No woman can ever disrespect my mother. Op as a man you must learn to be firm with your wife and reason with your mom, from your write up she seems to be smarter than your wife.

Very balanced write up.

Op I 'll blame you for everything that is happening. You choose to take side with your wife, that is why she is doing all those things. The fact that your mum is even trying to make peace and your wife don't want to have anything to do with her says it all. You really have to talk to your wife cuz is the one manipulating u.

Drama.
Too late for all of the fake friendship goals.
Accept they can never be friends and your life will be easier. Let your mother also accept it.
Of course, it's alright for your mom to visit and see her grandchild when she can, and it's alright for your wife to disappear when she's coming.
That relationship you want between them ain't happening. kolewerk....
Go visit your mum on your own regularly, and also take your son with you when he's older. Spend hours with her, so she can enjoy the company of her grandchild(ren ).
No need wasting time on futile efforts

big problem, the centre cannot hold water any longer

Some men still need cane

Op put your feet down and take control of your home. Read out the riot act to ur wife and your mum... Both of them should fall in line and behave or feel ur wrath, do not try to tolerate any bullshit talks for attitude from both of them Be firm and stand ur ground as a man. Consult your wife in decision making but be the decision maker.

Mizwisdom:
"A man must leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife"

Your mother needs a husband, she wants one. Loneliness seems to be her main problem, try to matchmake her with someone responsible so that you can be free to enjoy your marriage in peace

Sho wa okay? yen yen yen yen. Is that the reason why my wife must disrespect my mother

djon78:





Men the thing tire me. The wife has no reason to disrespect his mother. It's an aberration.
The op allowed it from the beginning, he should have called his wife to order.
Imagine the issue on the wedding.
It's her sons wedding, she has a right for her guests to be on the list.

This issue always arises in today's marriages, but a man is meant to draw line in the sand right from beginning.
It should have been :
Wife never insult, quarell my mom, then mum don't make trouble with my wife, respect her for me. You protect your wife but on no account should she disrespect your mom, then when your mom falls out of line, deal with it not your wife openly showing disdain for your mom.

Shebi you guys have a son now, when the time comes, your sons wife will repay back her attitude. Karma doesn't make mistakes at all

You see, I've seen a lot of situations like this and in most cases, I wish I could flog these men. How can someone claim to love you and maltreat your parents? My cousin's wife at a point refused to give her father-in-law food because she felt it was not her responsibility and this is a man in his 70s, old and weak and the so-called son was not bothered.

A woman who loves you should also be able to love your family especially when there are no issues. This op's stupid wife included her mother's guest on her guest list but blatantly refused to include that of her husband's mother. That should tell she hated the woman right before her marriage started properly.

I read the post twice and couldn't see where his mother did anything wrong while the wife she's been shielding has done more harm than good. From fighting his mum which shows she has no regard for the woman, she'll eventually shift goal post to him with time because he actually has no regard for her husband. All that love na sham.

Candiesramah:
You see, I've seen a lot of situations like this and in most cases, I wish I could flog these men. How can someone claim to love you and maltreat your parents? My cousin's wife at a point refused to give her father-in-law food because she felt it was not her responsibility and this is a man in his 70s, old and weak and the so-called son was not bothered.

A woman who loves you should also be able to love your family especially when there are no issues. This op's stupid wife included her mother's guest on her guest list but blatantly refused to include that of her husband's mother. That should tell she hated the woman right before her marriage started properly.

I read the post twice and couldn't see where his mother did anything wrong while the wife she's been shielding has done more harm than good. From fighting his mum which shows she has no regard for the woman, she'll eventually shift goal post to him with time because he actually has no regard for her husband. All that love na sham.

Some men are just weak, too weak I tell you, how can you allow your wife maltreat your own father this way? I mean the person who made you who you are today, bro, talk to that your cousin.

E685:
My wife and I have been together for 8 years now, married for 5. I am 33 and she is 30. We now have our first child, a son who is just turning 1. He is everything to both of us. Before our son, our relationship was strong, although to be honest I’ve always been frustrated with my wife’s way of handling issues. I’m the kind of person who is very hard to get angry, I hear people out, and I talk out my issues. I listen to all sides and I think logically before emotionally. I seek therapy when I’m stuck. My wife is the opposite. She reacts with emotions first. She is very quick to be offended by anything. She will shut down and refuse to communicate until she has had time to process. I do all of the work resolving issues we have. I sometimes wonder if I ever stop taking the high road and work through our issues, if anything would ever resolve itself. So that being said, conflict management aside, we are happy. We are passionate, have similar interests, and make each other laugh.


