dont do anything stupid, blue.

blue. . . . .

i dont know what is happening

but it seems to me that you

are going through 'the kill em' phase

hmm,that was me 12years ago

which brings me to the existence of this thread

yeah i kill them, yeah i pull them hairs out of its root

yeah i cut them open and dice them like minced meat

yeah i perforate them porously

but i do it on paper(ok thats a lie)

i do it on paper 90% of the time(another lie)

i do it on paper about half them time

the remaining half is spent wrestling with actually doing it

or what tha hell' i unleash

the trip is this weigh your options

for as kay said

the stupid things we do live with us for life





you know i always got ya back

thanks guys

that was said in the heat of my rage
seems the poor fool knew he had somn coming for him
he woke me up today with a call apologising profusely

i feel pity for him now

Hi. (Pssch)

I'm on this job, which i have to talk to people i dont know -on the phone- from 8am to 5pm. Argh,
Telephone survey/ customer service they call it, watever
And i have this very annoying, no initiative, lacking leadership skills supervisor, she can be so annoying,
At five, my mouth's aching, i'm stammering and i'm so fagged out, (Thats what i'm being paid for)
On my way home, i keep saying this should be the last one, I must resurrect me biz outfit.
Sighs,

welcome back moji

So, because I don't post as often as I used to gives y'all the license to go on holidays, eh? We'll see about that.

I new it! Would'nt tell,would'nt care,would'nt share and you would'nt dare.
Sino salutes all. . .
The Nigerian Police is filled with armed robbers in uniform.Had an encounter with 'em a week ago,what was my offence? Carrying my laptop without a receipt! Ok showed 'em all IDs have got even the receipt of the new mobo in me machine.Alas! My efforts was in vein, to 'em, they've got a yahoo boy going to the bank to net his new catch.Unfortunately batteries flat! You must follow us reach station,one of 'em said.We wan no wetin dey inside. d other added.Was furious, lets go over to that place to check, i said, pointing to a nearby shop.No, to d station.I obliged lets go there.While in d bus, 1 of 'em said we know you pass urself,you wan tell us say u no dey work with dis thing abi? Hw many international no.s dey ur phone?Now we are driving in circles d police station seems to be hidding 4rm us.Lets settle this, you fit pay #30000?For what? I carry person head?See u he replied ur mates even dey pay #50000.

Where you dey go when we catch you? No be bank? Abeg use ur ATM. Well they let me go,shit! I no even they use blings,what were they thinking?Explained myself i did tirelessly,even recited the 20 essential amino acids with their classifications.Still i had to part with some cash in me wallet.My hard earned money.God go catch them,since they've got the guns, i can only curse 'em.The thing pain me no be small.

 sino, if no be for one thing, i for say make thunder follow blast you join those muda-bleeping policemen. Dammit kid, why did you get on the vehicle?? That was Cardinal Sin no.1 - never, ever get on a police vehicle!

No.2, why were you arguing with them? To prove your right? Dude, unless you have a bit of long-legs in the high places, you don't have ANY rights - not with Nigerian policemen, anyway. You are a student, right? Simple: first, show you are who you say you are by producing a student ID, then stubbornly and  candidly refuse to go any where with them, period! It'll be tough, you might get a busted ear-drum or two, but if you stick it out they'll eventually tire of trying to get sumfin out of a stubborn and penniless student.

Ok, my suggestion is a little bit harsh and reckless, but damn that's what i ALWAYS do. Heck, i got into a case concerning one of my students during NYSC - all i had behind me was my stubborn determination and my bleeping Ajuwaya uniform - and that was when i realized a shocking truth: Besides power and money, there are only two other things that can stop the Nigerian policeman - a confident undergraduate and a brave youth-corper.

But dammit, i wish it was me and those policemen

Driving in LAS GIDIS

1. When in doubt, accelerate!

2. Be prepared to ram anything stoping you wearing uniform in Lagos (police, traffic warden,FRSC, Kai brigade, fire brigade, VIO, lastma, lamata, laswa, even lawma sef)

3. If you get caught by any chance, DO NOT allow them to enter your car, if they happen to get in DO NOT drive from that spot (vere off traffic & settle 5hun), and if they don’t agree, form calling your uncle who is in the army (believe me it always works), never follow them to ANY sort of office except you wanna pay X10

4. Never give police or VIO your original particulars (whether expired or up to date)

5. Danfo drivers believe they are immortal. NEVER yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise.

6. Okada riders have a pact with suicide, avoid them like a plaque

7. Avoid BRT buses in all ramifications, they have NO brakes

8. Taxi cabs (oko asewo) should always have the right of way, all of them have been driving in Lagos for 25yrs.

9. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.

