interesting thread but this scenario is rampant in Nigeria so much so the churches are turning a blind eye.

homosapien: As am typing this, i have an aunty who is in her early 40s blcos of these issues of get pregnant b4 marriage. The supposed husband to be said dat the first woman he got married to could not bear him a child b4 she died. However my aunty refuse using the church the way some people on this forum has been using it as a point of reference dat she doesnt want to commit fornication. But her younger sis who accepted the same condition 4rm her own spouse is happily married with two kids. My advise tell ur cousin to do wat she tinks is the best 4 her. It is well

There are issues you compromise with and there are some that are absolute no go areas. Telling a sister to have sex and get pregnant outside wedlock is a sin - no matter the circumstance or how bad we try to paint it. Every sin we commit has its consequences. A test of your faith in God is not how well you stand when the going is good but how well you stand when life hits you. I responded particularly to your post because of your inference on your cousins younger sister- my dear be careful with this train of thought. Have you not heard of two people going to steal and one gets killed while the other walks? The grass may look greener on the other side - it is until you get there that you see it was only a facade. Never make a decision based on Mrs A did it and it worked for her. Ori ya to si ori. Prov 14:12

It's quiet unfortunate that the subject is at this vulnerable and desperate stage- that's why it's important to make hay while the sun shines. But God has a track record- he never fails and his timing is perfect. My advice to her is not to compromise . She has been very patient she should continue to persevere and not loose hope if she really wants this - she would get it. God would not withhold anything good from his children.

On the flip side , why on earth will a true Christian brother who has the fear of God in him tell me to get pregnant before marriage? Some conversations just don't come up. If I hear that I would assume its a joke and laugh. When I realize he is serious that's a confirmed weeder. The christian life might seem a little boring but it's actually a lot easier when you follow the rules. You avoid such arrant nonsense .

I don't think women should give that much leverage.


Na wa o. Marriage is the bane of Nigerian society. It's by force by fire, I see. A factor that define womanhood.

Wharra shame.

At 34 and unmarried, she must feel so inadequate.

A. Man who wants a lady to get preg b4 he can marry her, certainly does really love her, at all. So why marry a man who thinks he's doing u a favour?
He doesnt like u enuf, at all.

If i ever marry a man who gives me a condition as that, considering that age, i'd only marry because i want it to be on record that i was married, and ofcourse i will not love him.

But if i need a fulfilled marriage, i will rather die than marry such a fool. How can he think he's doing me a favour, cos of the age. Son of a bitch.

berem: My cousin missed so many chances of getting married by her stubborness.She is an introvert to the core.Her mum is very worried because her other sisters are trying to follow her footsteps.Her younger sister also turned a guy down that wanted to marry her just because the guy is short! Well,I don't really know the kind of advice am gonna give her.

Tell ur cousin and her sisters to remain single. They are not ready 2 settle down!

stillwater: Nigerian men are hypocrites! Freaking razz things.

Ur Popsy and brothers included!

Abali1: eehm, Kulyie, I don't really see where you got there idea from my post that I support pregnancy before marriage.

1.companionship:
please in all sincerity women these days prefere to be companions to their career.

2.helping and complementing each other:
if you reflect on this the man, you will agree with me that the present day Nigerian woman hardly bring much to the table. If they were helping & complementing (forgive my generalization) their men, you will be seeing fewer divorce cases or broken homes.

Helping does not only mean cooking & doing house chores. It will equally means helping in some of those areas that 'we' normally see as a man's forte.

Complementing, a wife is suppose to cover up for the husband. I mean a wife is suppose to project the best image of the husband to the world. A wife & her husband is suppose to present a formidable front against those outside their marriage.
But today, a wife is the first to reveal to friends & foes her husbands weak points. When as a wife you leak info about the weak points of your husband or your marriage either by ommission or delibrately, why then do you act surprise when the enemy uses the same leaked Achiles heal to attack your home.

I believe s,ex is not the only purpose of marriage, but why do marriage counsellors keep on yapping about the need for couples to have a fulfilling se,x life in their marriage. And I have also come across where it is stated that most marriage problems originates from se,x and finance.
Moreover the bible clearly says, go into the world and multiply.

Abeg I still dey single oooh, so pardon my arrogance and ignorance.

