tintingz:
And the wife is not lonely where she traveled.?

And you are absolutely sure that the wife is not also cheating wherever she is?

adedayoa2:
that's you, I am also 31, living my dreams gunning for more. Some people don't have the opportunity we had. I don't blame the woman at all, what if it was the man that went to study and he cheated, who would you blame? The guy in question is just a cheat.

And you are absolutely sure that the wife is not also cheating wherever she is?

Joeblack01:

Guy let us be honest with ourselves.
Can a hot blooded African man that is not sick or ill stay 6 months without sex ?

I haven't had sex with my girlfriend for four weeks now. It's not that our libidos have taken a minor detour or that the flames of intimacy have begun to wane; it's just that we are preoccupied with work and our relationship transcends sex.

She visits regularly and even sleeps over, but we usually just end up in a knotty cosset; learning the songs of each other's heart and singing it back to ourselves.

The point is: sex is not everything in life. Maybe it is to some people, maybe it is to some married couples; but it surely doesn't occupy a cardinal spot in my pyramid of priorities, nor is it something I would obsess over in a relationship given that the circumstances stymying me and my partner from having regular sex are beyond our control.

...

The quintessential human being should be able to abstain from sex for one year; but knowing how corseted we are by our unbridled sexual passions, then yes, I concede that it is almost impossible for a man-woman – more so a married man-woman –to abstain from sex for six months; unless he-she is engrossed in office work or in a hobby that he-she notices little of the arrows of time whizzing by.

...

The bone of contention here is that for the woman to be studying abroad, the man must have supported her decision and given her the go-ahead.

If the man knew that he couldn't keep to his promise and remain faithful, then why did he agree to the arrangement in the first place? Real men never welsh.

It seems to me that he backed up his wife's decision only because he knew it would give him ample leeway to prostitutë his loins without his wife getting in the way.

VERDA:


While it's disappointing that some people are blaming the wife and i think the man should be held completely responsible for the possible crash of his marraige,relationships are very complicated and require constant planning and attention to nuture,men and women are totally different when it comes to certain needs,especially after their basic need for food water and shelter are met and higher goals are aimed at,while sexual gratification is not nearly as important for the woman,for the man it is high up,this is not an excuse for the mans lack of control but a word of caution to wives who underestimate this need,i dont know the guy so not sure if he cheats normaly,they have been together for long and should know needs they each have that needs relatively frequent gratification and factor it into their final decision with both willing to make certain sacrifices.While i think its her right to pursue higher qualifications,6 months to 1 year might be too long a period to be away from ur spouse in my opinion,arragements should be made to see each other at 3 to 4 months interval.Might be a lil expensive though,an expense that may be well worth it.

According to op,the said man has maintained the girlfriend for more than 6months or more,so is it still about his intimate needs or there's something else he's looking for,and probably has found in the girlfriend?

Amelian:




Gun for it when you are single as a lady.. Not when you are married... Smhhh

Azed1

seunmsg:


And you are absolutely sure that the wife is not also cheating wherever she is?

na the man them come report no be the woman

adedayoa2:
na the man them come report no be the woman

You should hear the other side of the story before you label the man a cheat. Any lady that leaves her husband for a period of 6 months should NEVER complain on infidelity and vice versa.

RoadsAndGreen:
I told you earlier about scale of preference.

scale of preference means a list of needs lined up according to level of importance.

in life priorities are different. you need to choose which one comes first and as husband and wife, keeping the family should be the top priority. what happened to schooling in Nigeria? are our institutions that bad? if such courses are not obtainable in Nigeria then how do you intend to use it in Nigeria?

Prevention is better than cure.... not everyone will cheat in such situation but this situation presents loop holes. humans are diverse in nature.

am done with you too

You're still talking about scale of preference when someone is talking about STD and death?

Gbabeski...i like you this man. Some pple are just some how. How did they pass stages of school to get job ?

ShakurM:
Just tell your friend what you posted here.

