pmoye:
This is advice is really for Nigerian ladies. Please and please do not marry a man that is not rich. Your very life will depend on it. You heard me... How long you live as a woman may well depend on how rich your husband is. This may seem like an over-generalization, but a very needful one. Quite a troubling percentage of Nigerian men can not handle a woman who is more financially buoyant.

Ideally it shouldn't matter how much each person earns, because I believe that the husband and the wife should be one financially. That the home should be planned like a company with budgets, financial planning, sound auditing and all... But from the much we have seen around the average Nigerian family is far from this ideal. We often have what increasingly looks like a union that appears more to serve a cultural/societal expectation, a union that is sustained just so that the society can think you are happily married, while between the man and the wife it is more like between US and China, between Northern and Southern Nigeria, a perpetual cold war and bitter jostling for resource allocation and control.

I have seen women who have died because the husbands couldn't afford antenatal care and used ego-motivated argument to keep the women from accessing timely medical care... And of course, few years or even months after that those wicked men would later bring in other wives into the house.

The poorer the man, the more wicked, the more angry, and the more deadly he generally is in Nigeria. Do not let any man or any woman convince you to marry for love. There is no such thing as that, just a queer surge of hormones that makes you think you are in love. If you marry a poor man for love, hunger and suffering will soon reset your thinking, and by then most women feel too culturally compelled to remain with the toxin of a husband they have. Take a cue from evolutionary development in animal kingdom generally where females select the most suitable male for mating.

Do not simply believe in a man's future plans and dreams. If he doesn't have money now, he is not ready to be a husband. No matter how much you think you love him, treat him like the case of AS genotype (yours) marrying an SS genotype (his). And this is something I respect some Igbo men for. They will never think of marrying a woman unless they are economically ready.

If he is earning N30,000, or N40,000 or N90,000 per month he is not ready to marry. These are just examples from posts I have seen around here. Do not be fooled, the amount on the payslip is not always available for taking care of the home. But that's the talk for another day.

Some of us are probably never going to get married, I personally find it very scary to read about how men because of poverty increasingly turn against their wives in marriage... I may be too traditional though, because I do not fvcking care the money the wife is bringing into the house. Her role as a mother and a wife is already supremely more than you need to compensate for as a man. If you are a man, do not get close to a man when you are still poor. It is wickedness. It is dishonesty. It is crime against humanity. Do not sell her a future hope of becoming a pastor and other popular silliness.

Marrying a lady when you cannot completely and single-handedly take care of her is gender violence. Stop it.

This is advice is really for Nigerian ladies. Please and please do not marry a man that is not rich. Your very life will depend on it.

Alexaonfleek:

Na their way be that.
When they have nothing to say,they will bring in the family members that are not on NL.
Since you have decided to bring in family members,lets go on.

Most dads then,were stable at least to marry.
Most importantly,most dads then had a sense of responsibility and knew from birth that they had to provide for the mums and kids.
Even parents would never allow their daughters settle for a man who cannot provide.

So honey,as long as we have good characters,we will surely see financially stable men to marry our broke asses

Alexaonfleek:

Na their way be that.
When they have nothing to say,they will bring in the family members that are not on NL.
Since you have decided to bring in family members,lets go on.

Most dads then,were stable at least to marry.
Most importantly,most dads then had a sense of responsibility and knew from birth that they had to provide for the mums and kids.
Even parents would never allow their daughters settle for a man who cannot provide.

So honey, as long as we have good characters,we will surely see financially stable men to marry our broke asses

bukatyne:
Money has wings.

The person who is rich today can become poor/broke tomorrow and vice versa.

Rather than this skeletal approach, why don't we dig to see what's wrong with the Nigerian family system and correct it?

How many men are rich in Nigeria?

What happens if all that made a man 'the head' was money and he loses it ten years into the marriage; should his wife get a divorce?

pmoye:
This is the best comment I have read on this thread.

I deliberately decided not to emphasize the income the wife brings to the table because the worth of a lady one wants to marry should be supremely above money. I like the way you said that she has to be worth that 50m.

I personally cannot marry or bring children into this world if I am not supremely capable to give them a good life. Not just life, a good one. As much as everyone is complaining about life being difficult in Nigeria, some people and their children will never understand what that means, simply because the parents have enough and more than enough. What money is required to live a good life, the man should provide, which is the easier part of the job. The harder aspect is the role of the wife and mother who is literally the superintendent of the home whether or not she has an income.

Brilliant contribution from you sir!

bukatyne:


Thread is gradually going to the traditional roles of a man and a woman.

Like Belafonte said, the woman you are bringing N50m to meet has to be worth it and not in monetary terms.

It is in those qualities women think is slavery or 'promoting' patriarchy today.

@Belafonte what qualities are you looking for in a wife that would worth N50m?

cococandy:


The answer to your first question lies in your second paragraph. Whatever makes her worth 50m to you is the value she’s bringing to the table.

Remember, this proverbial table is the base where everything including but not limited to money is placed.

LordKO:



"Just don’t come and be forming love, knowing I would disgust you if I were broke" succinctly worded @Belafonte - unfortunately that's the hallmark of perfidious (expedient) people. 

Meanwhile, every sane person knows the importance of money and doesn't need crass and expedient elements to remind them of it - if as a person you need someone to remind you of the importance of success, you simply lack grit and common sense. Sane people don't allow money to define them, even when they've it in abundance. Of course, it's only a foolish and spineless man who'll allow a crass and expedient woman to share his crown with him. 

