ogugua88: [size=13pt]What I'm getting from this is that you once believed cheating was wrong, but because you're now a cheat yourself, your perspective has changed? Give me a break.

As far as I'm concerned, cheating is one of the worst forms of disrespect to a partner or spouse, and people who cheat are discontented and highly undisciplined human beings. There is such a thing as self-control. In your case, it's not that you lost control, but that you know what's right and wrong and have chosen to do wrong on more than one occasion. You are giving yourself to another woman's husband. What does marriage even mean to you, if anything at all? I'm assuming you want to get married one day. Isn't marriage a sacred union that people are supposed to hold at high regard? If you're disrespecting and desecrating another woman's union, what makes you think yours should even be average, let alone sweet?

How on earth could you even take a break with your boyfriend? If you loved him at all, you wouldn't even consider leaving him for another woman's husband. You told him you need a break as if you're the one that's being hurt. Add the word "selfish" along with discontented and highly undisciplined please.

You are not just wrong, but double wrong. If you have any ounce of morality left in you, come clean with your boyfriend and let him go. I wonder what he's done to deserve having an adulterer as a girlfriend.

And we wonder why STDs are rampant. Shey na 2013? Smh.[/size]

Is dat al u can say, at least she av a conscience n she's tryin 2 pull out, $a dear sis u wuld 4get abt him totally wit time av bin der b4 n knw hw it feels, jst take things easy wit urself n go bck 2 ur bf n b good, we make mistakes, knowing we av made 1 n turnin bck makes u a better person, Cheers...

Op, if you are not careful you would do the same thing again with another married man. You committed 2 sins here.

1. Cheated on your boyfriend
2. Slept with another woman's husband

It needs to be clear in your mind why you did what you did. That is something that has been missing in your posts. If you cannot ascertain what made you slip a correct it, you would do it again.

Also if you plan t continue your relationship with y bf, you need to tell him and ask for forgiveness. Of he finds out in future, it would be worse for both of you.

You are not a serious-minded individual. Are you saying that being able to condone immorality is now a symbol or measure of growth? There are so many things I wont be caught doing. Stealing for one. Tattooing my body or going about butt-naked among others. But I will give you a more practical example.

In 2005 I was in Borno State for NYSC while my fiancee was in Ogun State. During the course of the youth service, I got a job with a bank. There was this beautiful girl, a secretary in a legal office on the same floor as the audit firm I served in, who was so into me. She said she liked me so much and usually asked when I would take her out. I used to avoid her because (i) I made a promise to my fiancee and (ii) I didn't want to toy with her emotion.

Then one Friday around 4 pm, she came to the bank dressed to kill in this sexy attire. By the way, I was in the marketing department and I could have pretended to be out on a marketing call. I say her through the window and I knew there was no way I would be able to keep my resolve if I went out with her. So I called my fellow corper and sent him to tell the lady that I was "not available". All the guys in the bank taunted me and said I was "not sharp". I agree because such sharpness will only bring me to the state where I will be saying, "I am telling you, that even as I type this I am in shock that this could happen to me", just like you.

Aleovera:

I really am excited reading your posts. Its a clear reflection of how much I have grown! Try to get out of yourself, I mean attempt not to respond from the basis of your values and principles, just be a bit open minded. I am telling you, that even as I type this I am in shock that this could happen to me, all because I thought so highly of myself and took things for granted and was caught unawares!

I have attempted to cut ties with him but still slip occasionally. You are currently in love I suppose, imagine he is the wrong person and you have to let go, how do you do that? That's why its not that simple.

I think it is important for us not to judge; I have a friend who once cheated on her boyfriend while they were dating, but eventually got married to him. I saw her recently and she seemed very happy with her life, has two kids with the guy she married.

My point is everyone DOES have a moment of insanity; the issue then becomes, do we act it out? Some people are more morally inclined than others and strongly believe that there would always be future implications for engaging in things like that. The truth is it all takes the grace of God; so know matter how judgmental or "holy" you think you are, it is important to put these things in perspective, it is all by God's grace.

So let he who thinks he stands, take heed lest he falls.

@Aleovera, pls dont mind my rambling, it is important for you to remove yourself from where ever the married guy is; delete his bb profile from ur fone, number from your whatsapp, facebook, any and everything that may remind you of him if you r truly serious about ending this (if it hasnt ended yet o).

