all i can say: there is no peace for the wicked, repent and ask for forgiveness..........God is watching.

What happened to this thread? Who changed the title? I'm very sure people must have finishes crucifying the op. Whoever moved this topic has totally flawed the essence of this thread. It's not fair on the op.

I only went through the first page, so forgive me if somebody else already posted the same line of thought. First I think the OP didn't start this conversation so we can blame and condemn her, and tell her how she has erred and all that self-righteous crap. She gets all that. All she wanted to talk about; and correct me if I'm wrong here; she's trying to discuss how we as humans aren't perfect, and when you think you've got it all under control - GBAM! You're caught unaware.

Anyways, nobody will congratulate you for this. And I think the best thing to do, just like everyone else has said is to immediately end the relationship with the married man, and then tell your boyfriend. But I can tell you aren't ready to do this because you're in love. It's a sad situation to be in. Goodluck with your decision, but please tell the poor guy why you want a break.

Aleovera: A friend said married men are very normal people, it is just that they are married! She said this when I once questioned how a girl would have inappropriate relations with a man, knowing he is married. We often feel we gat it under control and certain things are beneath us but alas...

@ 190: Thank you for dropping a line.

oro yi, o so simi lenu, otun wa bu iyo si...ORO NLA......

I feel d pain u feeling inside, but don't because of that reason give your bf a break at al.
Now that you have identified the problem, face it so that you can solve and overcome it. I won't criticize you coz we are all human beings and no 1 is perfect.
Let who has never made a mistake in his/her life cast the first stone at you.

The more you grow the more you will understand that no one can be trusted so all these talk about someone sleeping with a man or woman asides their fiance/fiancee or spouse is comical. Lets discuss something more weighty.


Do not trust a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend. Even with the woman who lies in your embrace guard the words of your lips.Micah 7:5

next topic please.

@ Topic

This shouldn't be a big deal...at least not in Nigeria.

Most girls in this country are so into dating married men. Its the new trend.
In fact, a young girl will be seen as a leaner by her peers if she doesn't have at least 2 married men. One for money and the other for mature love.

I was chatting up with a new friend and she was confidently telling me how she can't date her recent chiker; a married man. "He's too old for me. If he was below 50yrs...maybe I could at least console myself with the money". I was like....why are you more concerned about the age than his marital status? She replied "who cares if he's married or not?". I fell off my chair laughing. And I'm sure she thought I was amused at her 'smart' moves.

I made it clear to my new friend that I'm against cheating....more so with married men/women. However, I rather understand my friend who is bold enough to admit her escapade than Aloevera who in her opening statement made it clear she shouldn't be blamed cos it could happen to anybody. "Never say never". Crap!

I just feel girls in this category are either delusional, greedy, low self esteem or just plain wicked.

@OP I want to understand something, u said "I didn't believe in sex before marriage" does it mean u actually lost ur virginity to this married man or that u had changed ur views and did it wit ur Bf b4 d married man. If the latter is the case then we can call it a mistake and perhaps u lost control and it happened to u despite ur beliefs, but if the former is d case then a girl only looses her virginity when she decides, there is never any mistake or inability to hold oneself about it, unless she was raped.

Trying to say she couldn't help being a slut and a cheat.

Way to go girl. You cheated on your bf with a married man and then came here to tell us you couldnt help it.

@Aloe, you once disproved of cheating, but obviously, you now subscribe to it, ba? And if your guy does the same, he, as well as all guys will be chronic cheats to you, isn't it. I wish you what you think you deserve.

Aleovera:

Thank you for this. I actually have been taking steps to return to my level of spirituality and its really tough. I mean this has never happened to me before, I used to be a strong advocate of no sex before marriage only to fall for this! Its quite pathetic I just thank God for His mercies and grace to stand strong again. I feel I need to focus on myself that is why I asked for a break from my partner.

Please dont tell me it was the married man that first bruised your petals? Not even your boyfriend? Haba!

.

tommiesyn: @Aloe, you once disproved with cheating, but obviously, you now subscribe to it, ba? And if your guy does the same, he, as well as all guys will be chronic cheats to you, isn't it. I wish you what you think you deserve, ''

I'm so sorry to say this but it will take the grace of GOD for me to have high regards for ladies.

99.999% are either sluts or sluts in the making.And for the men, just be yourself. Don't strain trying to please any lady. Most of them are not worth it because if you like cur your heart in two and give them one,they are almost likely to still mess up.

The gene of eve still runs in them,canny,manipulative and rebellious to the man that truly loves them just to be used and dumped by the man they claim they have feelings for.

They are bunch of headaches and epitome of confusion.GOD help us.

Toks2008:

I'm so sorry to say this but it will take the grace of GOD for me to have high regards for ladies.

