Ivynwa:



Rooney boy, you opened a thread to get advice from people and you turned around to agree with the person that declared that Nairalanders are breaking marriages, na waa for you -o-o. What advice do you want from people that are breaking marriages again? There are some that get good pieces of advice from the forum so you guys shouldn't be using that line, nobody sets out to break homes even if they think that a woman shouldn't be getting certain treatments as being complained most times in NL.

Some of us get too caught up with threads and begin to quarrel with others that don't agree with our point of view. I just got disappointed to hear a person (I thought is mature) get so emotional as to accuse others that see nothing wrong with living in separate rooms of having mental issues. The same persons that call others immature and deem themselves mature. Jeez! Is there a need to abuse others or even fight because he/she is not viewing something from your own point of view. Somebody like me will love very much to have my feminine things, clothings and stuffs in my own room even while sharing a special room with the husband man but if he chooses otherwise we can find a way round it. Another cousin of mine has her own room with her stuffs in it but still shares her husband's room with him.

I was searching online last night to see what other countries of the world think about this issue, I read of couples doing it for "snoring" sake, "getting good rest" sake, privacy sake etc. A couple even added that having to tip toe to each other's room in the night added some degree of "naughtiness" to their marriage that kept things young and spicy. We can't all view this from the same angle as we are different beings. If you think that husband and wife should not live in separate rooms, that should not have you abusing others that see no problem with it and go quarrelling with some too. Na wa o.

Ivy, I'm not sure if you were referring to me but I will respond because I had also mentioned mental issues.

Contrary to what you seem to have gotten from that post, I did not say that because of emotions. I am dead serious when I say I suspect Rooneyboy and possibly Van bonatel (the two posters I had in mind when I made that comment) of having some mild mental issues. Note, I never said all posters that want to have separate rooms have mental issues, I said I wonder if some do. That is because I have seen some red flags that piqued my psychiatric interests in their posts. For your information, extreme need for personal space can be a sign of aspergers disease, autism spectrum disease or some anxiety disorders. These are all mental problems but none cause stark raving madness if that's what you're thinking.

There is a vast difference between what you said here

Somebody like me will love very much to have my feminine things, clothings and stuffs in my own room even while sharing a special room with the husband man but if he chooses otherwise we can find a way round it.

and some comments Rooneyboy has made on this subject. Your statement is well within the boundaries of normal social behavior. Some of his comments are seriously stretching that boundary.

So my statement is not emotional but educated. And I stand by it.

Now I am not saying 100% that he has anything, but I'm saying it's possible. Does that mean he needs to be committed to a psych ward? No. He may not need to do anything at all about it. Doesn't mean he may not have 'something'.

biolabee:

Please note some guys have said no to the joint account suggestion at least for the time being

Also if it's important for the man to sleep alone, he should have engaged his wife adequately.
These have been said in as many words by both male and female commentators

The guys that said no to joint accounts are entitled to their opinion. This is not my first post in the thread, I already said my views concerning these two points in my first post. I am of the opinion that a couple can have as many accounts as they want but should have a special one for both to contribute to the upkeep of their family. I disagree with a man mandating his wife to put ALL her money in one account she's sharing with him because she may have other things she may plan to achieve and do. I commented that separate rooms is not such a bad idea but that it shouldn't be enforced down the throat the way this man in question spoilt it with some selfishness and insensibilities.

ileobatojo:

Ivy, I'm not sure if you were referring to me but I will respond because I had also mentioned mental issues.

Contrary to what you seem to have gotten from that post, I did not say that because of emotions. I am dead serious when I say I suspect Rooneyboy and possibly Van bonatel (the two posters I had in mind when I made that comment) of having some mild mental issues. Note, I never said all posters that want to have separate rooms have mental issues, I said I wonder if some do. That is because I have seen some red flags that piqued my psychiatric interests in their posts. For your information, extreme need for personal space can be a sign of aspergers disease, autism spectrum disease or some anxiety disorders. These are all mental problems but none cause stark raving madness if that's what you're thinking.

There is a vast difference between what you said here
and some comments Rooneyboy has made on this subject. Your statement is well within the boundaries of normal social behavior. Some of his comments are seriously stretching that boundary.

So my statement is not emotional but educated. And I stand by it.

Now I am not saying 100% that he has anything, but I'm saying it's possible. Does that mean he needs to be committed to a psych ward? No. He may not need to do anything at all about it. Doesn't mean he may not have 'something'.

There's no need to go justifying your posts name dropping medical terms upon medical terms. You can add more stuffs to your list, that does not change the fact that you went overboard to consider people that disagreed with your point of view as having problems, you are normal and perfect for having your view and I am happy for you. None of us is a saint and perfect, there's no need for that.

ileobatojo:

Ivy, I'm not sure if you were referring to me but I will respond because I had also mentioned mental issues.

