LORDSAMURAI:
crackhead where hav u been?

Trying to famz ?

Diddyydiva:


Trying to famz ?

mcheeeew i just wanna know where my crackhead has been.

Poster if you decide not to forgive him, I will not judge you,
If you forgive him, that's fine too, do whatever you please but let your heart heal slowly.

You wouldn't blame your father, he needs a son, don't you know how terrible for a man to be without a son but ladies?? You surely made is marriage boring, give your father a break he's only human.
Females will always be a second fiddle in a mans world hence you father thorough search of a son as heir, why should you mum sob at night? If she's not a witch she should prove that by birthing a son not shedding crocodile tears. Thank goodness she had a son eventually, your mother should blame her cousin that is a hoe who opened legs for your father, you came with a half story in favor of your mother. Women! Confused lots, if you like accept his plea or not, he's a man and its a mans world!

lovaleenny:


[s]So a strong woman is a woman dt stays with a chronic cheat, humiliated her by sleeping with her cousin ba? So buying a car will erase all what he has done ba? I swear sense is far from you

Dear op first of all ur mum is a strong woman for leaving dt sham of a marriage. Secondly i completely understand where yua coming...take it from me i had similar experience and the only way to let go of d pain is to discover yourself and what you want in life, inculcate positive vibes and try to learn from ur parents mistake, and live a life totally better and different from theirs, the more u concentrate on urself u will find inner peace and mostly u will heal from all d hurt and pain and at dt moment u will find urself forgiving ur father.

To forgive is easy but to heal from the pain is what's hard...you'll be fine trust me on dt.[/s]

In your own case, sense is not only far from you but your head is an empty, fragile shell! The did has been done and there's no going back on it. Thankfully, the father has come back to his senses and is willing to reunite with his family again. Ours is to mold and not to destroy, hence we advice for resolution because there's nothing stronger than family bond.

There is nothing to forgive or not forgive here, tell him Ok and move on with your life. I hope he isn't sick or broke this one that he is seeking forgiveness . It's easier to forgive when he returns with genuine remorse not when he needs someone to prepare diabetic patient meals and foot hospital bills .


As long as you won't be offering anything for this repentance, just tell him" I forgive you " and move on.

They keep doing the crap they do because they always get away with it when the forgiveness crew start chanting their hymns, to whom it may concern sha . If he is still economically useful, try and weigh the usefulness and make him useful to you this time ;before he falls under hypnosis again like Tony Umez in Nollywood movies . If he needs babysitters or ATM machines let his harem do that . Pap is thicker than blood .

XBLadez:

In your own case, sense is not only far from you but your head is an empty, fragile shell! The did has been done and there's no going back on it. Thankfully, the father has come back to his senses and is willing to reunite with his family again. Ours is to mold and not to destroy, hence we advice for resolution because there's nothing stronger than family bond.

Says the idiot that told her to poison any other lady he tries to sleep with...easy for u to sprue trash up and down coz u aint in d lady shoes or d mom's...easy for u to tell d op her mum wasn't strong enuf forgetting d woman might have prayed and fasted...easy for u to say she shud poison somebody...someone is asking advice on how to forgive and get over to hurt yua here opening ur mouth jaaaa dt her mom's is dis and dt...slowpoke shior

lovaleenny:


[s]Says the idiot that told her to poison any other lady he tries to sleep with...easy for u to sprue trash up and down coz u aint in d lady shoes or d mom's...easy for u to tell d op her mum wasn't strong enuf forgetting d woman might have prayed and fasted...easy for u to say she shud poison somebody...someone is asking advice on how to forgive and get over to hurt yua here opening ur mouth jaaaa dt her mom's is dis and dt...slowpoke shior[/s]

Stop showing off your useless, frustrated life on the internet. I am for peace and unity within the family circle. And intruders/spoilers should be poisoned to death. Hang yourself to death if you don't like my advice.

XBLadez:

Stop showing off your useless, frustrated life on the internet. I am for peace and unity within the family circle. [b]And intruders/spoilers should be poisoned to death. [/b]Hang yourself to death if you don't like my advice.

First poison urself ehn...you'll be doing the world a HUGE favour

jopretty:
My dear, speaking from experience, forgiveness doesn't come easily. It took me 3 solid years to forgive some set of persons who connived to hurt me, now, when I see them I smile. Pls take your time to heal first and in the end you'll find you've forgiven him without him asking for it.

