sheniqua:

The topic here is about physically abusive males
anything you've said is very irrelevant and grossly untrue

I wonder why you dey vex over reality? Unless you are motivated solely by gender bashing,you will be appalled by any physical abuse of women,whether by males,lesbian partners or daughters.

HR.hotness:

Even confident, intelligent and successful women have been known to be trapped in abusive marriages so its not something as easy as walking out. You're a guy so it might be difficult to understand

No woman who is mildly intelligent will put up with physical abuse for 6 years while living in the West.I will be surprised if she put up with even a one-off physical abuse,never mind 6 years of abuse.

4 Play:

No woman who is mildly intelligent will put up with physical abuse for 6 years while living in the West.I will be surprised if she put up with even a one-off physical abuse,never mind 6 years of abuse.

Thats the thing!!!

It does happen!!!

@ 4 Him physical abuse is very complicated and the abused packing up and leaving is not as easy for various reasons and I'll list some.

1.Our Society esp Nigerian is cruel to divorced women so the women stay on and endure at the same time praying things will change.

2.Most of the time these women cannot support themselves financially so they stay on added with the fear of being alone.

3.Their self esteem is usually non existent from years and years of emotional and physical abuse

4.Some are threatened with bodily harm if they leave and there are tons of examples of women that have been killed after they left and with restraining orders in place I'm sure we've all read the typical "acid pouring " cases in Nigeria.

These men are not normal mentally speaking.
why do you think women enter shelters and hide their locations even after leaving?
It's not as easy as you think.

sheniqua:

@ 4 Him physical abuse is very complicated and the abused packing up and leaving is not as easy for various reasons and I'll list some.

1.Our Society esp Nigerian is cruel to divorced women so the women stay on and endure at the same time praying things will change.

2.Most of the time these women cannot support themselves financially so they stay on added with the fear of being alone.

3.Their self esteem is usually non existent from years and years of emotional and physical abuse

4.Some are threatened with bodily harm if they leave and there are tons of examples of women that have been killed after they left and with restraining orders in place I'm sure we've all read the typical "acid pouring " cases in Nigeria.

These men are not normal mentally speaking.
why do you think women enter shelters and hide their locations even after leaving?


It's not as easy as you think.

I SOOOO AGREE WITH YOU. OUR SOCIETY NEEDS CHANGE!

HR.hotness:

I understand where you are coming from but even here in the UK there are many people suffering in silence with abuse from their spouses

It annoys me as well because God knows I wouldnt stand for it but the truth is that some people feel emotionally trapped, or are in denial for shame or whatever reasons.

Its definitely easier to see everything in black and white but there are many grey areas in reality,,,,

I was in an abusive relationship a long time ago, I can see how she probably couldnt leave, there is alot of emotional blackmail and mind games in an abusive relationship, its never what it seems. I left the relationship before it got too far but I know how easy it would have been to stay.

The problem also boils down to culture in Nigeria, it used to be a forbidden thing for a wife to walk out of a marriage or to speak against her husband no matter what was going on. Even now, i know people in my age group who have those kinds of values,,,, its just a recipe for an abusive marriage.

Even confident, intelligent and successful women have been known to be trapped in abusive marriages so its not something as easy as walking out. You're a guy so it might be difficult to understand

You hit the nail on the head.
Thank God you got out.
I didn't read your posting b4 sending mine.
I had an earlier thread of a friend who I knew was abused with 3 little kids,it's not until the man actually moved out that she got the courage to accept her reality.
This woman has been beaten,kicked,emotionally battered and she would still call the man and beg him to return.
because she hated to be divorced.
Emotionally she's almost like a 12 year old.

As usual when it comes to stuff like this 4Play just ignores the questions

Give us the bloody signs or be quiet jare. This is the 3rd time you brought up your retarded lesbian relationship theory. That has NOTHING top do wityh this particular topic. We're talking heterosexual ok? Take the lesbian fetish else where \

4 Him:

Tboy's sister had ample chance to report to the police, she chose to bear the abuse in silence for 6yrs, its no one's fault but hers.

Sincere question. Why are you acting like you don't know how we were raised?

Those of us who were raised in The States for a good chunk of our lives. Despite the fact that all we have to do is call '911 and say, "my dad wants to hit me with a belt or stick." How many of us do you think ever went ahead and did such? Seriously? Yes we have the means to call when we are being hit or beatened, etc but we don't do it as Nigerians/Africans. Most of us just don't tread in that area. We are made to believe we deserve whatever we get.
So how can you expect a woman or whoemever who is raised in that way to now call the cops on her husband? Husband she was told to "submirt and obey", she will now call cops on him?
Some have the guts but most of them don't.

