Another interesting one: https://www.nairaland.com/1249682/why-women-dislike-nice-guys/7#15143823

BABE!:


You're getting it all wrong mister. I'm not talking about a man that treats you like an animal.

.... y'all are so used to the extremes (or being the extremes) that "balancing" and "restrain" don't make sense to you.

.... xteristics of a VGBG ; I'm with one so i know better.
- he loves you; he doesn't hide it.
- he acts nice(to you) around you and when he's not around you.
- he's brutally honest; he doesn't tell you what you want to hear. "babe do I look fat?" "Yes, hit the gym!"
- when you offend him and you refuse to apologize or something similar, he's not afraid to call you out; he's not afraid to tell you "to the left, to the left"...
- he'll never apologize if he's not wrong; he doesn't fall for the cheap games women play; crocodiles tears don't move him.
- his sèxual appetite is on the high side plus he's good.
- he's not petty
- he apologizes when he's wrong
-he's not a sissy; he's confident in himself; he knows (and you also know) he can have another you or better in a minute if you don't sit tight!

In response to BABE!'s post, MBJ had the following to say at https://www.nairaland.com/1249682/why-women-dislike-nice-guys/7#15144608

MRbrownJAY:

BABE!:
You're getting it all wrong mister. I'm not talking about a man that treats you like an animal. 

.... y'all are so used to the extremes (or being the extremes) that "balancing" and "restrain" don't make sense to you.

.... xteristics of a VGBG ; I'm with one so i know better.
- he loves you; he doesn't hide it. NICE GUY
- he acts nice(to you) around you and when he's not around you. NICE GUY
- he's brutally honest; he doesn't tell you what you want to here. "babe do I look fat?" "Yes, hit the gym!" NICE GUY, the bad guy wouldnt care as he probably wouldnt take you out anyway.
- when you offend him and you refuse to apologize or something similar, he's not afraid to call you out; he's not afraid to tell you "to the left, to the left"... NICE GUY as the bad guy will simply beat you for your insolence
- he'll never apologize if he's not wrong; he doesn't fall for the cheap games women play; crocodiles tears don't move him. NICE GUY, bad guy simply doesnt care whether you cry a river or not
- his sèxual appetite is on the high side plus he's good.Sexually experienced GUY with high libido, nothing to do with being nice or bad
- he's not petty NICE GUY
- he apologizes when he's wrong NICE GUY, the bad one will tell you that he is ALWAYS right, even when he is wrong
-he's not a sissy; he's confident in himself; he knows (and you also know) he can have another you or better in a minute if you don't sit tight!NICE NO NONSENSE GUY, the bad one will be with another you the minute she gives him the green light.

can you care to point out to us all where is the BAD GUY in what you described above?! for a minute i thought you described a NICE GUY, lol!

The school of MBJ Hmmm..

Ihe... Keep researching them out

WackyJ1: The school of MBJ Hmmm..

Ihe... Keep researching them out

Lol. I only picked out stuff from one thread. I think coogar was violently wrong. I'm not impressed by 2sexy.

It's pretty obvious that what is called niceness by some of these guys and girls is not niceness. It's just wimpiness. And while coogar insists that a bad boy is not abusive, he misses the fact that there is such a thing as emotional abuse and it does pretty much the same damage that physical abuse does.

Being a bad boy is all about revenge. It's neither about getting a wife or taking care of one nor is it about succeeding at relationship.

The "very good bad guy" is a myth. Like the unicorn, he doesn't exist except in some lady's fantasy. It's not bad-boyness to be firm and treat yourself with respect. It's just being human.

Again, I point out that the jerk borrows plays from my book to land the girl and keep her interested. And I emphasize that the third option that is neither jerk nor "nice" guy is no more than the real men I already spoke of who love their women right and are not needy noodles.

Let's dig it! Dismantle me more.

Ihedinobi:
Lol. I only picked out stuff from one thread. I think coogar was violently wrong. I'm not impressed by 2sexy.

Relationship talk is so boring

2s£xy:




Let's dig it! Dismantle me more.

But I haven't been dismantling you at all.

Ishilove: Relationship talk is so boring

Yeah, you're right. You know, everything is until some event or experience or decision suddenly makes it all very interesting. Happens even to polymaths like me.

What is your stance in all your analysis paralysis?

Ihedinobi:

But I haven't been dismantling you at all.

2s£xy:
What is your stance in all your analysis paralysis?

What is analysis paralysis?

It's a term made by top notch marketers which categorises and classify the sort of people who are professionally good at analysing everything but end up paralysing themselves because in the end, they don't take action.


