just as the preacher said 'let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: fear GOD.' this issue revolves around the fear of God. If you truly honour your creator, you know what to do.

berem: It seems it has become a new trend for some men to request for their spouse to be to be pregnant fIrst before the proper marriage takes place.I have had the opportunity to ask about 20 yet to be married men and 15 of of them wants their wives to be to get pregnant first.I also asked them why they wanted it,I was shocked when they all said "I don't trust nigerian girls these days".
I have a cousin who is gonna be 34years by next year and she is not yet married.There is this guy she was introduced to for marriage but the man gave her condition that she must get pregnant first.My cousin being a very stubborn lady refused and said she will never get pregnant before marriage.Her mum has been worried because of her age and also being the first daughter.
My main worry now is that her mum wants me to advise her on what to do.Right now am confused.I don't know what kind of advice to give.Should I advise her to get pregnant or wait for the right time? Am really scared the guy might leave her if she refuses to get pregnant first.

she's 34 so she can't be picky at this point. If she can find someone else she should. otherwise, let her get pregnant.
but i'm sure it will hurt the marriage in the long run because she will be resentful of the whole thing.

If I were her,at such an age, I will be aiming for older divorced/widowed men because:
1. he'll probably already have kids and the pressure will be less for her to get pregnant
2. she will look young in comparison

Different strokes 4 different folks,but religious wise(xtian),its a sin against God as it takes fonication to achieve d pregnant.

Abegggi,hw many ppu de follow quran or bible.
Everybody de do wateva he likes .no 1 cares again.
An civbilization we de claim now*

Florena:
i have like 2 friends dat re 19yrs each and they re married and livin fine......i dnt knw wat wil make a 35yr old lady 2 be single,i ave a sister too she even celebrated her 35th birthday in grand style in her father's house!!! (no boyfriend in attendance)....

That this is coming from a woman makes this comment more poignant.

Is destiny the same for everyone? Are all the fingers on your hand the same?

Does God give a date that a woman/man must be married by. These limits (age, fertility, wealth etc) are designed, driven and instituted by man. No wonder chaos reigns.

If you look at your life through the eyes of what other men have achieved , you can never achieve anything in life. You will never be happy too. Always looking at others achievements instead of appreciating what you have.

omo_to_dun: @SELFWORTH

Oh, and by the way, have you seen heaven? Do you know its location? The burden of proof lies on you. Believing in a place that no one has been, that no one has empirical evidence of, and that doesn't exists is a clear sign of a mental disorder. May Obatala have mercy on you.

Obatalas forgiveness is for you not me. You obviously believe in it.

You are the one deriding what you have not seen nor witnessed. I was merely asking for your evidence. I have nothing to prove on a faceless forum and you have nothing to prove to me.

No offence intended .

berem: my cousin is very complete as a human.we are very fertile in my family.my cousin isn't the type that keep male friends.The man in question loves her so much but he is insisting on getting her preggy first.My cousin missed so many chances of getting married by her stubborness.She is an introvert to the core.Her mum is very worried because her other sisters are trying to follow her footsteps.Her younger sister also turned a guy down that wanted to marry her just because the guy is short! Well,I don't really know the kind of advice am gonna give her.There are some other women that would gladly accept but .......I don't know.am kinda confused.

I think its high time women get out of this norm that men must be the one "wooing" a lady. I dont see anything wrong with a girl seeing a guy he likes n letting him know n d guy can take over from there if he likes the lady, this clearly what I'm seeing in this lady's case. Those that has been coming to her she didnt like them 4one reason or the other. But I know there are guys available she had liked in her 34yrs life, only to be stopped by "its not proper for a lady to show/say I like you norm". Now that makes them look like commodity showcased waiting to be sold. Which is not supposed to be. @Op I think she's has made her values known n should not be pressured otherwise.

