PaperLace:
Consent in marriage is delicate, I feel if there is no physical hurt, bruise or harm whatsoever_ there isn't much cause for alarm.
I am not entirely a no-is-no ambassador. I would definitely try to seduce. I love to turn his NO to YES and I love when he does same. Sometimes the 'chase' makes it more fun. Now, if a man or woman seduces the spouse, climbs atop or any position they want and the other doesn't respond favourably, there are deeper issues that should be looked into by the couple(s). Issues deeper than CONSENT. In such a situation, one should naturally let the other be.


I advise we deviate a little from the stereotypical roles, help each other, spice up our marital love life, go on dates, vacations...etc. It definitely gets boring with time, that's when consent (disconnect) starts becoming an issue in marriage.
Instead of advising the man to get a sidechick or telling the wife to focus on her kids_ they should be more focused on rediscovering their sex life.

I very much agree with you.

If after seduction, either spouse doesn't bulge most of the time, there are issues.

We really need to work towards being sexually attracted/attractive to our spouses.

Forever is a long time to have a boring se.X life.

SirWere:



Infact sef,
Rihanna na virgin

So you no go believe me baba?

tosyne2much:
So you no go believe me baba?

The duke of "10 ways to..."; still a virgin.




Na so

SirWere:
The duke of "10 ways to..."; still a virgin.

Na so

So you feel say I dey pound woman every now and then abi?

tosyne2much:
It baffles me when people get married and one party starves the other party of his or her conjugal right, cos I used to think such thing only happens in "boyfriend and girlfriend relationship"

Some ladies naturally do not enjoy sex and they will end up frustrating their husbands with konji.. That's why every man should try to know the sexually capacity of the lady he wants to marry so that he will not be starved of sex in marriage

I beg to disagree sir
I can't be comfortable screwing a guy that hasn't put a ring on my finger no matter how the love hold me reach. Meanwhile I have a high drive. Guilty koko is another factor.

tosyne2much:
I never bleep before and will never do that until wedding night

Lie responsibly bro.

tosyne2much:
It baffles me when people get married and one party starves the other party of his or her conjugal right, cos I used to think such thing only happens in "boyfriend and girlfriend relationship"

Some ladies naturally do not enjoy sex and they will end up frustrating their husbands with konji.. That's why every man should try to know the sexually capacity of the lady he wants to marry so that he will not be starved of sex in marriage

Show me a lady, a healthy lady that do not enjoy sex and I will show you a liar that was strictly mentored by Lai Mohammed.

bukatyne:


So what's your definition of rape in marriage?

Doesn't exist as far as Nigeria is concerned

bukatyne:

If after seduction, either spouse doesn't bulge most of the time, there are issues.

Or maybe one wants to request for something.


A favor the other will not grant ordinarily.

athaliya:


I beg to disagree sir
I can't be comfortable screwing a guy that hasn't put a ring on my finger no matter how the love hold me reach. Meanwhile I have a high drive. Guilty koko is another factor.

Do you mean discussing it him is a bad idea?

Tenkobos:
Show me a lady, a healthy lady that do not enjoy sex and I will show you a liar that was strictly mentored by Lai Mohammed.

Though most of them pretend about wanting it, but some of them really do not enjoy it sha

Tenkobos:
Lie responsibly bro.

Hahaha You dey think say I be badoo abi?

So, how does a fella distinguish between when no means- "I don't want" and "I want to be seduced".If one is mistaken for the other, your lover could be seen as selfish, inconsiderate etc

CC: bukatyne; athaliya; acidosis; PaperLace

olujaidi:
So, how does a fella distinguish between when no means- "I don't want" and "I want to be seduced".If one is mistaken for the other, your lover could be seen as selfish, inconsiderate etc

CC: bukatyne; athaliya; acidosis; PaperLace

It all boils down to understanding who you're with. There are days I wake up on the wrong side of my bed, nobody talks to me, neither do I talk to anyone (at home). Thats cus they understand me well. So you should be able to understand the body language of your partner. If you aren't good at reading the body language, you can make up for it with communication. No matter how bad we feel, we'll want someone to talk to, someone to share the problem with us. So if you notice she's squeezing face, you can ask how her day went, why she's moody etc. If there's really something bothering her, its most likely no will mean no. If she doesn't even tell you whats up, no will most likely mean no. If she's tired and worn out, no will most likely mean no.
Meanwhile.... for some ladies, they'll just want someone to hold them or touch them only.... But its easy for the guy to see it as a green light and want to go all the way down. Please don't misunderstand me, in the end, she may be a willing participant but next time, she wont want you to hold her cus she no get power to say no or go all the way. However, if you consent to just cuddling and petting, she may end up seducing you herself. So it all boils down to understanding your partner and communication.