What is your stance, man?

Ihedinobi:

What is analysis paralysis?

Oh, ok. It sounds familiar.

My stance, huh. Well, love is a risk. If you ever love the "wrong" person, it can do terrible things to your psyche. But when you love the "right" person, that's all you'll ever want to do.

A bad boy can't love and never wants to. He's all about insulation and protection. He dishes out hurt and takes advantage with every opportunity. He's payback for every hurt men have suffered from loving the wrong woman. I'm not this guy although I am not deluded into thinking that I can never be him. I can but I will never choose that path. Been there briefly.

A wimp is the guy that you guys tend to call a nice guy. It's a wimp who does not take responsibility to look after his woman. He's the one who's emotionally insecure and latches so tight onto his woman that she feels like she's choking being with him. He's so sensitive (not to other people's pain, just to his) that she can hardly do anything without hurting him somehow. He's usually insanely jealous and thinks that if a guy says hi to his girl, she'll leave him for him. What woman won't run from dating such a spineless sack of needles? Been there too...veeeeery briefly.

The truly nice guy. Now this is the real man. He's a man who's not afraid of the fire of love. He knows that if you mess with it you could get burnt but he thinks his woman is worth the risk. He is a giver. He treats his woman like a queen but he does not squeeze her to death with his need for her affection. He encourages and allows her to give it. He also does not hold her hostage to his love. He lets her know that he'll fight to keep her. He makes no bones about the fact that he needs her. And as long as she's content to be with him, he holds nothing of his love back from her.

One last thing about Mr Nice Guy. Just like ladies can tolerate Mr Wimp only so long, so Mr Nicr Guy can tolerate clingy, needy ladies only so long. He deals in fruitful win-win partnerships.

I choose Mr Nice Guy any day of the week.

There. That's my stance

Ihedinobi: Oh, ok. It sounds familiar.

My stance, huh. Well, love is a risk. If you ever love the "wrong" person, it can do terrible things to your psyche. But when you love the "right" person, that's all you'll ever want to do.

A bad boy can't love and never wants to. He's all about insulation and protection. He dishes out hurt and takes advantage with every opportunity. He's payback for every hurt men have suffered from loving the wrong woman. I'm not this guy although I am not deluded into thinking that I can never be him. I can but I will never choose that path. Been there briefly.

A wimp is the guy that you guys tend to call a nice guy. It's a wimp who does not take responsibility to look after his woman. He's the one who's emotionally insecure and latches so tight onto his woman that she feels like she's choking being with him. He's so sensitive (not to other people's pain, just to his) that she can hardly do anything without hurting him somehow. He's usually insanely jealous and thinks that if a guy says hi to his girl, she'll leave him for him. What woman won't run from dating such a spineless sack of needles? Been there too...veeeeery briefly.

The truly nice guy. Now this is the real man. He's a man who's not afraid of the fire of love. He knows that if you mess with it you could get burnt but he thinks his woman is worth the risk. He is a giver. He treats his woman like a queen but he does not squeeze her to death with his need for her affection. He encourages and allows her to give it. He also does not hold her hostage to his love. He lets her know that he'll fight to keep her. He makes no bones about the fact that he needs her. And as long as she's content to be with him, he holds nothing of his love back from her.

One last thing about Mr Nice Guy. Just like ladies can tolerate Mr Wimp only so long, so Mr Nicr Guy can tolerate clingy, needy ladies only so long. He deals in fruitful win-win partnerships.

I choose Mr Nice Guy any day of the week.

There. That's my stance

Mr niceguy is quite boring. More often than not, good women are not attracted to him. Women (for all their denying) would rather a guy in between mr badguy and mr niceguy. This guy lets his woman know that he loves her, but is also quick to let her know she is not his sole reason for breathing. He cares for his woman but encourages her to stand on her own two feet. He is spontaneous, fair but principled, knows when to keep his woman in check and when to let her fly. Emotions are not his cup of tea, he takes charge and lets her know her place real quick.

I am pressed for time now.

Never had the time to contribute much. But I do hope to do so today.

This is an intelligent thread, a breath of fresh air from the lazy threads that has come to characterize Nairaland lately.
Everybody has made some valid points, most borne of experience and applicable to an extent depending on who your partner. However, I'm inclined to lean more to Ihedinobi's perspective - his description of a 'nice guy' is the best option to push you far in relationship. My problem with this is it doesn't always work unless you have a switch you can turn at will to fine tune your emotions as situations demand. Sometimes, you meet someone who says/does the right thing and you let your 'nice guy' guard down and you unconsciously slip into the wimp zone. Other circumstances may arise, which of course one may not have foreseen, that can turn you to a wimp. An example is my experience dating a very good lady for 2 years 7 months. Initially, I was a nice guy but one year in and I started having some personal career problems; I lost my confidence, self-esteem and thus became clingy and insanely jealous. She left me few months ago to date a guy I have been complaining about when we were together.
I never prepared from such career downturn which led to my loss of confidence. So I hope you can see not everything is white or black.