It's good that you have opted to take the time off your relationship; it will allow you focus better on yourself and what you truly want out of life (learn to be happy with just been by yourself).

ogugua88:

[size=13pt]No, you truly don't understand. If you're cheating with a married man, then you don't understand. Put yourself in the man's wife shoes. If they have children, put yourself in their shoes as well. Then, consider the implications of all of them finding out.
We get it. There are men who cheat. There are married men who cheat. That's a fact of life. However, just because he wants to be stupid doesn't mean you should follow him and be stupid. If you have any self-worth, then you wouldn't stoop so low.

I didn't misunderstand you. You said you cheated on your partner with a married man and took a break from your current boyfriend. I don't think it gets any more explicit than that. What is there to reevaluate? You don't love your boyfriend if you're hiding this from him and telling yourself you've fallen in love with another woman's husband.

If you have no intention of stealing someone else's husband, then cut your ties with him and face your own partner. I know what you or anyone else will say. "It's not that simple". Of course it's not that simple. Why? For one of two reasons. Either because you don't know what you want, or because you want the two of them simultaneously.

Make your choice. The options are actually crystal clear.[/size]

Whatever reason is given for someone cheating whether justifyable or not should be condemned. It is bad. But things like this will always happen, its not the first time and would certainly not be the last, we are all trying prayerfull or physically not to fall into this kind of thing while others are actually targeting married partners deliberately.

Let me play the devils advocate, we can condemn the OP as much as we like but what if its just a circles making the round. What if this is a punishment for the guy's wife who may have done this to some other woman or women? Not saying she can not be faithful to her husband. Just saying.

If Nairaland survives many years to come we will see another self confession about how someone slept with a married man, not knowing na this OP husband and then we have Ogugua and her likes taking a swipe at her.

OP pray and ask for forgiveness!!

dudet: I think it is important for us not to judge; I have a friend who once cheated on her boyfriend while they were dating, but eventually got married to him. I saw her recently and she seemed very happy with her life, has two kids with the guy she married.

My point is everyone DOES have a moment of insanity; the issue then becomes, do we act it out? Some people are more morally inclined than others and strongly believe that there would always be future implications for engaging in things like that. The truth is it all takes the grace of God; so know matter how judgmental or "holy" you think you are, it is important to put these things in perspective, it is all by God's grace.

So let he who thinks he stands, take heed lest he falls.

so,did she cheat on her bf with a married man or fall in love with d said married man?go thru d OP's post again.

coded guy:

Whatever reason is given for someone cheating whether justifyable or not should be condemned. It is bad. But things like this will always happen, its not the first time and would certainly not be the last, we are all trying prayerfull or physically not to fall into this kind of thing while others are actually targeting married partners deliberately.

Let me play the devils advocate, we can condemn the OP as much as we like but what if its just a circles making the round. What if this is a punishment for the guy's wife who may have done this to some other woman or women? Not saying she can not be faithful to her husband. Just saying.

If Nairaland survives many years to come we will see another self confession about how someone slept with a married man, not knowing na this OP husband and then we have Ogugua and her likes taking a swipe at her.

OP pray and ask for forgiveness!!

its same tin we r saying.it will likely be OP's fate too.

Isn't it funny the person you guys are trying to help is not responding anymore? I hope this topic ends here.

@OP
All i can say to you is,whatsoever a man sows,that he'll reap.Even though you tried making a point as to why you started this thread,i still am not sure what the reason for starting this blog is.Plus,you're not sounding remorseful,but then again,remorse doesn't come mostly,until when the fruit of our actions start yielding.

[quote author=Aleovera]Ogugua, thank you for the welcome. Honestly babe I understand why you seem so vexed and can relate with the passion your post exudes. Reason is I have been at the very place you are. I think you kinda misunderstood the content of my post, I did not leave my boyfriend for a married man, ( I fell in love not loose my mind). The reason I took a break was not to play the victim as you also wrongly assumed, but to re-evaluate things.

I have no intention of stealing any woman's man because I do not see myself having a meaningful relationship with a man who is already taken. Like I said, this thread is to assist all(myself included) who have been entangled in wring relationships to take the bold step of getting out by discussing meaningful ways to do that.

