[CHocolaTE:
]
Ewo!
Chineke meh o!
Uncle coogar, I have to congratulate you on your successfully going round the country and confirming from all the women in Nigeria that they want marriage.
Congrats, it must have been a difficult task

every woman in nigeria wants to marry - it's a status symbol and the society generally sees it as a big achievement for the woman getting married.

What has this got to do with you saying I am likely to insult my marital status?

it has everything to do with it.
in nigeria, your opinion as a single woman would not hold any value if you are giving advice to any marital issue. the people on the other side of the argument would ask if you are married - if you say no then you would be laughed at!

Yes, majority of women want marriage more than men because they are under more pressure to get married than men, not because they desire it or will die without it.

and i am telling you this pressure is created by them. women always want what their mates have. your friends would want your kind of weave, bag, accessories, phones, etc - same applies to relationship. once any of your friends gets married, then the pressure to marry starts. do you not see how single women fight to catch the bouquet thrown by the bride like it's a ticket to heaven?

biolabee: Time takes time - permit my statement
You can't expect men who have always been traditional in outlook to jump to neo modern men in one generation
I don't think it's only people around me. A lot of women I know are happy in their homes and even when I travel to the West, men help their wives do groceries, medical appointments etc
So be hopeful

I agree, traditional outlook and arrogance and the fact that men believe doing housework is demeaning is part of what makes them refuse to change. But I will be hopeful though,
Good words from you man.

coogar:
every woman in nigeria wants to marry - it's a status symbol and the society generally sees it as a big achievement for the woman getting married.

Oh my goodness, not again.
Not every woman wants it biko, your census was not accurate. They do it, but not necessarily because they want it.
They just don't want to be stigmatized. They want a life free of stigma, not a marriage of slavery and servitude.

it has everything to do with it.
in nigeria, your opinion as a single woman would not hold any value if you are giving advice to any marital issue. the people on the other side of the argument would ask if you are married - if you say no then you would be laughed at!

You said it is likely that a woman like me will insult my marital status before any man would.
That statement is not connected with the completely unrelated reply you typed above, unless if you didn't express your point clearly enough for me to understand.

and i am telling you this pressure is created by them. women always want what their mates have. your friends would want your kind of weave, bag, accessories, phones, etc -

Your opinion of how women think is warped and saddening.

same applies to relationship. once any of your friends gets married, then the pressure to marry starts. do you not see how single women fight to catch the bouquet thrown by the bride like it's a ticket to heaven?

Societal pressure, fear of stigmatization, fear of ridicule etc.
I am getting tired of repeating myself.

[CHocolaTE:
]
Oh my goodness, not again.
Not every woman wants it biko, your census was not accurate. They do it, but not necessarily because they want it. They just don't want to be stigmatized. They want a life free of stigma, not a marriage of slavery and servitude.

stigmatised by who? by the same womenfolk!

You said it is likely that a woman like me will insult my marital status before any man would. That statement is not connected with the completely unrelated reply you typed above, unless if you didn't express your point clearly enough for me to understand.

it is well connected - i was just trying to say this societal pressure was manufactured by women themselves. the fear of what married women might say or think about a single woman is the reason they quickly jump into marriage.

Your opinion of how women think is warped and saddening.

unlike you, i call a spade what it is.
i do not post to rub anyone's ego or kiss anyone's rectum. mate copying is a common trait in women!

Societal pressure, fear of stigmatization, fear of ridicule etc.
I am getting tired of repeating myself.

i have told you all these factors are created by women. your best friend might even cut you off once she gets married. she no longer sees any point in being friends with you and she's the first to remind you time is ticking or try to matchmake you with the friends of her husband. that is the reality!

coogar:
stigmatised by who? by the same womenfolk!

Of course. The men don't stigmatize them. Only women do.
I guess you found this out the same way you found out that every single Nigerian woman wants marriage.

it is well connected - i was just trying to say this societal pressure was manufactured by women themselves. the fear of what married women might say or think about a single woman is the reason they quickly jump into marriage.[quote]
Sure. They do not also fear what married men think. Only women know how to stigmatize. Men don't stigmatize at all as is evidenced by the topics men make on Nairaland about how crucial it is for women to get married.

