Since u know it makes u insecure then y better learnt the language. A friends wife was so fond of doing this to him just to annoy him cos she knew he didnt know how to speak he language. It stopped after he learnt it. U will see that ur wife will warm up to u in ways u cant imagine after u start speaking her mother tongue.

Na wa oh.

akumarism: I 'm a Yoruba man married to an ebira lady, our marriage has being blessed with a kid. In recent times, I discovered that she prefers communicating on phone with her family member in her local language when these people can speak and understand yoruba and english language well and knownfully well that I don't understand ebira. Each time this happens, I always feel insecured and I've sat her down and discuss this with her on several occassions but she refuse to change. Firstly,I want to know, is this feeling of mine normal and if not, kindly advise on next line of action. Thank you.

awww ... I may feel the same way if I was in your shoes. The key to a successful union is communication. Let her know how you feel in a nice way and I think she'll listen, but if she's adamant, let her be. There's nothing to fear if you trust her. USE THE PILLOW TALK METHOD to tell her how you feel

Tone, countenance, diction and timing are important when it comes to marital communication.

akumarism: I 'm a Yoruba man married to an ebira lady, our marriage has being blessed with a kid. In recent times, I discovered that she prefers communicating on phone with her family member in her local language when these people can speak and understand yoruba and english language well and knownfully well that I don't understand ebira. Each time this happens, I always feel insecured and I've sat her down and discuss this with her on several occassions but she refuse to change. Firstly,I want to know, is this feeling of mine normal and if not, kindly advise on next line of action. Thank you.

your feeling is not normal!

akumarism: I 'm a Yoruba man married to an ebira lady, our marriage has being blessed with a kid. In recent times, I discovered that she prefers communicating on phone with her family member in her local language when these people can speak and understand yoruba and english language well and knownfully well that I don't understand ebira. Each time this happens, I always feel insecured and I've sat her down and discuss this with her on several occassions but she refuse to change. Firstly,I want to know, is this feeling of mine normal and if not, kindly advise on next line of action. Thank you.

a very ethnocentric writeup by you....SO she and her family can speak yoruba now means they should lose their identity? Is yoruba the only language in Nigeria for Godsake?

I bet you love to speak your language, well i have a surprise for you so do other ethnic groups....

For someone likely to pitch with any babe from any parts (I actually hoped a fulani christian sometime), this is some serious eye opener.

@ Op I'm a yoruba man, but I think the issue is more about trust and the degree of individuality you are willing to allow your spouse to maintain even though you are both married. If she loses that individuality won't you be losing an important part that led to you both being married in the first place.

Also remember, she has been using this language in her family for @ least the first 25 years of her (largely formative) life with people who had her interest at heart before entrusting her to you. Guy....give her/them some flak o....!

The only common argument I read here is ; she's been speaking her language from he mothers womb....eesh .... y'all have no idea atall.... seeing is believing then you'll know how it feel.... It's just DAMN RUDE Period!

I hope this woman is not reading this ; We just came back from those Yoruba/Igbo couple's house( Sunday visit) .... Mother in law was there( just arrived from Naija) ..... We only greeted grandma with Yoruba only which the wife ( Igbo ) understood ....besides that na oyinbo o all of us dey talk o!

Hear this ; grandma asked bros a question in Yoruba ( from upstairs in loud tone, Bro downstairs with us) .... Na English bros conversed mama back with o

It's like dejavu I tell you. .... NL ! I need a break .... very creepy.

jidegirl12: The only common argument I read here is ; she's been speaking her language from he mothers womb....eesh .... y'all have no idea atall.... seeing is believing then you'll know how it feel.... It's just DAMN RUDE Period!

I hope this woman is not reading this ; We just came back from those Yoruba/Igbo couple's house( Sunday visit) .... Mother in law was there( just arrived from Naija) ..... We only greeted grandma with Yoruba only which the wife ( Igbo ) understood ....besides that na oyinbo o all of us dey talk o!

Hear this ; grandma asked bros a question in Yoruba ( from upstairs in loud tone, Bro downstairs with us) .... Na English bros conversed mama back with o

It's like dejavu I tell you. .... NL ! I need a break .... very creepy.

You were chatting with people in their house
OP is talking with her mother on the phone
So very different

Why are we still discussing thins...

I think all those that are supporting the OP should be arrested as accomplices of amebo.

It beats me that a man will want his wife to drop her language for him. This reminds me of the woman that said her husband wants her to change her name from Ify to Simisola so that his people will like her more. WTF.