Get rid of the judgmental attitude. #Your post was for the public to read and comment.. "Judge not for you may not be judged" as the saying goes.. You judged people who indulged in this act.. What do you expect? Am not condemning you here cos no man is perfect... Life is all about growth and experiences.. The deed has already been done.. You must not live with guilt all the days of your life cos of this evil act.. Go and confess your sins to God, your bf and that man's wife... (Becareful so that woman won't slaughter you) All you need is forgiveness and change from those ways.. From your little story, you're still a good chick and can still maintain your standards like before if you wish to.. Goodluck swt

Aleovera: Hello house,

I have been a consistent guest on this forum and decided to hop on to the next level by becoming a member.. yayy

Okay so, as regards the subject, let me start by giving a brief description of myself or the sort of person I used to be. I used to think of myself as really disciplined, principled and one who would never compromise her values or standards. Also, I used to be so quick to pass judgement. I never could understand why girls dated married men and deluded themselves into thinking they were in love! Not only did I find such circumstances disgustingly annoying but also judged the ladies as silly, stupid, gullible, irresponsible, thoughtless, selfish and cruel!

I also had zero tolerance for people who cheat on their partners. I saw them as discontented and highly undisciplined individuals.

However, I have had reason to change my perspectives as a result of some recent happenings in my life!

I cheated on my partner with a married man! I am totally shocked at myself! The crazy part of this is that I think I fell in love with this married man! My boo and I are tight and have been together for well over 4years and I always thought I could never be attracted to any other man. I have tried to put an end to this craziness because it just ain't worth it but its so hard.

The purpose of this thread is to:
1) Let you all who think so highly of yourself to be careful lest you fall. Never say never! Never think you are too disciplined or smart or principled to fall for certain temptations. Those who know me will never believe me if I tell them I fell for adultery (I can't even believe myself)

2)Seek counsel from people who have gone through this kind of stuff. You had an affair you knew you had to get out of but just couldn't, how did you deal with it.

What I have been doing lately is praying and deliberately not contacting this married dude. (I still find myself thinking about him)I also told my boo I needed a break!

Please let's discuss maturely as I believe there are so many people going through this kinda stuff but cant share with anyone because of the fear of condemnation and peoples hypocritical and self righteous attitude!

WATEVER U SOW U MUST REAP.U ARE PUTTING ASUNDER TO A GODLY ENTITY CALLED MARRAGE IN D NAME OF FEELINS...RUBBISH!CHANGE OR U SUFFER STRONGLY FOR IT.DISCIPLINE IS NOT DOING THE CONVINIENT BUT DOING THE RIGHT THING...CHANGE,I HATE CHEATS LIKE YOU!IF I WERE UR GUY...U R LONG GONE...CANT COPE WITH CHEATS...U BETTER LEAV THAT CURSED UNION U CALLED FEELINGS TO A MARRIED MAN,ITS A CURSE ELSE U WILL BURN WITH TIME!CHANGE!

ogugua88: [size=13pt]What I'm getting from this is that you once believed cheating was wrong, but because you're now a cheat yourself, your perspective has changed? Give me a break.

As far as I'm concerned, cheating is one of the worst forms of disrespect to a partner or spouse, and people who cheat are discontented and highly undisciplined human beings. There is such a thing as self-control. In your case, it's not that you lost control, but that you know what's right and wrong and have chosen to do wrong on more than one occasion. You are giving yourself to another woman's husband. What does marriage even mean to you, if anything at all? I'm assuming you want to get married one day. Isn't marriage a sacred union that people are supposed to hold at high regard? If you're disrespecting and desecrating another woman's union, what makes you think yours should even be average, let alone sweet?

How on earth could you even take a break with your boyfriend? If you loved him at all, you wouldn't even consider leaving him for another woman's husband. You told him you need a break as if you're the one that's being hurt. Add the word "selfish" along with discontented and highly undisciplined please.

You are not just wrong, but double wrong. If you have any ounce of morality left in you, come clean with your boyfriend and let him go. I wonder what he's done to deserve having an adulterer as a girlfriend.

And we wonder why STDs are rampant. Shey na 2013? Smh.[/size]

I LIK D WAY U CONDEMN CLEARLY WAT SHE HAS DONE BUT SHE STILL TRYIN TO JUSTIFY HER POSITION...U AV DONE UR BIT,,,IF SHE LIKES SHE CAN ALLOW HER FEELINGS TO RUIN A HAPPY HOME,BUT ONE THING SHE MUST KNOW IS DAT HER OWN HOME TOO WILL NEVER BE SAFE.ITS NOT A CURSE,ITS CALLED KARMA...WATEVR U SOW U REAP...U DONT JOKE WIT A HAPPY OWN JUST because OF SOME SELFISH FEELINS IN D NAME OF "I AM IN LOVE".

i am really intrigued with the conversation that has been going on with this topic and i must say that, 'to ere is human, to forgive is divine'. Well, babe, you must cut ties with this fellow and fast too, no matter what he has said or being saying to you. cut him off!!!! did u guys ever sleep with each other or is it just emotional cheating you did? i.e. you admire him, you fantasize about him etc....? if you have slept with him, how do you feel when your bf does same to you? You see gf, no matter how you paint it, YOU MUST CUT OFF FROM HIM!!!!! no matter how uneasy it may seem and pls give your Life to Christ and accept Him as your Savior so that you dont perish as this may be your chance. Not that you wont be tempted even in Christ, but He will give you Grace to overcome it.God bless you!!!