Iff not for the fact that tboy's mother is unlike most of those in Nigeria. A typical Naija mother would tell her to "stop sperading dirty linen" or "disgracing herself" and if the girl was to report, they would CRICTIZE HER, the victim. Am I lying?

Remember when Leliah wrote about her husband's madness, werent there people telling her to shut up and stop spreading stories of her home life? I know you people think "oh women complain too much, they say this and that. they are acting too mordernized and liberated", we are from a continent where even while being tortured, we are asked to keep it to ourselves so why would you be surprised that the girl kept it to herself for so long?

and i wasnt trying to be insulting when I said guys without sisters would not be able to understand things like this fully. It's the truth.

I can assure you when you have the 2 daughters that you are wishing for, when it come sto stuff like this, rationality and logic will jump out the window

D-reloaded:

As usual when it comes to stuff like this 4Play just ignores the questions

Give us the bloody signs or be quiet jare. This is the 3rd time you brought up your retarded lesbian relationship theory. That has NOTHING top do wityh this particular topic. We're talking heterosexual ok? Take the lesbian fetish else where \

Lesbians no be human beings? The topic says,"Woman Beater".

What about children? I saw one with broken ribs and cracked skull at Great Ormond St

This is why I insist that the word Full time Housewife should be non existent

found some interesting articles on abuse, there are many more and its a problem that has no simple of defined solution,,,,
a large part of abuse is psychological and that makes it difficult for an outsider to intervain

Why do women tolerate abuse what a difficult question to answer? The question assumes that all women are the same and their reasons for staying with an abusive partner will always be the same. The question assumes that abuse takes the same form, always. How does one answer a question that cannot be properly formulated because of all the variations of the human condition? How does one begin to answer this broad question with a single response that might make sense? Although the question as posed is why women tolerate abuse from the men in their lives, it should be noted that men can be and are abused.

 

Women who are victims of abuse internalize, they self-blame, and they are ashamed of their inability to control their situation and thus are unable to seek the assistance they need. All too often victims of abuse become depressed and experience all the symptoms of clinical depression forcing them into even more dependent roles with their abuser. The feelings of worthlessness and helplessness translating into further negative self- image.

Generally, women who are abused have a difficult time expressing anger, the one emotion that might permit them to fight back from the abyss. Abused women dampen down their anger and without and external target will often turn their anger inwards. The expressions of anger can often take the form of self-abuse including cutting and burning. These acts, naturally lead to further feelings of shame and isolation for the woman caught in the abuse relationship

4 Play:

What about children? I saw one with broken ribs and cracked skull at Great Ormond St

You are allowed to make a thread called child abuse, 4Play.

well, i guess women esp african ones need to understand that divorce is ok. you can be single and happy. problem we in Nigeria stress so much about marriage

Everyone asks when u are getting married so all this factors can contribute to desperation, esp when u see that ur aunties , uncles and people who are part of your life stress on it like its the road to salvation.

I hung my marriage card so maybe or maybe not i would get married but am not stressing cuz i meet people who are so sad and i know there a good relationships/marriages out there but the bad ones are becoming worse than ever.

girls jump in to relationships because its cool and they get alot of rubbish fed to them and they stay there and become emotionally trapped. i told myself once that i rather be sucessful than be sad in a relationship.


i have been there and done that, even burnt the T-SHIRT.

Sincere question. Why are you acting like you don't know how we were raised?

Good question.

D-reloaded:

You are allowed to make a thread called child abuse, 4Play.

You people won't show interest in that kind of topic.All you people want to discuss is grown women taking abuse when they should walk out.

Bring up kids who have little alternatives,and they will tell you child abuse is a distraction. If my mum was the kind of stupid woman who accepted abuse for years,I would not only despise my dad but her for exposing me to that environment. I have little time for spineless women.

@ reloaded, the fact that the guy is bent on shifting the focus of the thread to women speaks volumes

4 Play:

You people won't show interest in that kind of topic.All you people want to discuss is grown women taking abuse when they should walk out.

Bring up kids who have little alternatives,and they will tell you child abuse is a distraction. If my mum was the kind of stupid woman who accepted abuse for years,I would not only despise my dad but her for exposing me to that environment. I have little time for spineless women.

Dude, Re-read what I wrote in my last post.

the fact that most women accept and keep mum is cos of how we were/are raised. The fact that you guys are IN DENIAL that a Nigerian/African woman who dares to press charges against an abusive husband would usually end up being the one criticized by society is amazing.

4 Play:

You people won't show interest in that kind of topic.All you people want to discuss is grown women taking abuse when they should walk out.