10. The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it. Survival of the fittest you may say!

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos , potholes (and sometimes car-holes) are put in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and shock absorbers,( I saw one man fishing in one of the potholes last week).

13. Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork, except you want to spend ur whole saturday @ the panel beater’s place.

14. Morning rush-hours are equivalent to Lagos grand prix (who gets to the junction first)

15. There is no such thing as a short-cut during rush-hour traffic in Lagos . Everybody might be inclined to take that ’short-cut’.

16. When asking for directions, always ask at least 3 people. Lagosians ALWAYS claim to know every inch of the city – even areas they’ve never been to.

17. Use extreme caution when pulling into service lanes. Service lanes are not for breaking down the traffic, but for speeding, especially during rush hour.

18. Never use directional signals, since they only confound and distract other Lagos drivers, who are not used to them.

19. Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals. Lagos drivers, unused to such courtesies, will think you are making obscene gestures to them. This could be very bad for you in Lagos .

20. Hazard lights (popularly called “double pointer”) is not, (as commonly supposed) used to indicate a hazard. It is a warning to you that he is a bonafide Lagos driver, he’s headed ’straight’ and as such, will not stop under any circumstance. Take him extremely seriously especially if he backs it up with a continuous blast from his “horn”.

21. At any given time, do not stand on the zebra crossing expecting traffic to yield to you, or else you will have to explain to the on coming traffic whether you look like a zebra.

22. Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty.

23. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.

24. In Las Gidi every spot is a potential bus stop. FRSC and LASTMA know that too. It is in their constitution.

25. Above all, keep moving. Even with a flat tire!!!

HORNING IN LAGOS
- ‘Horn’ when someone executes a dangerous manoeuvre.
- ‘Horn’ when you’re about to move off.
- ‘Horn’ when you’re about to overtake.
- ‘Horn’ when someone is about to overtake you.
- ‘Horn’ when turning into a road.
- ‘Horn’ when emerging from a road.
- ‘Horn’ back when someone horns at you. It’s considered good etiquette.
- ‘Horn’ when you hear a chorus of horns. Don’t worry if you don’t know what all the ‘horning’ is about.
- ‘Horn’ when you’re happy.
- ‘Horn’ to the beat when you’re playing music in your car.
Good luck, as you expeditiously navigate through Lagos and hustle and bustle!

@kay now i know better, i thought i was in an ideal situation.Well i hope things change for the better.
@Ariblaze

sino:

@kay now i know better, i thought i was in an ideal situation.Well i hope things change for the better.
@Ariblaze

I got yo back, friend.

ariblaze:

HORNING IN LAGOS
- ‘Horn’ when someone executes a dangerous manoeuvre.
- ‘Horn’ when you’re about to move off.
- ‘Horn’ when you’re about to overtake.
- ‘Horn’ when someone is about to overtake you.
- ‘Horn’ when turning into a road.
- ‘Horn’ when emerging from a road.
- ‘Horn’ back when someone horns at you. It’s considered good etiquette.
- ‘Horn’ when you hear a chorus of horns. Don’t worry if you don’t know what all the ‘horning’ is about.
- ‘Horn’ when you’re happy.
- ‘Horn’ to the beat when you’re playing music in your car.
Good luck, as you expeditiously navigate through Lagos and hustle and bustle!

Hail, Sir Rantalot!! Pray tell, where you dey get yo skillz from??

lord Randolf and his Gutterloo


Randolf was a young chap

Randolf wanted to conquer the world

Randolf dint give a care about the world

his sword, his scabbard his heart in his sleeves

and a love for happy ending novels

sir Randolf set off,slashing and slaying

cutting and gushing,the thrill of the kill

giving him a high,Randolf fought then fought then fought

then fought ,saw opponents,go down under his knife, watched life

drain from their bodies

sir Randolf the great, he began to think to himself

sir Randolf the indestructible he began to see

sir Randolf conquers the world he began to dream

closer and then closer he wrestled towards the world

a touching distance away from claiming the world

sir Randolf got pneumonia a result of not running out of the rain

a result of not seeking shelter when his body carved the warmth

but my body dint complain he thought, my body dint tell me it wanted warmth he argued

alas for all his fight sir Randolf was indeed stupid,defeated on technicality . . . .rain

what would it have cost him to walk and seek shelter?

what would it have cost him to admit to get warm?

what would it have taken to leave the abstract quest for the world

and take on the practical need to rest,show the body some love

before forging on in his quest. . . . . . . .

his body consumed by the sickness

he falls to the ground ravaged by the ailment

his eyes begin to close

the sights begin to fade

and fade

and fade

and fade

and fade

and fade

and fade

and fade

and fade. . . . . . .

