afam4eva:
This is how it starts. If she agrees to her husband demands, i wonder what will be next. Maybe he will tell her not to visit her village again because he won't know what she's doing there.

If this marriage is meant to break because of this man's childishness then i'd support the breakup. People are faced with more cogent and challenging issues and this guy is making irrelevances appear relevant.

If it hasn't already started. there is always more to all these stories
Like I said on that husband spitting on face thread
From day one,a woman ought to set boundaries on how far she can be pushed
Men are very controlling by nature,if she agrees to lose her language then next may be her dressing,her friends, where she can and cannot go,until the woman is stripped of her individuality because she married an insecure man.
Nonsense

babyosisi:

In a phone conversation with her own parents?

N


Can you imagine that? One should not communicate in his or her language,even with her parents.This typical of Yoruba.They feel insecure when people speak other languages but do not give a damn about others when they blow the gbati.Do they want other languages to go extinct? UNESCO and UNICEF should warn them oh.

chaircover:

Whether he is being unreasonable or not, it is his home. He is married to her and not to her family. His biz is with his wife and no one else. Your husbands or wifes needs come first. So many rocky marriages out there and this is how they start. Simple things that can be sorted out without much effort on both sides grow to become huge obstacles.

BTW this is not a tribal thing for me so its got nothing to do with being Yoruba. I am concerned about the marriage and so I dont care if they were Chinese or Italian.

The irony of the whole thing is that if katakata bursts as a result of all this, the wifes the family will be telling their daughter "abeg speak in English or whatever language that your husband wants"

He said he doesn't feel comfortable her speaking a different language in front of him. He may be insecure . . .its a new marriage and that can happen. With time its likely that he feels more comfortable about it but right now he doesn't and it shouldn't just be brushed under the carpet.

Exactly.

Little unnecessary ediotic moves like this cause rocky relationship.

The worst thing human being can do to another human being is to make him/her get defensive.

If the OP has always been speaking English to her mother on the phone, why the sudden change? Didn't she think that would raise a flag? If the case is otherwise, then the husband reserve the right to put an end to it immediately.

Marriage suffers emotional and psychological up-and-downs, why add language barrier? Man, we gotta worry about how many times/day we're gonna have sex, money, number of kids etc. . . . why add to it?

chaircover:

That is the problem. Its not for anyone to say what is acceptable in another mans/womans marriage. Who knows, the guy may be comfortable with his wife doing something that you will divorce your own wife for. Each marriage is unique.

He has made his displeasure known severally. She needs to at least begin to meet him in the middle somewhere, not just carry on like his is blowing hot air.

She can meet in the middle for all i care but that won't change the fact that the guy is greedy. He's saying all these things because his wife understands his language. I wonder if he didn't know that his wife spoke to her family in Egbira before marring him. maybe if he had confronted his wife about it then, the marriage wouldn't have been. This is one of the pitfalls of inter-tribal marriage that he has to accept else, it won't count as an inter-tribal marriage. You can't marry someone and want to change the person to suit your person.

chaircover:

That is the problem. Its not for anyone to say what is acceptable in another mans/womans marriage. Who knows, the guy may be comfortable with his wife doing something that you will divorce your own wife for. Each marriage is unique.

He has made his displeasure known severally. She needs to at least begin to meet him in the middle somewhere, not just carry on like his is blowing hot air.

Yups!

Ileke-IdI:

If the OP has always been speaking English to her mother on the phone, why the sudden change? Didn't she think that would raise a flag? If the case is otherwise, then the husband reserve the right to put an end to it immediately.

You don bring another dimension enter. Did the OP say anything like the bolded?

igbo boy: This is ironic giving that Yorubas are known to rudely isolate others by speaking their language in a diverse setting. So i dont know why the OP is vexing?

It is a little bit ironic dont you think (blasting Alanis Morisette song - ironic)

Not to sound tribalistic but what you have said is 100% true
Yorubas are the first to go off in Yoruba not minding that some people around do not speak their language
They will even invite you to their house and go off speaking in Yoruba with the other guests
Every non Yoruba person says this
I find it ironic that it is Yorubas condemning a woman for speaking to her own parents over the phone in their language when this is second nature to them
I even had a thread on that many years ago

Here on NL is it not Yorubas more than any others that can badge into a thread and carry on long conversations in Yoruba non stop ?

I can't help but log in again.

Samkoro Abeg don't make this a tribal war.... I visited Yoruba/ Igbo family today and we respected her and never spoke one Yoruba even tho it's very hard and his ( yoruba) mom was visiting , you imagine how hard that felt? Just don't go there... good nite!

afam4eva:
You don bring another dimension enter. Did the OP say anything like the bolded?