I agree totally dear.....


in some cases forgiving from the heart is difficult..

lovaleenny:


[s]First poison urself ehn...you'll be doing the world a HUGE favour[/s]

Stop trying to pass your frustration to the innocent Op with your useless advice. Try seeing life from the positive angle and you may find happiness again.

I salute those who come here to share their stories either true or imaginations,i have learnt a lot and still learning.... I'm so glued to the family section now

pinceprinz:
Have you ever tried to imagine what kind of life it would've been if yo Dad hadn't kicked you out?

Do you even know if your Dad had remained adamant, not kicking you out the woman might have poisoned yyou guys or used you and abused yo right to care as a child so in so, you might not even get to smell high school less college?

What if your morally lax Dad, had abused one of thou lots sexually if he hadn't let you go?


I'm not saying you should forgive him because He deserves it, but at least, show some little appreciation to fate (if you believe in that) for the journey so farr. Many others are out there on the streets forcing ordinary smile cos they're utter misery just cos they haven't ever had the nurturing support of a parent. You had it ! Now, its an ongoing life, you don't know what life still have to offer and who the Angel to help in whatever's upcoming; Might be yo Dad! Message is ; More friend less foe! If u kwim.

Wow!

I am very big fan of turning every negative experience into a positive experience but what you have just done is make excuses for an irresponsible man.

Did you consider the fact that her life, their lives could have been better if their father had showed a little restraint?

Did you also consider all the possible bad things that could have happened to her and her siblings when he kicked them out?

What if their mum had developed medical complications because of his behaviour?

Did or did he not know that was causing them pains when he treated them like trash?

You cannot tell me that because it didn't happen, he deserves a free pass. There are many kids out there whose lives turned out for the worse because of a parent like him. She should not be forgiving because it turned out so well for her. She should forgive him because he was her father. He is a sperm donor, he should be treated politely not friendly. He did what he wanted to do. The least he could do now is to accept the consequences.

She owes him nothing. Parents/people cannot knowingly treat others like trash and expect them to forgive.

XBLadez:

In your own case, sense is not only far from you but your head is an empty, fragile shell! The did has been done and there's no going back on it. Thankfully, the father has come back to his senses and is willing to reunite with his family again. Ours is to mold and not to destroy, hence we advice for resolution because there's nothing stronger than family bond.

Hogwash!

A father can kill his daughter, a mother can give up her kids, a son can stab his parents to death, a daughter can poison her father. There is nothing stronger than family bond if it is mutually beneficial but once it starts to harm/hurt you, then you are better off a hermit.

haul:
You wouldn't blame your father, he needs a son, don't you know how terrible for a man to be without a son but ladies?? You surely made is marriage boring, give your father a break he's only human.
Females will always be a second fiddle in a mans world hence you father thorough search of a son as heir, why should you mum sob at night? If she's not a witch she should prove that by birthing a son not shedding crocodile tears. Thank goodness she had a son eventually, your mother should blame her cousin that is a hoe who opened legs for your father, you came with a half story in favor of your mother. Women! Confused lots, if you like accept his plea or not, he's a man and its a mans world!

So witches don't birth male children or inability to bear a male child is equivalent to being a witch.

daretodiffer:


Wow!

I am very big fan of turning every negative experience into a positive experience but what you have just done is make excuses for an irresponsible man.

Did you consider the fact that her life, their lives could have been better if their father had showed a little restraint?

Did you also consider all the possible bad things that could have happened to her and her siblings when he kicked them out?

What if their mum had developed medical complications because of his behaviour?

Did or did he not know that was causing them pains when he treated them like trash?

You cannot tell me that because it didn't happen, he deserves a free pass. There are many kids out there whose lives turned out for the worse because of a parent like him. She should not be forgiving because it turned out so well for her. She should forgive him because he was her father. He is a sperm donor, he should be treated politely not friendly. He did what he wanted to do. The least he could do now is to accept the consequences.

She owes him nothing. Parents/people cannot knowingly treat others like trash and expect them to forgive.

You are also right . but being the Muslim that I am, can't help but be inclined towards magnanimity especially when it's something that has to do with family. Moreover, this is a one sided story - coming from one who hasn't reached full maturity as at the time of the incidence to know the Absolute 'Why's' for the predicaments that befell - why then Do'u expect me to condemn the culprit on a fatal note of finality?

and Please, I am not in any way trying to justify her Dad's acts, of course it oozes nonchalance , irresponsibility and sheer wickedness. He deserves to be served the bitter pill double, but then, shouldn't she be grateful? -Like you've said, many couldn't surmount hardships of this like... Also, Hatred and bitterness is a global disease now and we need all the love in this World to quench the pandemonium - why we should learn to press reset by letting go as family, as a group cum society.