Sup 2 evry'un,noticed dis thread n liked d concept;a place wher s'mun could let off steam whenever he felt lyk.(un)fortunately I'm not angry @ d moment so I can't even think up an angry thought,but I'm about 2 paste sumn I wrote d last tym i felt depressed, dunno if it's a rant however:


I Freestyle lyk a swimmer,
Swim in d ocean of d world,tryin nt 2 b consumd by bigger game lyk a lil fish,
Fish around 4 answers 2 d questions which plague me bt cme up fruitless lyk an unbaited hook,
Hooked lyk an addict 2 d cool,realize it's my opium but keep on loving it's chains,
Chained by d limitations I n society place on myself,try 2 brk free bt cn't cos 2 public opinion I'm a slave,
Slave away at my life,plodding along d path I'v taken in my pursuit of 'The Dream',
Dream of things possible,heights achievable,all dependent on my choice of actions,
Act on my choices,sumtyms puzzled by their consequences,d results causin me 2 wonder,
Wonder if I'm a pawn in d hands of sum invisible Chessmaster,or Master of my fate,
Fate beckons on me,tellin me I'm destind 4 gr8ness ,knw wher I'm goin,only problem's hw 2 gt dere,
Dere sims 2 b no direction in my movement,bt immobility's impossible cos on d road of life one never stands still,
Still waters in my soul run deep,submerging my thoughts,hiding d pain I feel,
Feelings supressed 4 so long find deir way 2 d surface,outta control,crying for expression,
Expressions seek 4 a language in which 2 b expressd,find deir outlet in rap,
Rap evolves in2 floetry,verse so divinely inspired it's creation is spontaneous,
Spontaneity of rhyme mkes unnecessary d need 4 rehearsal,bringing 2 being an ability 2 freestyle,
I Freestyle like a swimmer.



@ Bluespice: I see U,longest tym.

ali baba and the closing doors

open sesame he screamed

and the world to riches opened before him

we can push the fact that the plunder belonged

to dead merchants attacked and deprived by the marauders

or that the said riches were probably cursed the message

here is that the walls opened for alibaba,for he knew the 'magic word'

and it dint open for hazeem(i think) cos he forgot

the moral here is know the magic word and under no circumstance forget


i feel the walls closing on me yet again

circumstances plotting against me

laughing at me and conspiring with a high level of awareness

i panic,then panic again

why me? why now?. . . . . my oxygen supply starts getting shortened

my natural instincts for survival kicks in,

i start to fold and harden as i always have

a very cool trick i tells ya. . .no matter how hard the wall closes i would have enough air for me

and my hard shell cant be crushed,thus i remain in that prone position till the wall gives or breaks

somewhere in my positioning the alibaba story hits me

the walls opened for him

it dint crumble around him

the walls opening is the only way to get in or out

a better/richer man

the walls breaking means you get out alive and filthy

i feel its time to be the previous man

and not the latter,its time to stop leaving situations

alive,but hurt and dirty

it is time to leave situations

smelling of roses, carrying bags full of diamonds,rubies etc

and be made for life

its time to change my modus operandi

its time to respond to the feeling of the walls closing differently

it is time to make a fool of myself so as to attain greatness

it is time to expose my self to the risk of hurt to archive the feat of joy

it is time to stand up, stare down the closing walls

and bellow out of lungs

OPEN SESAME

it is time for the walls to listen to me

to cower from me in fear

it is time for the walls to respond

it is time for me to walk out like alibaba did

my camels all ladened with every conceivable goodies

i want,need love or have the ability to carry with me

it is time. . . .

@ravenzord

welcome

i had a hard time reading your write

can you please modify it next time

i didn't have any trouble reading it; guess u didn't text enof back in the days.

Luv yo signature, raven: Bullshit makes the world go round!

Merlin nd the dragon.
One day a boy need merlin traveled frm his own village to the kingdom of camolot,where magic has no value,and where those that pratice it get chopped of their heads wit axe.this decree was made by king ulther,a man that knows nottin but hatred and dislike for magic and those who pratices it,because he claims that magic claimed the life of his beloved wife,when he was given birth to the crown prince,aurther,now,merlin was more than a socerer,but a young warlock who bear's the fate of an entire kindgom on his shoulder.to be continued,

Turiano:

       Merlin nd the dragon.
One day a boy need merlin traveled frm his own village to the kingdom of camolot,where magic has no value,and where those that pratice it get chopped of their heads wit axe.this decree was made by king ulther,a man that knows nottin but hatred and dislike for magic and  . . . . .   

Well well, look what the cat dragged in.


And i almost forgot what i came to say: I CARRY GOSSIP COME O!! Click and see for yoself, https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-271532.0.html This one na correct super-story - Wale Adenuga aint gat shit on this!