Hmmm... OP, what exactly are you not impressed about me and what do you have to say about this v v v?

Graham123: This is an intelligent thread, a breath of fresh air from the lazy threads that has come to characterize Nairaland lately.
Everybody has made some valid points, most borne of experience and applicable to an extent depending on who your partner. However, I'm inclined to lean more to Ihedinobi's perspective - his description of a 'nice guy' is the best option to push you far in relationship. My problem with this is it doesn't always work unless you have a switch you can turn at will to fine tune your emotions as situations demand. Sometimes, you meet someone who says/does the right thing and you let your 'nice guy' guard down and you unconsciously slip into the wimp zone. Other circumstances may arise, which of course one may not have foreseen, that can turn you to a wimp. An example is my experience dating a very good lady for 2 years 7 months. Initially, I was a nice guy but one year in and I started having some personal career problems; I lost my confidence, self-esteem and thus became clingy and insanely jealous. She left me few months ago to date a guy I have been complaining about when we were together.
I never prepared from such career downturn which led to my loss of confidence. So I hope you can see not everything is white or black.

davidylan:

Mr niceguy is quite boring. More often than not, good women are not attracted to him. Women (for all their denying) would rather a guy in between mr badguy and mr niceguy. This guy lets his woman know that he loves her, but is also quick to let her know she is not his sole reason for breathing. He cares for his woman but encourages her to stand on her own two feet. He is spontaneous, fair but principled, knows when to keep his woman in check and when to let her fly. Emotions are not his cup of tea, he takes charge and lets her know her place real quick.

How's it hangin', bro? Been awhile.

You have only agreed with me and changed labels

Mr Nice Guy is the category between Mr Wimp and Mr Bad Boy. It's him you described up there.

It's the Wimp who's boring. And the Bad Boy who keeps his woman thinking she isn't that special.

@Graham, you're right. These things are rather fluid. Stuff can happen that knocks the confidence out of you and make a wimp out of a nice guy or even a bad boy.

However, the very definition of manhood is confidence, strength, daring, if you will. So such moments must be no more than moments. Sorry about your girl. Like I said, I've been there. Not that I lost the girl - I didn't have her yet, but I sure didn't help my chances of winning her.

2s£xy:
Hmmm... OP, what exactly are you not impressed about me and what do you have to say about this v v v?

Mehn, I only meant that your arguments didn't impress me. Coogar's were fiery or else they were just as impressive as yours. For instance, Coogar would not acknowledge that a nice guy is just that: nice. He insisted that being nice was the same as being a boring wimp. When he was fed his logic with the argument that a bad boy is abusive, he suddenly didn't agree with his logic anymore: a bad boy is not really bad, said he. I wasn't impressed except by his violence.

I see. I said it's all about analysis paralysis, didn't I?

When you get deep into one, you will really understand what it feels like.

I wouldn't say you are entirely wrong but it seems to me that you have been speaking out of theory and no empirical experience(s). This gave you in, man.

You guys just make it seem like a 'nice' guy is plagued with leprosy and as such they should be isolated by avoidance. That's my annoyance with girls.

Day by day, these set of guys are almost in extinction by exodus which is a product yielded by spontaneous reaction of the society that does not appreciate them.

What I hate most is when they categorise them as WEAKLING--not you but by girls/ladies whom they loved. Yes, I have probed one on here a month and half ago (I don't know where I pricked her) and she did let out something that had me shockingly amazed.

Some women on here do not like me because of the way treat issues relating to the nice guy-bad boy postmortem.

People should learn to appreciate these guys for whom/what they TRULY are because what they do for their women,girls or ladies is borne out of pure, unadultrated and undiluted love. Alas! The reverse is the case and when realities permeate through their senses, they are mutilated and this progressively metamorphose their TRUE BEING into what they never hoped for.

The lady I described above had a nice guy, a real nice guy, but guess what? She called him a weakling when I extracted her post. She possibly did that out of annoyance as a result of being shamed and erupted like a torrential volcano to spite me.