May God bless u 1000000 times for ur intelligence

andyanders: I still think is only men with low self esteem that will request for a lady to get pregnant for him before marriage. Is children the only thing a woman or a man should get into relationship for? Hell No.
I hate to even think that some of we guys still think this way in this age. I believe that Beremi should advise her friend or sister to quit the so called relationship to a man who only thinks through his anus. No reasonable man will even dear to tell a woman that and if I see any of my sisters that a guy will tell that, I will have her bring the man and will instruct my sister to wee into his mouth so that he can feel the taste of a woman's urine. iddiottttttttt of a man like him.

Son, stop trying so hard to please NL ladies.

payless:

Is your cousin a virgin? If yes, she has enough intergrity and the guy should respect her for that. If she's is not a virging, then what intergrity is she's protecting? Not being a virgin before marriage puts her in a tough situation.

Especially when the guy has been dipping in the chocolate...

tchidi: Dunno about others, but I have a strict 'no sex b4 marriage' rule!! If u can't wait till we r married, (not even traditionally sef, church!) Then back off! She should hold fast to her values! If he loves u, he'll love u even if u don't give him a child... My 2 cents sha!

How many people did Christ wed in the synagogue when he was on earth? Is it on record anywhere in the bible that weddings must be done in the church for it to be recognized by God? Did Paul, Peter or any of the earlier Christians join anybody in marriage? When you see a man patient enough wait till the traditional marriage is done before having carnal knowledge with you in this age, please marry. God joined Adam and Eve because he was thei only 'family'. Pastors insist you do both trad and church for God to bless the marriage are all church weddings successful? When did church wedding originate and why? Christ turned water into wine in a traditional wedding and not in a synagogue or temple. God is more interested in HOW you keep the marriage vow than WHERE you made it. Moreove dont boast about a future with someone you dont know.

ocelot2006:

I can you're in quite a dilemma there. Well, has your aunt even considered the possibility of your cousine's so-called fiance dumping her once he has "tasted the goods"? Anyway, I strongly suggest that your cousine stick to her guns on this one. No sex before marriage. The right man will come at the right time.

You did not get the issue here. The contention is pregnancy and not sex before marriage. Who knows if the girl in question is an expert in bed that the man maybe wondering how long she may be practising and the consequent dangers to her reproductive health. If you think the guy is so harsh go and ask a gynaecologist or pharmacist what our girls do with their reproductive system. Abstinence still remains the best protection against all forms sexually related problems. Zip up.

Many of Nigerian ladies start quoting bible when issues like this come up. But they do not follow bible as regards other things that make a home/society to work. They are not ready to sacrifice anything; all they want is "bring bring bring" and nothing like take in their dictionaries.

It is only few of them that are ready to be a mutual partner in a relationship.

I have no problem with "NO MARRIAGE NO SEX" I only have problem "WHEN U R NOT A VIRGIN AND U WANT ME TO WAIT TILL AFTER MARRIAGE". Many would even want you to be taking responsibilities while they r playing on ur intelligence. I have a friend that suffered this and got dumped at the end of it all when he was like 37. That is madness.

@op, Love shouldn't be conditional, if the GUY(not man) truely loves your cousin, he should prove it by marring her without that silly condition for it is not a way to show her that he loves her.

kulyie: why are women reduced to baby making machines.anyway different strokes for different folks.any man that cannot respect my values and integrity can go to hell.women need to start seeing themselves as human beings and people of worth that are more than production of babies.mshewww.the way some men think sef irritates the living day light out of me

after ten set of abortion, ur talking abt preserving values. Whc values are u preserving? D aborted ones?

amourpure: I have heard of Virgins that got married and could not conceive for several years.

Amebor... How you take know say those married ladies wey no fit conceive na virgins? "I have heard", you think say e easy to know who and who be virgin? You think so? Stop to dey hear o

[quote author=tchidi]Dunno about others, but I have a strict 'no sex b4 marriage' rule!! If u can't wait till we r married, (not even traditionally sef, church!) Then back off! She should hold fast to her values! If he loves u, he'll love u even if u don't give him a child... My 2 cents sha! [/quote
virgin

@OP meet your cousin at the redemption camp when she is 40... You think men of nowadays ready to take anything for granted? I'll advice my son to do the same, Make sure she get pregnant before thinking of marriage cos most of the girls now have damage there womb

adaphic: A. Man who wants a lady to get preg b4 he can marry her, certainly does really love her, at all. So why marry a man who thinks he's doing u a favour?
He doesnt like u enuf, at all.

