Larry-Sun:
I'm very much impressed with all those that Ishilove has pointed out, gives HBG the chance to correct. But, however, some of them can be explained:

1. Ishi is right. No woman would be nine months pregnant and still have a flat stomach, except Foxy's girlfriend.

Look me look wahala o....

Well, you might be right cos I will make her remove the baby and put into an incubator while we continue from where we stopped after she took in

Ishilove:
I wish I were more romantic...

Mazi_Omenuko: Good job HBG,

A little bit confused myself. Maybe I'll re-read it when you edit later on.

If koko was ayodele's dad, and ayodele was tracy's half sis, then koko and tracy were related somehow; then amina dansutu confessed to Lucan that koko was sleeping with tracy (his quarter daughter)!!!

Mazi_Omenuko:
@ishi, if I have a boss like you, I'd tender my resignation letter within 2 wks of work!!!

Larry-Sun:

Consult Mazi

Mazi_Omenuko:
If koko was ayodele's dad, and ayodele was tracy's half sis, then koko and tracy were related somehow; then amina dansutu confessed to Lucan that koko was sleeping with tracy (his quarter daughter)!!!

Ishilove:
Hell nah! Don't wanna end up like Chilo

Ishilove: There's something very sweet about Sharon and David's relationship. HBG kept it clean.

Ishilove:
Hell nah! Don't wanna end up like Chilo

Rap maestro: I would luv to co-write with y'all *my ogas at the top* but I'm afraid i might f**k up... Thumb up 2 y'all anyway

Larry-Sun:

Of course, you may...if you mean it. We are all trying to teach each other how to be better scribblers. But F-ing up? I won't allow that.

Larry-Sun:
I'm very much impressed with all those that Ishilove has pointed out, gives HBG the chance to correct. But, however, some of them can be explained:

1. Ishi is right. No woman would be nine months pregnant and still have a flat stomach, except Foxy's girlfriend.

2. 'Beau' is a woman's male lover. I learnt that from reading Gone With The Wind.

3&4. Very shrewd, Ishi is.

5. In this case, I thought one killed Koko, while another burnt down his mansion. But Koko wasn't in the burning building, so, rather Koko, it was his wife and killed who got roasted. Koko's son could really have killed him, if the son was not aware of that he was committing patricide. And the greed that led to Koko's demise could be systematically explained by the next writer(s). I envision Kamo learning about the truth, reconciling with Lucan (whom he supposedly shot) and going after the demonic Obatola (I prefer Obatola to Obotola, the latter sounds somehow obscene ). But I know the story may not veer to such direection.

6. I found that confusing too, but I can only guess. The 'she' (who must be obeyed , kidding) who ran after Koko was Obatola's wife (Enike's mother and the same one barbecued in the inferno). And, just perhaps, the greed referred to in Chapter Eight was the fact that Koko ate the meat meant for the god. The resentment Obatola has for Enike, that, I can't guess. I reckon the writer would make adjustments and shed more light.

7. The writer didn't say Victor Mobo was HIM, HIM could still be someone more powerful than Victor...HIM would never post his full name after that quotation. Even Cathy may not know the real HIM, thinking Victor is.

8. Ayodele may not have known that he was related to Tracy, even till his own death too.

Ishilove: There's something very sweet about Sharon and David's relationship. HBG kept it clean. Good thing Mazi did not handle the scene HBG painted, otherwise we would have been subjected to some gangster . . .

I wish I were more romantic...

Larry-Sun:

If the work is going to appear on the frontpage, I'd appreciate it if the supermod locked it first. I wouldn't want readers' comments on the thread spoiling the fun, you know.

the mods will seen this and do as you ask.

but dont you want to know of peoples general opin?

channel 190: the mods will seen this and do as you ask.

but dont you want to know of peoples general opin?

channel 190: the mods will seen this and do as you ask.

but dont you want to know of peoples general opin?

Foxy_Ultimate:

Not now... When it is completed

Foxy_Ultimate:

Not now... When it is completed

Oahray: Hmm... HBG, great job you did there. You were very detailed... More detailed than I can ever be. Tied up lots of lose ends. Impressive. However...

(1) I feel the image you painted of Victor Obatola kinda lives up to hype expectation of HIM (kudos), but it's not consistent with the detail you added about him replacing the late Mr Ibe the 'regional policeman', Lucan's boss. A policeman does not cut the big bad boss image for me, unless he's the IG. I feel that replacement part is better off not included.

(2) You changed Sharon's last name from Ojemen to Johnson.

(3) A nine month pregnancy cannot be flat.

(4) Your image of Bamo as a killer out on a revenge mission is not in sync with the image of the limping man as a professional assassin sent to do the bidding of HIM. From your piece you have already implied that they are the same person.

(5) Eclampsia (not Eclimpsia) does not just manifest suddenly the way it did in Enike's case. There are unmistakeable pre-eclampsia symptoms which can help one avoid eclampsia. Most times, the blindness comes after resuscitation from a seizure-birthed coma in an eclampsia patient, not before.

(6) The guy who got Enike pregnant seemed young and incapable of transforming into Chief Koko after 13 years.

(7) The part about Ayodele, Tracy and Bamo being siblings did not do it for me, especially the part where Ayodele was killed for knowing amongst other things, that Tracy is his sister. It raises a question as to when he knew, before or after he killed her? Also, did Bamo know that he murdered his own half brother? Was that part of the revenge mission he was on?

(8.) The unveiling of the identity of a character to the readers ought not to have any direct effect on the character's routine actions. For example, it's surprising that HIM suddenly updates and writes his full name, just because the readers now know who he is. Why would he do that?

Nice job HBG. A bit confusing though, but I love the new twist you introduced.

HumbledbYGrace: Sharon's surname? I looked it up and didn't find it....Eclipmsia...geez I know what m talking about. Been there! And the flat tummy also, been there!

HumbledbYGrace: And the flat tummy also, been there!

Larry-Sun:
Where the paradise is Frosti? He's to update next. Please don't chicken out on me o.

Frosti:

Chicken out? Hell no!
Mine's coming up on Saturday.

Uniquexty: Nairaland has great writers. HBG, nice work.

Mazi_Omenuko:

Huuh... Never mind. I've got my hand-held device.

Oahray: hmmm... Ok o.