In the post extracted, she mentioned that the said guy has company. I don't know about you but I can say I have lived the last few years of my life in the business arena where doggedness reign supreme-entrepreneurship is not for the faint hearted-that's why many jobless Nigerian cling to job security. How that guy became a weakling is really beyond me.

What made him a weakling IS excessiveness of the affection, attention, calls, LOVE... Really, women DONT want this and I will slap anyone who say she wants it into coma. The guy would fan her at night when there is heat, massage her feet, sleep on floor while she sleeps on the bed when she was sick, cook for her when was sick etc. In the end, what did it earn him? A WEAKLING like a badge of Honor.

She say and I Quote: 'I can't stand a weakling and will never date one who sit when I say sit; stand when I say stand; jump when I say jump' how unfair, bro? I felt pained while she said those words.

I wouldn't talk about my experience(s) because virtually everyone here knows my story. I was what you may describe as a wimp (or what other call a nice guy): the kind that call often, pet, apologise when I am not wrong, spend cash willingly to buy her stuffs; some which she didn't ask for etc. BUT strangely, I wasn't moved when she hang out with another guy because I felt she was old enough to know what do and give me that respect where I earned it.

What am I today? The very opposite. The brutal fiercely and sparkling no-nonsense guy. This is what the society has turned me into. I don't call often, I don't pet, I am not scared to tell her to FVCK off because she has nothing to offer me. Sadly, if she doesn't ask I don't spend my cash. I just couldn't help it because it is what the society has produced out of me. This is contrary to what I would do in the past.

I don't expect people to be impressed by post, especially the ladies. It is what they want, it what I have become, it is what I give-Garbage in Garbage out.

In this present day and age, I love myself more and care about myself more or things that make me happy.

There is one I hung out with. When we started, I did the calling and even bought stuffs... She started giving signs that made me reverse to the me, me, me mode.

I can tell you that the last time I called her is over a month ago. If she wants to hear from me, she either call or 'flash' me and I call. Aside that she won't hear my voice cos I am more concerned about myself than any girl out there.

Sorry.

Ihedinobi:
Not that I lost the girl - I didn't have her yet, but I sure didn't help my chances of winning her.

Ok, 2sexy, I understand you a lot better now.

First off, I do have experience. There was a time that I wanted to prove a point to God some years ago. I played Bad Boy then and women were in my bed or wanting to be.

I played the Wimp very recently (couldn't help it) and it was a very annoying experience.

I was Mr Nice Guy to my ex. I still am. I believe in chivalry and true manhood. And I am not confused about the value that society places on such things. I've seen hot girls that I know I would never chase for a relationship and beautiful women that I know I would conquer the world for. So I know Mr Nice Guy is not for every female out there.

I think you were a nice guy, not a wimp, with the wrong girl. Any real woman would work overtime to land you as a husband but Silly Miss Thing couldn't handle you. I already explained why in my op. A real man is a responsibility for a woman. A bad boy is low maintenance. He doesn't care so the girl need not care, she's free to mess around and be silly. But if a real man pours himself out like that he needs to be replenished and that takes a real woman. And a hot babe is not necessarily a real woman.

It was the hardest thing I ever did (at least, that's how it felt) to walk away from my ex, but I did and it was because I was certain she had no conception of the value of the love I'd given to her. That's where you see that Nice Guys aren't Wimps. They can walk out the door and will do so if the girl continues playing silly games. And they're never the worse for it.

Like I said, love is a risk. Only real men and women dare to take it. The others play games and all of them get burned. The ones who survive are the ones who aren't afraid to give, to get up and try again. It hurts like hell. But isn't the strong man or woman the one who can take pain?

Ihedinobi: Ok, 2sexy, I understand you a lot better now.

First off, I do have experience. There was a time that I wanted to prove a point to God some years ago. I played Bad Boy then and women were in my bed or wanting to be.

I played the Wimp very recently (couldn't help it) and it was a very annoying experience.

I was Mr Nice Guy to my ex. I still am. I believe in chivalry and true manhood. And I am not confused about the value that society places on such things. I've seen hot girls that I know I would never chase for a relationship and beautiful women that I know I would conquer the world for. So I know Mr Nice Guy is not for every female out there.

I think you were a nice guy, not a wimp, with the wrong girl. Any real woman would work overtime to land you as a husband but Silly Miss Thing couldn't handle you. I already explained why in my op. A real man is a responsibility for a woman. A bad boy is low maintenance. He doesn't care so the girl need not care, she's free to mess around and be silly.
But if a real man pours himself out like that he needs to be replenished and that takes a real woman. And a hot babe is not necessarily a real woman.