99.999% are either sluts or sluts in the making.And for the men, just be yourself. Don't strain trying to please any lady. Most of them are not worth it because if you like cur your heart in two and give them one,they are almost likely to still mess up.

The gene of eve still runs in them,canny,manipulative and rebellious to the man that truly loves them just to be used and dumped by the man they claim they have feelings for.

They are bunch of headaches and epitome of confusion.GOD help us.

best thing to do is just use and dump the sluts.

any romance I have left is getting a pack of condom, picking the bills at the bar and heading to a motel.

that's it.

I will call you, don't bother calling me treatment

Now I know why I can walk over a cheat's corpse and feel nothing .You tripped and fell on his Dickson,that can happen to anybody can't it OP?What you did is a physical manifestation of your subconscious cravings, admit it and face your demons.

Clitorial.Dept.:


best thing to do is just use and dump the sluts.

any romance I have left is getting a pack of condom, picking the bills at the bar and heading to a motel.

that's it.

I will call you, don't bother calling me treatment

Unfortunately, they are necessary evils because we must marry one and start a family with her but then just have it at the back of your mind that she can com up with a horror movie script that will shake you to the marrows.

Just pray to GOD to come across one of the 0.01% that are truly virtuous and Godly in every aspect.

byvan: Now I know why I can walk over a cheat's corpse and feel nothing .You tripped and fell on his Dickson,that can happen to anybody can't it OP?What you did is a physical manifestation of your subconscious cravings, admit it and face your demons.

marry me and I will make you very happy.

ogugua88: [size=13pt]What I'm getting from this is that you once believed cheating was wrong, but because you're now a cheat yourself, your perspective has changed? Give me a break.

As far as I'm concerned, cheating is one of the worst forms of disrespect to a partner or spouse, and people who cheat are discontented and highly undisciplined human beings. There is such a thing as self-control. In your case, it's not that you lost control, but that you know what's right and wrong and have chosen to do wrong on more than one occasion. You are giving yourself to another woman's husband. What does marriage even mean to you, if anything at all? I'm assuming you want to get married one day. Isn't marriage a sacred union that people are supposed to hold at high regard? If you're disrespecting and desecrating another woman's union, what makes you think yours should even be average, let alone sweet?

How on earth could you even take a break with your boyfriend? If you loved him at all, you wouldn't even consider leaving him for another woman's husband. You told him you need a break as if you're the one that's being hurt. Add the word "selfish" along with discontented and highly undisciplined please.

You are not just wrong, but double wrong. If you have any ounce of morality left in you, come clean with your boyfriend and let him go. I wonder what he's done to deserve having an adulterer as a girlfriend.

And we wonder why STDs are rampant. Shey na 2013? Smh.[/size]

I tink. there r better ways to drive home ur point,u shud b a bit more constructive wit ur criticism.it mite nt b exactly frm her own point of view,bt I understnd d aspect of tinking dat one z soooo principled dat u can't mke a mistake.u mite b here murdering her publicly for cheating,while u r an armed robber,(just sayng oh)bt wats d difference.so plss and pls in as much as I am highly against cheating,let's help counsel and criticise her rightly and nt mke her feel any worse dan she already z.

its mostly yoruba women dat do things like dis...... God is watching u.

alutacontinua: What happened to this thread? Who changed the title? I'm very sure people must have finishes crucifying the op. Whoever moved this topic has totally flawed the essence of this thread. It's not fair on the op.

Don't mind this sanctimonious, judgemental lot. The point of sharing this story was to show that no matter how righteous one thinks he is, no one is proof against succumbing to sin sooner or later.

She can't help it that she fell in love, she can't help it that he's married. She could have desisted from acting on her emotions but that's the error she's admitting here. And she's stopped communicating with him what more should she do? It`s only natural that she would take a step back from the relationship with her boyfriend to evaluate things given that this happened. She needs to understand why she cheated, she needs to decide what she wants. We all know this sort of a break could be the prelude to the eventual break-up or a lenghty confession

byvan: Now I know why I can walk over a cheat's corpse and feel nothing .You tripped and fell on his Dickson,that can happen to anybody can't it OP?What you did is a physical manifestation of your subconscious cravings, admit it and face your demons.

Right on point.

I became so scared when my wife and i were having some friendly chat and we were discussing our fantasies. She said she normally imagines how it will be making love to another man.

Though i made her a woman at 19 and according to her i have always been the only man but at 30 she now feels she is disconnected and she needs to be sure of her feelings for me after 11long years of been together.

I cant categorically say she is cheating because i have absolutely no reason to say that since i have no evidence but believe me, I was so so amazed so all these stories i read on NL are comedy compared to what is really going on.

