Your feeling is abnormal bros, what are you afraid of. I am Yoruba and my wife is benin, though she hardly speacks benin, but I am the one who always speak Yoruba with my family members, and she has never felt unsecured. Please free yourself, and start learning the Laguage from her, gradually.

akumarism: I 'm a Yoruba man married to an ebira lady, our marriage has being blessed with a kid. In recent times, I discovered that she prefers communicating on phone with her family member in her local language when these people can speak and understand yoruba and english language well and knownfully well that I don't understand ebira. Each time this happens, I always feel insecured and I've sat her down and discuss this with her on several occassions but she refuse to change. Firstly,I want to know, is this feeling of mine normal and if not, kindly advise on next line of action. Thank you.

YOU ARE A VERY BAD AND GOOD FOR NOTHING HUSBAND AND FATHER OF A KID......FOR BRINGING YOUR PRIVATE FAMILY ISSUE TO THIS FORUM FOR THE JOBLESS! ANYWAY WE WOULD HELP YOU COMPLICATE ISSUES FOR YOUR FAMILY AND MAKE YOUR CHILD A KID FROM BROKEN HOME!

I only went into page 2, but..

My husband is a fulani, I am a norwegian. Only three people in his family speaks english, the rest speak fulani, wollof, mandinka and small arabic.
If he is on the phone, he is on the phone. He is not talking to me just because it is in front of me, he is talking to who-ever is on the line, and should talk his mother-language when talking to others who speak the same language.
I do the same. I am not going to talk english to my parents or friends or siblings on the phone, just because he is there.

It is different if we are sitting down together, talking. Then it should be in english, as far as possible.
In Norway, when we sit down with my friends, we speak english 98% of the time. He try to do the same with his friends both in Norway, and Africa. Sometimes he even have to sit and translate every sentence of the convo in Africa because his family don`t speak english..

I can understand that a man/woman get insecure when the spouse is on the phone, and you have no idea what they are talking about..learn some of the words, ask what this and that means, and ask after what they were talking about. Not worse than that..

This is strictly battle of the sex

On the fone you are in your own space
I wish you both only could speak English then u go learn, in that case would you actually speak in a lingo she gets
You would say u are the head of the home bla bla

When together, speak in a common language or let her carry u along
when shes on the fone, drop it

jidegirl12:

I got nothing but respect for you osisi . But you just sounded tribalistic and it pinches.

Lolz......

Good morning ma'am...

TouchDown:

Lolz......

Good morning ma'am...

Morning bro ..... Ughhhh it's Monday again!

Tribalism is in some peoples blood and they cant just do without it

Siena who supported the husband that she should speak English is not a Yoruba person

I am against the man and I am Yoruba. But some people cant just get over their inferiority complex. Yoruba this Yoruba that

^^^^ A case of pot calling kettle black. This post no fit you Abeg!

Vikin:

^^^^ A case of pot calling kettle black. This post no fit you Abeg!

Pot calling kettle?

Which of my post on this thread is tribalistic?

Naaaa waaaa oh!!

Why are we babying rubbish??!!

She is talking to her PEOPLE on the phone....her PEOPLE ON THE PHONE!!!!!!

If he can't trust his wife and must know every things she is saying. . .why the hell is he still married to her?!!

What next....the kain eye she uses to look at him is different from the one she uses to look at her parents? I mean what in the world are we saying here?!! Is he going to start asking her to start penning her thoughts too so he can know what language she thinks in? Ina ruwa, he jaja married her?!!

How do we tell women to have respect for themselves, be their own person then turn around and tell them to stop speaking a certain language with their parents because their husband who isn't part of the conversation in the first place is not comfortable with it?!!!


Seriously what the....??!!

@Op, You do not need to really feel unsettled whenever your wife speaks her language with her folks. Everyone feels most comfortable speaking their mother tongues. I am a Yoruba man also married to an Ebira lady with a lovely son. But I tell you whenever she speaks her language with her people I do not feel concerned except if I notice harshness in tone then I would like to know what the issue is. Aside that whatever she discusses in her language is non of my business.

zeemdok: @Op, You do not need to really feel unsettled whenever your wife speaks her language with her folks. Everyone feels most comfortable speaking their mother tongues. [b]I am a Yoruba man also married to an Ebira lady with a lovely son. But I tell you whenever she speaks her language with her people I do not feel concerned except if I notice harshness in tone [/b]then I would like to know what the issue is. Aside that whatever she discusses in her language is non of my business.

I hope he reads this

Sisi_Kill: Naaaa waaaa oh!!

Why are we babying rubbish??!!

She is talking to her PEOPLE on the phone....her PEOPLE ON THE PHONE!!!!!!

If he can't trust his wife and must know every things she is saying. . .why the hell is he still married to her?!!

What next....the kain eye she uses to look at him is different from the one she uses to look at her parents? I mean what in the world are we saying here?!! Is he going to start asking her to start penning her thoughts too so he can know what language she thinks in? Ina ruwa, he jaja married her?!!

How do we tell women to have respect for themselves, be their own person then turn around and tell them to stop speaking a certain language with their parents because their husband who isn't part of the conversation in the first place is not comfortable with it?!!!


Seriously what the....??!!