More aptly anyway, I feel op here deserves her inner peace and the attention and affection of a Dad. That she couldn't gerit while tender doesn't mean she mustn't have it forever. If she fears the Dad has ulterior motives behind his good will message - which I don't doubt, promise it's gonna be; just another adventure and the lesson from that adventure will end up teaching us good will always supersede evil. Moreover, We and our problems will getu end when we die anyway, Why then allow our problems enslave us while we live? Our problems should be treated as ephemerals - toys, as we grow up, we get new ones that will help shape us to better beings, if we don't lego of the previous one's, they'll just continue to stick around denying us the growth we deserve.
- So sorry for boring you - that's what you get when you put up an intelligent argument

This is sad. My advice is do whatever pleases u. I hope he didn't show remorse cos he has lost everything and his Miss Pepeyes av left? A similar experience happened to one of my Grand aunts, the man sent his wife and daughters away for another woman, that one enjoyed her life well and left when the going went sour, at old age he had no one and came back asking for forgiveness from wife and children he knew nothing about how they survived for many years. Thank God the children turned out well, they forgave and accepted him but things can never be the same.

Just av a free mind to him and continue with your life

pinceprinz:

You are also right . but being the Muslim that I am, can't help but be inclined towards magnanimity especially when it's something that has to do with family. Moreover, this is a one sided story - coming from one who hasn't reached full maturity as at the time of the incidence to know the Absolute 'Why's' for the predicaments that befell - why then Do'u expect me to condemn the culprit on a fatal note of finality?

and Please, I am not in any way trying to justify her Dad's acts, of course it oozes nonchalance , irresponsibility and sheer wickedness. He deserves to be served the bitter pill double, but then, shouldn't she be grateful? -Like you've said, many couldn't surmount hardships of this like... Also, Hatred and bitterness is a global disease now and we need all the love in this World to quench the pandemonium - why we should learn to press reset by letting go as family, as a group cum society.

More aptly anyway, I feel op here deserves her inner peace and the attention and affection of a Dad. That she couldn't gerit while tender doesn't mean she mustn't have it forever. If she fears the Dad has ulterior motives behind his good will message - which I don't doubt, promise it's gonna be; just another adventure and the lesson from that adventure will end up teaching us good will always supersede evil. Moreover, We and our problems will getu end when we die anyway, Why then allow our problems enslave us while we live? Our problems should be treated as ephemerals - toys, as we grow up, we get new ones that will help shape us to better beings, if we don't lego of the previous one's, they'll just continue to stick around denying us the growth we deserve.
- So sorry for boring you - that's what you get when you put up an intelligent argument

You can't use ‘maturity' to determine the reliability of her experience. A mere 2-year old child cam tell when the mood is stressed.

It is a one-sided story but what about the part where he is trying to reconcile with them?

Op does not need anything. She needs to be polite to him. That is all he should get, if she can look past his misdeeds, all well and good but if she can't, she should not. He is sperm donor and he should remain so. She doesn't need his love and affection. She didn't get it when it mattered most, how on earth should she warm to it. Have you imagined how strange that would feel even to her.

She doesn't need him. She is never going to. Forgiving him should come at her own pace and I don't think if her forgiveness will neutralise whatever consequences she got from the experience.

I won't advise her to allow him come closer too. She might not recover if she got burned again. She does not need to hate him. She doesn't need to like him either. She only needs to be polite and keep on living her life.


He did what he did with all consciousness
He knew he was hurting them
He knew they would suffer
He hoped they would accept him if things turn sour.
He knew people will say the usual ‘let bygones be bygone'
He knew they would be his emergency backup if things turned out well for them
He should man up instead of making them go through everything again because he is down.
It takes a selfish man to do what he did but it takes an inhumane person to put the burden of forgiveness on them.

After all said and done forgive.
Begrudging a person that had sought your forgiveness is an expensive venture. It'll rob you of your peace and happiness. Forgive him; not for him but for you. Mean it. He misbehaved greatly but the day that man lies inert is the day you would regret why you didn't forgive. Just forgive and move on. It's well
But men!!! Una no dey fear God at all!!!

byvan03:
They keep doing the crap they do because they always get away with it when the forgiveness crew start chanting their hymns, to whom it may concern sha . If he is still economically useful, try and weigh the usefulness and make him useful to you this time ;before he falls under hypnosis again like Tony Umez in Nollywood movies . If he needs babysitters or ATM machines let his harem do that . Pap is thicker than blood .