berem: It seems it has become a new trend for some men to request for their spouse to be to be pregnant fIrst before the proper marriage takes place.I have had the opportunity to ask about 20 yet to be married men and 15 of of them wants their wives to be to get pregnant first.I also asked them why they wanted it,I was shocked when they all said "I don't trust nigerian girls these days".
I have a cousin who is gonna be 34years by next year and she is not yet married.There is this guy she was introduced to for marriage but the man gave her condition that she must get pregnant first.My cousin being a very stubborn lady refused and said she will never get pregnant before marriage.Her mum has been worried because of her age and also being the first daughter.
My main worry now is that her mum wants me to advise her on what to do.Right now am confused.I don't know what kind of advice to give.Should I advise her to get pregnant or wait for the right time? Am really scared the guy might leave her if she refuses to get pregnant first.

I can you're in quite a dilemma there. Well, has your aunt even considered the possibility of your cousine's so-called fiance dumping her once he has "tasted the goods"? Anyway, I strongly suggest that your cousine stick to her guns on this one. No sex before marriage. The right man will come at the right time.

WAM?:
Lol- lo ba tan- a ma wa daran Lori oro marriage yi o. These stories crack me up - the world is changing pregnancy ko nancy preg ni

haha it's the symptom of "baby daddy" "baby mama" epidemic waiting to happen.
because how many of these men will follow through to marry the unfortunate pregnant ladies.

iamtheprincipal: This issue has always been one that has raised certain concerns from different quarters as it's unbiblical but the waywardness and lost of values in our present day young ladies leaves much to be desired as it has eroded the 'trust' factor that existed in the days of our fathers and made most men absorb this concept of pregnancy before marriage.
Men are scared of getting married to their 'fellow-men' and hence, their decision.

do u think dat getting pregnant b4 marriage is d solution? where there r wayward girls, there r also girls who r decent. but d wayward girls didnt make themselves dat way, guys r also contributing factors to d degree of waywardness of some ladies. its just d extreme decadence of d society brought by both sexes dat made pple sleep with eachother b4 marriage as if d commandments of God dose nt stand again whereas d words of d Lord r sure and notin can change dat.may God almighty help us all

stillwater: By sleeping with the lady before marriage is he not contributing to this so-called 'waywardness'? Nigerian men are hypocrites! Freaking razz things.

i wonder too o, who turn girls to been wayward..no b men or can girls turn demselves to wayward entity..nigerian men r hypocrites and proud. if u dont want a 'wayward girl' den stop impregnanting girls and telling dem to go do abortion....after u don do abortion for 5times for each girl u sleep with, u go com dey look for new brand..men sha, den funny die

kulyie: Ehen,if she's 34 nko? The way some people think beats me and this one will claim he is a graduate. I don't see any differenve between your intelligence quotient and that of a vulcanizer on the street.

This is so funny! What a comparison!

freecocoa: Since when is the matter about me biko?

You get sense so?

To ur question : Yes

i wasn't refering to u, i was talking about what all of you is using as a refrence

supposing she agrees to get pregnant, gets pregnant and losses the pregnancy, what happens then? He calls off the wedding or what?

look, lets be realistic, you are all blaming men for this and that, the society is changing to something else, that is y men are skeptical about who to spend the rest of their life with, come to think if it, a lot of marriages ended up not having children because of carelessness on the part of women. My dear, if the lady in question is sure of herself and feel that the guy is the right person, pray over it and take a bold step, do your guy's wish, because i'm very sure that you cannot be a virgin at 34. You don't have all the time to start selecting men remember.

Richvkunt: The problem now a days is that single girls dey waka waka too much.
Some girls commit more than 50 abortions/D&C before they reach 25 years of age. So no man wants to buy broken goods.
They want to test the goods to make sure they are working and can successfully produce the end product -a child.
I do not blame any man that insists on pregnancy before marriage- it is a vicious circle we live in.

pls let me ask...who impregnants ds girls? its nt as if dey get d sperm dats fertilizes d egg from spermbank now. nigerians r full of hypocrisy...a man will impregnant a girl five, six times, will tell her hes nt ready dat dey shd abort, pays for d abortion, leave d girl, move to d next girl, does d same, den later he will now say 'its now time to settle down, let me get a girl and ensure she gets pregnant before marriage, forgetting d fact dat God watches us all and will reward us according to our deeds, either good or bad

chaircover: Its the hypocrisy that makes me laugh. Men complain that women are wayward, but in actual fact how did the women get wayward? its not as if the women sleep with themselves.

