Celepope:
So many people are suffering this same fate as yours.The aftermath is mentally wrecking.Even in western countries like America and UK where there is high level of freedom,Nigerian parents still want to dictate for their children.I went through same from my mum.When I finally left my parents home at my early twenties after graduating from college,I became a loosed canon.Any given opportunity I have with members of the opposite sex, I will want to make sure I get them down.I found it hard to settle with a girl because I was always searching for a lady whom my mum won't find any fault in.Up till now, me being in my mid thirties and with a good career,I still can't find that girl all because I want to please my mum.At 30 OP u stayed too long with them hopefully your life don't get screwed just as others are because of the draconian nature of Nigerian parents.May God help u in this step you are about to take.

OvaSabi1:


She's not spewing trash. It's not by force to love your parents if they are bad to you. Just because they contributed sperm and egg to make you doesn't make them parents. It has been proven that black children are being held back from taking risks, in comparison to other races because of fear of reprimand from parents. If Zukerberg and Bill Gates were black there won't be Microsoft nor Facebook. A typical naija parent will disown you if you drop out of Harvard. Look at the way Parkland High school shooting survivors were confronting their senators over gun laws. In Nigeria, your senators will call you children of anger and you will cower in fear. Is it not this nairaland you will see a father that slept with his child or throw a child inside a well because of witchcraft suspicion? If you have a good relationship with your parents, that's great. But you can't speak for everybody. Let me tell you something Mr. 40 something year old man, there's a thin line between being possessive and being caring. The case with this poster, it's a control thing and not a love thing. There's a big difference. There are many of your mates that resent their parents for decisions they made for them. Be it career or maybe they didn't allow them marry who they want. Even some of our parents don't like our grandparents. Sit them down and observe... there's always that grandparent that they don't like talking about. They will quickly change topic or their mood will change.

Wagasigiungu:


Orisirisi something!!! Wonders shall never end. My people say who get cap no get head and who get head no get cap!!! Pls OP desist from using that word- despise- on your parents. There are literally millions of people desperately wishing they could have the love, attention and care (albeit suffocating according to you) of their parents, but alas, this can never be!!!!

Some don't even know their parents, some have lost theirs to the cold hands of death, some were never shown such love by their parents. The list is endless.

What am i driving at- appreciate what you have and look for a nice way to let them know how you feel. They obviously want the best and are looking out for you. How would you feel if you become a parent in future and your kids say such things about you?


[Addition] How would you feel if your future husband you love so much stays out very late into the night and you voice out your concerns for his late nights (out of love and care of course), but he sees it as you nagging and suffocating him with your actions (note that a spouse's love is very very minimal compared to that of parents IMO)

You are a very lucky person, you just don't realize it yet. As humans, we never appreciate what we have until we loose it (i pray this isn't your portion though)

A word, they say is enough for the wise!!!

Desirae:
Hello everyone.

I come from a very overprotective and irrational family. I just turned 30, I’m gainfully employed and doing so well in my career.

However, my social life is suffering. Most times I want to spend weekends with friends, or just hang out with colleagues after work, but by 7:00 I’ll already have over 15 calls from my parents asking if I’m on my way home. Yeah, I live with my parents.

Presently, I’ve been searching for an apartment so I would move out of their house. I need my freedom and independence. I feel like I can’t breathe!

Even weekends, when I decide to go out and chill with friends, they ask all manner of questions “who are you doing with, where are you going to, hope you’ll be back before 5”. Seriously! I’m 30 years old! And they’ll be the ones asking why I haven’t brought a husband. Where will I find him? In my office? Or in my bedroom?

The last straw was last week. My best friend lost her mum. When I told my own mum, her response was “oh she has finally died? Ehn, shey she’s been sick. Why do you now want to spend the weekend with her? For what”

I was furious, but I didn’t say a word so I won’t regret anything. How would she feel if her husband died and someone said “oh he’s finally dead?” Even my dad doesn’t help matters! How insensitive could people be?! They seem to forget death is inevitable. And anyone can go at anytime.

I’ve made up my mind to move out this month. I love them, I wish them well, but I can’t do all of this madness with them. I’m done being controlled and told what to do and what not to do. I’m not a kid. Most of my mates have more than 2 children.

I love them, but I’m done!

gypsey:
No! you are not overreacting, parents can be Irritating some times, thinking that they know it all just because they are parents. Always trying to control ones life.