A funny one
My childhood friend married her Yoruba campus bobo right after graduation .
I went to visit them after she had her first baby and her MIL came to do omugwo
My sis does not speak any Yoruba beyond Ekaro and her MIL does Not speak English
Husband was away on an extended trip
I said Nne na how you and mama dey manage na?
She said somehow we dey manage
Laff no gree me
I said na wa o,this intertribal marriage sumtin
Anyway sha,the marriage developed K legs later because our bro get serious issues and she packed her things in the middle of the night hired gwongworo while he was away and ran back to Owerri with her things and all our shildrens,no shaking
She is now happily remarried to another non Igbo man If that one starts giving her unnecessary heat again God forbid o,she will just tear race and return home jare rather than die inside marriage.

babyosisi:

You were chatting with people in their house
OP is talking with her mother on the phone
So very different

This is not bout me vs them anymore, it's the convo btw bros and his mom live

Afam: wetin na? Person die? softly softly o Abeg it's the new year....

akumarism: I 'm a Yoruba man married to an ebira lady, our marriage has being blessed with a kid. In recent times, I discovered that she prefers communicating on phone with her family member in her local language when these people can speak and understand yoruba and english language well and knownfully well that I don't understand ebira. Each time this happens, I always feel insecured and I've sat her down and discuss this with her on several occassions but she refuse to change. Firstly,I want to know, is this feeling of mine normal and if not, kindly advise on next line of action. Thank you.

try use sign language it will help... my 2 cents

In the 21st century, language barrier is not an option.

Simply rude.

jidegirl12:

This is not bout me vs them anymore, it's the convo btw bros and his mom live

Afam: wetin na? Person die? softly softly o Abeg it's the new year....

They are there in person
The OP is talking about a phone call

Ileke-IdI:
In the 21st century, language barrier is not an option.

Simply rude.

Not when you're not talking to the person that doesn't understand the language. The OP's wife was talking with her parents on the phone.

Thank goodness it is only a language barrier you have .. If to say na love barrier una get e go worse ooo .. U don try 5 love language for Nigerians before .. I hear say the book dey out of print

It's Monday already? Ileke wan burst osisi's balls if I recalled perfectly, she never said that, she said she's never heard of an Igbo man dating a single mom and wants to adopt the child as an obligation .

babyosisi:

They are there in person
The OP is talking about a phone call

Would you just leave the phone alone and please be reasonable? What's the difference? Pls let me know.... I'm going to bed in 15 , now shoot!

afam4eva:
Not when you're not talking to the person that doesn't understand the language. The OP's wife was talking with her parents on the

Almost all Nigerian households speak and understand English.

Doesnt the OPs mother not understand English?

Why should the OP cause a language rift while her husband is close by? Her action suggests that she's either hiding sth or she did it to keep him from understanding.

I seriously don't understand Nigerian marriages. It's like y'all cause superfluous problems just to spice up your marriage.

chaircover: babyosisi he said family members and family members in our Naija setting could be anything from mother and father to uncles second wife

My take on the matter is that he doesn't feel comfortable with it and he has voiced it severally. That alone should be enough reason for the woman to start looking at compromise at the very least. Many of us here are saying it should not bother him, but we are all different and in this case it does bother him so we should be looking at moving forward.

This is how these petty things grow and grow and before one knows it the marriage begins to rock. These things are avoidable and all it takes is little change on both sides. if tomorrow she asks him to stop doing something he says NO after all you didnt stop doing ABC when I asked you to, and walhala starts in that marriage.

All I am saying is that people should be sensitive to their partners needs and compromise where possible. He may be wrong in his request for his wife to stop speaking her language in front of him, but it is his home at the end of the day and no two homes are the same. Ive been to homes where you cant use a specific cup cos its daddys cup. Each home has its own idiosyncrasy's

How can a man tell his wife to stop speaking her language in their home and you think that's right
He can speak his and she can't speak hers
Think about that
His demands are unreasonable
If her language was Yoruba and the man was of another tribe, banning his wife from speaking Yoruba ,many of you won't be towing this same line
If her folks were present physically and he was being left out in a conversation,I could understand his beef but a private phone conversation?
He is a very insecure man ,I hope he is reading this.

Ileke-IdI:


Only you're speaking to older village in laws, but all most all Nigerian households speak and understand English.

Doesnt the OPs mother not understand English?

Why should the OP cause a language rift while her husband is close by? Her action suggests that she's either hiding sth or she did it to keep him from understanding.

I seriously don't understand Nigerian marriages. It's like y'all cause superfluous problems just to spice up your marriage.