[quote]
unlike you, i call a spade what it is.
i do not post to rub anyone's ego or kiss anyone's rectum. mate copying is a common trait in women!

You said before that women always want what their mates have and that was a false statement.

i have told you all these factors are created by women. your best friend might even cut you off once she gets married. she no longer sees any point in being friends with you and she's the first to remind you time is ticking or try to matchmake you with the friends of her husband. that is the reality!

I don't dispute the fact that some women (not all) also pressure unmarried women to get married. Men also do the same btw
I just want to clear the air about the misconception many men have that single women are just dying to marry them. What most of these ladies actually want is peace of mind from being stigmatized and not marriage. Remove the stigma and many women will stay single

[CHocolaTE:
]
Of course. The men don't stigmatize them. Only women do.
I guess you found this out the same way you found out that every single Nigerian woman wants marriage.

a man would actually pray every woman he meets is single to remove all complications. what's the business of any man pressuring a single woman other than scheming to take her to bed? you surely don't know how the mind of an average man works......

Sure. They do not also fear what married men think. Only women know how to stigmatize. Men don't stigmatize at all as is evidenced by the topics men make on Nairaland about how crucial it is for women to get married.

if women stigmatise as much as the men like you have admitted, why did your title not mention women?

You said before that women always want what their mates have and that was a false statement.

how is it false? women want what their mates have? it can either be positive or negative. when it's negative then envy and jealousy are born. when it's positive then it's just a healthy competition.

I don't dispute the fact that some women (not all) also pressure unmarried women to get married. Men also do the same btw

I just want to clear the air about the misconception many men have that single women are just dying to marry them. What most of these ladies actually want is peace of mind from being stigmatized and not marriage. Remove the stigma and many women will stay single

if you don't dispute women also pressurise single women how come that bit was mysteriously left out in the title of your thread? are you a feminist?

Amelian: Sighs.....op don't allow issues of men dissing singles sisters about not getting married affect you..when u see posts of men talking bad abt women or talking about how to get married, u simply overlook such posts, and read better ones that has to do with enlightenment.. I don't bother myself reading such posts anyways .... Am in my early thirties, am comfortable and beginning to enjoy the different flavours of life.. When I was in my twenties, due to my flashy look, I cut out certain normal things that would. Ordinarily make a lady happy, due to mindset of most nija.. Examples, don't wear lovely earrings o, don't look fly in your dressing, even though u dressed responsibly, the word is dress like a girl suffering, then a suitor will come ... And also If u can afford a car, don't buy o, oresle no man will marry u. ... I have good paying job, which could buy me a small car but most of my frnds and family kicked against it... Ha! Don't buy a car o... Always trek to work or take bus, or climb bikes, so that a man will want to marry u... I trek taya . Run after moving buses , climb okadas, it's by the grace of God , my legs are not broken. As I began to expand in biz, I surely need a car for easy mobility and keep to appointments.. No be person , tell me twice to go and buy a car. Enough of undue suffering to please a man, cause of marriage, which has more responsibilities that one can even imagine..
It's takes the grace of God, Selflessness of both husband and wife and great conscience involved to create and sustain a happy home... But how many homes , can boast of bliss after marriage... Just few...
Society , people can talk from today till tomorrow, the issue is no more suffering myself anymore for men.. If u can't accept my personality...the let me be...the period to enjoy my hard labour is hear... No dulling o... Just mix with like minded pple... That's sees yur vision.. U can't please everybody.. Follow yur heart , serve and leave the rest to God.
I repeat, don't bother yur eyes or brain reading and digesting posts of men dissing women.. Just close yur eyes on those posts and move on..... It's no use.. U can't stop them.. That's my simple advice .

I LOVE your spirit. Don't be desperate

Another angry, bitter, dumb and lonely black woman.
We heard u..go and remain single

@chocolate.

I ask you again this topic what exactly is your point

@op give it up your wasting your time IT IS A MANS WORLd better go get married and and let my nig...gas start f.u...c..k....in..g that p...UU..s..S..Y

That is a lie. The pressure is built into them by the menfolk through the socialization techniques they carefully created to keep women's psyche tied to men. I am glad some women are waking up to reality. Yes, if it's not working, quit. If you don't find someone you are very very very comfortable with, don't get into marriage. Do not marry for better or for worse. The moment love leaves the marriage, the woman should be wise enough to follow suit.