My parent told a grown ass man like me to shave my hair, i told them to mind their own fivking business!!

Wagasigiungu:


Way to go!!! Goes to show your level of maturity Mr grown-ass-man.

adanny01:


Some Americans, send their children out to become homeless and jobless once they turn 18. She needs to read quora, she will appreciate the fact that African parents are far more responsible.

I had a Romanian boss who was 60+, non of his 2 children can dare ask him for money. He was always amazed when we received our meagre salary but take a leave for the bank depositing in several accounts that belong to family and friends. He would say, "why are you throwing away your hard earned money".

It is important to get a little freedom (she should ask for it). Its not her right under either her parents or husband. It gets even worst with a husband, so she should be responsible and communicate to the parents.

When a person lives under a parent, its like living under a husband or with a spouse.

My wife chocks me too. She hates it if i hang out beyond 9pm with friends. I wont say "who is she to put a curfew on me?" because i know that she loves me wants me at home so i should make it home before she sleeps off.

Cc Desirae

Desirae:
Hello everyone.

I come from a very overprotective and irrational family. I just turned 30, I’m gainfully employed and doing so well in my career.

However, my social life is suffering. Most times I want to spend weekends with friends, or just hang out with colleagues after work, but by 7:00 I’ll already have over 15 calls from my parents asking if I’m on my way home. Yeah, I live with my parents.

Presently, I’ve been searching for an apartment so I would move out of their house. I need my freedom and independence. I feel like I can’t breathe!

Even weekends, when I decide to go out and chill with friends, they ask all manner of questions “who are you doing with, where are you going to, hope you’ll be back before 5”. Seriously! I’m 30 years old! And they’ll be the ones asking why I haven’t brought a husband. Where will I find him? In my office? Or in my bedroom?

The last straw was last week. My best friend lost her mum. When I told my own mum, her response was “oh she has finally died? Ehn, shey she’s been sick. Why do you now want to spend the weekend with her? For what”

I was furious, but I didn’t say a word so I won’t regret anything. How would she feel if her husband died and someone said “oh he’s finally dead?” Even my dad doesn’t help matters! How insensitive could people be?! They seem to forget death is inevitable. And anyone can go at anytime.

I’ve made up my mind to move out this month. I love them, I wish them well, but I can’t do all of this madness with them. I’m done being controlled and told what to do and what not to do. I’m not a kid. Most of my mates have more than 2 children.

I love them, but I’m done!

emmasege:


Trust me, you need not stay till late evening before you meet a decent and responsible man. Despite your parents' overprotective attitude, you still do manage to go to work, attend social gatherings in daytime. Those will suffice for a beautiful girl to find a good man.


Your mum's reaction towards the demise of your friend's mum is most insensitive but you still need to be careful, lest you sin against God through them. Your prosperity and longevity in life are hinged on the Biblical command of honouring/respecting your parents.

OhGeeBee:
Sometimes we do some unpleasant things that we don't know it's affecting another folk negatively and until our attention is called to it. We won't know what we've done.


You should have called their attention to it. Tell them how you feel and how it has been hurting you. I think this is the first step. Where there's no improvement tthen you can leave.


To them you're still that 5yrs old little girl.

Akalia:
you go make one big wahala room mate as I dey see your face. OP no go fancy having you as one, lol. All these financially independent girls still living with their parents, it's high time you get serious with a dude and have him put a ring on it, that way you will eventually move out of your parents abode in honour.

Desirae:
Hello everyone.

I come from a very overprotective and irrational family. I just turned 30, I’m gainfully employed and doing so well in my career.

However, my social life is suffering. Most times I want to spend weekends with friends, or just hang out with colleagues after work, but by 7:00 I’ll already have over 15 calls from my parents asking if I’m on my way home. Yeah, I live with my parents.

Presently, I’ve been searching for an apartment so I would move out of their house. I need my freedom and independence. I feel like I can’t breathe!

Even weekends, when I decide to go out and chill with friends, they ask all manner of questions “who are you doing with, where are you going to, hope you’ll be back before 5”. Seriously! I’m 30 years old! And they’ll be the ones asking why I haven’t brought a husband. Where will I find him? In my office? Or in my bedroom?