If i ever marry a man who gives me a condition as that, considering that age, i'd only marry because i want it to be on record that i was married, and ofcourse i will not love him.

But if i need a fulfilled marriage, i will rather die than marry such a fool. How can he think he's doing me a favour, cos of the age. Son of a bitch.

Stay unmarried and away from men because they will all be like this.

You are not suppose to have sex before marriage.

Pirosaw: I am proud of such lady and most ladies reply, the man in question is not prepared for marriage, what is love, love that can make marriage work is an unconditional love, why must she get pregnant? the man is selfish and not matured for marriage, tell the lady to stand by her decision, if the man is for her then he should accept her decision, pregnancy is not a guarantee that the person will have a baby, anything can happen. Marriage is for companionship first of all. Ladies you people are Queens don't allow men who are not for you to deceive you into marriage. Marriage are for matured mind.

The only sensible comment so far.

[quote author=kulyie] exactly.if he gives you conditionalities,you too give him conditionalities,if he wants you to get preggy before marriage, u too make him sign that if he is caught having extra marital affairs,half of his life savings is going to your pocket.if its children he wants and not necesarily you,give him and wait for him to f up,(because there is a very strong likelihood that he will engage in extramarital affairs) when he's caught,u can decide to leave the child with him or take the child and walk away from the marriage richer,at least equation balanced,each party has fulfilled his own side of the bargain[/quote

Kulyie u r the baddest luv luv ur comment

Why av u guys chosen to be holy when d matter at hand deserves a practical approach?
Did u guys put ds poor lady's age into cognisance before givn ur advises?
Are u guys aware dt d onset of menopause now varies?it somtimes appear in late 30's.
However,d intent matters in whatever we do,sinz d intent of d is a process leading to marriage,
I candidly advise she consens to d man's request.

[b][/b] u guys ar not being real ..... U guys hav al being fuckin around... No virgin anymor but wen serioz businez (mariage) u preach against sex b4 mariage but u ar busy fuckin wit unserioz guys who ar u decivin & wat is d sense not facing reality now? World of cheap virtue gals.... Men need a proof or you gals vamoose!

I am a guy and as a Christian I do not support the get pregnant b4 marriage thing bt we mustn't blame guys, the way most Nigerian girls abort dis days is very alarming no one wants to marry a woman with no womb all in d name of religion, oyinbo self no carry Christianity 4 head like we black Africans do so my advice to her is let the man start up something like introduction and tradition wedding then she can get pregnant b4 the church wedding proper dat resolves the issue

Whats love got to do with it. Late 30s to early 40s and having crossed all the crossables and wants to settle down the fear of childlessness is the begining of wisdom.

MOBBDEEP:

Apart from companionship, what kind of benefits will a couple gain mutually ?
God said they should help each other!
But they have almost the same body parts e.g 1 head for 1 head, 2 legs for 2 legs, 2 eyes for 2 eyes!
The only thing that distinctly differs in both is the Instruments/pudenda & breast-tissues!
Does that not tell us that we are probably going to complement each other more in that aspect?
Why then are we now suppose to be interminably living an ascetic self-restraining life only when sex is involved?

Don't feel insulted pls!

The bible also say we should fill the earth and replenish it... So the main purpose of marriage is for procreation

nattyGENT: [b][/b] u guys ar not being real ..... U guys hav al being fuckin around... No virgin anymor but wen serioz businez (mariage) u preach against sex b4 mariage but u ar busy fuckin wit unserioz guys who ar u decivin & wat is d sense not facing reality now? World of cheap virtue gals.... Men need a proof or you gals vamoose!

My dear , come higher institutions come see wetin these girls de do. Dem no get good or small among them. If u b gentle man in the institution,look wetin dem de do finish. No b person go tell u demand preggy b4 marriage. Some de here de blame men for girls waywardness. Women make una tell unaself de truth,all these cohabitation in school,who de find each other go live with ? No b women ? Men hardly de enter women's lodge with evil mind but come see where woman wan viisit her male neighbour,dem go start to de make choice bte bom short abi na mini. @Berem, i do not support the idea of preggy b4 marriage but since her 20's wetin she de do ? I want make u go advice the man now, Make dem go check whether she go fit get preggy after marriage for hospital. Cos if na me we go go check am ooo cos i no trust any girl for this world considering their height of immorality dez days. Need no verbal attack here oooo pls

Impulse80: I not only endorse it but i recommend it also What is difficult about it? get pregnant and we get married! SHIKENA!