MarieSucre:


You're still talking about scale of preference when someone is talking about STD and death?

choi* nawa

Fiwasayo:


According to op,the said man has maintained the girlfriend for more than 6months or more,so is it still about his intimate needs or there's something else he's looking for,and probably has found in the girlfriend?

Well..who knows,it could be any number of reasons,also based on what the op wrote,they have been friends for very long and he never saw him cheat,the whole thing started after the wife traveled,this sugests whatever he was looking he found in the wife until she traveled.I must state it again that I am in no way justifying what he is doing.

DarkRebel101:


I haven't had sex with my girlfriend for four weeks now. It's not that our libidos have taken a minor detour or that the flames of intimacy have begun to wane; it's just that we are preoccupied with work and our relationship transcends sex.

She visits regularly and even sleeps over, but we usually just end up in a knotty cosset; learning the songs of each other's heart and singing it back to ourselves.

1. Your GF doesn't probably turn you On. 2. Or your libido's are too low. 3. Or you have had too much sex that it begins to irritate you. 4. Or you are a One minute man, so u just prefer to cuddle.

If it's not any of those 4 things, then something if definitely wrong with both of you.

OMINI KNOWESTtttt

Izen:

If it's the husband that traveled for further studies, you won't say the same thing. Double standards. It's always the woman's fault. Oshisco.

OMINI KNOWESTtt

If you a Christian; severe the relationship between you and your friend.

seunmsg:


You should hear the other side of the story before you label the man a cheat. Any lady that leaves her husband for a period of 6 months should NEVER complain on infidelity and vice versa.

thank you for putting vice versa.

Hmm... And the woman will be thinking she has a fantastic husband

What you need to do is go to your friend's village. Look for the eldest man and the king. Gather them and report the issue to them. The King's men must be interested in this.
If you find this measure, too extreme, find his father and report your friend so he can be well addressed.

Ujoan:


You people like talking off point. How is your 'example' the same, or even similar to the OP's post?

This woman did not relocate for and indefinite amount of time. She only went for a 1 or at most 2 year course. What if she were lying critically ill in the hospital or for some reason unable to have sex with her husband for a long while, does that justify him cheating on her without using any sort of discretion

Now you're the one going out of point here. The said woman isn't lying sick in the hospital.

Are you saying there isn't a university where she could go for her Masters here in the country?

Are you also implying that you could abandon your own husband and kids (I wonder how old they are) and go away for whatever reason for 2years?

I understand that sex is not food, but 2 good years of abstinence, when your wife ain't dead and you haven't taken a vow of continence is wickedness on the part of the woman.

You're simply comparing a man's sexual urge with that of a woman. Very different.

Get a picture of your frank the lady, tell your friend you going to show his wife the picture if he doesn't dump her and tell his wife. Tell the other lady the guy is married too. If they both refuse then stay away from him and his family.

CecyAdrian:


I dnt know but something tells me u are going out with another womann's husband ... correct me if am wrong pls

Of course, you aren't wrong. I'm going out with Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Vladimir Putin and you guessed right Muhammadu Buhari.

Now, run wiggling your tiny ass and report me to Melania Trump, Lyudmila Putina and Aisha Buhari... if that makes you and ephi123 feel good.


Since you didn't get my grouse, let me rephrase. I hate snitches and it doesn't matter whether they are snitching for a 'good cause'. Friends who spill on you are despicable persons. If you don't like what your friend is doing, work on him and try to understand why hes doing what he is doing. Talk him out of it. DO NOT BETRAY HIM.
Going to his wife might have far greater repercussions than you ever envisage. Saints don't live on earth...

Betrayal stinks.

Gaggi:
My Friend Is Putting Me In A Tight Situation

My very close colleague and friend and I work in the same office. He relocated his family out of town almost a year ago, the wife traveled for further studies. He has a lovely wife, really good woman and two lovely kids. I also live with my family. We used to visit each other and our kids played together while they were around.

