not limited by health factors or age.

On the issue of men determining the sex of a baby. Hmmmm.... our people need to broaden they knowledge on this issues. Further studies also showed that the VJAY fluids and cervical mucus of a woman plays a very important role in completing this gender selection. This body fluid is categorised into the Acidic (pH- lower) and Alkaline (pH+ higher). Each of the two chromosomes from the man fares better in different pH conditions. The male chromosomes fair better in the lower pH while the female own due to its resilience survives in all conditions. How do you as a woman know if your pH is high? If ur undies are prone to discolouration or tear underneath, there you have it.

The type and nature of food we eat plays a great role in this pH equation. People should do further research on this to be more informed.

No gender is useless but for lineage continuity, you need a male child and I am sure our women are not ignorant of this.

I rest my case.

Note: I dodge bullets like........

^^^^^^

Wow... Ok. Interesting

BluStreak:
The desire and importance of having a male child in a family cannot be over emphasised. Our generation due to the influx of western culture into our part of the world have chosen to bury their heads in the sand like the Ostrich. We Africans as a people hold so dearly the continuity of "Lineage" and that has not changed the last time I checked. The woman in question is being selfish if like the OP said is not limited by health factors or age.

On the issue of men determining the sex of a baby. Hmmmm.... our people need to broaden they knowledge on this issues. Further studies also showed that the VJAY fluids and cervical mucus of a woman plays a very important role in completing this gender selection. The secretion is categorised into the Alkaline (pH- lower) and Acidic (pH+higher). Each of the two chromosomes from the man fares better in different pH conditions. The male chromosomes fair better in the lower pH while the female own due to its resilience survives in all conditions. How do you as a woman know if your pH is high? If ur undies are prone to discolouration or tear underneath, there you have it.

The type and nature of food we eat plays a great role in this pH equation. People should do further research on this to be more informed.

No gender is useless but for lineage continuity, you need a male child and I am sure our women are not ignorant of this.

I rest my case.

Note: I dodge bullets like........

What lineage continuity?

Are you telling me that my kids are not going to have my father's blood?

So you know, female children are more reliable than male children

daretodiffer:


What lineage continuity?

Are you telling me that my kids are not going to have my father's blood?

Lineage continuity and blood in this context are two different variables. No matter where they are, they have the blood of your father, mother, hubby's and yours running in them.

When I say linage I mean more children. Not a son. His brothers and sisters have min 6kids each and his brother has 20 kids. We are tribal so this is what we mean by linage. The man becomes a tribe beside his siblings. Girls give children for the husband's tribe and boys make a tribe under his father's name. We don't change our surname before or aft marriage so it is significant. Still no sympathy for the brother?

BluStreak:


Lineage continuity and blood in this context are two different variables. No matter where they are, they have the blood of your father, mother, hubby's yours running in them.

I still don't see the difference. The only difference would be the last name.

Nubian113:
When I say linage I mean more children. Not a son. His brothers and sisters have min 6kids each and his brother has 20 kids. We are tribal so this is what we mean by linage. The man becomes a tribe beside his siblings. Girls give children for the husband's tribe and boys make a tribe under his father's name. We don't change our surname before or aft marriage so it is significant. Still no sympathy for the brother?

This is the 21st century

daretodiffer:


I still don't see the difference. The only difference would be the last name.

The father's name is very important in our culture. I dare not fvck with my father's name. It is very important. Religiously, culturally and it's a shared value and norm. I am not allowed to change my father's name. It is a sin because the name is used So that we could identify our roots (and not use it against each other)....

daretodiffer:


This is the 21st century

I don't care if it's the 75th century. These are important to the man in question. So good day. Thought you had contributions.

Nubian113:


The father's name is very important in our culture. I dare not fvck with my father's name. It is very important. Religiously, culturally and it's a shared value and norm. I am not allowed to change my father's name. It is a sin because the name is used So that we could identify our roots (and not use it against each other)....