Despite that I have been seen to be married to my wife for about ten years, the best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause. A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to
crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman
who was not my wife!" The wife went; "ah!" with shock and rage.

Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out,", and I can't remember who she was!" By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water. Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!

You guys haven't changed one bit.

Miss y'all

ravenzord u claim to know me
where from pray tell

blaze u gats issues homs i tells ya
hi kay,
hi tgirl
hi sino
hie house

often the judge of how great u r around here is judged by how much weed u can smoke, how much effin' beers u can drink and how effin' stupid u can act when "high" or drunk. Bytch please! keep walking keep talking u aint got shit on me

btw, I am not mad at you, because only dogs get mad. I am just effing angry

xoxoxo:

often the judge of how great u r around here is judged by how much weed u can smoke, how much effin' beers u can drink and how effin' stupid u can act when "high" or drunk.  Bytch please! keep walking keep talking u aint got shit on me

btw, I am not mad at you, because only dogs get mad.  I am just effing angry

*** reading btw the lines. . .
yeah. . . we missed u too.

okay so this isnt tgirl
who is she nau?

vesc u bera read his and know we have to talk get at me ASAP

hello house regulars

bluespice:

okay so this isnt tgirl
who is she nau?

vesc u bera read his and know we have to talk get at me ASAP

hello house regulars

epi

hi all

i have being quite the errant poster

now a days ,i am not happy

neither am i angry,its a first for me. .


so i have decided to start taking a piss at the world

drink till froth starts coming out of my ears

smoke till breathe starts to fume

read till my eyes ache

snap at anyone who so much as irritate me. . .


that's the new me i think





so kay

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo is epi?

ok everyone seems to have deserted

i am just there,devoid of any form of emotion

i am too spent to be angry

even if i wanted to,it ain't just my life involved

i want to be selfish yet in my heart i know i cant.


**********



grandma's burial is on the 31st

some friends are coming into the country for this

looking forward to the drive to ilorin

is it funny that i find it easier to ride to ilorin than drive there?

the rent and them busibodi folks would just throw a fit

if i show up with the horse and leathers . . .

in asmuch as i cant be bothered i feel the late one deserves more than that from me



where is everyone?

i feel really and truly alone

goodluck at the burial man
i hope i speak for the house when i say have fun (if possible)
and no ur not alone aiite

VESCUCCI!!!!!!!
i need to talk to u man where the funk is ur ass?

MEN, BLUE, YOUR JAZZ STRONG O. I DON'T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENS THAT ONCE I'M SLEEPING AND NEXT THING I'M ANSWERING AN URGENT HAIL FROM BLUE. IN CAPITAL LETTERS TOO. I RARELY GET ONLINE NOWADAYS. MAIL ME HERE walexiy2k2@yahoo.com WHILE OFFER LASTS, LOL. YOU BETTER HAVE A PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD OR A MAP TO THAT ELIXIR OF IMMORTALITY I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.

As for the rest of the house, keep up the bufoonery.

vescucci:

MEN, BLUE, YOUR JAZZ STRONG O. I DON'T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENS THAT ONCE I'M SLEEPING AND NEXT THING I'M ANSWERING AN URGENT HAIL FROM BLUE. IN CAPITAL LETTERS TOO. I RARELY GET ONLINE NOWADAYS. MAIL ME HERE walexiy2k2@yahoo.com WHILE OFFER LASTS, LOL. YOU BETTER HAVE A PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD OR A MAP TO THAT ELIXIR OF IMMORTALITY I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.

As for the rest of the house, keep up the bufoonery.

Hey V, eat shit!

No wait . . .  on second thoughts, don't eat shit. Eat a pile of shit! There, that's better.
_{Mmmh, so your name na Wale, abi?}

Ok have had enough of this bullshite! Nothing seems to work in dis entity called an independent nation.Im pissd at all em leaders,had high hopes in dis administratn,i was even an advocate "vision 202020".I only sooth my vexation with mr fash,i see him as an icon of hope.His really tryn his best.After a long queue @ d filln statn 4 an hr to get 4ltrs wch will last me 6hrs with my i beta pass me neighbor,i realizd dis sys has faild we need a change.Hve decided to start a revolutn and recruit members.We shall be knwn as The Ultimate Libratn Force(TULF).Our mission is eliminate all leaders that have faild dis nation.We shall take all necessary measures,topmost is suicide bombing,road side bombs,juju bombs etc.If you want your name in d book of history as a man out of patriotism gave his life for this nation,a man who wants to change the situatn not just by mere utterance but actions,a man who wants a better tomorrow 4 d unborn generation,then its up to you to join me and lets fight dis common enemy. . .