Contrary to what you seem to have gotten from that post, I did not say that because of emotions. I am dead serious when I say I suspect Rooneyboy and possibly Van bonatel (the two posters I had in mind when I made that comment) of having some mild mental issues. Note, I never said all posters that want to have separate rooms have mental issues, I said I wonder if some do. That is because I have seen some red flags that piqued my psychiatric interests in their posts. For your information, extreme need for personal space can be a sign of aspergers disease, autism spectrum disease or some anxiety disorders. These are all mental problems but none cause stark raving madness if that's what you're thinking.

There is a vast difference between what you said here
and some comments Rooneyboy has made on this subject. Your statement is well within the boundaries of normal social behavior. Some of his comments are seriously stretching that boundary.

So my statement is not emotional but educated. And I stand by it.

Now I am not saying 100% that he has anything, but I'm saying it's possible. Does that mean he needs to be committed to a psych ward? No. He may not need to do anything at all about it. Doesn't mean he may not have 'something'.

I don't get your post, having the need to sleep in private rooms without a spouse should not correlate to any mental syndrome or am I missing something here



@Ivynwa

I agree also, his demands after chasing her out of his bed smacks of insensitivity

Ivynwa:


There's no need to go justifying your posts name dropping medical terms upon medical terms. You can add more stuffs to your list, that does not change the fact that you went overboard to consider people that disagreed with your point of view as having problems, you are normal and perfect for having your view and I am happy for you. None of us is a saint and perfect, there's no need for that.

You honestly think the OP's husband doesn't have some obvious mental issues or something he is hiding? You think with the extreme requests someone wrote down here, something is not off? Can you live with rules, regulations and commandments? Especially such outrageous commandments? I don't think anyone objected a couple sleeping separetely. The issue is, an extremist on any issue may likely have mental problems or issues which need to be treated or addressed. That's a fact. I don't see anything wrong with what she wrote. Except you can live under such conditions, then more power to you. You must be a rare breed.

Ivynwa:


There's no need to go justifying your posts name dropping medical terms upon medical terms. You can add more stuffs to your list, that does not change the fact that you went overboard to consider people that disagreed with your point of view as having problems, you are normal and perfect for having your view and I am happy for you. None of us is a saint and perfect, there's no need for that.

I can see you didn't understand a word of what I said. This is 100% not about people disagreeing with my point of view and I made that clear in my long post. Perhaps you should read it again.

Anyway, have a good day.

baby_123: The issue is, an extremist on any issue may likely have mental problems or issues which need to be treated or addressed. That's a fact.

+1

biolabee:

I don't get your post, having the need to sleep in private rooms without a spouse should not correlate to any mental syndrome

I never said it did.

ileobatojo:

I never said it did.

Hmmm....

baby_123:
You honestly think the OP's husband doesn't have some obvious mental issues or something he is hiding? You think with the extreme requests someone wrote down here, something is not off? Can you live with rules, regulations and commandments? Especially such outrageous commandments? I don't think anyone objected a couple sleeping separetely. The issue is, an extremist on any issue may likely have mental problems or issues which need to be treated or addressed. That's a fact. I don't see anything wrong with what she wrote. Except you can live under such conditions, then more power to you. You must be a rare breed.

If you read my two posts so far, you won't be asking all that already knowing that I also did not in any way support the way the man treats the lady disgustingly after enjoying himself lol . I didn't in any way support for anybody to be treated with such selfishness and insensibilities, my posts made that very clear.

You also don't understand clearly what I and lady Ileobatojo are talking about, you know. You are going on another different tangent.

Ivynwa:

You also don't understand clearly what I and lady Ileobatojo are talking about, you know.

Actually, Ivy, I think she understands exactly what we are talking about and she and I seem to be in agreement.

Her statement below summarizes my epistle in just one line.

baby_123: The issue is, an extremist on any issue may likely have mental problems or issues.

Ivynwa:

If you read my two posts so far, you won't be asking all that already knowing that I also did not in any way support the way the man treats the lady disgustingly after enjoying himself lol . I didn't in any way support for anybody to be treated with such selfishness and insensibilities, my posts made that very clear.

You also don't understand clearly what I and lady Ileobatojo are talking about, you know. You are going on another different tangent.

No, I do understand clearly what you mean. You are just emotional about the mental health issue that was brought up, because at the base of all this argument. You support separate rooms. I don't think you took the time and patience to actually read our threads and understand. Besides, I am responding to you because I mentioned mental health issues here before ileobatojo did.

ileobatojo:

Actually, Ivy, I think she understands exactly what we are talking about and she and I seem to be in agreement.