Some Men have two, three, four girlfriends on the go and sleep with all of them & stringing them all along, but then hope and expect to marry a virgin. How does that work?

[b]@berem, your cousin is 34 so she is an adult. She has taken the decision not to give into getting pregnant before marriage. I am sure that she has weighed the pros and cons of it, so you are just going to have to respect her decision.

[/b]Personally if at the far stage of planning wedding, my fiance does not know me well enough to believe what I say and who I say that I am, then I dont think that there is any point in getting married to him cos there will always be trust issues at the back of his mind.

[b]I know that in our culture, 34 year old single ladies will have pressure heaped on them from all angles to get married, but I always believe that one shouldn't lower reasonable standards just to get a man because he will always make you think that he is doing you a favor [/b]and If he senses desperation, you are just making a rod for your own back for the future.

unfortuntely humans generally lower their reasonable standard just to get what they want, especially when its getting late and they could lose their desire of affection.

the problem with us is that we always look at life from our own point of view, i,e from our own present condition. u have probably thought or believed that u would never b 34 and still searching, making u not able to imagine what 34yrs old single ladies are going through.

pls will ur brother marry a 34yrs old lady and woulnt want her to get pregnant first? wont the pregnancy be a relieve to u, who would want to oppose him for marrying 34yrs old lady, and even his own family?

my sister got married at the age of 35 and her husband insisted she must get pregnant first, i understoond with him. luckily for us all, she got pregnant (with twins, a boy and a girl).

ciphoenix: She's a human being not a piece of equipment about to be bought. She has as much right as the guy demanding a child. She should stick to her values.

before you buy fairly used cars you must try am well right?

EVERYTHING IS FOR SALE...

redsun:



You are funny,"church!".

As if they do what they hear from church.Women value church only when marriage is in the offing.

Me my woman must born all the pikin sef before we marry
Infact,my son will be my best man

chaircover: Its the hypocrisy that makes me laugh. Men complain that women are wayward, but in actual fact how did the women get wayward? its not as if the women sleep with themselves.

Some Men have two, three, four girlfriends on the go and sleep with all of them & stringing them all along, but then hope and expect to marry a virgin. How does that work?

@berem, your cousin is 34 so she is an adult. She has taken the decision not to give into getting pregnant before marriage. I am sure that she has weighed the pros and cons of it, so you are just going to have to respect her decision.

Personally if at the far stage of planning wedding, my fiance does not know me well enough to believe what I say and who I say that I am, then I dont think that there is any point in getting married to him cos there will always be trust issues at the back of his mind.

I know that in our culture, 34 year old single ladies will have pressure heaped on them from all angles to get married, but I always believe that one shouldn't lower reasonable standards just to get a man because he will always make you think that he is doing you a favor and If he senses desperation, you are just making a rod for your own back for the future.

rod? but at that age, she doesn't have much room to manoeuvre unless she will stay single. No getting kids outside oh. If your man wants kids, give him kids, but if you can't, wait for ur type. However society pressure na fire.

SpicyMimi: The truth is Most Men are selfish human beings, so they careless abt others xcept themselves! Xpecially those ugly rich ones....