Hahaha Tony Umez

cococandy:


Hahaha Tony Umez

The guy is always under one enchantment or the other .

haul:
You wouldn't blame your father, he needs a son, don't you know how terrible for a man to be without a son but ladies?? You surely made is marriage boring, give your father a break he's only human.
Females will always be a second fiddle in a mans world hence you father thorough search of a son as heir, why should you mum sob at night? If she's not a witch she should prove that by birthing a son not shedding crocodile tears. Thank goodness she had a son eventually, your mother should blame her cousin that is a hoe who opened legs for your father, you came with a half story in favor of your mother. Women! Confused lots, if you like accept his plea or not, he's a man and its a mans world!

Is this for real
I give up!!!

@op, time heals, with time, you will forgive him but believe me, things can never be rosy between you both again.

rubsaphy:
Sometimes I still ask myself what went wrong? What changed him? I used to be his "chikito" as he fondly called me, I was so sure he loved us, me and my sisters, not until he bluntly asked us out of his house and never cared to call or find out how we were surviving.
It all started 2003 when mumsi cousin got pregnant for my dad and gave birth to a boy. my family was in disarray, an abomination, but to cover the shame my mum agreed to care for the child and tell anyone that asked that the child was adopted. I and my sisters didn't care all we knew was that we had a baby brother, God has finally answered our prayers or so we thought. I was sure I heard mumsi cry every night she woke up to feed the baby, cos he was jus five months old when she took him. Before he reached 9months my father's family came to take the baby, claiming my mother was a witch that since she can't produce a son she was definitely going to kill the only heir my father had. The day they came for the baby she jus sat outside crying, consoling us at the same time cos we did not understand what was happening.
fast foward to 2008 my mum gave birth to my brother and my dad bought her a car. That was when the story changed, mumsi cousin came back this time with a girl child and with thugs armed with guns she claimed when she gave birth to a son nobody bought her a car, she also claimed the child with her was for my father and he has being trying to shun his responsibilities. That was when mumsi lost it and decided she couldn't stay in the marriage anymore, after their divorce we stay with my dad for like two years because mumsi travelled, that when I noticed my dad perverted attitude he slept with anything that wears skirt my dislike for him turned to hate, I blamed him for everything that has befallen our family. He brought home a woman one day, she was nice at first but after a couple of weeks she showed her real colours, she asked my dad to kick us out and he didn't hesitate. we did not communicate with him for two good years. Now he is back trying to apologize and everybody is saying forgive. I just can't forgive cos I know how hard it was for mumsi to care for me and my siblings. I hate that I am his child and I already changed my surname. I wish he well sha

So sad.. Been thru a lot in life too but I don't like talking about it..

I wonder how people can foolishly be blinded to the point that some useless fools will make them turn against their own children, their blood for crying out loud. God forbid evil!

i didnt know dat some "grown ups" still seek validation online.drop ur comment nd mind ur post if u want 2 debate with someone do so without trying 2 form a gang.what is endurance crew again? everyone is entitled 2 their opinion,why concentrate on other people comments?
mtschewww
op u are the one wearing the shoes nd know where it pinches.do whatever feels right.it's ur father nd no one else.the decision is urs entirely.

daretodiffer:


You can't use ‘maturity' to determine the reliability of her experience. A mere 2-year old child cam tell when the mood is stressed.

It is a one-sided story but what about the part where he is trying to reconcile with them?

Op does not need anything. She needs to be polite to him. That is all he should get, if she can look past his misdeeds, all well and good but if she can't, she should not. He is sperm donor and he should remain so. She doesn't need his love and affection. She didn't get it when it mattered most, how on earth should she warm to it. Have you imagined how strange that would feel even to her.

She doesn't need him. She is never going to. Forgiving him should come at her own pace and I don't think if her forgiveness will neutralise whatever consequences she got from the experience.

I won't advise her to allow him come closer too. She might not recover if she got burned again. She does not need to hate him. She doesn't need to like him either. She only needs to be polite and keep on living her life.


He did what he did with all consciousness
He knew he was hurting them
He knew they would suffer
He hoped they would accept him if things turn sour.
He knew people will say the usual ‘let bygones be bygone'
He knew they would be his emergency backup if things turned out well for them
He should man up instead of making them go through everything again because he is down.
It takes a selfish man to do what he did but it takes an inhumane person to put the burden of forgiveness on them.

I so much would love to have your kind of mindset, but when the thought of the meaning of forgiveness pops up in my head, I just kinda get tired in the knees... The monster under my bed defined forgiveness thus;

It's the hardest thing to give away.