Then there’s my mother. Where to begin. My mother, while seen as incredibly loving and generous to many people, is also a person who has been shut out of so many relationships in her life that I really just feel bad. My father and her are divorced. She has a genuine phobia of being left out - of gatherings, of relationships, of family. She is extremely smart and knows how to manipulate people into doing what she wants. She also widely seen as a “difficult” person. She is difficult in that she finds great offense to issues many people would not notice or care about. If she feels wronged, she will overwhelm the person who wronged her with incessant questions trying to make them feel her side until they cave in. In her closest relationships, her absolute need for the show of love and inclusion and validation cause the very people she is trying to reel closer in to push her away, a self fulfilling prophecy. My Mom, while I love her, is her own worst enemy.


Needless to say, these two, my wife and my mother, clash. At first they liked each other. The very first issue involved our wedding planning. My wife had a very clear plan for the guest list, and my mom asked for a number of her friends to be included on the list. My wife did not want that, got immediately upset and the situation blew out of control. My mom called me nonstop asking why my wife could be so cold, unwilling to see her side, or give in even an inch. My wife felt my Mom was making the wedding all about her, and could not believe she was called cold. She was “done”. My mom wasn’t paying for a cent of the wedding either so this was another offense. In the end I brokered a compromise, much to the dismay of both women. Each held the grudge for a long time. Occasionally my mother would do something that my wife disliked, and my wife would be pissed at me for not standing up for her. Admittedly I had never stood up to my mother, I always took the time to listen to her side and find reason behind her otherwise inflammatory ways. My wife and mother had a falling out right before the wedding, and forced me to choose sides. I struggled as I found both of them to be at fault. I chose my wife and my mother hated it. Ever since, basically anything that my mother says or does, whether good or not, offends my wife. Even the most genuine attempts by my mother to reach out to my wife are smacked down. My wife has never made any effort to release the past resentment. Over the years my mother has attempted to take the high road, only to be barely acknowledged by my wife. I have always pleaded with my wife to at least pretend to like my mother. She did a bad job of pretending because my mother would always call me and ask why my wife appears to never care or never let go of past feelings. So both saw through each other, my mother would continue to act happy and loving, while my wife never would.

Anyway now our son came into the picture. He is amazing and being the first grandchild on both sides, the grandparents want to be around him every chance they can get. My mother visit every weekend . I told my wife we have to let her do this. My wife dreaded this. I told my mother that one of the weekends, we wanted her to visit on a Sunday (staying over till Monday morning) instead of a Saturday because we had plans that Saturday. In actuality the day was a birthday celebration for my father in law , being held at her parents house. She just didn’t want my mother involved in everything so she put her foot down. My mother wouldn’t take no for an answer and pulled it out of me what we were doing that day. Well she took great offense to the fact that she was not automatically invited, and couldn’t believe how cold, unChristian, and I loving my wife and her family were.

This stuff affects me greatly so of course I share with my wife, and she exclaims she is done with my mother. No longer wants to be nice or pretend, she is tired of how much my mother always wants it all to be her way and then throws out insulting and hurtful words about my wife to get her way. I get messages from my moms friends telling me how I need to see things my moms way, they would never exclude their mother this way, and that my wife is causing all of this.


And so here we are. I saw my mother the next day, and my wife removed herself from the situation by staying out for the day. It was incredibly uncomfortable. I told my mother how mad I was at her for always being so difficult and never just letting it go. I told her my real feelings about how I wished she could stop needing such inclusion and love. Her response was that she is justified in wanting to be included in everything, and that my wife has never shown her any love or effort and it was obvious, so what could she possibly do? I told her my wife is willing to work on this, perhaps in professional therapy. But in reality my wife wants no part of that and has no desire to mend anything anymore. I think she resents me for trying to mend things.

So what do I do? I’m frustrated with my mom for being difficult, always needing more and never letting things go, and saying inflammatory things when she doesn’t get her way. But I see that all she’s ever wanted was peace and love, and my wife never gave her that. I’m frustrated with my wife for getting so easily offended at everything my mother says or does, and I wish she could make any effort to see the other side and let go of such a grudge. My mother is definitely strong willed and manipulative but I think there is love there if only we could work through it. My wife is extremely assertive and refuses to let anyone wrong her twice. Both think the other has always been dead wrong, the entirety of the blame, and will never change. My wife is ok never seeing my mother again, yet my mother says she wants to let bygones be bygones and attempt to work through it.

