My husband, father to my two children, whom I'm no longer living with is busy sowing his wild oats, I don't have a problem with it, all I want is for him to leave me be, to either be single or find a man to love me for me wholeheartedly. On important days he wishes to come sleep at my house, but first he has to start off at his girlfriends and them come harass me. I can't take it anymore, short of murder, what can I do.

The situation is unhealthy for my kids and I, I don't want to die of Aids, I'm much too pretty for that fate

file for divorce or stop whining

28Schweet:

My husband, father to my two children, whom I'm no longer living with is busy sowing his wild oats, I don't have a problem with it, all I want is for him to leave me be, to either be single or find a man to love me for me wholeheartedly. On important days he wishes to come sleep at my house, but first he has to start off at his girlfriends and them come harass me. I can't take it anymore, short of murder, what can I do.

The situation is unhealthy for my kids and I, I don't want to die of Aids, I'm much too pretty for that fate [b][/b]

are you trying to say he has

[img]http://www.smileyshut.com/smileys/new/free-fighting-smileys-109[1].gif[/img]

kinda difficult to divorce someone who doesn't want to be divorced. I'm not whining dude, not my style, but brother drives me crazy with his confusion, so you tell me how to get rid of him, cause his actions tell me he doesn't want to be with me, & I've accepted that, now he won't let me move on. If you are any kind of man, let me know how to get rid of this brotha, the thought of him kidnapping our kids and taking them to naija doesn't scare me anymore, i just want him outta my life,

Rokiatu,

I wouldn't know about now, but when we separated he didn't have the HI Virus, or at least I didn't cause I tested before going for the final separation,

Chaircover

I let him come over/stay because it's the path of least resistance, i'm tired of fighting, because clearly he aint hearing me, besides, the looks on my babies faces when they see him make it difficult to turn him away,

Please whatever you do if you must sleep with him use a condom! You have no idea where he has been and who he has been with. Go ahead and file for divorce. Serve him the papers and move on with your life. Somehow I feel you entertain all these unwarranted visits. He can see his children of course but you mustn't sleep with him.

chika98:

Please whatever you do if you must sleep with him use a condom! You have no idea where he has been and who he has been with. Go ahead and file for divorce. Serve him the papers and move on with your life. Somehow I feel you entertain all these unwarranted visits. He can see his children of course but you mustn't sleep with him.

GBAM

or is he forcing sex on U? be truthful to yourself

@poster
the only reason this is happening to you is because you allow him to!
having children with someone doesnt mean that this man is now a shareholder on your toto.

my guess is that you want/wish something from him because if you know fully well that he has a new life then you should have one as well.

be strong and the next time he want to "use" you then just say "no thanks", its as simple as that.

its funny how women talk about AIDS etc like someone is ra-ping them. if you cant stop this man from using you as a intimacy gadget then at least use your common sense/brain and USE CONDOM.

bees fly to honey,return the kids to him,if that i difficult then he will not let you be.

I'd rather than let him come near me, I haven't slept (physically) with the man since he moved out, he comes over, we sleep in the same bed, baby 2 or 1 between us. It starts and ends there, bear in mind, this is the man i've been with for the past 6 years, so it takes courage to say no.

as for giving him my kids to let me go, believe me ooo, i would if he showed an inch of interest in them when they are not with him, he's the deposit, come visit for a day, buy takeaway and forget their existence kind. he never used to be like this, money changes people, my only wish now, is that he impregnates another woman (hopefully she bears a son) so that he can leave me in peace, then my girls wont have to go to naija to be faced with the same dilemma as me,

@28schweet
can you please enlighten me and tell me what does letting him sleep in your bed achieve(since you are not together any longer)?! am i missing something?
if he has other girls then let him sleep at their houses on xmas/new year/bday etc(unless you are that lonely).

this man thinks he can still have a semblant of a family while there aint and you are not helping when you let him crash at yours whenever he feels like it.
you are not that woman any longer and the earlier you realise it the faster you guys can move on with your respective lives.
be strong and put a stop to it unless you really miss his company and want to fool yourself that you are still a family.

the fact that you hope for him to have another son by some fluzzy before he can give you peace is W R O N G

Whether I like it or not de man is still my husband & father of my kids, clearly I still harbour reconciliation hopes.Him sleeping in my bed is pure convenience.

His friends say he wont leave us 4 long,no man leaves his iyawo & kids,but I dont c them stopping his philandering.

HOW DO I GET HIM 2 LEAVE PERMANENTLY!?

28Schweet:

Whether I like it or not de man is still my husband & father of my kids, clearly I still harbour reconciliation hopes.Him sleeping in my bed is pure convenience.

His friends say he wont leave us 4 long,no man leaves his iyawo & kids,but I dont c them stopping his philandering.

HOW DO I GET HIM 2 LEAVE PERMANENTLY!?

shoot him

@28schweet
there is a big different between being your EX/father of your children and being your respectful husband. that man doesnt DESERVE to be called your husband even if you guys are still married so stop fooling yourself.

your relationship is purely because of the kids and basta so sleeping in your bed is pointless unless you can tell me what convenience sleeping in your bed bring. if you aint got a spare room, i am sure you get a sofa (or a floor with a sheet).

as i said previously, the reason why you let him in is because you need something from him. . . . . . . . ¨a hope for reconciliation¨

removing him permanently from your life will never happen because he is the father of your kid but you can make sure that he leaves permanently FROM YOUR BED by saying NO the next time he comes crawling.