If anything, it's the man that causes problems that don't exist. Why can't people live and let live. What's his business with her conversation with her family if he was not invited. It will only be rude if the conversation is meant for all parties and they start speaking Egbira. In this case, it's between two Egbira people on phone. The guy is a first class aproko.

jidegirl12: It's Monday already? Ileke wan burst osisi's balls if I recalled perfectly, she never said that, she said she's never heard of an Igbo man dating a single mom and wants to adopt the child as an obligation .



Would you just leave the phone alone and please be reasonable? What's the difference? Pls let me know.... I'm going to bed in 15 , now shoot!

To your question,there is a big difference
Do you care when your husband is on a phone conversation to listen in on what he is saying?
Maybe you do,I don't
I couldn't be bothered with people's private calls including my own husband's
Infact if he is talking with his family members ,I will go to another area of the house with my IPAD if we were in the room and if he needs me to say hello,he will bring the phone to me or give to a kid to bring to me.
What do I need to listen to his conversation for?
The things people bother about

He's obviously insecure bout it and I don't see any shameful deal in it .....it's his marriage , it's okay to be insecure so they can work on it.....but I guess the wife wants it that way and not willing to meet in the middle to keep OP in the loop.

I am really surprised with all the responses I read here honestly.... I thought we are moving forward.... Wow!!

afam4eva:
If anything, it's the man that causes problems that don't exist. Why can't people live and let live. What's his business with her conversation with her family if he was not invited. It will only be rude if the conversation is meant for all parties and they start speaking Egbira. In this case, it's between two Egbira people on phone. The guy is a first class aproko.

The way that I see it, she caused the uninviting atmosphere. It was unnecessary.
Why not speak in English?
Would she have done the something at a family gathering? Probably.
I think her husband handled her well before the language barrier could have escalated to sth bigger.
It's better to treat it while its still "harmless", before the OP is conditioned to believe her husband is okay with her causing a language barrier in the marriage.
They both knew what would happen when he. Proposed.
They'll both need to adjust and make this barrier as invisible as possible.

I hang out with Ghanaian ppl,but I've NEVER been placed in a situation where I'd have to defend myself against language barrier. It goes back to respect.

babyosisi:
To your question,there is a big difference
Do you care when your husband is on a phone conversation to listen in on what he is saying?
I couldn't be bothered with people's private calls
Infact if he is talking with his family members ,I will go to another room with my IPAD
Wag do I need to listen to his conversation for?

It's okay... don't worry bout it..,,Ileke is my person that's why I explained .

Ofcourse I don't but we are different and that's what you seem not to hear.... what A eats might be B's allergy.

Okay now .... I'm going to bed, don't wanna miss out on good stuff .... Night nite.

chaircover:

Whether he is being unreasonable or not, it is his home. He is married to her and not to her family. His biz is with his wife and no one else. Your husbands or wifes needs come first. So many rocky marriages out there and this is how they start. Simple things that can be sorted out without much effort on both sides grow to become huge obstacles.

BTW this is not a tribal thing for me so its got nothing to do with being Yoruba. I am concerned about the marriage and so I dont care if they were Chinese or Italian.

The irony of the whole thing is that if katakata bursts as a result of all this, the wifes the family will be telling their daughter "abeg speak in English or whatever language that your husband wants"

He said he doesn't feel comfortable her speaking a different language in front of him. He may be insecure . . .its a new marriage and that can happen. With time its likely that he feels more comfortable about it but right now he doesnt.

It is her home too
If he is reading,I would ask him to mind his business when people are on a private call
If he was not so nosy by nature,he will have his peace

I am more worried about his fragile ego than anything else

chaircover:

Whether he is being unreasonable or not, it is his home. He is married to her and not to her family. His biz is with his wife and no one else. Your husbands or wifes needs come first. So many rocky marriages out there and this is how they start. Simple things that can be sorted out without much effort on both sides grow to become huge obstacles.

BTW this is not a tribal thing for me so its got nothing to do with being Yoruba. I am concerned about the marriage and so I dont care if they were Chinese or Italian.

The irony of the whole thing is that if katakata bursts as a result of all this, the wifes the family will be telling their daughter "abeg speak in English or whatever language that your husband wants"

He said he doesn't feel comfortable her speaking a different language in front of him.

This is how it starts. If she agrees to her husband demands, i wonder what will be next. Maybe he will tell her not to visit her village again because he won't know what she's doing there.The guy is just insecure and needs to be put in his place.

If the marriage is meant to break because of his childishness then good. Other people are faced with more cogent and challenging issues and this guy is making irrelevances appear relevant.

This is ironic giving that Yorubas are known to rudely isolate others by speaking their language in a diverse setting. So i dont know why the OP is vexing?

It is a little bit ironic dont you think (blasting Alanis Morisette song - ironic)