coogar:

words can make people commit suicide o....many kids would tell you they would rather take the cane than to be tongue/lashed. words can erode one's confidence to the extent of feeling totally worthless......

Bros, we are talking about adults and not kids. I do not except a fully group man to act like a 11 yr old ok.

Second it seems we really come from different societies. Someone here was talking about how people view single ladies as prostitutes. Who still has that view in 2013. May be we should create a villagers section in Nairaland so that people with those views can start their own threads and comment!

alutacontinua:

LOL....he would not wanna die young na....

seriously, parents should raise up ladies who're proud of themselves. Let them know that you got their backs anytime, i'm not saying spoil them and all dt but let every girl know that she's a human being, 100% human like every other man out there.

I cannot imagine a man trying to beat me, no kidding, even if i'm in love (GOD FORBID), my dad would finish him before I say jack! HE DEY CRAZE

If ladies are brought up to respect themselves and be proud of who they are, ain't no man gonna come using them to learn KUNG FU....
The only surprise I have here is the part where @swag is a lawyer, seriously

My self confidence is Up the roof all thanks to my parents. Bring me 50 tall able bodied men here and I will debate with them for hours no shaking and no intimidation will I feel. It was when I left Nigeria that I knew women had the right to walk their boss out of their office and "command" respect from lecturers . Ose can it happen in nigeria? My daughters are the best things that will ever happen to any man, infact without them a man is incomplete. Their presence alone will bring sunshine Into the lives of these men..... Their father wil do a good job at reminding them just incase they forget

Omo_Alata:

oh please, have you been to heaven before to know that only christian exits in there?

John 14v6 Jesus saith unto him i am the Way the Truth and the Life no man cometh unto the Father but by me.So how would u enter in if u are not a genuine Follower of Christ,remember Christ knew that in these last days funny people would spring up hilarious believes that was why he made the aforementioned statement and dont forget he used the definite article-THE three times signifying UNIQUENESS,so u see no other way other important verses John 3v18 and Acts 4v12.The soonest planet Earth realises this the best for all.

@Nashville, thank you for your assistance...

@swag queen:am glad you have taken the 1st step to liberate yourself.

Its well with you.

Nashville:

Bros, we are talking about adults and not kids. I do not except a fully group man to act like a 11 yr old ok.

Second it seems we really come from different societies. [b]Someone here [/b]was talking about how people view single ladies as prostitutes. Who still has that view in 2013. May be we should create a villagers section in Nairaland so that people with those views can start their own threads and comment!

It's the same Coogar who said so. The brother lives in a timewrap and keeps saying that this is not the West.

Well Coogar most people here live in Nigeria and are saying it's not as you say it is. Are you living in your own world mate? I spent 25 years in Nigeria (including the village) and didn't see all this stigmatisation to single / seperated women.

kadman:
I think Coogar still lives in 1913, when people fetched water at rivers and knew everyones name in the village e.t.c (I'm sure even then women were going back to their parents home).

ask the ladies in nigeria that are honest....they would tell you the society pretty much dictates most things....

Is it these days when you get back from your bank job at 9pm half asleep and don't know the name of the people even living in your building?

everywhere 2-3 nigerians gather, cheap gossip exists there. you forget these women also go to church. how would they keep up the lie that they have a beautiful marriage? siddon there - the same nigeria where women buy cars for themselves and run to facebook that her husband bought it just to appeal to the romantics.......

As I said the only stigma I can think of isn't society but religious ties (either religion).

it's the society.....
no one wants to be associated with failure especially those ones that did a societal wedding. they would do everything to keep the abuse undercover.

jennykadry:

My self confidence is Up the roof all thanks to my parents. Bring me 50 tall able bodied men here and I will debate with them for hours no shaking and no intimidation will I feel.

you and coogar need to go on a date. It will be a match made in heaven.

Virgin Finder:

People suffer different kinds of challenges in life be they godly or not. But challenges should ultimately draw us closer to God our maker.