Dis Guy: Ask the WOMEN THEMSELVES, the pressure to get married comes mostly from the womenfolks in the same society your complaining about

@OP:

I UNDERSTAND YOUR VIEWS. Remove the stigma and many ladies will remain single, abi? I think you're looking at the glass as half empty instead of half full. How? Why not tell our men to love and cherish their wives more? I'm sure ladies and men alike desire good things, marriage included. I think we should strike out the point that MEN SHOULD TREAT WOMEN BETTER. And funny enough, some women will even want to die for a wife-beater because he "handles me better","takes care of me" (money) and other foolish reasons. Ladies, please be wise too. Marriage is good and tho' I'm not married yet, I look forward to it. I see how my parents show their love and I also wanna love my wife more. Guys, lets treat these babes with more respect. And come to think of it, if you don't have LOVE (ie God, cos he's love personified), how do you wanna give LOVE?

[CHocolaTE:
]
Not in the area I live.

@OP, what is ur own personal plan concerning marriage??.....u wanna marry someday?.........because bad examples of marriage dominate ur area where u live DOES NOT connote men see women in marriage as 'slave'........!

Whether figuratively or literarily, your 2% about sane men that treat women right is just ridiculous.........so, 98% of men (whether married,aspiring,undecided) are INSANE (treats women like gabbage)?

Nigeria is blessed with both bad women and men as a group, and others as good ones!

What is ur parental background?......can u explain the kind of love you learn from them?

If u are not a feminist, don't act like one.

To tell u as a fact, some married women are very bad, even transfer the bad habits to their daughters!.......and the cycle continues!

What is ur point of bringing up a thread that shows who u really are- disturbed and bittered

My advice for u:
Make hay when the sun shines!
be ready to bring in good character whenever u are ready to get hooked!
Thanks.

Mtcheeewwww....

Becos women make us think so. U turn born again becos ur single instead of doing it for other reasons. U r also willing to become a second wife if ur desperate and blame men for being cheats.

Amelian: Sighs.....op don't allow issues of men dissing singles sisters about not getting married affect you..when u see posts of men talking bad abt women or talking about how to get married, u simply overlook such posts, and read better ones that has to do with enlightenment.. I don't bother myself reading such posts anyways .... Am in my early thirties, am comfortable and beginning to enjoy the different flavours of life.. When I was in my twenties, due to my flashy look, I cut out certain normal things that would. Ordinarily make a lady happy, due to mindset of most nija.. Examples, don't wear lovely earrings o, don't look fly in your dressing, even though u dressed responsibly, the word is dress like a girl suffering, then a suitor will come ... And also If u can afford a car, don't buy o, oresle no man will marry u. ... I have good paying job, which could buy me a small car but most of my frnds and family kicked against it... Ha! Don't buy a car o... Always trek to work or take bus, or climb bikes, so that a man will want to marry u... I trek taya . Run after moving buses , climb okadas, it's by the grace of God , my legs are not broken. As I began to expand in biz, I surely need a car for easy mobility and keep to appointments.. No be person , tell me twice to go and buy a car. Enough of undue suffering to please a man, cause of marriage, which has more responsibilities that one can even imagine..
It's takes the grace of God, Selflessness of both husband and wife and great conscience involved to create and sustain a happy home... But how many homes , can boast of bliss after marriage... Just few...
Society , people can talk from today till tomorrow, the issue is no more suffering myself anymore for men.. If u can't accept my personality...the let me be...the period to enjoy my hard labour is hear... No dulling o... Just mix with like minded pple... That's sees yur vision.. U can't please everybody.. Follow yur heart , serve and leave the rest to God.
I repeat, don't bother yur eyes or brain reading and digesting posts of men dissing women.. Just close yur eyes on those posts and move on..... It's no use.. U can't stop them.. That's my simple advice .