Disclaimer: I spoke on behalf of myself and a few ladies I know. If what I wrote doesnt talk about you, dont eat me up
N.B: For the guys, if this works for you, kindly contact me for my address so you can forward my bottle of Rose Martini

tosyne2much:
Do you mean discussing it him is a bad idea?

Not at all, I was referring to your indication about knowing the sexual capacity before marriage. If you mean, discussing it with your partner, what if the partner lies? If you mean practical observation, it cant be trusted too for the reason I earlier stated.

athaliya:

Not at all, I was referring to your indication about knowing the sexual capacity before marriage. If you mean, discussing it with your partner, what if the partner lies? If you mean practical observation, it cant be trusted too for the reason I earlier stated.

Yes you're very right.. Some will lie about it

tosyne2much:
Very insightful comment... I think you got me wrong by thinking that I advocated premarital sex ad the way forward in my comment.. I never said that

I was only trying to say that there are various ways a dude can at least know if a lady has a boring sex life. It might just be through intimate conversations, through cuddling and perhaps, through other areas

What to believe can be quite astonishing as a matter of fact on this issue. If as a guy or married man, you don't go near a lady or have sex with your wife , you are either termed “gay" or something close to infidelity. And if you have a lot of heart bugging issues without hanging out with a lady while your bank account swells, people will be suspicious of your wealth of having a stench of spiritual enrichment. While the scientists have all come out to lay claim efficacy of good healthy living for constant sex practice to support promiscuoucity because it make the body, precisely the “HEART " healthy. The bottom line here is that dynamism is the greatest gift supernatural controller of this world has endow humanity . This is expected of human beings to be unique in their different ways and mentality but with expected coordinated temperament. What work for A may not and will not work for B. I could remember a friend of mine who couldn't take off his eyes once anything in skirts passes by him whom he has interest . He has never missed his target once he has interest. At times, some other friends see it as something else as Diabolic until his secret were known to all of them as just being smart and this I knew before them all as his style wasn't worth emulating for me. But I saw and still see him as insatiable person. The most devastating aspect of it is that these girls kept falling for his antics over and over because he has swag and sugar coat mouth to knock any lady off her feet. And men knows that WOMEN LOVE TO HEAR A STORY TELLER WITH A TOUCH OF LIES TO CRACK AWAY THEIR SORROW . The bottom line here is that sex doesn't make relationship work but mutual understanding.... If you ask those who claim to be sex machine, some of their girlfriend are already a victim of my friends. I subscribe to this because the said guy could sleep with over three hundred girls in a year. Where do put a cool guy who couldn't say hi to a fine girl? At times twosome , I have seen but didn't see party. So, ladies does more shit more than men. That's where I knew the truth about human make up because what you place value on is being made like a piece of RAG by someone else which go either way. So, therefore, everyone take the path that works for him or her, however, do self appraisal before you loose it all,especially one's wife or partner. Q.E.D

athaliya:


It all boils down to understanding who you're with. There are days I wake up on the wrong side of my bed, nobody talks to me, neither do I talk to anyone (at home). Thats cus they understand me well. So you should be able to understand the body language of your partner. If you aren't good at reading the body language, you can make up for it with communication. No matter how bad we feel, we'll want someone to talk to, someone to share the problem with us. So if you notice she's squeezing face, you can ask how her day went, why she's moody etc. If there's really something bothering her, its most likely no will mean no. If she doesn't even tell you whats up, no will most likely mean no. If she's tired and worn out, no will most likely mean no.
Meanwhile.... for some ladies, they'll just want someone to hold them or touch them only.... But its easy for the guy to see it as a green light and want to go all the way down. Please don't misunderstand me, in the end, she may be a willing participant but next time, she wont want you to hold her cus she no get power to say no or go all the way. However, if you consent to just cuddling and petting, she may end up seducing you herself. So it all boils down to understanding your partner and communication.

