@freecocoa, that she's a girl is not exception. D wife can do better by reporting d issue 2 her husband and action be taking by him. 1 thing am certain of is, don't play wit ur husband's family, irrespective of d class (poor or rich)

I guess there are better ways to reprimand a 14 year girl than slapping or abusing her.

Dede1:

You are sounding like a wicked woman. If you slap my daughter, which is a child abuse, you will be kicked. Thank goodness you remembered it is normal spanking a mother gives to a daughter. However from the story, the madam is not the mother of the teenage girl. Please do not slap any relative of your husband living with you.

Oh please shut that your nonsense gutter you call a mouth,I sound like a wicked woman?and you sound like what exactly?

Let me remind you that the said child lives under the roof of the woman,is being taken care of b y the same woman therefore she is her guardian and could pass for a mother so don't give me that crap,you think we are talking about America here?let me also remind you that in Naija not only a mother is allowed to discipline her child provided the child was wrong and the disciplinarian wasn't being wicked,malicious but correcting lovingly.

Dem never born man we go touch ma wife! Even if i de chinchoochon, yankee, i go come bak sharp sharp dat day and we go hear am!

Water9430: @freecocoa, that she's a girl is not exception. D wife can do better by reporting d issue 2 her husband and action be taking by him. 1 thing am certain of is, don't play wit ur husband's family, irrespective of d class (poor or rich)

Spare me the lecture please.

FYI,a 14 years old girl living with me will not disrespect me and expect not to be disciplined by me,simple.

femionasan:

I do not agree about that yoruba culture thing u are saying at all and how do u know what tribe the family is from?

WE DON'T HAVE TO AGREE WITH CULTURE AND TRADITION. BUT IT IS SIMPLY DEFINED AS OUR TOTAL WAY OF LIFE. I DON'T NEED TO ASK QUESTION ABOUT THE TRIBE.

I AM 110% SURE THE HUSBAND'S FAMILY ARE YORUBA EVEN IF THEY DENY IT HERE.

I AM A YORUBA MAN AND THAT IS OUR STANDING TRADITION AND THE CULTURE. IF YOU ARE MARRYING INTO THE TRIBE, EDUCATE HER PROPERLY.

PLEASE READ MY POST PROPERLY AND BE SURE I AM NOT IN SUPPORT OF BOTH THE GIRL LIVING WITH THEM, THE BEATING AND THE SLAPPING. IT IS ALL GROSSSSSS.

Dede1: The issue of call the police, report to the authority, hire tug or the man does not beat a woman is the school of thought that constituted one of the major reasons Africans found themselves in socio-politico-economic dire strait. Most of the times, few Africans tend to jump line into blindside of European view in order to achieve their skewed ends without logical or cultural examination of the fact.

The usual suspects on this thread are all on the high side of the madam and yelling or inquiring why madam did not call police or hire thugs or report to the authority. However, they foolishly forgot the angle of the incident which calls for “child abuse” on the part of the madam. If we have to go European, the madam should not have put her fifty hands on a minor in the first instance.

If the teenage girl living with her uncle is misbehaving, the madam should have called the attention of her husband to issue instead of beating the girl. If she had allowed her husband to handle the issue or discipline the girl, the dictate of our culture would not have called for swift reprisal.

Dede, I agree with you up to the point that where a teenager under my roof subject to my food, water and shelter misbehaves, she should be reported. I am aware that there are one-off steps that need to be taken on the spur of the moment. If this kid were spewing rubbish, will you say, keep talking, i will tell your uncle when he gets back? A 'shut-up' slap will be ideal and i will not expect the husband, the BIL or their patriarch to make an issue out of this discipline. It does not qualify as child abuse, at least not in the Nigeria (African)context. The truth is, when you put yourself up to live under the same roof with another, you are exposed to reasonable discipline and correction. The flip side is that your guardian is also answerable to your parents if you become wayward or in the extreme, anything untowards happens to you (the child). In truth, i subscribe to the idea that families should steer clear of married couples, let them manage themselves the best they can.

freecocoa: Oh please shut that your nonsense gutter you call a mouth,I sound like a wicked woman?and you sound like what exactly?