@poster


Sorry, its quite a shame, u just have to be strong for the kids. If possible just stay and sleep with the kids in their room. And pray for him, he needs prayers.

May God be with you.

She'll let you go,if you tell her.

mama-gee:

She'll let you go,if you tell her.

If only it was that easy, if you can tell me how to say no and please leave me in peace in Yoruba and Hausa and Egbira then surely that will work, cause me saying it in English doesn't seem to be doing much good-ooo,

MRbrownJAY:

@28schweet
there is a big different between being your EX/father of your children and being your respectful husband. that man doesnt DESERVE to be called your husband even if you guys are still married so stop fooling yourself.

your relationship is purely because of the kids and basta so sleeping in your bed is pointless unless you can tell me what convenience sleeping in your bed bring. if you aint got a spare room, i am sure you get a sofa (or a floor with a sheet).

as i said previously, the reason why you let him in is because you need something from him. . . . . . . . ¨a hope for reconciliation¨

removing him permanently from your life will never happen because he is the father of your kid but you can make sure that he leaves permanently FROM YOUR BED by saying NO the next time he comes crawling.

Should i lock the doors on him next time he comes around, what a spectable that'll make my kids and I, saddest thing is that he's told his family we're back together and fine, meanwhile its one big lie, how do I tell the mother the truth without causing her a massive heart attack

@28Schweet:
U are in a bind n no envies there but u seem to have this defeatist attitude about it. On one hand u are asking wat to do on the other u seem to not to want to try any suggestions. I maybe wrong in my assessment but don't u think u should at least try to do sometin?

My suggestion is a mediated separation. Let there be an agreed to schedule of dos n don'ts drawn up by a lawyer/ur lawyers. To which u both agree and sign. This way u maintain obligations and draw boundaries.

Please girl for ur own peace of mind make sometin happen.

28Schweet:

Should i lock the doors on him next time he comes around, what a spectable that'll make my kids and I,  saddest thing is that he's told his family we're back together and fine, meanwhile its one big lie, how do I tell the mother the truth without causing her a massive heart attack 

1) YES, you should lock the door the next time he comes around because your house is not a hotel. if he only comes at night or on special days then your children do not benefit in any way of his visit. be in control!
tell him at what time he can come and visit and if he doesnt get there on time then he shouldnt come at all.

2) do you really think that your children wont see through all this fable someday. that you are being used or that he is doing all the girls in the neighborhood?
because of your children, you should give yourself a little bit more respect and stop this nonsense.

as for this guy's mother, who gives a damn?! stop worrying about the wrong things. focus on your kids and your life and let him deal with his mother.
why cant he say that you are still together when he can use you and your home whenever he feels like it?

I think it is time for you to walk away while you have your 2 legs.

Call the police if he keeps disturbing you.

Well it all makes sense now. In your heart of hearts you will like to get back together with him but at the same time you know that he is out there getting his freak on.

Seriously you need to file for divorce and depending on the city or country you live in you dont need the man to sign off on the divorce. You can also go to family court to get child support and visitation or custody taken care of.

You already said that you dont sleep with him but i bet if he shows interest in you, you will go along with it because you want your family back but for real you are torturing your self. dont let this dude have his cake and eat it too. Even if you some how reconcile, he will continue to mess around (possibliy) because it alsomost seems like you will allow that if that meant your family will be back together. You should put a stop to him coming over if he really wants to see the kids he can take them to his place and bring em back later

@ 28schweet

You are asking questions that you don't want answers to.  For every answer is a reason why not to, so why ask for suggestions/help?

At the end of the day you are the one to live with the consequences of your own actions.  If you are not willing to do something, then I suggest you stand back from this thread and think very carefully before responding.

I know someone like you, nothing you've said isn't something I haven't heard before.  I really wish you well and hope you find the strength to do the right thing by your girls.

I think this woman is subtly inquiring for an assassin.

Try www.assassin.co.uk. They are offering discounts for women who want to dispose of their hubby.

MrPrsdent:

file for divorce or stop whining

GBAM!

Seems like the woman is the one that dont wanna let go of what she knows is done

Fhemmmy:

Seems like the woman is the one that dont wanna let go of what she knows is done

you are right about that. . . . . . . look how SHE is trying her hardest to find excuses for that rat of a man she has.
she is hanging on to whatever he is offering hoping for a reconciliation not knowing that this will never happen.

he has had his cake and ate it too, why go back to having just one toto when he can enjoy a few at a time with the blessing of wifey here.

@OP

I know is not that easy to let go your husband of 6yrs and the father of your kids.

But take it or leave it, if he is a cheat, he will always be, nothing/no one can change that.

So its your choice. As far i s I can see from your posts, you have not trully made up your mind to let him go.

Think, long and deep, and make up your mind. Do you want reconciliation (and accept him as he is) or separation? The decision is yours and yours only.

OP please shut up, who are you deceiving? he sleeps on the same bed with you and no sex? tell that to the animals in the zoo

MRbrownJAY:

you are right about that. . . . . . . look how SHE is trying her hardest to find excuses for that rat of a man she has.
she is hanging on to whatever he is offering hoping for a reconciliation not knowing that this will never happen.

he has had his cake and ate it too, why go back to having just one toto when he can enjoy a few at a time with the blessing of wifey here.

exactly

Amebo don come. Oya walk out of her thread now! LOL

Happy New Year to you