Disclaimer: I spoke on behalf of myself and a few ladies I know. If what I wrote doesnt talk about you, dont eat me up
N.B: For the guys, if this works for you, kindly contact me for my address so you can forward my bottle of Rose Martini

Hahahahahahaha.
One can of Orijin for you

Martini too cost

bukatyne:
This Keen & Tboss' scandal brought up the now popular 'no is no' in relation to sex generally and I came across a post today which reminded me of it. (A husband's spreadsheet flying around of a wife's rejection)

I am however concerned with marriage. Some peeps are of the thought that when a wife says no, no is no. Ditto a husband. Now I wonder, where is the place of persuasion and seduction in marriage?

If I tell my husband no at first, shouldn't he try to seduce me into making love to him? Will he just try twice & say ok, she's said no? I am truly not be in the mood initially however a little seduction can turn me on

I can't imagine my husband telling me no without a cogent reason (and i decide the reason that is ) and I just let him be? Whatever happened to old good Mouth Gig?

I am not encouraging forceful pentrations or violence where a party ends up with bruises; I nor dey dere.....
I am talking of seducing your partner and turning their no to yes...

Or just even doing it whether you are in the mood or not. Get lubricants and use it if you are not jn the mood.... might even enter the mood before the game is over.

Like I read once.... when your husband makes advances, say to yourself that you are not in the mood YET and let him work his magic. (If he has sha).

So for no is no proponents, if your wife/husband constantly says no, what do you do? (And cheating is not an option).

I've always said it that the only thing that will make me cheat on my wife is her withholding sex in the marriage and that's when I'm left with no more options

At the worst,draw a time table and stick to it and agree that even if heaven falls Monday, Wednesday and Friday na fockrey day , jara days for no or room for seduction Saturday and Sunday.

If you know and love your partner,you understand the words they use and their body language.
There are people who say no and mean it,there are some who say no with options.

There are times when a person isn't in the mood even for seduction and that should be respected.You should know when to tie rope round your coochie/ blokos cos he/she isn't in the mood.

I'm referring to people in a loving relationship.

You cannot beat someone up or cause a serious grievance then come for s ex and when he/she says no you start wanting to seduce.
Know who you are with and you will know when they are open to se xual advances.

My fear about the 'seduction' is where does it stop being seduction and then border on force? People have different interpretations of what seduction is.So where is the line drawn?


There are some people who will never get the message and even if you say no believe that their touch will set you on fire eg Kemen who is a typical rapist/ forceful penetrant who has talked of drugging women to have his way.Very unappealing with kpomo mouth that can make pot of soup.

Anyway,if hubby or wife keeps saying no,they can do other things to you can't they? If that one fails,vaseline,if it fails vi brator/dil do nko? No one can make guy with s ex anymore,there are now dozens of ways to have an orga sm without extra human participation.

You do know that many women have found a lot of pleasure by self exploration.Men are also babas in the game.

olujaidi:
So, how does a fella distinguish between when no means- "I don't want" and "I want to be seduced".If one is mistaken for the other, your lover could be seen as selfish, inconsiderate etc

CC: bukatyne; athaliya; acidosis; PaperLace

By seduce here, I mean a partner says no and you try to arouse them through pre-intimacy.

If after a while, the partner still insists, let them be.

E.g., I start touching my husband and he says no.... I continue and attempt to give him a bj and still insists no... I try to ask what's wrong and no concrete answer; I will leave him alone. He is really not interesred.

There is no force applied.

Tenkobos:
Or maybe one wants to request for something.


A favor the other will not grant ordinarily.

Which I feel is wrong.

I don't like se.X as a bargaining chip.

Blonchilli:

I've always said it that the only thing that will make me cheat on my wife is her withholding sex in the marriage and that's when I'm left with no more options

If your wife is withholding se.x, tie your prick and find a solution together.

I will never encourage adultery.

Jahblessme:
At the worst,draw a time table and stick to it and agree that even if heaven falls Monday, Wednesday and Friday na fockrey day , jara days for no or room for seduction Saturday and Sunday.

If you know and love your partner,you understand the words they use and their body language.
There are people who say no and mean it,there are some who say no with options.

There are times when a person isn't in the mood even for seduction and that should be respected.You should know when to tie rope round your coochie/ blokos cos he/she isn't in the mood.