Let me remind you that the said child lives under the roof of the woman,is being taken care of b y the same woman therefore she is her guardian and could pass for a mother so don't give me that crap,you think we are talking about America here?let me also remind you that in Naija not only a mother is allowed to discipline her child provided the child was wrong and the disciplinarian wasn't being wicked,malicious but correcting lovingly.

If you really do have a brain, you should realize that slapping a minor is not regarded as disciplinary act. Now, you can go on flap with your putrid mouth.

freecocoa: Oh please shut that your nonsense gutter you call a mouth,I sound like a wicked woman?and you sound like what exactly?

Let me remind you that the said child lives under the roof of the woman,is being taken care of b y the same woman therefore she is her guardian and could pass for a mother so don't give me that crap,you think we are talking about America here?let me also remind you that in Naija not only a mother is allowed to discipline her child provided the child was wrong and the disciplinarian wasn't being wicked,malicious but correcting lovingly.

Dead RIGHT

freecocoa: Spare me the lecture please.
FYI,a 14 years old girl living with me will not disrespect me and expect not to be disciplined by me,simple.

YOUNG LADY, DON'T DISCIPLINE YOUR IN-LAW IF YOU ARE MARRIED TO A YORUBA MAN. ELSE, WE WILL READ YOUR STORY OF GETTING A DIRTY SLAP SOON.

IN CASE YOU DON'T GET IT. THAT GIRL IS ASSUME TO BE HER MOTHER IN LAW. WILL YOU SLAP YOUR MOTHER IN LAW AND EXPECT A PAT ON THE BACK ?

NO POINT VITUPERATING, UNDERSTAND THE CULTURE OF WHERE YOU ARE GOING INTO, SIMPLE.

IF I WERE THE HUSBAND, I WOULD NOT PERMIT ANY IN-LAW STAY WITH MY WIFE. IF SHE MUST, I WILL RETURN HER WHEN THE FACE OFF STARTED. ONCE IT GETS TO HER HITTING THE IN-LAW, SHE IS 100% ON HER OWN

NO POINT FINDING A SOLUTION TO A PROBLEM YOU CAN AVOID IN THE FIRST PLACE.



- MY CENT

hardbody:

Dede, I agree with you up to the point that where a teenager under my roof subject to my food, water and shelter misbehaves, she should be reported. I am aware that there are one-off steps that need to be taken on the spur of the moment. If this kid were spewing rubbish, will you say, keep talking, i will tell your uncle when he gets back? A 'shut-up' slap will be ideal and i will not expect the husband, the BIL or their patriarch to make an issue out of this discipline. It does not qualify as child abuse, at least not in the Nigeria (African)context. The truth is, when you put yourself up to live under the same roof with another, you are exposed to reasonable discipline and correction. The flip side is that your guardian is also answerable to your parents if you become wayward or in the extreme, anything untowards happens to you (the child). In truth, i subscribe to the idea that families should steer clear of married couples, let them manage themselves the best they can.

Hard

There were many avenues open to the madam to resolve the issue without going physical with the teenage girl. As a matter of the fact, the madam did not show iota of discipline in her for slapping the 14 year girl. She should have reported the ill-behaved teenage to the uncle or even to the parents of the girl or request her husband to remove the teenage girl from her home. My people say respect begets respect.

Dede1:


If you really do have a brain, you should realize that slapping a minor is not regarded as disciplinary act. Now, you can go on flap with your putrid mouth.

You are the brainless one here mister,except you are not Nigerian then maybe i'll understand whatever it is you are spewing here.

In this country we slap and even cane children and as long as its not extreme then no wahala,you think we have time for that rubbish onyibo people do,"you are grounded" mstcheww,if you don't like the way i sound,kill yourself but we cannot let our kids insult us outrightly and get away with it.

dammytosh:

YOUNG LADY, DON'T DISCIPLINE YOUR IN-LAW IF YOU ARE MARRIED TO A YORUBA MAN. ELSE, WE WILL READ YOUR STORY OF GETTING A DIRTY SLAP SOON.