Don't go hiding the point we are talking about with another view this other lady has.

Your post saying that people that think they need space/separate bedrooms have mental issues is what I was referring to as your not finding it funny that these persons disagreed with you and saying that they have mental issues. You are referring to other posters herein and I was only saying that there was no need for you to go that extent.I'm sorry but I'm done talking about this. Thanks.

baby_123:

No, I do understand clearly what you mean. You are just emotional about the mental health issue that was brought up, because at the base of all this argument. You support separate rooms. I don't think you took the time and patience to actually read our threads and understand. Besides, I am responding to you because I mentioned mental health issues here before ileobatojo did.

I believe the problem is the way people see mental issues. When they hear the term it connotes all manners of unpalatable things in their minds. You say mental issues and all the lay Nigerian thinks about is mad men roaming the streets or someone completely out of touch with reality. If one knows a thing or two about mental health issues, you know that it is not an insult or a condemnation of any sort.

Even before you had mentioned it baby, I had wondered in my mind whether Rooney had a mild touch of aspergers, or some mild OCD, that's why I identified with your post when you mentioned it.

Ivynwa:

Your post saying that people that think they need space/separate bedrooms have mental issues is what I was referring to as your not finding it funny that these persons disagreed with you.

Please show me where I said this so I can show you that you misinterpreted my post. Thanks.

Ivynwa:

Don't go hiding the point we are talking about with another view this other lady has.

I'm not hiding behind anything. Baby and I are saying next to the exact same thing.

I ask again when did sleeping in seperate rooms correlate to mental syndromes

by this self same logic,It means the sheiks of abu dhabi, saudi etc
and our african ancestors were cuckoo

scratch that add king solomon also

Ish

biolabee: I ask again when did sleeping in seperate rooms correlate to mental syndromes

When you can show where this was said, perhaps you would be on the path to getting answers.

ALL YOUR WORDS NOT MINE
Your initial post

ileobatojo:

That's what I'm saying!

Thanks for bringing up the mental problem part too o. I read some posters saying they would do the exact same thing because they need space and I can't help wonder which mental issue they have. There's probably something at least mildly off mentally.


And I'm not trying to be rude or insulting o.

Second post though you qualified with 'some'..

ileobatojo:

Ivy, I'm not sure if you were referring to me but I will respond because I had also mentioned mental issues.

Contrary to what you seem to have gotten from that post, I did not say that because of emotions.I am dead serious when I say I suspect Rooneyboy and possibly Van bonatel (the two posters I had in mind when I made that comment) of having some mild mental issues. Note, I never said all posters that want to have separate rooms have mental issues, I said I wonder if some do. That is because I have seen some red flags that piqued my psychiatric interests in their posts. For your information, extreme need for personal space can be a sign of aspergers disease, autism spectrum disease or some anxiety disorders. These are all mental problems but none cause stark raving madness if that's what you're thinking.

There is a vast difference between what you said here
and some comments Rooneyboy has made on this subject. Your statement is well within the boundaries of normal social behavior. Some of his comments are seriously stretching that boundary.

So my statement is not emotional but educated. And I stand by it.

Now I am not saying 100% that he has anything, but I'm saying it's possible. Does that mean he needs to be committed to a psych ward? No. He may not need to do anything at all about it. Doesn't mean he may not have 'something'.

You do have some sound medical knowledge but I doubt anyone can make a diagnosis based on reviews of posts of monikers online without proper 'couch' time

Oh gosh Biolabee please let's let up on this, I'm seeing another thread of some going ons at the same time as this and I don't want the lady Ileobatojo feeling terrible with one,two,three persons arguing with her over NL posts.

Please Nne make we no argue too much, I 've already decided not to comment anymore but my heart went out to you and I'm typing this.
I didn't mean to offend you even though I felt you went overboard. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad. I still consider you mature and still respects you okay Baby.

biolabee: ALL YOUR WORDS NOT MINE
Your initial post



Second post though you qualified with 'some'..

I qualified my initial post with some too.

Thanks for bringing up the mental problem part too o. I read some posters saying they would do the exact same thing because they need space and I can't help wonder which mental issue they have. There's probably something at least mildly off mentally.

But I do agree that now that I read it again, what I meant did not quite come across. I can now see why people are upset by it. It seemed like I was generalizing and referring to all posters that felt they wanted space but I was actually in this post referring to those 2 posters I mentioned in particular. They are the two who said things that I saw as peculiar. I myself am not against separate rooms, it's some of the reasons and the extents some posters are taking it that I have picked issues with.

Ivynwa: Oh gosh Biolabee please let's let up on this, I'm seeing another thread of some going ons at the same time as this and I don't want the lady Ileobatojo feeling terrible with one,two,three persons arguing with her over NL posts.