. I don't blame u. U lack the fear of God. Beside swimming in sins has become part of u that is why u recommend it. Prof. of sins. What makes you think u can even make a woman pregnant? What if she get pregnant, after d wedding hard miscarriage and never get pregnant again wht wil u do since u ve achieved ur aim" get pregnant before marriage? God is so merciful. I wil advice u pray to God to bless ur marriage with God fearing children. Not a child outside wedlock.

omo_to_dun:
I am 27 years old. I cannot remember the exact time I became an atheist. Reading the scriptures at an early age, I have always had doubts and questions about so many of its stories. However, my parents always exhorted me to accept the WORD OF GOD without question. So when I gained my independence from them, the first thing I did was abandon the church and think for myself.
Imagine if a Buddhist had said, "When you open your eyes and heart, you will find Buddha." Or if a Muslim had said, "When you open your eyes and heart, you will find Allah." There are numerous religions in the world; hence, logically, at most only one can be true. What makes your God more legitimate than others? I believe only in what can be proven.

Psalm 14:1. The FOOL says in his heart, "There is no God." They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good.

Over and Out!

berem: It seems it has become a new trend for some men to request for their spouse to be to be pregnant fIrst before the proper marriage takes place.I have had the opportunity to ask about 20 yet to be married men and 15 of of them wants their wives to be to get pregnant first.I also asked them why they wanted it,I was shocked when they all said "I don't trust nigerian girls these days".
I have a cousin who is gonna be 34years by next year and she is not yet married.There is this guy she was introduced to for marriage but the man gave her condition that she must get pregnant first.My cousin being a very stubborn lady refused and said she will never get pregnant before marriage.Her mum has been worried because of her age and also being the first daughter.
My main worry now is that her mum wants me to advise her on what to do.Right now am confused.I don't know what kind of advice to give.Should I advise her to get pregnant or wait for the right time? Am really scared the guy might leave her if she refuses to get pregnant first.

TALOSOBE,...ONYENEKWU,...WAIKEMAGANA..!!!

WAM?:


There are issues you compromise with and there are some that are absolute no go areas. Telling a sister to have sex and get pregnant outside wedlock is a sin - no matter the circumstance or how bad we try to paint it. Every sin we commit has its consequences. A test of your faith in God is not how well you stand when the going is good but how well you stand when life hits you. I responded particularly to your post because of your inference on your cousins younger sister- my dear be careful with this train of thought. Have you not heard of two people going to steal and one gets killed while the other walks? The grass may look greener on the other side - it is until you get there that you see it was only a facade. Never make a decision based on Mrs A did it and it worked for her. Ori ya to si ori. Prov 14:12

It's quiet unfortunate that the subject is at this vulnerable and desperate stage- that's why it's important to make hay while the sun shines. But God has a track record- he never fails and his timing is perfect. My advice to her is not to compromise . She has been very patient she should continue to persevere and not loose hope if she really wants this - she would get it. God would not withhold anything good from his children.

On the flip side , why on earth will a true Christian brother who has the fear of God in him tell me to get pregnant before marriage? Some conversations just don't come up. If I hear that I would assume its a joke and laugh. When I realize he is serious that's a confirmed weeder. The christian life might seem a little boring but it's actually a lot easier when you follow the rules. You avoid such arrant nonsense .

We keep forgetting that we are all a subject of His mercy. Nigerians are too theological that's why our lives is full of deceit and lies..

They keep saying God will provide her own man for her she should move on, show me men that God has provided that we still have Single Old ladies everywhere looking for Mr right.

My question for your cousin is does she want to be right or successful?


In the game of life it is the result that matters.....how you get is left to you and your creator.

Tell your cousin, 10 years from now she will be 44 years, will she be happy to look back and not regret assuming she left this guy and does not find another guy to marry.

From my observation and experiences, this kind of things happen to fanatics and religious peeps...holier thou

tny60:

well, when did you become atheist? and how old are you?
i don't have the skills to argue with you about religion but you don't need scientific proof of God. none exists and you will not find it.

when you open your eyes and heart, you will find God.

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