Marital challenge is a serious one and only God can perfectly solve it.
Nairaland WORLDLY counsel is useless cos it was God who instituted marriage.How can ordinary WORLDLY Nairalanders now know how to run or give advice about it?

The heart of her husband is in God's hands and you'll be surprised how a couple of prayers breaks him down completely and gets him on his knees crying and apologizing to his wife profusely.

Don't underestimate God!

So you are implying that only God gives advice in this kind of situation but yet you will hear people say run to your pastor. Isn't he just a mere man too? How is God helping her when her husband kills her? Until you are in a abusive situation, you have no clue what it is like. Sometimes just talking to these "WORDLY" people can have a lot of positive impact to one's self esteem. She has been keeping this to herself for a long time and this is probably the first time she has very voiced it out loud. God is not going to come down from "heaven" and help her. Sometimes we, as people, need to take first bold step so everything else can fall into place.

Nashville:
Bros, we are talking about adults and not kids. I do not except a fully group man to act like a 11 yr old ok.

so a husband that was insulted by his wife cannot be provoked to physically demolish her? you must be living in a parallel universe.

Second it seems we really come from different societies. Someone here was talking about how people view single ladies as prostitutes. Who still has that view in 2013. May be we should create a villagers section in Nairaland so that people with those views can start their own threads and comment!

that's what they all say in public.
we are no longer villagers, nigeria is now a civilised society and reh reh reh. i am over debating with people who come online to talk a good game. it's a waste of time.

kadman:

It's the same Coogar who said so. The brother lives in a timewrap and keeps saying that this is not the West.

Well Coogar most people here live in Nigeria and are saying it's not as you say it is. Are you living in your own world mate? I spent 25 years in Nigeria (including the village) and didn't see all this stigmatisation to single / seperated women.

Completely agree. He must live in some cave with internet access. Completely unbelievable. People see single ladies as prostitutes... i cant even laugh!

mbulela:
you and coogar need to go on a date. It will be a match made in heaven.

We've been there done that

Elevation: John 14v6 Jesus saith unto him i am the Way the Truth and the Life no man cometh unto the Father but by me.So how would u enter in if u are not a genuine Follower of Christ,remember Christ knew that in these last days funny people would spring up hilarious believes that was why he made the aforementioned statement and dont forget he used the definite article-THE three times signifying UNIQUENESS,so u see no other way other important verses John 3v18 and Acts 4v12.The soonest planet Earth realises this the best for all.

A bible is just a book, the most popular book ever written. I am asking you directly if you have been there. Don't quote a book, I want your own personal opinion

coogar:

so a husband that was insulted by his wife cannot be provoked to physically demolish her? you must be living in a parallel universe.

that's what they all say in public.
we are no longer villagers, nigeria is now a civilised society and reh reh reh. i am over debating with people who come online to talk a good game. it's a waste of time.

True, its a complete waste of time debating you. Go back to where you came from! Oya go!

coogar:

ask the ladies in nigeria that are honest....they would tell you the society pretty much dictates most things....



b[everywhere 2-3 nigerians gather, cheap gossip exists there. you forget this women also go to church. how would they keep up the lie that they have a beautiful marriage? siddon there - the same nigeria where women but cars for themselves and run to facebook that her husband bought it just to appeal to the romantics.......[/b]



it's the society.....
no one wants to be associated with failure especially those ones that did a societal wedding. they would do everything to keep the abuse undercover.

Well, here is a twist...

The woman paints herself very well as a victim and people throw pity party for her all over

kadman:
It's the same Coogar who said so. The brother lives in a timewrap and keeps saying that this is not the West.

TIA = this is africa!

Well Coogar most people here live in Nigeria and are saying it's not as you say it is. Are you living in your own world mate? I spent 25 years in Nigeria (including the village) and didn't see all this stigmatisation to single / seperated women.

most people living in nigeria would not say the truth. it's part of the culture. even the ones who get battered everyday would tell you how happy their marriage is. you got a lot to learn if you are kowtowing popular opinion especially where nigerian marriages are concerned.

jennykadry:

UJu that's the point. It's too late to teach them. The society has already instilled it In their brain that they cannot survive without a man.