.

.

Aw can u lov ur BF nd stil fall in lov wit anoda man

"If u lov 2 people at d same time, choose d 2nd person cus if u truely lov d 1st u wunt fal for d 2nd..!!

U dunt luv ur BF #SHIKENA

@op whatever you resist persists
Karma is also a big bad bitch
She will come bck n bite u in d ass
1. Ask God for forgiveness
2. Set him free(ur bf) with the truth

Bobajo: People of high moral standing all over this thread!!! I am so impressed. But please consider:

1. If my deduction is correct, Poster is at least 26/27

2. She has been dating a boyfriend for 4+ years without lovemaking

3. They stay in different towns

4. She confidently says she has always been of high moral standard, so i assume she probably has had at the most, 2 boyfriends, including the current bf

All the above taken together is a disaster waiting to happen relationship wise. Mature lady with all the hormones raging at intervals, long courtship that has grown stale, distance and over confidence..

Mr Experience comes along knowing all the right buttons to press, and seemingly appearing not to be in a hurry to conquer (married men have the benefit of not been 'desperate' for intimacy like young, unmarried folks). It's almost a given the moment she started talking to the guy for any appreciable length of time that she will fall into this error.

I honestly wont hit her on the head for her error as long as she puts a full stop to the affair immediately. Shit happens. It cant be undone. She should cut Mr Experience off totally, as in totally.

And somebody says she should tell boyfriend/fiancee. Really? To what end? The boy wont feel less bad even if he knows that the breakup is because she messed up. He probably will even feel worse. Secondly, that will be 4+ years wasted for both of them. OP, please keep your mouth shut, make your peace with God, ensure you don't invest any time with any other guy apart from your bf/fiancee and marry your man.

And to all the hardliners crucifying her; good luck in your long and interesting life. I personally have seen too much and experienced too much to know that absolutism of any kind usually just don't work. Humans will always make mistakes. Even Angels did circa Lucifer. 'We fall sometimes, we pick ourselves up, we look at what made us fall and learn not to trip on that same obstruction'. Saying you will never fall.... good luck with that

take this at ur own risk..

I dey feel this Aloevera chic. I was once in your boyfriend's shoes. In my case, I was blissfully unaware until she confessed to me cause the guilt was killing her. I told her that even if my mum had told me of her unfaithfulness, I would not have believed. I would have only believed if it came from her. It did and I was devastated. As painful as it was, all I wanted from her was an explanation as to why she did it. I wanted to know whether it was the sex or the money or whatHer answer even drove the dagger deeper, she said that she had fallen in love with the ma tried man. It took me all the power of my manhood to let it slide. After all this time I still feel some of the pain.

Aloevera. What ever you do, don't tell that man(your bf). Even if you want to call it quits, just give another excuse. There are very few men with hearts big enuf to forgive this sort of crime.

Its either u made up dis story or u r simply dumb. D same man u r trying to stop dating u r calling dude. Keep of ur dirtywork and stop disturbing us on NL

Toks2008:


Na wah for these ladies. Its like there is a similar spirit that operates in all of them just that the level of suppression differs from one lady to another.

Why wouldn't your wife want another when by this time you are still on NL instead of doing your duty! Abi u dey do watchman work?

Aleovera: Hello house,

I have been a consistent guest on this forum and decided to hop on to the next level by becoming a member.. yayy

Okay so, as regards the subject, let me start by giving a brief description of myself or the sort of person I used to be. I used to think ofI myself as really disciplined, principled and one who would never compromise her values or standards. Also, I used to be so quick to pass judgement. I never could understand why girls dated married men and deluded themselves into thinking they were in love! Not only did I find such circumstances disgustingly annoying but also judged the ladies as silly, stupid, gullible, irresponsible, thoughtless, selfish and cruel!

I also had zero tolerance for people who cheat on their partners. I saw them as discontented and highly undisciplined individuals.