It is the 21st century. There are more to a person's worth than a name. Name or no name, your roots can identified. It doesn't stop me from being referred to as the great great granddaughter of *******.

daretodiffer:


It is the 21st century. There are more to a person's worth than a name. Name or no name, your roots can identified. It doesn't stop me from being referred to as the great great granddaughter of *******.

You don't understand me hun. No worries.

daretodiffer:


I still don't see the difference. The only difference would be the last name.

The bold text up there is the key factor. Where I come from we have this name "Afamefula" literarily meaning "May my name not be missing" and I am sure this same name can be found in other cultures in Nigeria.

We know what that name means even though today's generation due to our attempt to warp and comfort ourselves in certain areas can come up with over 5 variants of meaning to that name.

Nubian113:


I don't care if it's the 75th century. These are important to the man in question. So good day. Thought you had contributions.

I am not saying he shouldn't wish or try for a male child but lineage continuity has got to be an excuse not a reason. In Islam, a female child is kinda better than a male child.

In fact do me a favour, ask him to stick to other traditions for sentimental reasons.

BluStreak:


The bold text up there is the key factor. Where I come from we have this name "Afamefula" literarily meaning "May my name not be missing" and I am sure this same name can be found in other cultures in Nigeria.

We know what that name means even though today's generation due to our attempt to warp and comfort ourselves in certain areas can come up with over 5 variants of meaning to that name.

I am a female. The first grandchild of my maternal grandpa. I don't beat his name neither do my brothers. I know his family history just like I know my paternal's. I don't feel any less disconnected to him or to his (our) family history. My cousins that do cannot tell me or my brothers that they have more claim to the man than we do.

Therefore at the end of the day, it is just a name

Nubian113:
When I say linage I mean more children. Not a son. His brothers and sisters have min 6kids each and his brother has 20 kids. We are tribal so this is what we mean by linage. The man becomes a tribe beside his siblings. Girls give children for the husband's tribe and boys make a tribe under his father's name. We don't change our surname before or aft marriage so it is significant. Still no sympathy for the brother?

Well, I won't dispute your variant of lineage as obtained where you come from. In the part of Nigeria where I come from, it's about the man's lineage. Not his brothers or sisters whose children or grand children's name will take after theirs or their husband's family and not his.

BluStreak:
The desire and importance of having a male child in a family cannot be over emphasised. Our generation due to the influx of western culture into our part of the world have chosen to bury their heads in the sand like the Ostrich. We Africans as a people hold so dearly the continuity of "Lineage" and that has not changed the last time I checked. The woman in question is being selfish if like the OP said is not limited by health factors or age.

On the issue of men determining the sex of a baby. Hmmmm.... our people need to broaden they knowledge on this issues. Further studies also showed that the VJAY fluids and cervical mucus of a woman plays a very important role in completing this gender selection. This body fluid is categorised into the Alkaline (pH- lower) and Acidic (pH+higher). Each of the two chromosomes from the man fares better in different pH conditions. The male chromosomes fair better in the lower pH while the female own due to its resilience survives in all conditions. How do you as a woman know if your pH is high? If ur undies are prone to discolouration or tear underneath, there you have it.

The type and nature of food we eat plays a great role in this pH equation. People should do further research on this to be more informed.

No gender is useless but for lineage continuity, you need a male child and I am sure our women are not ignorant of this.

I rest my case.

Note: I dodge bullets like........