IN CASE YOU DON'T GET IT. THAT GIRL IS ASSUME TO BE HER MOTHER IN LAW. WILL YOU SLAP YOUR MOTHER IN LAW AND EXPECT A PAT ON THE BACK ?

NO POINT VITUPERATING, UNDERSTAND THE CULTURE OF WHERE YOU ARE GOING INTO, SIMPLE.

IF I WERE THE HUSBAND, I WOULD NOT PERMIT ANY IN-LAW STAY WITH MY WIFE. IF SHE MUST, I WILL RETURN HER WHEN THE FACE OFF STARTED. ONCE IT GETS TO HER HITTING THE IN-LAW, SHE IS 100% ON HER OWN

NO POINT FINDING A SOLUTION TO A PROBLEM YOU CAN AVOID IN THE FIRST PLACE.



- MY CENT

You lot are funny sha,oh i cannot slap a 14 year old girl but she can eat my food,live in my house and insult me?I hear.

Btw I'm not planning on marrying a yoruba man but even if i did,i go slap any pikin wey insult me,rubbish.

And oh,I don't believe in that crap of a kid being my mother in-law when i know its not possible.

drnoel: Guys this is currently causing ripples in my extended family. The wife of one of my first cousin´s was beaten up by one of her husband´s immediate brothers. The lady in question has 2 children for her husband and just kind of needed help in her house so she requested that one of her husband´s nieces should come and live with them for a while. The little girl (14 years) that was sent has lived with them since she was 12 years. The little girl started having problems with the madam of the house and at the peak of the problems the lady beat her niece. Ofcourse her niece reported the issue to her parents and her father drove down immediately without asking what the problem was and gave her series of very dirty slaps. I heard she tried to complain but the series of slaps that followed each other after the other shut her up. I heard the brother-inlaw also shouted shut-up u are a woman.

Guys/Girls pls what are ur take on this matter. If u were her husband what would u do. If u were the lady in question that was beaten would u fight ur inlaw back or would u just take the beaten and not complain.

if the madam truly thrashed her neice then she deserved what she got....
you mess with my child, you are dead as a corpse! what effrontery would another woman have to beat my child? not a chance!!!!

freecocoa: You are the brainless one here mister,except you are not Nigerian then maybe i'll understand whatever it is you are spewing here.

In this country we slap and even cane children and as long as its not extreme then no wahala,you think we have time for that rubbish onyibo people do,"you are grounded" mstcheww,if you don't like the way i sound,kill yourself but we cannot let our kids insult us outrightly and get away with it.

You are moronically idiotic to insinuate that being a Nigerian is also animalistic. I am born and bred in Nigeria and have seen some wicked women such as you treat housemaids like slaves and will not lay a finger on their own kids. From the story, the 14 year old is not her maid and even if she is, does not give the madam the audacity to turn her into punching bag.
The madam was lucky the 14 year old girl did not break her head.

bonna4u:
True, there may be another side to this story but that can never justify the action of the brother inlaw. You don't just go about slapping people's wives.

The lady in question should not get away with abusing someone else's child, no one has bothered to ask how often the child has been battered, she deserves to be defended too you know.

Dede1:

You are moronically idiotic to insinuate that being a Nigerian is also animalistic. I am born and bred in Nigeria and have seen some wicked women such as you treat housemaids like slaves and will not lay a finger on their own kids. From the story, the 14 year old is not her maid and even if she is, does not give the madam the audacity to turn her into punching bag.
The madam was lucky the 14 year old girl did not break her head.

why didn't the madam report the neice to her husband or the girl's parents? if they then give her the go ahead to "discipline" her then she is free to do so. nigerians and their willingness to beat other people's children - animalistic attitude. i read someone saying the woman should report to the authorities -duh! she would be jailed first for abusing a child before her own case would be heard!

Dede1:

You are moronically idiotic to insinuate that being a Nigerian is also animalistic. I am born and bred in Nigeria and have seen some wicked women such as you treat housemaids like slaves and will not lay a finger on their own kids. From the story, the 14 year old is not her maid and even if she is, does not give the madam the audacity to turn her into punching bag.
The madam was lucky the 14 year old girl did not break her head.