Why do u still consider them? Why?

ocelot2006:

I can you're in quite a dilemma there. Well, has your aunt even considered the possibility of your cousine's so-called fiance dumping her once he has "tasted the goods"? Anyway, I strongly suggest that your cousine stick to her guns on this one. No sex before marriage. The right man will come at the right time.

now ur advice has a serious problem since u dont know the right time and who the right man is. where was the right man since she was in her early 20s, late 20s and even early 30s. yet u are asking her to wait for the right man. how do we know hat the right man is.

if u are a woman will u b thirty and still b waiting for the right man? dont advice because u are not wearing the shoe and because u believ that u will never wesr the shoe

Kobojunkie:

How can a man who loves someone DEMAND that she must get pregnant against her own wishes before he can love her enough to marry her?

How do you know that she missed out because she is an introvert? I am an introvert and I take offense to such claims of introverts? Whether a person is introverted or not, missing out on marriage has absolutely nothing to do with such. You probably need to spend some time talking and LISTENING to your cousin to really understand why she let go of those chances before now. Unless what you all are trying to do is FORCE her to marry anyone who simply shows an interest in her . . . something I suspect is going on since it seems everyone else seems to be in her business in this, I think you should just let her be.

What is wrong with turning down a guy who is too short? Apparently she didn't love him enough for the shortness to be a non-issue. What is the big deal with that? I suspect you are probably one of those who believe it has to be marriage or nothing. I do not agree with that mentality at all. Just as a man has a right to wait for the right one, so also does a woman and she has a right to wait for as long as it takes her. Let your cousins be and mind your own life . . that will be my advice to you since it is clear that you all aren't even operating on the same wavelength, from the much you have written.

Ur own na advice. Na u go come marry 34year old? I remember one time my boss was telling me how good an older woman was, she was coming to our office and I asked him to ask her out..........osu ataa!

Impulse80: Honestly i don't see why all the fussing i want my baby gurl to be pregnant before we wed and someone is quoting bible for me

lol

Its apalling wen pple come on nairaland to exhibit holier than thy attitude. D truth ofd mata is dat dis is d trend in d society even supported by d church dat conducts such weddings. Al my colleagues took in befoire wedding. How did we know» in less than 7mths dem don put to bed. Dis r pple dat claim to knw God pass us for office. Make uir cousin carry go ooo because 34 na injuryy time she dey oooi

Lolaabokoku: must a lady get pregnant b4 marriage? I wonder wat men took ladies 4

oppa gbagaun style

k2039:

[color=soyouquotedme]The real marriage is the traditional marriage not church. [/color]

U dey mind them? When a short guy comes, they laugh and he goes and when the expected one comes and with a demand, they come out quoting and citing bible.

Urine:

oppa gbagaun style

Lol

vanstanzy:

Okija, because our fore-fathers did it doesn't mean it was ok. What they did then, they did out of Ignorance.

lol. so our fore fathers were not wise people? bro, there is nothing new under the sun...

dapo338: There are lots of what u should do 2gether before getting married, If u ain't compatible before marriage, u can never be except God's intervention....... I beleive couples should know everything abt his or her partner before getting married.... What if she or he's not ur type in bed, and u never had the chance to know that before marriage..that is when the husband looks outside for a better partner in bed...... If u want to do anything in life, do it with ur senses.

No be for here o....even pple that dated for yrs still separate........nothing works.....it's just u.

tchidi: Dunno about others, but I have a strict 'no sex b4 marriage' rule!! If u can't wait till we r married, (not even traditionally sef, church!) Then back off! She should hold fast to her values! If he loves u, he'll love u even if u don't give him a child... My 2 cents sha!

Does church wedding take priority to traditional marriage? After traditional marriage, are you still barn by any law from having sex with ur wife.traditional marriage is what d Bible recognised.

tchidi:

Nne'm oº°˚! See troublem oº°˚! I have no issues with people who get pregnant b4 wedding.. I have no issues with anyone living how they want, why dem de beef me? If I become old maid for my papa house (chukwu a man kwe), na dia problem ni? That's my wahala of nairaland! They can judge people without reason ehn! I actually learnt a few things from those who had sensible things to say... The rest,I just click 'ctrl ignore '

for which hous?...u must go build ur own huz ooo