Wait av I forgotten what high and low pH meant? As far as I can remember, a low pH is acidic and a high pH is alkaline, so I don't agree wt tht.
As regards the Op, the couple need to reach a compromise, as long as having more children will not pose any risk to her health, then why not? I hope they are financially capable of taking care of more children tho.
As regards the lineage continuity wt males, I don't quite agree wt this. My mother's father is my grandpa and will be my children's great grandpa albeit from the maternal side, we may nt bear the same name wt him but it doesn't break our family ties. Many men av made the greatest mistakes of their lives in the vain search to get a son, some marry more wives, and if they ain't destined to av sons they still won't, some of the wives seeing how desperate they are bring them bastards sebi na to av boy, some who later av sons regret ever having a son, becos tht son ends up soiling the name of tht 'lineage' they so desperately want to continue, or the sons might nt add any values to themselves talk more the family.
A cousin of mine is a gud example his father so desperately wanted a son, married 4 wives but only got one son, he ended up disowning tht boy he so desperately searched for, when the boy neva gave him rest of mind for a second (a child tht cld raise a cutlass on his own parents threatening to kill them) , the female ones he felt were useless cos they can't continue his lineage are the ones taking care of him in his old age nw, he has even forgotten what lineage is. I don't understand what the hype is really. I don't pray for a particular gender, whatever sex my children are, Oh Allah, make them a blessing to me and the World, make them the best children any parent cld ever wish for, make them successful in this life and hereafter. Tht is the most important thing to me, not a stupid reason as to continuing a lineage. Then u continue praying and searching for a boy, then he turns out to be ur worst nightmare.

Nubian113:




This is her exact argument. Is it true that it's the man that determines the sex of the baby? So he could be shooting all girls,right, like that man you know. My sister kept trying for girls and number 4 and number 6 were her two princesses. Her husband never told her no after 3 boys because he can't afford more children, he let her fill her boots. I blame this on the west, and the lazy generation we are. Give the man his kids!! Lol

Yh, the man determines the sex of the child (while the woman sadly gets persecuted sadly for always popping out girls). The female ovum will always carry the XX chromosome, while the man carries the male chromosome XY. So surely the woman will donate X while the man will donate either X or Y. X will give a girl while Y will give a boy.
The spermatozoan Y is faster but more fragile than the X, and the X is slower but has more energy than Y. So sex can be timed to get whatever gender u want (if God wills), this is highly dependent on the woman knowing when she ovulates, sex nearer her ovulation date, probably a day to, or her ovulation date will most likely give a boy, cos the Y spermatozoans wld still be active and wld readily meet an ovum, apart from this they may av been destroyed and worn out leaving the stronger and slow but steady X chromosome.
I hope u grab

HaneefahRN:

Wait av I forgotten what high and low pH meant? As far as I can remember, a low pH is acidic and a high pH is alkaline, so I don't agree wt tht.
As regards the Op, the couple need to reach a compromise, as long as having more children will not pose any risk to her health, then why not? I hope they are financially capable of taking care of more children tho.
As regards the lineage continuity wt males, I don't quite agree wt this. My mother's father is my grandpa and will be my children's great grandpa albeit from the maternal side, we may nt bear the same name wt him but it doesn't break our family ties. Many men av made the greatest mistakes of their lives in the vain search to get a son, some marry more wives, and if they ain't destined to av sons they still won't, some of the wives seeing how desperate they are bring them bastards sebi na to av boy, some who later av sons regret ever having a son, becos tht son ends up soiling the name of tht 'lineage' they so desperately want to continue, or the sons might nt add any values to themselves talk more the family.
A cousin of mine is a gud example his father so desperately wanted a son, married 4 wives but only got one son, he ended up disowning tht boy he so desperately searched for, when the boy neva gave him rest of mind for a second (a child tht cld raise a cutlass on his own parents threatening to kill them) , the female ones he felt were useless cos they can't continue his lineage are the ones taking care of him in his old age nw, he has even forgotten what lineage is. I don't understand what the hype is really. I don't pray for a particular gender, whatever sex my children are, Oh Allah, make them a blessing to me and the World, make them the best children any parent cld ever wish for, make them successful in this life and hereafter. Tht is the most important thing to me, not a stupid reason as to continuing a lineage. Then u continue praying and searching for a boy, then he turns out to be ur worst nightmare.

Forgive my mixup in the pH rating, these things happen some times .

I didn't like the fact you used the word useless for the female child in your assertion. There are more suitable and less offensive words that could suffice "useless". Female children are as important as male children but for the issue of lineage continuity of his own name within his nuclear family, the desire to add a male child cannot be wished away.

Stories of irresponsible children abound irrespective of gender. So basing your summation on the so sort after son ending up being irresponsible doesn't cut it for me and maybe many others.