If you were truly bred in Nigeria then you must be someone who was\is very spoilt.

There's no point going back and forth with you,you are not a woman so i really don't expect you to get it,its true that many women maltreat their helps but this girl isn't a house help,inshort i don't even have power to type plenty talk this afternoon so just carry go.

coogar:

why didn't the madam report the neice to her husband or the girl's parents? if they then give her the go ahead to "discipline" her then she is free to do so. nigerians and their willingness to beat other people's children - animalistic attitude. i read someone saying the woman should report to the authorities -duh! she would be jailed first for abusing a child before her own case would be heard!

If they had given her the go-ahead light to discipline, not abuse her, the father of the teenage girl would not have driven to the madam house to deliver slaps without allowing the madam to utter a word.

Dede1:


If they had given her the go-ahead light to discipline, not abuse her, the father of the teenage girl would not have driven to the madam house to deliver slaps without allowing the madam to utter a word.

lessons painfully learnt then - next time she would think twice before touching another man's child!

coogar:

lessons painfully learnt then - next time she would think twice before touching another man's child!

I guess she had learnt her lessons too.

I am never a good judge when it comes to family matter but I think I will do better than justice Oputa in this case
My verdict: OP go to Ojo barracks and get some crazy soldiers to beat up that goon that have no respect for a married woman,it will cost you nothing as those soldiers are already to fight your fight without a dime.
To reach the soldiers email: trouble@nigerianarmy.gov.ng

Dede1:


I guess your brother equally informed you not to slap your husband relatives. Who cares if you slap your kids blue and red?

relative or no relative,lets call a spade a spade...you dont go abt slapping people's wife except u know of course dat the husband is a weakling...if d younger brother has bn a terror,a no nonsense person,d man who called himself is elder brother wudnt have done such

one has to be careful when talking on family issue... reasons:-

(1) if u tell the woman to pack her things and leave the house; many yrs down the line if she still remain single... she will b going u devil that came to
destroy her marriage
(2) if u tell her report to her husband:-
(a) what abt if her husband takes side with his parents? no solution
(b) what abt if her husband support and her; and his family decides to excommunicate him....( dont forget no man is an island)

I think the best way to go abt this is; if she report to her husband; let her tell her man not to go and fight his people; but to talk to his people...
but incase of next time...

WOMEN; should learn how to tolerant her new family ( her husband people); agreed the females in the new family always cause trouble...
why not try to avoid them....

U see there is this trend thats going on now:-

a lady will tell her husband that none of his persons will come and stay with them .... o girl
please wake up this Africa; if u husband has junior ones; u cant jst drive them away....hmmmm hmmmm no...

I still beleive most of her ladies that are physically matured for marriage are very poor prepared when it comes to crises management...

they are nt fully prepared on how to deal with family crises esp. when it involves female members of her new family....

dear women; why not jst assume that u re the CEO of the company called Family/ marriage... will u sack every one because they re misbehaving
why u fight all of them; because they re misbehaving

i tell u the truth if u work on this; even that small girl 4rm ur husband staying with u; will one get tired and pack her things and go....
because she will jst find out irrespective of her bad doings; that were still able to bring the best out of her without anyone getting hurt....

finallytalking:
The lady in question should not get away with abusing someone else's child, no one has bothered to ask how often the child has been battered, she deserves to be defended too you know.

defended u say,is dis how to defend a child by slapping a married woman,(im sure dat was even done in her presence)..i wonder what such child will turn out to be....d child now will see fighting as a means of settling dispute....d father is not a responsible lot

drnoel: Guys this is currently causing ripples in my extended family. The wife of one of my first cousin´s was beaten up by one of her husband´s immediate brothers. The lady in question has 2 children for her husband and just kind of needed help in her house so she requested that one of her husband´s nieces should come and live with them for a while. The little girl (14 years) that was sent has lived with them since she was 12 years. The little girl started having problems with the madam of the house and at the peak of the problems the lady beat her niece. Ofcourse her niece reported the issue to her parents and her father drove down immediately without asking what the problem was and gave her series of very dirty slaps. I heard she tried to complain but the series of slaps that followed each other after the other shut her up. I heard the brother-inlaw also shouted shut-up u are a woman.

