SAGirl: WOW... this is one of teh most beautiful articles I have ever read. And so well-written at that (compared to some of teh stuff that we are subjected to on this forum)...

The fact is that women do not gain anything from marriage... IT DOES NOT BENEFIT US AT ALL. More and more women are starting to realise that and it scared the crap out of the male-species.

Dont generalise nor get yourself stained on nairaland.Afterall, you still working on your own CURRENT relationship (that guy with a kid whom you seriously love) .

Seriously,i blame those men who donate their God given "milkshake" for free.This nonsense wont be making wave at all.Let them feminist go be making their babies with aliens from mars to whom they shall owe no allegiance whatsoever.

tpia@:



all too common.

the other day someone was saying its better to remain single than enter in a relationship with the kind of fellow who will drug his g/f, loosen her brazilian weave and sell it for half price.

imo, the solution is not necessarily remaining single [unless you have a strong conviction to do so, possibly a religious one], but if you find yourself attracting deadbeats only, then reevaluate the kind of criteria you require in a man.

and yes, reevaluate yourself also.

Sweet!...

[CHocolaTE:
]SERIOUSLY? WHY?

Why on earth do you people think that women will keel over and die if they don't get married?
Why do you think women are just dying to get married or get you hooked?

Day after day on Nairaland I see posts by men that talk about how some female celebrity is approaching her 30's and is not married or how some other ladies will never get married because of one reason or another as if these women told you that their lives cannot continue without marriage.

Why on earth do you people think Nigerian women are desperate to get married to you?
See eh, the reason why majority of women seek marriage is because of societal pressure from people that cannot mind their business and because they want to have kids that will not be called bastards so you better understand that fact.

Marriage hardly benefits women (except the very few lucky ones that married considerate men) so why do you think they are dying for it?
Husbands come home from work and expect a hot/good meal which the wife is supposed to have prepared; it is hardly ever the other way round and it is very rare for a woman to come home and meet that her husband has prepared something for her to eat yet this is something men enjoy all the time.
Men just stay by the side and watch while their wives whine in pregnancy pains and face the pains of being pregnant for months; imagine the struggles of getting the kids ready for school while fighting early morning sickness.

She works to assist you and must still submit to your whims because society expects her to, and you still expect sexxual gratification when you come home not considering that she is probably exhausted.
Also, after marriage the husband clearly enjoys his life and freedom more than the woman. he can close from work and 'hang out with the boys' instead of going home and nobody queries him, but his wife can never try such, she goes home straight to take care of children, does the cooking and cleaning and what not. She even has to take a break from work sometimes to pick the kids from school and drop them at home then go back to work before finally returning home at the end of the day to carry house work solely on her head because the majority of Nigerian men are lazy asses that think that helping their wives at home is an abomination.

After all the stress of doing housework on her own and taking care of children on her own she starts to look old and tired and her husband complains that she is now too old and unattractive and without thinking twice, he begins to look outside at younger women because his wife is no longer attractive to him.
The worst part is that the children the women is taking care of, the children that she got so stressed for and losses her beauty after birthing are bearing the man's name. The children bear his name and not hers and yet the men will have the effrontery to say that their wife is no longer attractive after bearing these kids so they want to chase other women.

What do women even gain from marriages for heavens sake?
People expects them give up your identity and start bearing their husbands' name, the kids you spend your life taking care of bear his name and claim his home town when they are asked where they come from, the man is very very likely to cheat on his wife and maybe infect her with some STD or another and he will more likely than not, turn her into his slave by refusing to assist with house work while expecting her to contribute financially to the upkeep of the house.
In fact, if not that religions make childbearing outside marriage a sin and society(mostly men) treat unmarried girls like outcasts, I'm sure many women will not get married, who in their right senses will want to marry an overbearing, unhelpful, slave driving no-good lazy ass; which majority of men are, when they can just have their kids in peace and not have to worry about taking care of him?

All of you can relax, eh kwa?
Women are not in any hurry to become your slaves.
Enough of the marriage this and marriage talk you keep disturbing our ears with.


Lastly, I know that not all married men think that women are on earth to be their slaves, I know that some kind and thoughtful men still exist there so this message does not apply to them.
Kudos to the 2% of Nigerian men that still have respect for women and consider their feelings after marriage.
I salute you.

Your write up is quite interesting and I understand your points.

However, the answer lies in this same post: The key to enjoying marriage is been married to the right person as a man or woman. I agree 100% that a woman who marries an inconsiderate men would feel like a slave in her marriage but like you noted, there are some godly men out there.

As for the pressure, I believe most girls are brought out for solely marriage and are seen as failures if they don't get married. A married woman suffering in her marriage is more respected than a single lady doing well in her station. I also feel that married women put same pressure or even more on single women. We have examples in NL.

Marriage was created for companionship, checkmating adultery and children. Until we get it right, people especially women will keep suffering in their marriages. As long as women feel the crazy urge to be identified as 'MRS' and not focus on achieving what God has purposed for them, there will continue to be crisis.

devour129: marriage it's for companionship ,to re-procreate ,to have some with whom you share common,to have someone that will always have your back,some to grow old with etc. if you are not married with the excuse that not marriages are bliss,am so so so so so so so sorry for you. Am sure you can trade all you think you have for a husband of your own.dont know why all these single girls think we are not happy and they go behind us trying to steal our husbands

Is this your post really in response to her?