Bring up kids who have little alternatives,and they will tell you child abuse is a distraction. If my mum was the kind of stupid woman who accepted abuse for years,I would not only despise my dad but her for exposing me to that environment. I have little time for spineless women.

4play don't say that.
Abuse is well hidden by most women and you could live under the same roof and not know a woman is abused emotionally,sexually or even physically.
The women hide it excellently and would smile when a visitor comes in and gives this picture perfect image of a Mary poppins.
This whole discussion here should prompt you to speak with your female friends,sisters and cousins and you'll be shocked of answers you may receive.
Next time you see a woman you care about with bruises and a black eye don't just accept the "I fell down the stairs " excuse

D-reloaded:

the fact that most women accept and keep mum is because of how we were/are raised. The fact that you guys are IN DENIAL that a Nigerian/African woman who dares to press charges against an abusive husband would usually end up being the one criticized by society is amazing.

The above is rubbish.What I can't get my head round is that I know village women back home who won't put up with abusive husbands.

That a spineless woman living in the UK stays with a man who beats her and exposes her kids to abuse, on the grounds that society will look down on her, is bizarre.

Criticizing women for leaving men who beat them to a pulp?-as if you won't be the first to knock your fellow woman for being a "baby mama" when she leaves her abusive man.

Adults,especially those living in the West have a choice.I have far greater sympathy for abused kids than the motley of spineless Nigerian women who want to continue being called "Mrs".

4 Play:

Criticizing women for leaving men who beat them to a pulp?-as if you won't be the first to knock your fellow woman for being a "baby mama" when she leaves her abusive man.

keep acting like you're a bloody Brit and not from the same nigeria like the rest of us.

Everything Im syaing about society and family is the bloody truth and you know it and why would i look down on anyone for having guts to leave?

Have fun on that island of Denial. Hope the sun doesnt get too hot.

4 Play:

The above is rubbish.What I can't get my head round is that I know village women back home who won't put up with abusive husbands.

That a spineless woman living in the UK stays with a man who beats her and exposes her kids to abuse, on the grounds that society will look down on her, is bizarre.

Criticizing women for leaving men who beat them to a pulp?-as if you won't be the first to knock your fellow woman for being a "baby mama" when she leaves her abusive man.

Adults,especially those living in the West have a choice.I have far greater sympathy for abused kids than the motley of spineless Nigerian women who want to continue being called "Mrs".

I'd rather you channeled all this energy to educate your fellow men to keep their hands and twisted manly egos to themselves.
that way there would be no need for topics like this in the first place
Assuming an abused woman does leave,does it erase the fact that she was abused?
does it stop the man from abusing his next woman
does it guarantee that she won't be abused by the next man since there are plenty like him.
does it erase the emotional scars of abuse?

you make absolutely no sense in this particular discussion.

D-reloaded:

keep acting like you're a bloody Brit and not from the same nigeria like the rest of us.

Everything I'm syaing about society and family is the bloody truth and you know it and why would i look down on anyone for having guts to leave?

Have fun on that island of Denial. Hope the sun doesnt get too hot.

Almost all what we know about abuse is from the west because in Nigeria it was not called abuse
The woman was called a stubborn woman who would not behave herself.
4 play talks as if women in the west are immune from it.
all he needs to do is check the statistics
abuse towards women is common every where men and women exist.
The western women have more courage to live and there's welfare and shelters to keep them.
where is our welfare?
where's our shelter?

D-reloaded:

keep acting like you're a bloody Brit and not from the same nigeria like the rest of us.
Everything I'm syaing about society and family is the bloody truth and you know it and why would i look down on anyone for having guts to leave?

Have fun on that island of Denial. Hope the sun doesnt get too hot.

Society is made up of men and women.Of course,Nigerian society delivers its criticism and I'm sure you women cheerily join in attacking women who divorce their abusive husbands.

My point is,its mainly spineless women who stay with abusive husbands and claiming you have to stay because society will look down on you is ridiculous especially if the woman is living in the UK.I'm sure you know many women back home who left their husbands.

sheniqua:

I'd rather you channeled all this energy to educate your fellow men to keep their hands and twisted manly egos to themselves.
that way there would be no need for topics like this in the first place
Assuming an abusive woman does leave,does it erase the fact that she was abused?
does it stop the man from abusing his next woman
does it guarantee that she won't be abused by the next man since there are plenty like him.
does it erase the emotional scars of abuse?

you make absolutely no sense in this particular discussion.

Are you minding him. He becomes senile in topics like this. All he does is bring up lesbian this and that. Never answers the topic, just changes it around. That'sn what most of them do anyway, they feel offended and try to twist things. Fine if you're offended, then don't reply abi? Not like we're saying ALL men hit women

4 Play:

Society is made up of men and women.Of course,Nigerian society delivers its criticism and I'm sure you women cheerily join in attacking women who divorce their abusive husbands.