Guys/Girls pls what are ur take on this matter. If u were her husband what would u do. If u were the lady in question that was beaten would u fight ur inlaw back or would u just take the beaten and not complain.

My advice is she deserved what ever she got. Dont beat another person's child the way you dont beat yours. I bet she must have beat the girl to the extent of scars.

I think you should throw more light on what the issues were that the madam of the house was having with the little girl. Having said that, I think it's wrong of the BIL to have beaten up his brother's wife

coogar:

lessons painfully learnt then - next time she would think twice before touching another man's child!

oH!!!! SO FOR YOUR brother to raise his hands against your wife, is teaching her a lesson? isn't that so?

hmmmmm!~!!! okay ooooo....

ronkebp:

oH!!!! SO FOR YOUR brother to raise his hands against your wife, is teaching her a lesson? isn't that so?

hmmmmm!~!!! okay ooooo....

Whilst some of us were growing up, our parents used to say that "it takes a whole community to discipline a child" .i don't know about you but my mums friends were allowed to discipline me when I messed up how much more a family member?

Thanks to the jet age it is now okay for a man to hit a married woman who disciplined his child. If he cared so much why is that girl not living with her parents?

Yea someone said she was lucky it was only slaps they gaveher, another one Said he saw nothing wrong with hitting her. Wow nairalanders, what hypocrites we all are

Both of them were wrong, the wife and the Brother in Law.

Those saying in nNigeria you are allowed to beat children also dont forget that in the same Nigeria beating women is not a big deal

if we are to use naija traditional laws, No big deal in beating the 14yr old and no big deal in beating the wife.

if you beat your wife or Sister in law and you report to the police, Most times they would tell you its a family matter and they cant interfere

if we are to use modern laws. Both of them are in trouble.

Brother in Law- Beating a woman

Wife - Assualt of a minor.

Both are bad but I think the woman would be worse off. Cos some court might even say she shouldnt come in contact with any minor again.

I know an Akata woman who beat her neighbours child and she got into real trouble. She was a trained teacher and they banned her from coming close to any child so she lost her job and would be on probation for 7yrs before she can work in her profession again.

jennykadry:

Whilst some of us were growing up, our parents used to say that "it takes a whole community to discipline a child" .i don't know about you but my mums friends were allowed to discipline me when I messed up how much more a family member?

Thanks to the jet age it is now okay for a man to hit a married woman who disciplined his child. If he cared so much why is that girl not living with her parents?

Yea someone said she was lucky it was only slaps they gaveher, another one Said he saw nothing wrong with hitting her. Wow nairalanders, what hypocrites we all are

But also dont forget while growing up beating women wasnt a big deal. Does any week pass without you hearing a neighbour is being beaten by her husband and inlaws?

Not couples fighting o but beating the wife like a small child. Some people even have canes and whips for their wife and Sister in Laws.

Physical abuse in anyway is bad whether to the wife or to the teenage

jennykadry:

Whilst some of us were growing up, our parents used to say that "it takes a whole community to discipline a child" .i don't know about you but my mums friends were allowed to discipline me when I messed up how much more a family member?

Thanks to the jet age it is now okay for a man to hit a married woman who disciplined his child. If he cared so much why is that girl not living with her parents?

Yea someone said she should be lucky it was only slaps they gave to her, another one Said he saw nothing wrong with hitting her. Wow nairalanders, what hypocrites we all are

Hmm....Kai, Jenny, (shaking my legs)....hmmmm!!!!chei!!!!(takes a deep breathe). If it were me, all of them will hear from me.
- That lady is a stupid woman in the first place, for not knowing the family she married into.
- If that little girl's father did not want his daughter to be corrected in the first place, why sell her off to a more capable family??.

Aru!!!!