And is it any business of yours if she decides not to get married?

And as for going behind your backs to steal your husbands, You should know that most married men treat their GFs far better than they treat their wives.

@op is from a broken HOME.

princefunmi: Madam Chocolate, the simple truth is that your lives cannot be the same without men. Take it or leave it. It is not open for discussion. I can tell you are still a LASS. Only Lasses blurt out childish statements like you have just done. I'll pass off that you are still quite immature.
Maybe by the time you are 30,and you are still single, you'll probably be asking why men prefer younger ladies to old and matured ones? Times and tide are two non permanent things, they change.
It is your type that tend to make things unstable. Imagine the arrogance in your statement. To put aside the Bible and Koran. By what authority do you speak. Man or God?

And why can't her life be the same without a man? It's unreasonable statements like this that make women jump at the next available thing. Marriage is beautiful when the man and woman bring their best to the table. Even the Bible that most people would claim to follow says that 'one will chase a thousand and two will chase ten thousand' and not 'one will chase zero.' Yes, a marriage filled with love help both spouses bring out their best and inspire their world but it would be a fallacy to say that she would not exist because she is NOT tied to a man.

DC Trendy: In as much as I don't have time reading your post, I know you re one of those prideful ladies out there.

My Advice: Change cos if you continue this way, your marital life might be endangered!

You don't have time to read her posts but you have time to conclude that she is 'prideful'.

You might as well keep your advice as you don't even understand the subject matter

collynzo2:


Nice try, keep consoling your self no need for self pity. Just say comforting things like the above to cover up the sadness, it 's a good thing.........................but we are no fools

Did she tell you that she's bitter or sad?

If you think that marriage makes people happy, then you must be very deluded.

devour129: if you read my post you won't have to ask that question . I have never insulted any single lady before but these chicks are pushing it. Why do they always like to make out us married ones like we are living in bondage or only managing our lives cos we still live in the Stone Age ? I can begrudge anyone to think and feel whatever makes them sleep better at night but don't spoil the notion of marriage for our younger generation coming up. If your parents marriage ddnt work,try make yours work so your kids can learn from you not talking trash here. Am going to boast here YES SOME OF US HAVE IT ALL,some are still working on there's and some are almost there. If you not married its your choice but don't come here acting like you are all that ! Bee baby that was the point am trying to make,sorry it offended you.

And where did Ame say that married people are in bondage? She was telling the OP not to let men get to her and enjoy everything she has and you had to post that post. How many women really really enjoy their homes? I guess those women who post stories that touch every day are ghosts.

I am disappointed in your post.

Policewoman: Pls if you have been destined forever to remain a spinstress, don't spread your curse to other ladies who wish to get married. Keep your opinion to thyself and stop polluting our minds. Thank you.

So being spinster till she dies is a curse?

How can she pollute your mind? Where did she expressly discourage marriage?

obi123:

you clearly are of the impression that a woman's happiness should lie in the fact that she is married , and you are one of those people who think marriage should be the number 1 priority of every living soul , get this into your head IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE SINGLE AND HAPPY , JUST LIKE ITS POSSIBLE TO BE MARRIED AND UNHAPPY and vice versa.

Ps. even married women steal other married women's husbands and wives (like you dont know)

God bless you. She really disappointed me with her first post.

dare2think: The queen of England, with all her might, money and glory, is still with her husband of more than 50 years, wtf is the op all about.

Do not be misguided with neo-social constuct peddled by feminist by saying its ok to be a baby-mama. Do not populate this earth with misguided fatherless children because of your ego. (82% of children who commit crime in the uk have absent fathers)

Do not add to that statistic! (If you live in the uk)

Relationship is not a competition, your view of men is a reflection of your experience and those around you. Surround yourself with positivity.

Why not do away with sex entirely with men if you feel being with them is over rated

I wonder where you gathered that the OP is against marriage.

She even get kudos to good husbands even though I do not agree with her percentage.

tony gee: A woman's life is tired around marrage

Oh really? Please tell me more...

Definitely a woman doesn't exist till she's married...

Sisi_Kill: Girl - Why do men think women can't do without marriage? Why do they use a girl's marital status to abuse her? Why do they think being unmarried is the worst thing that can happen to a girl? Why do men say crude things about unmarried women?

Men - What?? What kind of generalization is this you lonely, unmarried hag? How can you paint all men with the same brush you spinster for life? Look at the miserable bitter lonely woman, instead of you to go look for husband you are here making false claims about men.


Hmmmm, How do our Yoruba grandparents say it again. . .them say make you talk TO, you get offended and say can't talk TO TO TO.

Okay naa

+1, 000, 000 likes!

Amelian:

In your mind he is imaginary... In mylife, he is real.... And I trust me, I don't need to seek for any attention, not my style... But one thing I will not let go is when someone like devour 129 thinks every woman wants to steal her husband... ....especially directing it to my own post... Do I know her, do I know you, so what's my own with her husband... If she is frustrated with her man,and his numerous girlfrnds, she shud take her grumbling to their doorsteps, not on open forum here..am content with what I have...I don't need No married man...