The last straw was last week. My best friend lost her mum. When I told my own mum, her response was “oh she has finally died? Ehn, shey she’s been sick. Why do you now want to spend the weekend with her? For what”

I was furious, but I didn’t say a word so I won’t regret anything. How would she feel if her husband died and someone said “oh he’s finally dead?” Even my dad doesn’t help matters! How insensitive could people be?! They seem to forget death is inevitable. And anyone can go at anytime.

I’ve made up my mind to move out this month. I love them, I wish them well, but I can’t do all of this madness with them. I’m done being controlled and told what to do and what not to do. I’m not a kid. Most of my mates have more than 2 children.

I love them, but I’m done!

Wagasigiungu:


Orisirisi something!!! Wonders shall never end. My people say who get cap no get head and who get head no get cap!!! Pls OP desist from using that word- despise- on your parents. There are literally millions of people desperately wishing they could have the love, attention and care (albeit suffocating according to you) of their parents, but alas, this can never be!!!!

Some don't even know their parents, some have lost theirs to the cold hands of death, some were never shown such love by their parents. The list is endless.

What am i driving at- appreciate what you have and look for a nice way to let them know how you feel. They obviously want the best and are looking out for you. How would you feel if you become a parent in future and your kids say such things about you?


[Addition] How would you feel if your future husband you love so much stays out very late into the night and you voice out your concerns for his late nights (out of love and care of course), but he sees it as you nagging and suffocating him with your actions (note that a spouse's love is very very minimal compared to that of parents IMO)

You are a very lucky person, you just don't realize it yet. As humans, we never appreciate what we have until we loose it (i pray this isn't your portion though)

A word, they say is enough for the wise!!!

Desirae:
Hello everyone.

I come from a very overprotective and irrational family. I just turned 30, I’m gainfully employed and doing so well in my career.

However, my social life is suffering. Most times I want to spend weekends with friends, or just hang out with colleagues after work, but by 7:00 I’ll already have over 15 calls from my parents asking if I’m on my way home. Yeah, I live with my parents.

Presently, I’ve been searching for an apartment so I would move out of their house. I need my freedom and independence. I feel like I can’t breathe!

Even weekends, when I decide to go out and chill with friends, they ask all manner of questions “who are you doing with, where are you going to, hope you’ll be back before 5”. Seriously! I’m 30 years old! And they’ll be the ones asking why I haven’t brought a husband. Where will I find him? In my office? Or in my bedroom?

The last straw was last week. My best friend lost her mum. When I told my own mum, her response was “oh she has finally died? Ehn, shey she’s been sick. Why do you now want to spend the weekend with her? For what”

I was furious, but I didn’t say a word so I won’t regret anything. How would she feel if her husband died and someone said “oh he’s finally dead?” Even my dad doesn’t help matters! How insensitive could people be?! They seem to forget death is inevitable. And anyone can go at anytime.

I’ve made up my mind to move out this month. I love them, I wish them well, but I can’t do all of this madness with them. I’m done being controlled and told what to do and what not to do. I’m not a kid. Most of my mates have more than 2 children.

I love them, but I’m done!

Pipedreams:
Walk away.

You do not owe anyone the right to abuse you, blood relation or not. If you have clearly articulated your limits and the consequences for transgressing your person to them, and they still break those rules, get away and stay away. Cut all forms of communication with them. Move far away. i dont mind if you move countries for your sanity. Do not feel guilty for this. You owe your spirit some peace and tranquil.

Most african children's claimed love and loyalty for aged parents is just stockholm syndrome. They still remember how dey were forced to be loyal by beating and still have this fear of challenging their parents. Look at me i was forced to marry a girl from Anambra cos im from anambra.

My parents fought my wish of marrying a kaduna cute humble girl then an imo cute humble girl cos of arcaic tribalism and selfishness on thier part, which was more important to them than my happiness. They said over thier deadbody. Now, i started looking for thier choice and settled down with the supposed anambra chic. Alas! It was one issue or the other till i left the marriage now they are absorbing themselves of the blame. Why didnt you look well, cant you know what is right? You can imagine. I regret not listening to my spirit just to obey them and be a good son which i'm not now!

They gave birth to you fine but you arent owing them in any form. Pls stay away for Narccisstic parents they cause more harm than good. Love them because they are your parents but love them from afar!

gypsey:
i think you will find that i don't need your approval,

Anyway, anything else reasonable you would like to add?

Desirae:


I’m expecting a lengthy speech from my mum... “what will people say? A single unmarried woman living alone... you’ll chase men away”

What will be, will be. But I’m done.