marriage it's for companionship ,to re-procreate ,to have some with whom you share common,to have someone that will always have your back,some to grow old with etc. if you are not married with the excuse that not marriages are bliss,am so so so so so so so sorry for you. Am sure you can trade all you think you have for a husband of your own.dont know why all these single girls think we are not happy and they go behind us trying to steal our husbands

Its women who say that not us

What a funny OP.... Well, marriage is a choice, if you like go get married if you dont like, remain single......

devour129: marriage it's for companionship ,to re-procreate ,to have some with whom you share common,to have someone that will always have your back,some to grow old with etc. if you are not married with the excuse that not marriages are bliss,am so so so so so so so sorry for you. Am sure you can trade all you think you have for a husband of your own.dont know why all these single girls think we are not happy and they go behind us trying to steal our husbands

so uncalled for.....

I thot u were a female poster

ah like your last paragraph

Madam Chocolate, the simple truth is that your lives cannot be the same without men. Take it or leave it. It is not open for discussion. I can tell you are still a LASS. Only Lasses blurt out childish statements like you have just done. I'll pass off that you are still quite immature.
Maybe by the time you are 30,and you are still single, you'll probably be asking why men prefer younger ladies to old and matured ones? Times and tide are two non permanent things, they change.
It is your type that tend to make things unstable. Imagine the arrogance in your statement. To put aside the Bible and Koran. By what authority do you speak. Man or God?

How did you know that most women don't enjoy their marriages? How did you know that most would have preferred to remain unmarried and just bear kids if they had the choice? While I have never been in support of putting undue pressure on women to marry when they get to a certain age, your article takes it to the extreme by painting men as some kind of monsters. You painted an image of most men being lazy, sitting down at home while the woman brings in the income and still take care of the kids, how true is that in our society? How many percent of homes do we have women as bread winners? If you hate men or happen to be a lesbian just say it, instead of writing thrash. Many women are enjoying their marriages and will make the same decision if given the chance over and over again. Get over it!!!

This debate is really uncalled for. The amount of money a partner brings to the house is inversely proportional to the amount of chores you are entitled to. If your husband brings 100% of the money, then be ready to execute 100% of the chores. If you contribute 50% of the money then your husby should be ready to also execute 50% of the chores. #endofdebate

In as much as I don't have time reading your post, I know you re one of those prideful ladies out there.

My Advice: Change cos if you continue this way, your marital life might be endangered!

The rantings of a desperately bitter spinster.

The OP smacks of a bitter female who's had a bad experience with the male folks. Take a deep breath, men and women are never meant to leave alone,it is primordial instinct the almighty has put in humans. No matter how long a man or women enjoy life as singles,there will always be that void that can only be filled by a soul companion.

Most topics coming up on NL this days are a pointer to the fact that the world in nearing its end.

There are elements of truth in what the ops wrote but its one sided, men are also nt benefitting much in marriage cus some men marry liabilities, stubborn, trouble makers, cheats and gold diggers as wives. Marriage is a 50:50 thing and it takes both the man and the woman to work, I have seen many good men who marry jezebels as wives and women who marry cheats, lazy, woman beaters, drunkers etc as husbands. Even in the western world the rate of women who are married are more than those that are single all their life. Note that our naija gals are not helping matter with their desperation even gals as young as 17 years old are already making out plans for marriage. Men are also being pressurize to get married I know quite a number of them. @op u can stay single for life if u like, its ur life to live.

@op. there are nuns in the church and christians don't mock them

You think if all women were baby mamas in this world, it is healthy for our society?
Don't attack marriage
Your post is flawed, the only thing I believe is that women can live single lives and still be successful. I know about mary slessor and she was not a baby mama

[size=13pt]SEE WHAT LESBIANISM HAS CAUSED. DONT PRAY TO MARRY ,EH? DONT EVEN MARRY AT ALL. INFACT MAY YOU NOT MARRY, AS YOUR WISH.
BUT JUST TAKE A PICTURE OF YOUR SELF NOW, AND ANOTHER ONE IN THE NEXT 10-15 YEARS, AND SEE YOUR LIFE, AS YOUR SIBLINGS CHILDREN START TO CALL YOU ANTY AT 60 [/size]

RANTINGS OF A FRUSTRATED WOMAN