Even when parents teach their children otherwise, the effect society have on them gradually subdues what they have been taught by their parents. It's like a strong force.

The same nigeria that now encourages child marriage?

Nigeria is no doubt a lacking society, that's why people need to be strong for themselves.

Justifying the behavior is not going to help anybody . . . . the awareness starts here.

She hoping this thread hoping that most people have a 'battery' story to tell . . . . . I'm sure she's surprised at the outrage expressed byt both men and women.

He MIL tells her that ALL men beat their wives, she needs to know what a big lie that is.

Regardless of what the society forces on us, it's time for us to sit up and make the best decisions for our sake and that of our kids.

Jenny, I live in the eastern part of Nigeria so I know a lot about women been treated like lesser beings. It happens around me EVERYDAY. But amadioha save MR. Uju the day he decides to try that rubbish with me (God forbid). I swear, I will teach him a lesson his mother forgot to teach him!

Omo_Alata:

So you are implying that only God gives advice in this kind of situation but yet you will hear people say run to your pastor. Isn't he just a mere man too? How is God helping her when her husband kills her? Until you are in a abusive situation, you have no clue what it is like. Sometimes just talking to these[b] "WORDLY" people can have a lot of positive impact to one's self esteem.[/b] She has been keeping this to herself for a long time and this is probably the first time she has very voiced it out loud. God is not going to come down from "heaven" and help her. Sometimes we, as people, need to take first bold step so everything else can fall into place.

Yes only God can give the best advice in this kind of scenario and He will do so through his servants in a truly God-fearing local church.
The pastor/marriage counsellors in question are just His agents there.

Before her husband kills her she should do what I advised in one of my previous posts - RUN TO GOD/CHURCH.

Some WORLDLY people are demonic/satanic and will only advise/counsel you according to the dictates of their father, the devil. Many Nairalanders fall in this category. They have very little, almost no regard for God. Terrible!

That's why cousel such as mine will do her a whole lot of good. If people like me keep silent, she'll be overwhelmed with destructive WORLDLY counsel from WORLDLY Nairalanders. She may come out better initially, but she'll eventually regret it.

The end DOES NOT always justify the means.

Ayee Idris: @Swag queen, it takes a lot to come out on a public forum to talk about abuse. I applaud you for that. I understand your fears. Millions of women go through the same fears you are going through, but you have got to realize that life is too short to be unhappy. You have family that loves and support you. You need to take advantage of that. More importantly, your father is on your side and that's all you need. My husband told me recently that my father had told him before the marriage that if he was to beat me, he(my father) would come to Bahrain and break his legs. Now, that was a pleasant surprise because my father is a very quiet guy, so to hear that he threatened my bros like a proper Italian mafia always makes me smile. My point- your father has your back. Utilize it.
Forget your mother. No right thinking mother should ask her daughter to stay and continue to be battered. As for money, you are not getting any now anyways, so your situation wont be any different. Move out Now!

Haha...

That makes two people that will break his legs....

Nashville:
Completely agree. He must live in some cave with internet access. Completely unbelievable. People see single ladies as prostitutes... i cant even laugh!

https://www.nairaland.com/709508/single-ladies-discriminated-against-hotels

i am 100% sure this article was also penned by a caveman with an internet access. like i said, i am done debating with people like you.

http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/forum/lounge/78516-woman-complains-single-lady-discrimination-sheraton-hotel-abuja.html

it's funny how caveman coogar know more than city girl nashville.

Donjazzy12: As usual the lesbians are here advising her to leave him and be welcome into their arms! people don't be fooled, this is a Lesbian recruitment thread! Their strategy is very simple: paint all men as wife beaters and beasts and then suggest women as better alternatives. If you must condemn then you must condemn violence in totality. Many cases abound where women beat and even kill their husbands! @Swagqueen, I really need to understand your situation very clearly to offer advice. Therefore, please supply answers to this questions pls.