I'm referring to people in a loving relationship.

You cannot beat someone up or cause a serious grievance then come for s ex and when he/she says no you start wanting to seduce.
Know who you are with and you will know when they are open to se xual advances.

My fear about the 'seduction' is where does it stop being seduction and then border on force? People have different interpretations of what seduction is.So where is the line drawn?


There are some people who will never get the message and even if you say no believe that their touch will set you on fire eg Kemen who is a typical rapist/ forceful penetrant who has talked of drugging women to have his way.Very unappealing with kpomo mouth that can make pot of soup.

Anyway,if hubby or wife keeps saying no,they can do other things to you can't they? If that one fails,vaseline,if it fails vi brator/dil do nko? No one can make guy with s ex anymore,there are now dozens of ways to have an orga sm without extra human participation.

You do know that many women have found a lot of pleasure by self exploration.Men are also babas in the game.

Lol @ timetable.

I totally agree that this applies to a healthy marriage. One party can't constantly hurt the other and expect a yes/seduction to work.

As per what I mean seduction, please see below.

bukatyne:


By seduce here, I mean a partner says no and you try to arouse them through pre-intimacy.

If after a while, the partner still insists, let them be.

E.g., I start touching my husband and he says no.... I continue and attempt to give him a bj and still insists no... I try to ask what's wrong and no concrete answer; I will leave him alone. He is really not interesred.

There is no force applied.

I am totally against force and manhandling.

That Kemen's case is not so clear cut to me joor.

If a spouse keeps sayin no, there is fire on the mountain o! And they both need to quench it.

bukatyne:


If your wife is withholding se.x, tie your prick and find a solution together.

I will never encourage adultery.

That's why I said left without anymore options

Blonchilli:

That's why I said left without anymore options

Why don't you seperate instead and tell the whole world (not really) why?

That's if your hands are clean.

He who comes to equity must come with clean hands

bukatyne:


Why don't you seperate instead and tell the whole world (not really) why?

That's if your hands are clean.

He who comes to equity must come with clean hands

Separation, yes, is an option but from experience 70-80 percent marriages fail after separation. However if violence is creeping in divorce should be the 1st option

Blonchilli:

Separation, yes, is an option but from experience 70-80 percent marriages fail after separation. However if violence is creeping in divorce should be the 1st option

Depends on what they are seperating for.

Most people who seperate here
do so because they do not want to 'divorce' rather than to solve a problem.

If hubby says ... I am moving out to XYZ (where he is accountable to people) till you need me, the wife will sit up.

Not seperating and start frolicking the town.

bukatyne:


Depends on what they are seperating for.

Most people who seperate here
do so because they do not want to 'divorce' rather than to solve a problem.

If hubby says ... I am moving out to XYZ (where he is accountable to people) till you need me, the wife will sit up.

Not seperating and start frolicking the town.

Exactly. Nigerians don't know how separation works and most of these cases I've seen the marriage just dies a natural death after that

Both vowed to submit their bodies, freely and without question to each other on the day of their wedding. Why then should there be issues of non-consent especially since both had, at the moment they pronounced their marital vows, waived their right to "non-consensuality"?

DarkRebel101:
Both vowed to submit their bodies, freely and without question to each other on the day of their wedding. Why then should there be issues of non-consent especially since both had, at the moment they pronounced their wedding vows, waived their right to "non-consensuality"?

Even if there is blanket consent by the virtue of their vows and definition of marriage, there is still a need to agree before se.x.

A parent by virtue of having a child has automatically declared responsibility for all the needs of the child. Yet the child has to ask, cajole or accept the rejection of his parents sometimes.

Blonchilli:

Exactly. Nigerians don't know how separation works and most of these cases I've seen the marriage just dies a natural death after that

The idea of seperating is to deny your spouse whatever benefits they enjoy been married to you so they can sit up. It's just like a parent taking all privileges of a child to correct a behaviour.

E.g. a wife doesn't have se.X with her husband (for no justified reason) and the husband has tried several stuffs which did not work.

He can leave the house for a while to the woman to sit up. When she begins to do things her husband traditionally does, she begins to weigh if her behaviour is worth the stress she is undergoing and change.

Again, this will only work if both parties really cherish the marriage else it's good riddance to bad rubbish and they go their seperate ways.