And the last thing on your mind today.

It always goes to those that don't deserve.

It's the opposite of how you feel.

When the pain they caused you is just too real.

It takes everything you've to say the word...

Forgiveness


It flies in the face of all your pride

Moves away the mad inside

Always anger's own worst enemy

Even the Jury and the Judge say

" You gotta right to hold to your grudge"

It's the whisper in your ear saying ' set it free '

Show me how to love the Unlovable

Show me how to reach the Unreachable

Help me now to do the Impossible

It will clear the bitterness...

If you can really read between the lines, I'm wont to believe you'll see the light in forgiveness. A sacrifice it is but then, the only anaesthetic to truly ease our own pain. . . A mutually beneficial bacteria we have to allow work in the root of our hearts just like the bacteria in the root of legumes. Let her take the risk, pulling down the walls of suspicion and allow the Guardian Angel lead her through the darkness. At least, she ain't alone in this, her siblings are already on taking the first step of faith, she should try join the team and make a conquest of it.

iPopAlomo:
One thing I've learnt in life...

Everything happens for a reason... You're here... you turned out okay... supposing everything was nice and dandy and you went south...

Holding hatred and regret over your father would only limit you... you're in this world cos of him... for that reason alone honour him and respect him... what will be will be...

My Dad and I don't see eyeball to eyeball on a lot of things... but one thing he knows his the respect I have for him...

You might think you don't need him... but his blessing on that day is priceless...

My cousin's father was very wealthy and gave birth to six girls and did everything for his family... unfortunately he got sacked and went broke quickly... because he used everything to set up his wife and kids...

Quickly... they turned on him... and sent him packing... he came back to live in his father's house (family house...) Fifteen years later... his first daughter got pregnant... and was about to get married... her husband family told her... we want to meet your parents for proper introduction ... the mom arranged an actor... long story short... he was found out... and they told them (my cousins...) no father we can't accept you... with tears... they all came back to begging my uncle... Tail between their legs....

I know he bleeped up... he knows he bleeped up... but who doesn't Bleep up...?!

I implore you to forgive and forget and take this thread down... Rubsaphy...

She does not need his blessings, any father figure will do biko

pinceprinz:


I so much would love to have your kind of mindset, but when the thought of the meaning of forgiveness pops up in my head, I just kinda get tired in the knees... The monster under my bed defined forgiveness thus;

It's the hardest thing to give away.

And the last thing on your mind today.

It always goes to those that don't deserve.

It's the opposite of how you feel.

When the pain they caused you is just too real.

It takes everything you've to say the word...

Forgiveness


It flies in the face of all your pride

Moves away the mad inside

Always anger's own worst enemy

Even the Jury and the Judge say

" You gotta right to hold to your grudge"

It's the whisper in your ear saying ' set it free '

Show me how to love the Unlovable

Show me how to reach the Unreachable

Help me now to do the Impossible

It will clear the bitterness...

If you can really read between the lines, I'm wont to believe you'll see the light in forgiveness. A sacrifice it is but then, the only anaesthetic to truly ease our own pain. . . A mutually beneficial bacteria we have to allow work in the root of our hearts just like the bacteria in the root of legumes. Let her take the risk, pulling down the walls of suspicion and allow the Guardian Angel lead her through the darkness. At least, she ain't alone in this, her siblings are already on taking the first step of faith, she should try join the team and make a conquest of it.

*sighs*

You are not going to give up abi.

What about she forgives him at her own pace not at his or her siblings'

However if I were in her shoes, I won't let him get close to me.

Op, forgive him but move on with your life. Most men who cheat never think of the consequences and in this case it is worse cos he cheated with your mom's cousin and birthed 2 children there. Can't even begin to imagine the pain, betrayal, and humiliation she went through.

Anyways, that ship has sailed. Just move on with your life and try to be the best you can.

Chidoks:
After all said and done forgive.
Begrudging a person that had sought your forgiveness is an expensive venture. It'll rob you of your peace and happiness. Forgive him; not for him but for you. Mean it. He misbehaved greatly but the day that man lies inert is the day you would regret why you didn't forgive. Just forgive and move on. It's well
But men!!! Una no dey fear God at all!!!

. This here is the best post for me.."forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"...some hurts can be extremely difficult and unfair to forgive..but we don't forgive because the world wants us to,we forgive for our own sake and inner peace..you are hurt and angry,and for good reasons,but for how long will you let another being hold sway over your peace? We have such a limited time on this earth, why spend it brooding over the hurt your loved ones caused you?