Toks2008: The more you grow the more you will understand that no one can be trusted so all these talk about someone sleeping with a man or woman asides their fiance/fiancee or spouse is comical. Lets discuss something more weighty.


Do not trust a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend. Even with the woman who lies in your embrace guard the words of your lips.Micah 7:5

next topic please.

deep

Raggedy_Ann:

Don't mind this sanctimonious, judgemental lot. The point of sharing this story was to show that no matter how righteous one thinks he is, no one is proof against succombing to sin sooner or later.

She can't help it that she fell in love, she can't help it that he's married. She could have desisted from acting on her emotions but that's the error she's admitting here. And she's stopped communicating with him what more should she do? It`s only natural that she would take a step back from the relationship with her boyfriend to evaluate things given that this happened. She needs to understand why she cheated, she needs to decide what she wants. We all know this sort of a break could be the prelude to the eventual break-up or a lenghty confession

a wise head there...

abifoluwa: wait o, but you dated your boyfriend for 4 to 5 years plus without the kpekus thing, and you are saying you gave your virginity to a married man? is that what you are saying? you should be stoned to death, and end the relationship quickly.. Thank you

he who has not sinned shud b d first to cast a stone,moreova did she say she slept wit d married man?

poison ivy19: he who has not sinned shud b d first to cast a stone,moreova did she say she slept wit d married man?

Maybe they just laid side by side together in same bed.

biolabee: I like this... I think that core is called the ID

Just to clarify this ID thing

According to Freud, we are born with our Id. The id is an important part of our personality because as newborns, it allows us to get our basic needs met. Freud believed that the id is based on our pleasure principle. In other words, the id wants whatever feels good at the time, with no consideration for the reality of the situation. When a child is hungry, the id wants food, and therefore the child cries. When the child needs to be changed, the id cries. When the child is uncomfortable, in pain, too hot, too cold, or just wants attention, the id speaks up until his or her needs are met.

http://allpsych.com/psychology101/ego.html


Not to be confused with Area Mami ID Noble

Clitorial.Dept.:


best thing to do is just use and dump the sluts.

any romance I have left is getting a pack of condom, picking the bills at the bar and heading to a motel.

that's it.

I will call you, don't bother calling me treatment

@cli wtv,I tink ur comment z quite disrespectful.do u knw dat ur mum z a woman,ur sis z a woman?y mke such comments of disrespect cos u blive u r annonymous or faceless on nairaland?I hope u knw its nt compulsory to comment,u can just go tru d thread,nd learn a tin or two nd log out.cos left to me dis particular comment z nt necessary at all.

Aleovera:

I really am excited reading your posts. Its a clear reflection of how much I have grown! Try to get out of yourself, I mean attempt not to respond from the basis of your values and principles, just be a bit open minded. I am telling you, that even as I type this I am in shock that this could happen to me, all because I thought so highly of myself and took things for granted and was caught unawares!

I have attempted to cut ties with him but still slip occasionally. You are currently in love I suppose, imagine he is the wrong person and you have to let go, how do you do that? That's why its not that simple.

Your initial post got me thinking and against my better judgment, i was sympathetic until i got to this post in particular the part in bold. I was under the impression, from your initial post, you were counting your loss, moving on and have learnt a huge lesson but this part in bold makes me see otherwise.
Permit me to say you are a selfish girl with low standards. I doubt you had those strong moral belief and conviction in the first place. If you had the moment you fell, you will dust yourself and move on quickly. But still hearing things like how do i let him go and all that makes me think you are two faced. Karma they say is a bitch! I think it will knock on your door lady.
You want to get married someday how about a lady screwing your husband and saying the same trash you are spewing here? Someone said think about the children. Oh yes while you are giving yourself the break from your boyfriend think very well. M out

Proverbs 31:10-31

The Woman Who Fears the Lord

10 [a] An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself[b] with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.[c]
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.

Can we still find a lady with these qualities in this present world. 4 months ago i will say yes but now i don't really know.

Your first point was quite striking, but then u had no excuse to have cheated on ur bf wit a married man, if u were d self-restrained type. I guess al those things u said abt neva expectin ursef to do such was al because d chances neva seemed forth comin. And wen d chance finaly came... U decided not to miss it.
Am rily feelin for ur boifrnd. Dat poor boy myt be sumwia now swearin down to hs frnds dat he's got a very great girl, not knwin ur a Kim-k.
This is one of d reasons why dating a gal is sumtyms nt advisable... Cos gals can at anytym cum wit their Balotelli.

Whenever a guy or a babe says'' I need a ''break'' in a relationship just like the OP said. I conclude that there is something deceitful going on from the fellow needing a ''break''. He or she must be tired of the patner or the relationship.

@OP I think I need a break on this topic now