It was the hardest thing I ever did (at least, that's how it felt) to walk away from my ex, but I did and it was because I was certain she had no conception of the value of the love I'd given to her. That's where you see that Nice Guys aren't Wimps. They can walk out the door and will do so if the girl continues playing silly games. And they're never the worse for it.

Like I said, love is a risk. Only real men and women dare to take it. The others play games and all of them get burned. The ones who survive are the ones who aren't afraid to give, to get up and try again. It hurts like hell. But isn't the strong man or woman the one who can take pain?

Wrong! Girls work twice as hard for a bad guy than they do for a "nice" guy. You'd be surprised how many girls who prance around here become docile mice before a bad boy. They sweep his house, cook his food and even keep it warm while he is out with the boys till late at night. They have learnt never to ask where he goes and they dare not step out without his approval. My nice guy on the other hand? Too busy trying to make her feel important.

Most girls become good girls while in the hands of a bad guy while they treat the nice guy as trash.

That is the answer to the question ever always asked
"Why do good guys keep meeting bad girls and bad guys dating good girls"

davidylan:

Wrong! Girls work twice as hard for a bad guy than they do for a "nice" guy. You'd be surprised how many girls who prance around here become docile mice before a bad boy. They sweep his house, cook his food and even keep it warm while he is out with the boys till late at night. They have learnt never to ask where he goes and they dare not step out without his approval. My nice guy on the other hand? Too busy trying to make her feel important.

C'mon, bro, at least, read the op na. You'll find that I already said that. In my op, I said that a bad boy is low maintenance, that's the attraction until the girl realizes just how much she wants him to care, then she can't please him enough. If you followed the development of the thread you'll find we agree more than you think.

WackyJ1: Most girls become good girls while in the hands of a bad guy while they treat the nice guy as trash.

That is the answer to the question ever always asked
"Why do good guys keep meeting bad girls and bad guys dating good girls"

Who said that good guys meet bad girls and bad guys date good girls, Wacky? That's a freaking urban legend!

Of course, bad girls turn to wimps, not good girls, in the hands of bad boys. Emotional abuse is all about making an emotional slave out of someone.

Ihedinobi,

see: https://www.nairaland.com/1412635/wife-ex

you will fine me there also.

And this: https://www.nairaland.com/1385614/double-egde-betrayal-story-life

what is the correlation between both?

Many people who have read my story often emphasize in one tone: guy you are patient o.

I have exceeded the elastic limit and breaking point of my existence in relationships with girls and therefore do not comfort to the elasticity or plasticity laws.

You know what else I could kill for apart from patriotic military duty? Adultery, bro.

I would have called the op of the first link a fool if I had got on that thread. Unless there's more to the story than he was saying or else it wasn't true, that's what he was. If your wife is making a bed for adultery and she won't listen to your warnings, leave her to fall into it and kick her azz out after that. And apologize to no one for it.

I would have advised the poor guy from the second thread to just get some space. Maybe travel or something to get a sense of perspective. He'll need it to decide. Adultery is one thing I know that will take a great deal from me to forgive and I won't pretend that it's an easy thing to advise. There's a reason that the Bible even when rejecting divorce allows it in a case of adultery.

Having said all that, bro, do you seriously, honestly believe that all women are like those two fools those threads were about? Or like the iddiots that say that a nice guy is not a good partner? I'm not married yet so I probably can't tell you one person besides my mom that loves a man for being kind to her.

But I assure you that the fools who diss men for being sensitive, caring and humane to them are the same ones that try to convert their emotionally abusive and dysfunctional bad boys into nice guys. Everybody except nobody knows that.

So I could give a flying one at the moon about what these little immature airheads think about relationships. I'll always be a nice guy. I'll marry a woman who loves my niceness, my willingness to fly out of a high-powered meeting to take her to the hospital to have our baby, my presence of mind in getting her those flowers just cos I saw them in a shop window, my dedication to teaching her to bike so that she can hang out with me more often.

Seriously, the hell with bimbos who think I need to kick their azz emotionally to be more sexy. I just need to hit the gym and commit to a healthier diet and be nicer to my body than I have been for a while to be Mr Sizzling Pants. And that be what I'ma do, bro. That's all.

Quite corrosive, bro.

But I like your last post cos it's pretty awesome in some segments which I shall dissect and comment accordingly when I am free.

@ihedinobi,you are so on point!

..#team nice guys#!!!..they rock!

2s£xy:
Quite corrosive, bro.

But I like your last post cos it's pretty awesome in some segments which I shall dissect and comment accordingly when I am free.

Your space is respectfully reserved, bro