You have time to reply people who can't comprehend

tpia@:
Not sure exactly when having the desire to get married became an issue that needs to be questioned.

Unless someone prefers to stay single, as has been done by millions if not billions of people all over the world, for various reasons including religious ones, i do not think wanting to get married should be classified as a crime, or viewed negatively.

The ways and means ( hooks and crooks) by which some people ( generally female), go about fulfilling this desire for marriage, is what brings them condemnation sometimes, when they go about it in ways that are destructive to others and detrimental to the man himself.

Now, having said that, some women are indeed driven to desperation when they keep coming across men who refuse to commit. Usually its a sign your family is under attack, when this is so.

And who questioned the desire to get married?

Subomi-luv:
i suggest if u do not get a nice guy falling under the 2% you should get an oyinbo,they have no problems with doing their part, equaality etc. Best of luck to you.

OP didn't say black men. She said men. So,oyinbo men inclusive.
Moreover,their ladies face their own version of marriage issue. Na aggregate economic condition dey cover up for them o. E no easy to be single mum (ask them). That's why many of them go into series of marriages.

God bless you Bukatyne, u r matured in reasoning...unlike some pple that are already frustrated with their lives and want to pin it on me, wey dey my own jeje

Women try and portray this fallacy that they are as happy being single as being in a relationship. It is a way of trying to fo(o)l the opposition (men) so it appears that they have the power as "you want them". It works most times for men with not much up between their skulls.

The reality is that women are terrified of being single. They are absolutely scared to the brink of mental breakdown of being single and all the "I am independent" is a mere front. Majority of single women are desperately and consistently looking for a man, and they want him permanently, not for a short period. They love marriage!

We love marriage but not all women are desperate to be married, especially when she lives well , she has a supportive guy, good family ties,, what'else does she need to crave for?... Most single couples are better and happier than married couples... Some girls might be unhappy they are single but not all single girls...
Does being married to a man, make him yours permanently and live happily thereafter ?
Do wives own their husbands?
Do all men want to be owned by their wives?
Then why is divorce rate so high?

^ divorce rate high? Where? Link?

Www.www. Are you in this planet? ...
Am hungry, make I go prepare something juicy for dinner.

Amelian: We love marriage but not all women are desperate to be married, especially when she lives well , she has a supportive guy, good family ties,, what'else does she need to crave for?... Most single couples are better and happier than married couples... Some girls might be unhappy they are single but not all single girls...
Does being married to a man, make him yours permanently and live happily thereafter ?
Do wives own their husbands?
Do all men want to be owned by their wives?
Then why is divorce rate so high?

can you quote stats supporting your assertion that divorce rate is high and which country pls

Who is bukatyne and why is she parked permanently on the thread and fighting everybody?

Amelian: We love marriage but not all women are desperate to be married, especially when she lives well , she has a supportive guy, good family ties,, what'else does she need to crave for?... Most single couples are better and happier than married couples... Some girls might be unhappy they are single but not all single girls...
Does being married to a man, make him yours permanently and live happily thereafter ?
Do wives own their husbands?
Do all men want to be owned by their wives?
Then why is divorce rate so high?

Amelia,I shall take you on,with an open, un-biased mind tomorrow morning. Now its almost 10.00 p.m and I'm off to bed. You made some good points but your last 5 questions outline tomorrow requires straight answers. This are times I wish Pst Bimbo Odukoya (RIP)is very much alive. She handles issues like these very well. Nyt

Gamesmart: Women try and portray this fallacy that they are as happy being single as being in a relationship. It is a way of trying to fo(o)l the opposition (men) so it appears that they have the power as "you want them". It works most times for men with not much up between their skulls.

The reality is that women are terrified of being single. They are absolutely scared to the brink of mental breakdown of being single and all the "I am independent" is a mere front. Majority of single women are desperately and consistently looking for a man, and they want him permanently, not for a short period. They love marriage!

Gbam.

Gamesmart: Women try and portray this fallacy that they are as happy being single as being in a relationship. It is a way of trying to fo(o)l the opposition (men) so it appears that they have the power as "you want them". It works most times for men with not much up between their skulls.

The reality is that women are terrified of being single. They are absolutely scared to the brink of mental breakdown of being single and all the "I am independent" is a mere front. Majority of single women are desperately and consistently looking for a man, and they want him permanently, not for a short period. They love marriage!

You wish!

^
You wish that he wishes.

born7win: ^
You wish that he wishes.

You wish you were original

Do not mind them ...last time I checked men were avoiding girls who want to put a ring on their fingers.,
You see women getting pregnant hoping that the dude will pity and marry them....And some dumb women want to tell us men are pressuring women to get married? U are out of your mind.....

You see them Uche when are u going to visit my parents na?
You want to use me ?
I'm not your wife so do it yourself(meaning marry me and I will willingly do it for u)

carefreewannabe:

You wish you were original

That is what you wish that I wish, but I do not wish to be something that I already am.