1, Was he abusing you this way when you were still dating? If yes why did you then go ahead to marry him?

2, Were you influenced by your parents to marry him? I am asking because the age difference of 13 years is a little too much in my opinion and that may explain why he treats you the way he does because he may still think you are a kid.

3, Do you have an abrasive or confrontational nature? If yes then you may need to tone it down a bit. Even in a lesbian relationship there is always a dominant figure.

4, If he stops beating you will you still want to work? i[/b]f the answer is no then you have very low drive and he just did you a favor.

5, [b]What actions or words do you use that infuriate him soo much? Do you abuse him verbally? The truth is most men respond to verbal abuse with a backhand. It happens every where even in the US.




Finally, let me state in very strong terms that I condemn every form of domestic abuse be it verbal or physical against children, men or women. Every body in the family should be treated well.

but what are u saying?? Which lesbian have you seen typing shii here??

coogar:

https://www.nairaland.com/709508/single-ladies-discriminated-against-hotels

i am 100% sure this article was also penned by a caveman with an internet access. like i said, i am done debating with people like you.

http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/forum/lounge/78516-woman-complains-single-lady-discrimination-sheraton-hotel-abuja.html

it's funny how caveman coogar know more than city girl nashville.

Sorry I am a married man ok. First of all, I know several single ladies with high profile careers travelling at will and having hotels booked for them without even leaving their offices.

But to go back to your point, so a woman should rather die in an abusive marriage because she may not be able to go to a hotel by herself abi?. Very soon you will bring out another thread that says single ladies cannot open bank accounts without a man!

coogar:

https://www.nairaland.com/709508/single-ladies-discriminated-against-hotels

i am 100% sure this article was also penned by a caveman with an internet access. like i said, i am done debating with people like you.

http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/forum/lounge/78516-woman-complains-single-lady-discrimination-sheraton-hotel-abuja.html

it's funny how caveman coogar know more than city girl nashville.

Lol . . . the same Sheraton Hotel where I stay most times I visit Abj abi?

I have NEVER for one day been turned away from Sheraton just because I was single . . . NEVER!

Stop quoting stories written without facts o jare . . .

Nashville:
Sorry I am a married man ok. First of all, I know several single ladies with high profile careers travelling at will and having hotels booked for them without even leaving their offices.

that's not the point.....
even a dog can have hotel rooms booked, the crux is what happens when she turns up at that hotel by herself? does she face discrimination or not?

But to go back to your point, so a woman should rather die in an abusive marriage because she may not be able to go to a hotel by herself abi?. Very soon you will bring out another thread that says single ladies cannot open bank accounts without a man!

we are not going back to my point that quick.....let's clear up the issue of your city life first before going back to my point. this discrimination happened at the abuja sheraton not a dinghy hotel in okokomaiko axis of lagos so this is for real!!!

Ujujoan:
Lol . . . the same Sheraton Hotel where I stay most times I visit Abj abi?

how do we know for sure you visited that same hotel or you went there alone. I can't believe you people are even arguing single women aren't discriminated against in nigeria. are you guys living in a parallel universe?

I have NEVER for one day been turned away from Sheraton just because I was single . . . NEVER!

Stop quoting stories written without facts o jare . . .

were you a single woman when you visited? if you weren't, no need to muddle up the waters.

Virgin Finder:

Yes only God can give the best advice in this kind of scenario and He will do so through his servants in a truly God-fearing local church.
The pastor/marriage counsellors in question are just His agents there.

Before her husband kills her she should do what I advised in one of my previous posts - RUN TO GOD/CHURCH.

Some WORLDLY people are demonic/satanic and will only advise/counsel you according to the dictates of their father, the devil. Many Nairalanders fall in this category. They have very little, almost no regard for God. Terrible!