My point is,its mainly spineless women who stay with abusive husbands and claiming you have to stay because society will look down on you is ridiculous especially if the woman is living in the UK.I'm sure you know many women back home who left their husbands.

Are you talking about in nigeria or in uk/us?

sheniqua:

I'd rather you channeled all this energy to educate your fellow men to keep their hands and twisted manly egos to themselves.
that way there would be no need for topics like this in the first place

If a married woman picks up her bags and leaves with her kids.Women like you and TOH will be the first to call her babymama if you have dispute with her. I know how Nigerian women are in mocking each other.When we talk of society,women have a part to play in it.

All this hand wringing is pointless.Those men who beat up women love spineless women.If women were less spineless,especially Nigerian women,that will help a lot.

D-reloaded:

Are you minding him. He becomes senile in topics like this. All he does is bring up lesbian this and that. Never answers the topic, just changes it around. That'sn what most of them do anyway, they feel offended and try to twist things. Fine if you're offended, then don't reply abi? Not like we're saying ALL men hit women

Its women who are taking offence over the fact that their fellow women are more likely to resort to violence when they face less physically intimidating people like children and their fellow women.

There are plenty of women in Nigeria who wont take abuse from their husbands, i happen to know a few whose husbands actually fear them. All these argument that Nigerian women are spineless because Nigerian culture inherently teaches them to is rubbish.

If the husband told her to soak her head in boiling water will she do so?

I am almost 100% sure that nearly anyone reading this topic knows at least one woman that's in an abusive relationship what do we do?

1.We pray with her and expect a miracle when it's possible she could be in a coffin before the prayer is answered

2.we do nothing becuae we don't want to be involved in other people's family problems.

Calling the woman spineless is not the Nigerian way of seeing it.
That is a new vocab for the "westernised" who unfortunately are ignorant about the state of mind of an abused woman.
would you financially support her @ 4play?
If you would support her and guarantee safety from the abuser I promise you many "spineless" women would grow spines.

4 Play:

Society is made up of men and women.Of course,Nigerian society delivers its criticism and I'm sure you women cheerily join in attacking women who divorce their abusive husbands.

Excuse me. What women? You forget that I'm Yoruba. We have no problem with divorce in our society abi isnt that what you all say. We lead the pack of divorcees in Nigeria, no be so? . No be you people that hate us for having guts to leave unfavorable situations? Abegi.
I don't have no problem with the word "divorce" at all ESPECIALLY in situations like this. Gerraway jo.

My point is,its mainly spineless women who stay with abusive husbands and claiming you have to stay because society will look down on you is ridiculous especially if the woman is living in the UK.

Did you read the thread at all? I was the first person to aks why didnt she leave after 6 years especuially having the mother that she has. It's one thing if she had a mom that was soft and tolerated any kind of crap but from tboy's description, she doesnt seem liek the such so im surprised his sister stayed in that mess forever

care to quote where I said they SHOULD stay? I was just giving reasons on why I believe they DO feel the need to stay. I wish most of them wouldnt but they do and i was luisting reasons why they might stick with such BS. Personally I wouldnt and hope no one else would. I already explained why she probably never called the cops but you chose to ignore it. Na your own

tboy1:

Are you talking about in nigeria or in uk/us?

I can understand if we are talking of some illiterate women in a Fulani village but a Nigerian woman living in the West?

There are many no-nonsense Nigerian women living in villages whose husbands won't even dare touch them.Is their own societal climate different? These spineless women need to learn one or two things from these women.

Haven't you seen Nigerian women who beat up their husbands?

4 Play:

Haven't you seen Nigerian women who beat up their husbands?

what's the ratio of that compared to the reverse case? Yea there are women who beat up their husbands, who is disputing that? is that what the topic is about? Mr. OffTopic.

D-reloaded:

Excuse me. What women? You forget that I'm Yoruba. We have no problem with divorce in our society abi isnt that what you all say. We lead the pack of divorcees in Nigeria, no be so? . No be you people that hate us for having guts to leave unfavorable situations? Abegi.

End of story!If Yoruba women can easily pack up and leave,the next time I hear a Yoruba woman rant about "society" again. Simply pack up and leave if you have such a husband.If you are staying,don't blame society ever again.

D-reloaded:

what's the ratio of that compared to the reverse case? Yea there are women who beat up their husbands, who is disputing that? is that what the topic is about? Mr. OffTopic.

Are those women not living in the famous "society" you keep talking of? Where did they get their nerves from,I thought women had to endure everything because society says they must.