chidinwachukwu:
Because he dosent want the boy Becoming an International Terrorist.

huh??

According to experts a child has the capacity to speak 5 different languages simultaneously without mixing them up. This ability is God given. So the couple should expose their child to Yoruba, Esan and any other language they wish. lnfact, experts say children dont really learn a language, their brain simply suck it up like foam sucks up water. This couple should sheath the sword, their child will speak the languages he's exposed to.

This is the 21st century for crying out loud.

When your son comes of age, both of you would have more to worry about than freaking yoruba or esan!!!

bigfrancis21:

You should have known these are the issues that come with inter tribal marriages. If you're bent so much on retaining your yoruba identity and language why did you marry a non-yoruba? You should have married a yoruba man instead of Esan.

It is the African culture that every child identifies to his paternam side. The baby is more of Esan. You've been married into the Esan tribe. You're now also Esan yourself. By right, the baby's first language should be Esan, and maybe later Yoruba.

Assume your own brother marries a hausa wife, and the wife insists on speaking hausa to their child instead of Yoruba, being the child's father's language, how would you react to it?

To be fair, allow the child to learn Esan first. While growing up, he'll pick up Yoruba. It is what many kids who grow up in bilingual homes do. It would even make more sense that he speaks Esan first given that Esan is more difficult to learn as an adult than Yoruba.

@bold...She's NOT an Esan woman but a Yoruba woman, women are not properties. If I marry a woman not of my tribe that doesn't mean she's now my tribe by right and she should start thinking like my tribe and abandon hers.

nutty_hnic: This is the 21st century for crying out loud.

When your son comes of age, both of you would have more to worry about than freaking yoruba or esan!!!

Gbamified!!!
Some pple are just hell bent on prioritising minor thngs

Area-Fada:
@OP

Be careful about the opinions offered here.

When such a topic arises, it is very easy to allow tribal instincts take over.

People are using "insecurity" here very liberally. It must be a trendy word these days.

Your hubby learnt to speak Yoruba fluently so he cannot have anything against the language as such.

He fell in love with a fine yoruba lady and married her and in one fell swoop got Yoruba parents-inlaw plus Siblings-IL, so I doubt if he has anything against Yoruba people.

He lives in the SW and I guess he attends a few "owambe" thingz, so he's unlikely to be averse to local culture. It is illogical to stop his son learning what he learnt himself.

The question is what is he against?

My guess is this. Because he lives in the SW and speaks Yoruba, you may never have shown any genuine intesrest in his language and culture.

As a woman, you can use your enormous "soft power" to make your man feel more important and loved.

"Honey can you get me a book in Esan? I want to be able say some basic words so that I can talk to your elderly relatives".

"Darling, can you try to speak more Esan to junior now that he still young?"

"Sweetheart I am never gonna learn Esan if you don't speak it with me more".

"Dear when are we going to have that lovely Esan meal/dish again?"

Such proactive attitude can make him feel that his culture is not totally discounted. Moreover, you'd be shrewdly pushing the responsibility for fostering some Esan culture in the household to him.

It is an intertribal marriage. It can be absolutely fun if there's proper communication.

Having been in a few interracial relationships myself, little things (like Afam said) do matter.

Nice one

you dont get advice on a place like this.protect your marriage and never bring such issues to the public to trashout

kendraloops: I'm so so so very angry this evening. I've been having this issue with hubby for a while now, used to think he was kidding but this evening just confirmed it for me.

I'm Yoruba n he's Esan from Edo state. He speaks yoruba very very fluently even better than me, he teaches me proverbs n all sometimes sef. But anytime I speak yoruba to our baby, he gets irritated kind of n says' my son is an Esan man, stop speaking yoruba to him'.

We had a major row over it this evening again. Don't I count in the boy's life? What's the biggie in him learning how to speak yoruba?

ur child will surely speak yoruba.Any language u nd ur hubby speak goes directly into d child's ear.children adapt to d languague dat is spoken fluently in their environment

He is disgustingly feeling inferior.


I wonder why he went for a 'superior' ethnic group for a wife if he could not accept their ways.

How could allowing her child bear a Yoruba name have been a problem?

Man is very insecure.

Chanchit: Mhen, I'M highly scared of the comments i'm seeing on this thread. i have tried my best not to interfere on any tribal issues on NL. I just can't imagine how people could be so carried away by tribal sentiments to the extent of being lost bwt right and wrong. For someone like Afam, just put urself in the op's shoe, if ur sister comes and tell you that her Esan husband told her never to speak Igbo to her baby again, a language they both speak, would you be happy with it...? some people even suggest that the wife should go and learn Esan language so that she would teach the baby, are you guys really for real...? jeez...! this is really annoying. so after carrying the baby for 9months, she should start learning her husbands language again just because she wants to teach the baby, when her husband is not dumb
. I'm not surprised by that ChineloSA's comment, cos I knew she has no brain before now, but Afam just confirmed how far he could go.