That's why cousel such as mine will do her a whole lot of good. If people like me keep silent, she'll be overwhelmed with destructive WORLDLY counsel from WORLDLY Nairalanders. She may come out better initially, but she'll eventually regret it.

The end DOES NOT always justify the means.

How do you know a pastor that goes in front of congregation every Sunday is not the devil himself? He is still just human at the end of the day. You also mentioned that marriage counselors are God's agents. Are you talking of counselors who have gone through school and training, but are not pastors? or are you just talking about regular pastors?

bukatyne:

Which society? Who really in the society? At the end of the day, who really cares about you?

Anybody doing one thing or the other because of the 'society' has nothing to do in the first place.

When a person has no purpose/dream/ambition, anywhere becomes his/her destination.

Let her not live her life and be talking of society!

You don't seem to get it.
Are you not Nigerian?
Most Nigerians would rather their female children die in their husband's house than get a divorce.
Even where it is glaring that this case is a foregone conclusion, they will keep trying to force the wife to stay in the marriage, at least 'for the sake of the children'.

This one of the reason why I get scare of the institution called marriage.

AjanleKoko:

You don't seem to get it.
Are you not Nigerian?
Most Nigerians would rather their female children die in their husband's house than get a divorce.
Even where it is glaring that this case is a foregone conclusion, they will keep trying to force the wife to stay in the marriage, at least 'for the sake of the children'.

I am from Mars.... Lol!

I agree with you. However, the woman knows where the shoe is pinching her. it's her life or death at the end of the day.

These days, most Nigerian families advice on separation while they resolve the issues esp. when physical violence is involved

Sarah a: This one of the reason why I get scare of the institution called marriage.

There are still good wonderful men out there. you just have to trust your instincts and pay careful attention. DO NOT get desperate and/or carry away

jennykadry:

My self confidence is Up the roof all thanks to my parents. Bring me 50 tall able bodied men here and I will debate with them for hours no shaking and no intimidation will I feel. It was when I left Nigeria that I knew women had the right to walk their boss out of their office and "command" respect from lecturers . Ose can it happen in nigeria? My daughters are the best things that will ever happen to any man, infact without them a man is incomplete. Their presence alone will bring sunshine Into the lives of these men..... Their father wil do a good job at reminding them just incase they forget

Wow what a waay of thinking! thumbs up

bukatyne:

I am from Mars.... Lol!

I agree with you. However, the woman knows where the shoe is pinching her. it's her life or death at the end of the day.

These days, most Nigerian families advice on separation while they resolve the issues esp. when physical violence is involved

A lot of Nigerian women are dying from the silent death. That is why you will see a 40 yr old woman looking like she is pushing 55

na wa ooo.

Ujujoan:
Lol . . . the same Sheraton Hotel where I stay most times I visit Abj abi?

I have NEVER for one day been turned away from Sheraton just because I was single . . . NEVER!

Stop quoting stories written without facts o jare . . .

this is probably a lie too.....

I'm glad you brought this issue to light - i happen to be a single lady of 27 who lives in the UK- every xmas i come home and I had arranged to meet my old school friends in a hotel on the island in lagos just to chat and catch up on life- I happened to be on time and forgot that nigerians are never on time - i got a lift from my cousins to the hotel and was waiting at the lobby - I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED IN ALL MY LIFE - the way the manager spoke to me was totally unacceptable and APPALLING - I was so upset my eyes watered - I work very very hard at least 6 days a week in IT - to afford nice things - i have earned my money -i like to dress well - not slutty but well - for myself - it makes me happy - the guy assumed I was some sort of ashewo or runs girl - it is not right to tar everyone with the same brush - but the stupid guys who were coming to hit on me with no shame did not get embarrassed or walked out of the premises - anyways this is part of the long list of reasons why as much as i love nigeria it becomes very hard to live there mehhnn anyways I held my head up high checked my purse still had my money and waka comot - their ignorance their loss - stüpid man - i took solace in the fact that i can probably pay the mofo's salary three times over with just the money i had in my purse LOL