What should I do? Forever stuck in the middle. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

. Your love for your wife has becloud your sense of reasoning, all blame are on you, cos you are a weakling, as a man you should be in control of your home but you have failed in that regard, you failed by allowing your wife to determine the number of guests wanted at your wedding, and even your mum has to fight out this with her, that gave you out, it seems you support your wife action and even complain about your mum as been critical . the love of a wife is different from the love of mother. if you die today your wife would remarry but can your mum give birth to you again,NO

shinarlaura:
Op I 'll blame you for everything that is happening. You choose to take side with your wife, that is why she is doing all those things. The fact that your mum is even trying to make peace and your wife don't want to have anything to do with her says it all. You really have to talk to your wife cuz is the one manipulating u.

you nailed it

Look at how you described your wife. Also look at how you described your mother. You've already taken sides.

Your wife and her family are treating your mother with disrespect and you're asking us what to do. Very weak and foolish man.

You can have another wife, you can't have another mother.

Na today? Only 1% of women love to see their mothers-in-law

As much as u pray for them just know is a woman thing

So many of these issues could have been resolved if you learned how to keep secrets.

You are very 5tupid. Did you just noticed?

Oga you're very stupid! Defending your wife's intolerance by telling us your mother's history? So you mother has no right to add just A GUEST to the wedding list Is your wife MAD?!!! Here you are defending the stupidity of your wife too. Your foolishness is stunning and a new prayer point is not to birth a son as foolish as you are!

I will call you NEPA

Set awon NEPA

Oga, you sabi speak good English abeg.
Seems both are wrong and right. For once, I am at crossroads here, and can't point accusing fingers to anyone.
sh*ty situation.

While i know a great deal of mother-inlaws can be a pain, after analyzing your story, i feel while your mother has her own issues, your wife doesn't come across as a good person. I wonder what attracted you to her in the first place. I want to believe she belongs to the group of women who are already anticipating having issues with their Mother In-laws and go into the marriage with all the machinery for war. I would have said that you should sit your wife down and talk some sense into her but i think it's too late now and also because of how emotional she is with issues. The worst people to talk to are emotionally driven people. There's no way out from this higi-haga, you just need to find a way to manage it by putting your foot down.

All these topics hitting front page every day from new monikers.. is Nairaland trying to create traffic ?

Every day one story to another..

Stop being a pussey,you got married too early, plus you're a weakling who can't manage a home, I just pity your poor mother.
It always annoy me when I see men behaving like boys, if I was your friend or brother I would have bashed your face in or beat the shit out of you

Family issue so sort yourself out, if you can't control situations, tell your wife to leave

After reading this story, I can only blame one person and that's you, you think you're a man but everything says you're a boy. This problem will be solved the day you grow up and take charge.

Rubbish... how did I even have the patience to real all that bullshit baffles me

Bros,

In all honesty, you are soft, way too soft. Although you are reasonable, it's important to be decisive and put everyone in their place.

You have been able to thoroughly understand both your mum and your wife. You have solved the puzzle halfway. Now, you have to take some rigid decisions. You have been flexible enough and it's obviously not yielding any positive results. You mum still acts the way she always does, your wife still plays you emotionally and dictates how she wants things to run.

As the head of the family, take a stand. Call a meeting between both families. Before doing this, have another discussion with your mum and your wife separately. This time, let them know you are not having anymore bullshit from none of them. Tell them, henceforth, things are going to be done your own way as the head of the family. Tell them loving each other or at least pretending to love each other is non negotiable. Your mum should have access to her grandson just as your in-laws do.

The meeting between both families should go a long way in resolving these differences. Your wife's parents also have a lot to do in talking sense to your wife. If they want you to have peace, then they should plead with your wife to make peace with your mum.

Pray to God for guidance and remember to take a stand. Show a different and a much more manly and decisive side of you and watch both of them behave.

chidekings:
From your write up,u are tolerating ur wife disrespect to your mother with all this flimsy excuses of yours.

Weyrey wa lori boy yen
He is mentally r3tard3d

Women should pray against having this kind of son.

You allowed a fickle and arrogant woman in the name of wife to use your mother like rag.

Your own mother?

Tufiakwa.