Please Nne make we no argue too much, I 've already decided not to comment anymore but my heart went out to you and I'm typing this.
I didn't mean to offend you even though I felt you went overboard. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad. I still consider you mature and still respects you okay Baby.

Honestly I'm not offended and I don't feel bad. I just knew this was a misunderstanding because I certainly did not mean my comment the way you took it and I really wanted to clarify what I was trying to say. I hope you now see what I really meant to say. If not, you can still ask for more clarification. Never mind the drama in that other thread. It's not a big deal to me really. I'm just trying to see if peace can be achieved there, but I'm fine with war too if that's where it's headed.

Ivynwa: Oh gosh Biolabee please let's let up on this, I'm seeing another thread of some going ons at the same time as this and I don't want the lady Ileobatojo feeling terrible with one,two,three persons arguing with her over NL posts.

Please Nne make we no argue too much, I 've already decided not to comment anymore but my heart went out to you and I'm typing this.
I didn't mean to offend you even though I felt you went overboard. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad. I still consider you mature and still respects you okay Baby.

Ok I acknowlege your points

ileobatojo:

I qualified my initial post with some too.



But I do agree that now that I read it again, what I meant did not quite come across. I can now see why people are upset by it. It seemed like I was generalizing and referring to all posters that felt they wanted space but I was actually in this post referring to those 2 posters I mentioned in particular. They are the two who said things that I saw as peculiar. I myself am not against separate rooms, it's some of the reasons and the extents some posters are taking it that I have picked issues with.

Fair enough.. No problem

ileobatojo:

Honestly I'm not offended and I don't feel bad. I just knew this was a misunderstanding because I certainly did not mean my comment the way you took it and I really wanted to clarify what I was trying to say. I hope you now see what I really meant to say. If not, you can still ask for more clarification. Never mind the drama in that other thread. It's not a big deal to me really. I'm just trying to see if peace can be achieved there, but I'm fine with war too if that's where it's headed.

Okay dearie. If you want me to delete my posts on that I will okay.

Ivynwa:

Okay dearie. If you want me to delete my posts on that I will okay.

No. No need for that. It will actually help others who read my posts to get a clearer picture. Thanks though.

*speechless*
Anyways I can't really advise the lady here cos,for all I know,there is a gap somewhere.This is not the kind of issue you handle online,or with one party present.We need to hear both parties out,so as to solve this problem without causing more damage,This is marriage you know.


Meanwhile,I don't understand ,why I should be lonely on my bed as a spinster,and also be lonely on my bed as a married woman.C'mon man,I need some warmth.

My husband should not even think of locking his door,or I will invite elrufai(bulldozer),to his room alone.Don't ask me ,how it will enter the house.

My room should be for just my belongings,and also when I am nursing the baby so the baby would not disturb him.Daddy needs to sleep you know,he has to go to work the following day.

@Rooneyboy,Your friend needs someone to talk to she and her husband TOGETHER.

ID I see you
Good morning

Carmi I feel you and it's weird to me too but he should have brought it up during cortship days at the least so the woman knows what she is in for

There we go again, attacking the messenger while ignoring the message totally.

Why should we go so far as to condemn another person just because they have a contrary opinion from ours?

We have left the topic untreated and are now attacking the persons behind the posts, I think this forum is a place you can make your comments and others will have the maturity to accept it or walk away, no need for name calling. Sometimes we kill a healthy debate with unecessary verbal attacks on others.

biolabee: ID I see you
Good morning

Carmi I feel you and it's weird to me too but he should have brought it up during cortship days at the least so the woman knows what she is in for

We dont really know what made the man change after the marriage, maybe the hygene level of this woman dropped to very low standards after she is securely married, and the man is finding the smell offensive?

biolabee:

Please note some guys have said no to the joint account suggestion at least for the time being

Also if it's important for the man to sleep alone, he should have engaged his wife adequately.
These have been said in as many words by both male and female commentators

Joint account? Except a family account in case of uncertainties.

I'll have my seperate room thank you. Can't deal with all that female frills and clutter.

van bonattel:

We dont really know what made the man change after the marriage, maybe the hygene level of this woman dropped to very low standards after she is securely married, and the man is finding the smell offensive?

Still not fair and definitely the change was not well-managed

van bonattel:

Joint account? Except a family account in case of uncertainties.

A joint acct is good and as I said should reflect relative earnings with scope for individual liberties

Ideally this should have been discussed prior to marriage
But now her fart,smells and blood is not good enough for you but her sweatblood is just right

[s]I wonder why women are in such a rush to ger married and don't ask key questions [/s]