Thank you biko
About time Somebaddy called a spade a freaking spade

babyosisi:

Thank you biko
About time Somebaddy called a spade a freaking spade

Ummm and that 'freaking spade ' makes it acceptable right? ....... It's a lost battle, OP pick and chose what's best.... good luck.

zeemdok: @Op, You do not need to really feel unsettled whenever your wife speaks her language with her folks. Everyone feels most comfortable speaking their mother tongues. I am a Yoruba man also married to an Ebira lady with a lovely son. But I tell you whenever she speaks her language with her people I do not feel concerned except if I notice harshness in tone then I would like to know what the issue is. Aside that whatever she discusses in her language is non of my business.

With all due respect sir..... One size doesn't fit all and we are all entitled to trash out what's bothering us in our marriage.... the fact that you're okay with it doesn't make very nation be okay with it. I hope you get the drift. Cheers .

@sisi .... You en? I rest my case here.

not right. she could speak broken english at least, be interpreting what they are saying to hubby and not make him left out.

OP, try learn the language and also let her know how you feel.

I was just on page 3 when i wrote my last post, I didn't even know we had taken it to the tribal level. . .not that it matters to me much, seeing as that's not the angle I am coming from so my point still stands.

Sitting around the dining room with your family and chatting away in your language while your husband sits there looking like a dodoyo because he can't understand you guys thus can't contribute to the talk - WRONG

No one can argue that but on the phone? On a matter that has absolutely nothing to do with him?!! Come now!!

Everyone is screaming he is uncomfortable, he is uncomfortable. . .not once has anyone talked about her own comfortability. What if she is not comfortable with speaking whatever the hell he wants her to speak...not because she has anything to hide but because the convo does not flow well?!! Oh wait, I forgot. . .she's not supposed to have a fun relaxing time with her family because she is now Mrs. I married an insecure man.

The alternative is to start leaving the room whenever they call because God forbid she mistakenly slips up and says a word he doesn't understand but of course if that happens, he will be the first here with MY WIFE PICKS UP HER PHONE AND LEAVES THE ROOM, IS SHE HAVING AN AFFAIR?!! Then we will get the usual, why can't she take the calls in front of you? That is so disrespectful, she must be up to something responses. Abegi!!

The beauty of trying different things, eating different foods, travelling to different places, meeting different people etc is to expand our Horizon. Instead of taking this opportunity to learn another language. . .this spiteful, insecure gbeborun, gbegele, amebo oshi of a man would rather someone unlearn theirs.

If he did not know she spoke Ebira with her family or she lied to him and one morning he woke up and found heard blowing away like there is no tomorrow. . .his discomfort will be understandable. He met her like that, probably sat down a few times in some discussions where they were talking away in their language ooh...so what is the hollering for now.

Y'all should ask him what he has done....why does he think they will be talking about him? Why is he uncomfortable? If you think you have a winch in your house who might be planning your demise in a language you can't understand. . .Kick her the hell out!!!!!

If you think she is the sort of person who will make fun of you with her people. . .why the eff are you still married to her?! Doesn't she cook your food. . .if you can't trust her on a phone convo in a language you don't understand. . .I hope to God you aren't eating her food oh (except maybe you have a way of monitoring her).

Point is if you feel uncomfortable when the woman you claim to love and you believe she loves you in return is talking in a language you don't understand. . .Dude, what are you still doing there?! You have sooo many options and none of them is TELLING HER TO STOP SPEAKING HER LANGUAGE.

How people are supporting this is just beyond me honestly! I guess we have to stop making the assumption that somethings are a given because I swear we will just be setting ourselves up for disappointment.

God! An eavesdropper asking people he is eavesdropping on to speak a language he will understand...I've heard it all.

All sorts!!!


PS
Pardon my errors...I am in a meeting pretending to take notes. I have no clue what they are talking about. . .and nooo, I am not uncomfortable.

^^^, Thanks.

OP do remember that your Lady agreed to leave her people and their ways to be with you? She Trusted you enough to marry into a tribe that she might not have had prior knowledge about their culture. Now she speaks to her people in her language and you have a problem with it? Has it occurred to you that merely speaking her language (or un-tie her tongue) for some few moments with her people (after speaking "other languages')could make her happy? Please give the woman a break, I beg. And both of you can teach your children your different languages so there would be enough checks and balances in your family. And please, this is not just an African thing!

Your feeling is not normal. You're just being paranoid. I believe it's their dialect I.e. Ebira they're used to speaking.

That's d more reason why it's always preferable that one marries from his or her tribe

boobyman: That's d more reason why it's always preferable that one marries from his or her tribe

End Of Discussion.
Thread Closed!!!

hmmn....nawa ooh! ds marriage institution no be small thing.
so because shes married to anoda tribe, she must converse in dat tribe even to her parent trust me they are parent dat wont take dat cus they feel very comfortable comfortable and free while speakin their language with their children. for instance im my house u dare not speak anoda language with my dad despite he understands english, he ll tell u dat hes not an english man and dat we are fast forgetin our roots....and hes very right cus we ( d children) dont know how to speak our language fluently cus we hardly tra vel down home. so just imagine me speakin english with my dad on fone just cus my hubby does not understand my dialect........
ops i ll advice u discuss d issue with ur hubby ..or beta still explain to him wat is discussed after d conversation atleast for peace to reign. may God help us all.