However, I have had reason to change my perspectives as a result of some recent happenings in my life!

I cheated on my partner with a married man! I am totally shocked at myself! The crazy part of this is that I think I fell in love with this married man! My boo and I are tight and have been together for well over 4years and I always thought I could never be attracted to any other man. I have tried to put an end to this craziness because it just ain't worth it but its so hard.

The purpose of this thread is to:
1) Let you all who think so highly of yourself to be careful lest you fall. Never say never! Never think you are too disciplined or smart or principled to fall for certain temptations. Those who know me will never believe me if I tell them I fell for adultery (I can't even believe myself)

2)Seek counsel from people who have gone through this kind of stuff. You had an affair you knew you had to get out of but just couldn't, how did you deal with it.

What I have been doing lately is praying and deliberately not contacting this married dude. (I still find myself thinking about him)I also told my boo I needed a break!

Please let's discuss maturely as I believe there are so many people going through this kinda stuff but cant share with anyone because of the fear of condemnation and peoples hypocritical and self righteous attitude!

What you did was wrong but since you have obstinately refused to admit it and turn...Just keep calm KARMA USUALLY TAKES HER SWEET TIME WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOU

apocalypse:

you were doing great right up to this point , if you don't appreciate criticism for wrong doing then you are not ready to change in your ways

Dis aloevera girl made dis story up. She I so fake anyhow I will still criticize her. Like and love the judgement and criticism u get her, sebi u want attention, never get married oh, cos ur own dey front. Ashawo, I wonder where the moral u claimed u had was.

I still feel like spraying fumigation fluid to dis aloevera. Its only in nigeria women who cheats will try to canvas the reason why they cheated so as to make use buy the picture.

wow.i commend you for coming out here and telling us what you did. Yes, this will serve a lesson to many. And admitting your fault is just the first step to correcting it. So just hang in there. pokies

ogugua88:

[size=13pt]You've grown to be a married man's side piece of bum. There's growing up and then there's reversion. You can fill in the blanks.

I've made my own hard decisions and I'm grateful I did. I'm a better and happier person for it. It wasn't easy, but it was possible. It was doable.

Solving your problem is doable, except for the fact that you don't want to do anything apart from exonerate yourself from any guilt or wrongdoing. You don't want to change. Until you're ready to want a change and actually do that change, you'll be in your conundrum.[/size]

I like this Ogugua, you be correct babe. Your posts dey spit fire and brimstone. Me thinks the Op will prefer koboko to your lashing. But to be quite honest, I totally agree wiv you. We make our own choices which are based on our desires.
@Op, cut ties with the married man completely if you want to be free of the leprosy of adultery and stop fantasizing about him. Then if you have any atom of love for your boyfriend, you need to come clean and let him know what you have been doing behind him. You cannot build a successful relationship with him if you can keep that kind of crime to yourself. Remember the way you make your bed is the way you will lie on it. Karma is a b***h

clearly, I understand u. yes u were caught off guard but maybe u shud try:
1. praying more often
2. not calling married guy
3. telling ur partner id he is matured. if he oath he'd understand but if he's nt. instead tell a friend dat u trust (your accountability partner)
4. set limits lyk nt going to a place were u knw u'd find him or meeting him n romantic places or even lonely places. tell ur accountability partner so she can help u with dis.
5. start doing something wen u think about him.

I think desert few will help. and others pls stop being judgmental and hypocritical lyk d pharisees cos at one tym or another u've also done something wrong, si dn't think u r any better.

After going through this whole thread, a story comes to mind
When multitude of people gathered to stone a woman to death for adultery
They met Jesus thinking he will be in support, he is the son of God and people like this woman are condemned to hell,
but he said:
He that has done no wrong, let him be the first to cast the stone.
And guess what, the adulterer walked away
And Jesus said sin no more

@op, you have crossed the first step, which is you knowing you did the wrong thing
the second step is "sin no more" :- which is sort yourself out and do the right thing

clintwine: After going through this whole thread, a story comes to mind
When multitude of people gathered to stone a woman to death for adultery
They met Jesus thinking he will be in support, he is the son of God and people like this woman are condemned to hell,
but he said:
He that has done no wrong, let him be the first to cast the stone.
And guess what, the adulterer walked away
And Jesus said sin no more

@op, you have crossed the first step, which is you knowing you did the wrong thing
the second step is "sin no more" :- which is sort yourself out and do the right thing

no worry ur wife will cheat on u and when u find out no come yarn here make we helep u stone am