I gave two scenarios abeg.

If she has and if she hasn't. Read the other part abeg.

Ileke-IdI:



Exactly.

Little unnecessary ediotic moves like this cause rocky relationship.

The worst thing human being can do to another human being is to make him/her get defensive.

If the OP has always been speaking English to her mother on the phone, why the sudden change? Didn't she think that would raise a flag? If the case is otherwise, then the husband reserve the right to put an end to it immediately.

Marriage suffers emotional and psychological up-and-downs, why add language barrier? Man, we gotta worry about how many times/day we're gonna have sex, money, number of kids etc. . . . why add to it?

op, learn Ebira! its that simple!! you have been asked which language you use when conversing with your people on phone - no response yet. I have Yoruba friends and family member, you need t see how easily they switch to yoruba even if they are just two in a crowd. let not the idea of tribal majority or superiority creep into ur head or is it against the order of nature to learn Ebira? WAKE UP!

babyosisi:

Not to sound tribalistic but what you have said is 100% true
Yorubas are the first to go off in Yoruba not minding that some people around do not speak their language
They will even invite you to their house and go off speaking in Yoruba with the other guests
Every non Yoruba person says this
I find it ironic that it is Yorubas condemning a woman for speaking to her own parents over the phone in their language when this is seond nature to them
I even had a thread on that many years ago

Here on NL is it not Yorubas more than any others that can badge into a thread and carry on long conversations in Yoruba non stop ?

I got nothing but respect for you osisi . But you just sounded tribalistic and it pinches.

chaircover: I thought tribalistics only happened on the politics section!!!

@poster, I wish you all the best in your marriage

Im out . . . .

Get used to it. Baba tribalist mama is on this thread.

It's unfortunate that a woman in her 50s resort to nothing but tribalism.

*out*

chaircover: I thought tribalistics only happened on the politics section!!!

@poster, I wish you all the best in your marriage

Im out . . . .

I guess not.... Somebody called me stu pid Yoruba woman last week .... Mo fe lo sun jare! Oko mi o ma binu Jo mo tin bo!

Out!

jidegirl12:

I got nothing but respect for you osisi . But you just sounded tribalistic and it pinches.

Don't be offended

That is my experience and that of many others
I actually stopped accepting some invitations from some people because of what I just said
Let me see if I can dig up an old thread I started on that topic asking why Yorubas do it
My husband and friends of ours have the exact same experiences
My husband schooled in the SW and says it is just the normal things he experienced
You enter into a lecturer's office with another student to ask for something,as soon as you go in,the Yoruba student will prostrate before the lecturer and they take off in Yoruba and you are left standing there.
One experience here in America,this renowned Nigerian Yoruba prof came to stay with us and at wrk my hubby took him to meet a Yoruba colleague of his,for 30 cool minutes them two spoke nothing but Yoruba till they left.
You know I don't like coloring words,this is the truth.it is very common.

Pls you guys should not derail this thread else i'll...ohh, this is not even my section.

jidegirl12:

I guess not.... Somebody called me stu pid Yoruba woman last week .... Mo fe lo sun jare! Oko mi o ma binu Jo mo tin bo!

Out!

See what I mean?
You just proved me right
On a thread with everyone speaking English
Hehehehehe
Need I say more?

This is a thread by Michelin saying the same thing with many agreeing with her


https://www.nairaland.com/368137/what-it-yorubas-language

michelin89: I find it very disrespectful that in their midst, they'd be speaking yoruba not minding you can't understand what they are saying. They can gossip about you in that very moment and you won't know.

Imagine everyone laughing and smiling while you sit down like a dundee trying to figure out what the hell they are saying.

Before anyone comes out and say our Culture Mod is a tribalist, let me clarify that yes I'd rather not mix with ignorant yorubas, especially the ones that grew up in Nigeria.

Had it been you are rich, you wouldn't know what insecurity look like. Damnnnn, you really have one hell of a marriage for you to be insecure when your wife is conversing with her parents in their language. I will only feel insecure if i am a badddd man.

afam4eva: Pls you guys should not derail this thread else i'll...ohh, this is not even my section.

....pls ban anybody that derails....section or not!

Back to topic,

The OP should sort himself out, this argument will continue as we don't really know the full story.

Marriage has a lot of compromise. Anyone ( both the woman or man) can compromise on the issue at hand.

jidegirl12:

I guess not.... Somebody called me stu pid Yoruba woman last week .... Mo fe lo sun jare! Oko mi o ma binu Jo mo tin bo!