To every ethically sound (good) woman here or out there, don't allow any small-minded person to guilt trip you to immorality, because sane wealthy men marry ethically sound women every other day. As a matter of fact, true well-to-do people never base their respect, and goodness in general, for others on money/material things. Money remains a means to an end, but never an end itself, and it remains one of the easiest things to acquire, all things being equal. Those who do not have it today, remain steadfast and be content without being complacent, and don't allow anyone to abuse you.

If as an ethically sound woman here someone bullies you because of money they barely have directly or indirectly, if you can't defend yourself, direct the person and their backer(s) to me let me show them that the true haves don't shout unnecessarily like the have-nots and quasi-haves.

Success consciousness is the goal, say no to both materialism and parasitism - principle/spiritualism over expediency any day and anywhere. Of course, perfection is still of the creator of the world.

Juliusmomoh:
Ashawo .
#case close

pmoye:
God bless you for your maturity.

cococandy:
Why does the bold sound funny.

True I like men for the confidence they have in demanding what they want even when they do not deserve it. Gold diggers, leeches, broke ass etc are slangs developed for women to broke shame us. Whereas asking a man to be financially independent before settling down makes the woman a bad person for requiring that.

Women are always striving to be “perfect” and it’s never enough because of the endless and confusing list of what makes a good woman. Must not be a gold digger, must not be dependent, must also always be available when the man requires it or she’s to blame for the maid taking over her home. It’s tiring.

Personally I believe in sharing finances because it’s rare to see a man that’s a 100% provider. But only if that sharing of finances translates to sharing other aspects of what’s required in running the home. I require it.
Otherwise the woman is contributing way more than the man.

Romangalactic:

Good character and exceptionally tasteful cnt to keep him hooked, yes you will. And own ur brokeness baby, no shame in it.

Alexaonfleek:
And thank you op,for opening the minds of Nigerian ladies

Alexaonfleek:
haha lols.

There is shame in being broke ooo.
Forget gender.

Romangalactic:

Its only shameful for a man cos we don't marry for money, but for a woman, she only needs to fool a guy who is doing okay with love and level don change. Pocohantas will agree with me here

Romangalactic:

Golddigging is not so bad baby

pocohantas:


True bruv.

pmoye:
Opening the minds, hmmm. That's not likely. We can only stimulate debate and then hope to learn from the different contributions.

Alexaonfleek:
Yes very true.
But I still think this thread is mind opening too
Especially for young ladies and young guys.

Romangalactic:

Its only shameful for a man cos we don't marry for money, but for a woman, she only needs to fool a guy who is doing okay with love and level don change.
Pocohantas will agree with me here

Alexaonfleek:

Na their way be that.
When they have nothing to say,they will bring in the family members that are not on NL.
Since you have decided to bring in family members,lets go on.

Most dads then,were stable at least to marry.
Most importantly,most dads then had a sense of responsibility and knew from birth that they had to provide for the mums and kids.
Even parents would never allow their daughters settle for a man who cannot provide.

So honey,as long as we have good characters,we will surely see financially stable men to marry our broke asses

hisgrace090:
And men should as well start marrying only rich girls ehh?

Anuoluwa1234:
Must is always be money, money etc everyime . This post made me laugh, you say they shud marry money right. Ok
But I will advise females out there, marry a guy/man with Vision. (Believe me, anything you can control has become possessed and obsessed).. ppl's obsession towards money is really getting out of hands
If you marry money, HV you forgotten money varnishes.
But vision never dies, if the Vision is sharp enough, it will even bring more money.
You don't even care if the guy has no sense of respect, no intelligence, nothing nothing.. all you care about is money .
HV you written off yourself that u can't make it??.
Pls, change that mind set, there is more to life than money you are shouting

annayawchee:
Good character with high puna mileage...

If you ain't bring big cash to the marriage, just remain single with your good character..

Alexaonfleek:
Isn't decency part of good character?

Na big cash he talk
No be you suppose to bring the cash for marriage?

What's the name of that moniker that always dashes mops,miniskirts and high heels to these kind of guys?
ybabe or ybaby
Pls be kind enough to give this guy a mop.

Klass99:


Seven blessings to you

The covid lockdown had one of my brothers in stitches over child care, house chores and general home maintenance. It was fun to watch during video calls, he said I didn't know this stuff was tedious and tiring.

His wife travelled to another state to see her parents, the interstate travel ban happened before she could return. It got to a point he was asking/begging me to come stay at their place and help him out. Even offered me money to do so

I said bros, how I wan do am? There's lockdown niiii, I'm loving the slow pace of my life. I love you and your family but no amount of money will make me go over there, to take panadol for your headache.

My sister in-law even joined the campaign for me to go over and assist in her absence. I said to her, leave this man alone, are the children not his too or did you climb on top of yourself to have them? Is the house not his as well? He has no where to go to, in a lockdown, let him do the work jare.

If we rush to his rescue, he may never understand what it takes to raise well behaved children, maintain a clean home and keep things running smoothly for his sake, comfort and sanity, so leave him be.

Arsenate:
Are men supposed to start crying because some ladies with body count of over a hundred are not gonna marry them or what? Amazing how y'all overestimate yourselves. The most valuable things women can give their men is their beauty and youth. Y'all aren't even bringing those to the table anymore.

pocohantas:


It is the truth o, forget that it is funny.

Some ladies are always trying to be different- perfectly different. I am not different, I am even worse. I am not a good girl please. I am ME. I LOVE money and I love comfort. We will meet each other halfway and take it from there.

I am not interested in any other model and would never be.

Sharing finances? Perfect
House chores? I am really not fixated on this, as I can clean a whole village alone. It will even take me time to notice no one is helping. He should sha be appreciative and supportive.