The issue now is he now keeps a steady girl. The girl cannot hold a light close to anywhere near his wife. The wife beats her in terms of beauty, class, intelligence, fashion, attitude, just name it.

At first i didn't talk when i saw them together. Felt it was a casual fling, he probably was lonely and needed a little company. However, he now takes her everywhere, friends houses, colleagues parties etc. I have warned him severally but he keeps telling me he'll look for the right time to let her go. He's been saying this for more than 6 months now. He even confessed that they do have unprotected sex occasionally, especially when they are both drunk and she has said she'll kill him and kill herself if he leaves her for another girl.

I hate to see my friend destroy a beautiful family. I don't know what to do to save him. I don't have his wife's number, even if i did, telling her might result to breaking the marriage instead of saving it. For now, all i do is just pray for him. Anybody with any brilliant ideas?

the pic of the beautiful wife or u re a ----

ephi123:
Amelian, what if it was the man that travelled overseas for further studies and is cheating there? Please what is your advice in that case? Should we blame the wife for that too?

It's the same thing if it's the man that traveled. If the husband can't take his wife along, it's better he stays and do the studies here in Nigeria. So many of us that are not gay can find it difficult to stay without woman for a very long time. You may support that it's so good to abandon your marriage for education for a long time, but the same thing may happen to you if you do the same.

Babysheart:



Of course, you aren't wrong. I'm going out with Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Vladimir Putin and you guessed right Muhammadu Buhari.

Now, run wiggling your tiny ass and report me to Melania Trump, Lyudmila Putina and Aisha Buhari... if that makes you and ephi123 feel good.


Since you didn't get my grouse, let me rephrase. I hate snitches and it doesn't matter whether they are snitching for a 'good cause'. Friends who spill on you are despicable persons. If you don't like what your friend is doing, work on him and try to understand why hes doing what he is doing. Talk him out of it. DO NOT BETRAY HIM.
Going to his wife might have far greater repercussions than you ever envisage. Saints don't live on earth...

Betrayal stinks.

OMG!! I give up on u! Your line of reasoning is so disappointing

Babysheart:



Of course, you aren't wrong. I'm going out with Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Vladimir Putin and you guessed right Muhammadu Buhari.

Now, run wiggling your tiny ass and report me to Melania Trump, Lyudmila Putina and Aisha Buhari... if that makes you and ephi123 feel good.


Since you didn't get my grouse, let me rephrase. I hate snitches and it doesn't matter whether they are snitching for a 'good cause'. Friends who spill on you are despicable persons. If you don't like what your friend is doing, work on him and try to understand why hes doing what he is doing. Talk him out of it. DO NOT BETRAY HIM.
Going to his wife might have far greater repercussions than you ever envisage. Saints don't live on earth...

Betrayal stinks.

Your life. Your choice.
In any case, it is the OP's decision whether to tell his friend's wife or not, regardless of anyone calling that "betrayal"
If there is nothing to hide, the so called "betrayal" will not even come into the question.

sisisioge:


Amelia Amelia! Aren't you such a damsel? You already made excuse for the SOB in question ba? Remember o, your bobo is already hot, even if he no chase dem go chase am. Na then me sef go follow blame you for his escapes

Sisisioge dear , no. Mind them ooo. My man is even scared of loosing me, even As he's hot.
All my female friends has shown him blue colour, green colour even purple colour, he's doesn't move an inch.. Someone that's always monitoring my movements.. My dear leave matter for Mathias.. And me? If am travelling, we are going together .. We've talked about going abroad , not to school. Or hustle, just to relax on some vacations.. Where i goes, he goes.. Where he jumps, I jumps.. We've already promised ourselves that.. So I ain't scared.. He's all. Mine..
Yippee!
Feel Me? My dearest sisisioge ooooo

Amelian:




Sisisioge dear , no. Mind them ooo. My man is even scared of loosing me, even As he's hot.
All my female friends has shown him blue colour, green colour even purple colour, he's doesn't move an inch.. Someone that's always monitoring my movements.. My dear leave matter for Mathias.. And me? If am travelling, we are going together .. We've talked about going abroad , not to school. Or hustle, just to relax on some vacations.. Where i goes, he goes.. Where he jumps, I jumps.. We've already promised ourselves that.. So I ain't scared.. He's all. Mine..
Yippee!
Feel Me? My dearest sisisioge ooooo

baddo

Cool you both have agreed to dream together, walk together and remain a team. With this couple of interest though, the guy let the team down. Surely , distant is a biatch on marriage but where is his esprit de corps nau. To make matters worse, he's doing commando with her. Chai, gone are the days of ladies and gentlemen! May God help us.

Amelian:
It's a pity, some married women are like that... They will leave their husband, travel abroad for further studies and I usually ask, this PHD or masters u are going for? Please enlighten me, what do u intend to do with it? They will say they just want to have higher degrees.
I shake head for those wives.. Later they will start crying wolf, saying can u imagine her husband has married another woman.. May the almighty God give them sense to see the havoc they are creating in their homes.

Op, your friend is lonely. And even if the wife travels with the next flight back home to fight her husband. Cos He is the only person she can fight for now.. After telling her sorry dear, with sweet words and she travels back.. He will still go back to his girlfriend.. And the girlfriend is determined to be his wife.. So my dear, the situation is messy already.

Gbam!

Babysheart:



Of course, you aren't wrong. I'm going out with Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Vladimir Putin and you guessed right Muhammadu Buhari.

Now, run wiggling your tiny ass and report me to Melania Trump, Lyudmila Putina and Aisha Buhari... if that makes you and ephi123 feel good.


Since you didn't get my grouse, let me rephrase. I hate snitches and it doesn't matter whether they are snitching for a 'good cause'. Friends who spill on you are despicable persons. If you don't like what your friend is doing, work on him and try to understand why hes doing what he is doing. Talk him out of it. DO NOT BETRAY HIM.
Going to his wife might have far greater repercussions than you ever envisage. Saints don't live on earth...

Betrayal stinks.

Ehhhhhnnnn...you know all these powerful men and their wives' names as well. Cool, you aren't entirely dull girl. Groovy!

give your friend this tablet three times daily

DarkRebel101:


If a man cannot hold out on sex for six months or for one year while his wife is away on studies, then maybe such a man shouldn't be married in the first place. If the worse meets the insufferable worse, couldn't he have wankëd his way out of his sexual conundrum?

...

I believe relationships are about sacrifices, not conveniences. And I'm certain that were the situation in inverse, and were the man the one absent due to his academic pursuits, there wouldn't be as much cöck-a-doodle-doo; and if the woman were to tumble beneath the sheets with another man while her husband was chasing his PhD and whatnot, he wouldn't be blamed for her fickleness. I guess that's where gender bias comes into the picture.

I just don't understand why marriages are made to look like concentration camps where one's life aspirations and dreams must be shunted aside to make allowances for the marriage.

If the two parties involved can reconcile their differences and make concessions and reach compromises, I believe the marriage would run 90 minutes without a red card being flashed by either one of the partners.

the best comment ever on nairaland social media

booqee:
the best comment ever on nairaland social media

You flatter me, miss.

Amelian:




Gun for it when you are single as a lady.. Not when you are married... Smhhh

hollup ... I can't believe a fellow woman is saying this..

see talk ooo.. u sound like a lazy housewife kinda woman..

yeah it may be hard for the husband /wife if the partner travels out for studies, so i'd say it's safer to do it within the state or country. (this is what you should have said)

but still, nothing wrong in going abroad ..depends on the agreement between the couples..

woman this is 2016, don't let marriage limit you to just BSC(or what have you), kitchen, living room and the other room.

if Dora akunyili thought like you, nobody would know of her existence...