Out!

Practice what you preach!

Vikin:

Practice what you preach!

Are you are

Vikin: The OP should sort himself out, this argument will continue as we don't really know the full story.
Marriage has a lot of compromise. Anyone ( both the woman or man) can compromise on the issue at hand.

Yea, you right! Don't you think that its also disrespectful for the woman to continue speaking Ebira when it makes her man uncomfortable? I've got issues with people that do that around me. When you're with a group of people for instance, courtesy demands that you respect others and make 'em feel comfortable, IMO.

Yvete:

Yea, you right! Don't you think that its also disrespectful for the woman to continue speaking Ebira when it makes her man uncomfortable? I've got issues with people that do that around me. When you're with a group of people for instance, courtesy demands that you respect others and make 'em feel comfortable, IMO.

I understand what you going through...that is disrespectful, but we have 2 scenario here, the wife is speaking to her folks on PHONE in their home, what do you think will happen if she excuse herself? Maybe the next thread from OP will be that the wife is cheating on him....blah blah blah...

Well, to each on their own.

At OP, you know what the scenario is, pick the best advice that favour's you and drop the rest. But put yourself first in wify's shoes before making any decision.

I wish the Op could tell the readers what the real problem is because I don't believe this is it

Dan abu: op, learn Ebira! its that simple!! you have been asked which language you use when conversing with your people on phone - no response yet. I have Yoruba friends and family member, you need t see how easily they switch to yoruba even if they are just two in a crowd. let not the idea of tribal majority or superiority creep into ur head or is it against the order of nature to learn Ebira? WAKE UP!

. I communicate with my pple in English if she's around except for those ones that can't speak english fluently and on those rare occassions I always make sure I carry her along by avoiding those words she might not understand. I'm not saying she should abandon her mother tongue but she should put me into consideration when doing this, this is a woman I've sacrificed a lot for including relocating and my career just to make her happy. The worst of all is that I've stop visiting her family whom we stay together in the same city simply because they use to communicate in this language when visiting them. Imagine communicating in ebira language for about 90% of time spent with them.

akumarism: . I communicate with my pple in English if she's around except for those ones that can't speak english fluently and on those rare occassions I always make sure I carry her along by avoiding those words she might not understand. I'm not saying she should abandon her mother tongue but she should put me into consideration when doing this, this is a woman I've sacrificed a lot for including relocating and my career just to make her happy. The worst of all is that I've stop visiting her family whom we stay together in the same city simply because they use to communicate in this language when visiting them. Imagine communicating in ebira language for about 90% of time spent with them.

awwww .. don't count the sacrifices. Maybe you can sarcastically throw your concerns in the open next time you're around her fam. If that's how they are in the family, just deal with it, sorry.

akumarism: . I communicate with my pple in English if she's around except for those ones that can't speak english fluently and on those rare occassions I always make sure I carry her along by avoiding those words she might not understand.

Please clarify if this includes when you are talking on the phone. When your family members call you, do you always speak English when she is there? If so, have you always communicated in primarily English when speaking on the phone to your family even before marriage? You earlier said she speaks Yoruba, why then do you need to speak English? Did she ask you to speak English when she's around?

akumarism: .The worst of all is that I've stop visiting her family whom we stay together in the same city simply because they use to communicate in this language when visiting them. Imagine communicating in ebira language for about 90% of time spent with them.

That is incredibly rude of them to communicate in another language 90% of the time when you are visiting. However, it speaks my earlier point that this is how they naturally communicate and have always done! As difficult as it is for you to not understand what she is saying on the phone, it is equally difficult for her and her family members to speak to each other privately (and apparently publicly) in another language but the one they have used all their life. Why is your own inconvenience more important than hers? You likely grew up in a family that speaks English more than any other language, your wife did not.

Your wife and her family should not communicate primarily in Ebira when you are all physically together. That is common courtesy. It is extremely reasonable for you to ask her not to speak another language when you are part of the goings on. Her phone conversations are another matter. You are not part of the conversation. In this case, I really question how reasonable your request is. Or is there another reason why you want to hear everything they are saying on the phone?

jidegirl12: IMO it's rude really...... can't she speak Yoruba when her hubby is around?

Ofcourse he's gonna be insecure that moment , it's normal and it's not a shameful feeling ......this is a marriage..... It's not all about her anymore, she has to take somebody else's feelings into consideration too.

OP express your feelings and see if she's willing to make a change...... I'm for learning igbira too but she has to work with you on this.... It's partnership , not a solo project anymore.

I know it isn't about her anymore but it shouldn't be about him too... He shld go learn d woman's language jare!!