The woman in the centre of all this should grant her hubby this one wish to try again to make him happy. After all marriage is about reasonable compromise. Clinics now can even help them choose the gender of their baby. Her action reeks of selfishness and possible ulterior motive.

Nubian113:


The woman is very close to me I love her and like her husband I supported her decision 7yrs ago and I minded my business. I haven't spoke to her about this and I never will because it's not my place.

I bought this here because watching the man suffer has changed my views on such issues as polygamy, rights, ect.

Everyone keeps saying they shoulda planed before marriage but that's bs because when you're in love you say things and years later one is not allowed to change their mind? How he felt about family planning changed along the way... She is healthy, and able but she really doesn't wanna go through all that again. She is a good mum and her two daughters are her testimony. It's not just having a son hun its about having a large family with someone you love. What if the next pregnancy is a healthy bouncing boy? That's also a chance is it not?

Suffer, because he wants a boy, or another wife? Let me use a family as case study, the woman has 6 girls, probably all in a bid to satisfy his quest for a male (now 5 tho, one died), he married another wife nw 4 more girls, maybe they'll try more till a boy comes. Lolz. Then the what-ifs continue, what if the next one will be a male till the children reach 15, or 'oh, let me try another wife, maybe her first child will be male'. The man will just kill himself over nothing.

Name?

How many families have unique names? Even in Nigeria.
As in there are no other family that they are not related to bearing the name.

Only God knows how many Singhs and Patels are in India.

Many people are even bearing their grandfathers/fathers first names as their own surnames

Those double barrelled names where did they spring from

With Christianity some people are changing their names from esubiyi to Olu something

Lineage was important back then, Now you have 3 kids and one is in Australia, one is in China and one is in USA & all married to foreigners.
The grand kids have never been to Nigeria and dont speak a word of your grandfathers language. So what lineage are we going on about and preserving.

BTW what is Dbanj and Nice's family name
I havent got a clue

BluStreak:


Forgive my mixup in the pH rating, these things happen some times .

I didn't like the fact you used the word useless for the female child in your assertion. There are more suitable and less offensive words that could suffice "useless". Female children are as important as male children but for the issue of lineage continuity of his own name within his nuclear family, the desire to add a male child cannot be wished away.

Stories of irresponsible children abound irrespective of gender. So basing your summation on the so sort after son ending up being irresponsible doesn't cut it for me and maybe many others.

The woman in the centre of all this should grant her hubby this one wish to try again to make him happy. After all marriage is about reasonable compromise. Clinics now can even help them choose the gender of their baby. Her action reeks of selfishness and possible ulterior motive.

I used useless cos tht was how the man felt abt them, he desperately wanted to continue his lineage as an only child and so, the female children were useless to him.
Yh, irresponsible children abound, but I av heard many stories and true experiences abt issues like this, where the boy the man desperately seek turns out the family's worst nightmare. So tht was why I said rather than seek children or a particular gender for a silly reason as to continue a lineage, pray for good and worthy children of whatever gender, when they and their offspring are doing u proud u wnt even remember lineage or what not.
Yh, the couple need to reach a compromise

byvan03:
Armyofone surrogacy makes a lot of sense, but if am the man I will accept this as long as she is footing the bills .

... But u'll foot the bill when you marry another wife abi? SMH!!

Chillis:
Let him go and marry another woman who will bore him baby boy.

If the wife no gree. She can carry her load and move out leaving the kids behind for the rightful owner.
It doesn't matter if her health is in danger.

That's the faith of most Nigeria woman. They have no say here. I wonder why the man never give one ekaette bellé yet. What's he waiting for? Advice from nairalanders. ?

Mtshewwww

leave the kids where? She has no say ke? Are u a learner? Let him marry naa, she will leave with her kids and the man pays alimony. hehehe

MsGlobalwonder:
... But u'll foot the bill when you marry another wife abi? SMH!!

At least that one isn't asking me to rent another 's womb, compromise is important here. There are things that aren't issues but whoever makes it an issue deserves a run for their money. Don't forget you mentioned the issue of marrying a second wife by yourself, you didn't see that in my post.