I am being real here.

Look guys, don't use your own reactions to a situation to judge how other people will react too to the same situation. IF U CAN'T FORGIVE UR OWN WIFE-TO-BE, I CAN!

@goodguy...note: wife-to-be not your wife. Mind you...it'z easier said than done. I pray it doesn't happen to you.

U may be right there. But after so many months of courtship and a smooth relationship, it'll be hard to just call off the whole stuff just like that. If I catch my wife in such an act, I might (90% probability) forgive her.

beta!...

so.. let's look at this..

You catch your "wife-to-be" having sex with another guy 24 hrs to your wedding.. someone who you've claimed to know after months of courtship and 'smooth relationship'.. someone who you should know so intimately that you now feel comfortable to get married to her..

I put it to you that..

1. You don't know her as well as you thot you did, otherwise you'd have seen the signs long before now.. [and you wouldn't have had to wait that long to catch her in the act]
2. That she's been lying to you constantly and consistently [and she must be damn good at it]
3. That at the end of the day, you'd be better off not getting into this than trying to look for a cure to the "problem" further down the line..

Bottom line.. You're either scared to face up to the fact that the relationship isn't as great as u thot it was, or you're scared to face up to the fact that after so much time and effort, so close to the wedding, that it's time to call a spade a spade and call it quits.. What are u scared of Is it the financial aspect? or Is it the fact that you put so much of yourself into the relationship that you're scared of starting over..

One thing people must realise is that marrige is not a tempoary state of affairs.. it's a permanent contract for life.. so better not to mess it up the first time.. By accepting her and being the "BIG" person here [forgiving her and trying to move on], you may have given her a liecence to have sex with other men during wedlock, as you have laid a precedent for her to follow.. all she has to do is to go down on her knees and beg, knowing that you'll forgive her, as u have done in the past..

Wellsaid CimonJorr
Personally I'll call off the wedding (like i said earlier)

But looking at this from another perspective. Dont y'all think your ability to forgive her/him this "unforgivable" sin could make her/him think deeply, take a u-turn and love you the more? She probably fell into it ..no one is perfect you know.

well layi, are you saying you will forgive her,
if you find your self in such situation.
am not saying you will, is just a question.[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]

I think that calling off the wedding is fine but I also think that it would be an act that deserves attention. It should be talked about. Don't just call off the wedding and walk away.

"layi":
But looking at this from another perspective. Dont y'all think your ability to forgive her/him this "unforgivable" sin could make her/him think deeply, take a u-turn and love you the more? She probably fell into it ..no one is perfect you know.

Very good point, layi.

once a cheater is always a cheater

vexxy:

I think that calling off the wedding is fine but I also think that it would be an act that deserves attention. It should be talked about. Don't just call off the wedding and walk away.

What would there be to talk about?..

-Why she had a relationship with the person in question that was so deep and intimate that they had sex??
- Why she even went as far as having sex in the first place?? [As in what her motivations were]
- Whether she felt justified by doing what she did

What would there truly be to talk about?? All this talk just prolongs the pain.. the pain of betrayal.. and in the final analysis, it can't bring them back together...

I wonder if the proponents of the "forgive her and move on with your wedding" philosophy truly understand the import of the situation..
Marrige is not an everyday transaction.. it is one which involves a life-time of commitment.. If under such circumstances, one is not ready to commit to a life-time relationship, then one should not go into it.. but going into it implies no secrets should be held form the partner.. whether medical deficiencies or conditions.. past convictions of the law.. children from other relationships.. and most definitely other relationships which were of a sexual nature..

Why build some thing that's supposed to last a life time on a foundation of deceit..

Hence my statement earlier that it's better not to even go ahead with the union than trying to look for a cure further down the line.. is it when you now see her laughing flirtaciously with other men [as women are wont to do from time to time..] that it'll enter ur head to wonder if she is still trust worthy?.. [essentially meaning that the trust which u had before is still damaged.. all you are trying to do is to give the benefit of the "doubt" or alternatively, turn a blind eye]

That is tantamount to playing with fire..

Cheating is a symptom of another problem, CimonJorr.  There's obviously something wrong/missing/a miss if there's cheating.  Don't you think that needs to be discussed?

What if it's your/her/a lack of communication? Love? Understanding? Appreciation?  Then, no matter who you're with you will still behave the same way, thereby likely causing the same reaction, never learning from your mistakes because you never cared to address them.

"CimonJorr":
What would there be to talk about?..

-Why she had a relationship with the person in question that was so deep and intimate that they had sex??
- Why she even went as far as having sex in the first place?? [As in what her motivations were]
- Whether she felt justified by doing what she did

Yes, those are good questions to start with.

You know what..

You're most definitely right...

But talking to the other party about it won't make things better between us.. Better I go into a new relationship and deal with the issues there.. at least we'll both be starting on a clean slate, and who's to say that whatever issues in the former relationsip would be carried over to the new one..

New relationships bring their own complexities.. No need to go around carrying old baggage..

Very true, CimonJorr.

All I'm saying is to talk about it. If you end up staying together or you move on is up to you.

But come to think of it ,
what led him into it at the eve of the wedding.

I just pray it does not happen because it might be easy to forgive after marriage but how easy can it be to forget.

we pray so my sister.

I say Amen to that oooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

Abioooooooo

WHAT R Y'ALL SAYING? 24 hrs? Go ahead with d wedding and get ur pound of flesh back.
How many people are faithful these days?

make out with her bridesmaid

i would call off the wedding for the main time in other to think.

well, to err is human and to forgive is divine,but why don't she wait at least after the wedding then she can go ahead?yeess!!but somehow sha it is justifiable because that encounter with her ex-boyfriend may mark the end of both.
do you understand?

I wouldn't disappoint the guests by cancelling the wedding, the celebrations must go on as planned with only a few changes in the invitation card, one that says "u are cordially invited to the funeral of *****(bride's name). If u cant do the job, then holla at Osama but I warn, it'll cost u,

I dont think one incident like that would make me cancel a wedding.
Before i decided to marry him, i would have considered the pros and cons - and cause i decided to marry him then i would have known the good outweighs the bad.

I aint leaving ma man for one incident like that - but we would be going through alot of concelling after the marriage.

GOD 4 bid

GOD 4 bid

let's get real, even the actor can't go ahead to marry her in real life
he cant live with that thought. besides if she's disrespectful enough to sleep with another guy just before wedding, then what will happen when he travels, ,
it's not worth imaginig,
i'd say drive her far away,

@wesleyana yes i totally agree with u.it's beta 2 cancel it than to go ahead with d wedding.a broken relationship is beta dan a broken marriage.cos if u dont end it it will still end pathetically n painfully too cos at d end of d day people will still blame u 4 going ahead 2 marry d guy wen u caught him red handed cheating on u.if someone else had told u dats a different ball game entirely,u could probably find out urself but 4 goodness sakes u have few hours 2 make a decision dat will affect u 4 d rest of ur life,would u rather go n stick ur head where a danger signal is written.wouldn't u even blame urself as long as d marriage last dat u had d opportunity 2 make a right decision n u dint,apart from dat is it beta 2 get married as a nairalander suggested n give some explanations.how stupid can dat be.how would u even enjoy ur marriage in d 1st place knowing dat ur husband has slept with someone else hours 2 ur wedding n there's every likelyhood dat u'll be suspecting him,u would take his word with a pinch of salt.wot is d essence of getting married n start experincing problems from d 1st day instead of enjoying it n probably travelling 2 ur dream place 4 ur honeymoon

i wud do the wedding but wont let my husby touch me or respect for lyk 3 yrs

Shit happens.

it happened in a film called Ale Ariwo.