I never said the husband did the right. All i'm saying is that it's now his decision and has to be respected. If my sister's husband tells her the same thing, as much as i will be angry, i'll know that the fact that she agreed to marry a Non-Igbo is something she agreed to and has to live in the consequences. Why do you think some parents go all out to stop their ward from married outside their tribe?

Area-Fada:
@OP

Be careful about the opinions offered here.

When such a topic arises, it is very easy to allow tribal instincts take over.

People are using "insecurity" here very liberally. It must be a trendy word these days.

Your hubby learnt to speak Yoruba fluently so he cannot have anything against the language as such.

He fell in love with a fine yoruba lady and married her and in one fell swoop got Yoruba parents-inlaw plus Siblings-IL, so I doubt if he has anything against Yoruba people.

He lives in the SW and I guess he attends a few "owambe" thingz, so he's unlikely to be averse to local culture. It is illogical to stop his son learning what he learnt himself.

The question is what is he against?

My guess is this. Because he lives in the SW and speaks Yoruba, you may never have shown any genuine intesrest in his language and culture.

As a woman, you can use your enormous "soft power" to make your man feel more important and loved.

"Honey can you get me a book in Esan? I want to be able say some basic words so that I can talk to your elderly relatives".

"Darling, can you try to speak more Esan to junior now that he still young?"

"Sweetheart I am never gonna learn Esan if you don't speak it with me more".

"Dear when are we going to have that lovely Esan meal/dish again?"

Such proactive attitude can make him feel that his culture is not totally discounted. Moreover, you'd be shrewdly pushing the responsibility for fostering some Esan culture in the household to him.

It is an intertribal marriage. It can be absolutely fun if there's proper communication.

Having been in a few interracial relationships myself, little things (like Afam said) do matter.

PURE GOLD.

The man is an idiiot

^
Haba. Let's not resort to that.

An Esan Man Will Always Be An Esan Man. All Of You Ranting Over Here Are On Your Own, For The Ladies Marry An Ean Man And Speak English Thereafter You Will See And Know The Meaning Of Esan People.
@Op
Just Follow His Advise, Do Not Push Him At All Since Your Son Will Naturally Learn Yoruba Due To His Environment.
But, you must know that a Yoruba name is never an option. You also forgot to tell us how loving, caring and adorable your husband is (Esan men are the best men on Earth).
AS A PROUD ESAN MAN, I REPRESENT THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO HUMANITY SINCE CREATION, ESAN LANGUAGE THE ONLY ORIGINAL LANGUAGE IN THE HOLY BIBLE: ABBA FATHER

Mark 14:36, Romans 8:15, Galatians 4:6

adino: An Esan Man Will Always Be An Esan Man. All Of You Ranting Over Here Are On Your Own, For The Ladies Marry An Ean Man And Speak English Thereafter You Will See And Know The Meaning Of Esan People.
@Op
Just Follow His Advise, Do Not Push Him At All Since Your Son Will Naturally Learn Yoruba Due To His Environment.
But, you must know that a Yoruba name is never an option. You also forgot to tell us how loving, caring and adorable your husband is (Esan men are the best men on Earth).
AS A PROUD ESAN MAN, I REPRESENT THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO HUMANITY SINCE CREATION, ESAN LANGUAGE THE ONLY ORIGINAL LANGUAGE IN THE HOLY BIBLE: ABBA FATHER

You really do have a lot of problems, dont ya?

Mujah1deen: women have always had careers. Stop misleading people
Anyway why don't they have d1cks?

what is this one trying to say? You have no point. Why don't men have boobs and vag1nas?

Your hubby is right. You may be his mother but he is Esan, which ordinarily should be the first native language he speaks. Respect your husband's wishes and obey him to the latter.

chima12: Do you and your family members speak yoruba with your husband when your family members come visiting?even if you do,always remember your hubby is esan,and make sure he doesn't feel disrespected when you are conversing with your people in yoruba.yorubas have this attribute of when they are 2 or more in number,and start speaking their language,they act like they do not care about the presence of someone in their presence who isn't yoruba or doesn't understand yoruba.I had yoruba friends while serving and I got along well with them,but whenever there are 2 or more,I always find a way to move away from them because its like they forget that you don't understand the language.this attribute can be annoying,I believe your hubby has experienced such before and maybe detest such attitude which is why he has decided to stamp his authority early enough.this is also one reason why some non-yoruba who understand yoruba language sometimes pretend not to understand or speak yoruba.you must minimise the rate at which your family members visit.

. My friend you are a liar.even igbos,Hausas or name whichever tribe does that.every one is guilty of such when with their people,you tend to speak your native language more.this aint peculiar to just one tribe.while I was serving despite the fact that I served in a south west state,some igbo corpers formed large groups in which all they basically speak is igbo.I never took offence in that cos when I am with my yoruba friends too,we do same so please.if there was any tribe who is atleast neutral and tries to be considerate when talking in public.its the Yoruba tribe,Not saying this out of sentiments cos I'm Yoruba but an average yoruba person while in the midst of other tribes would rather speak english in public than his/her native language.

madam ure the primary caregiver. Unless ure husband has CCTV around u, I think ure making a mountain out of a molehill. If ure hubby wants his son to learn Esan first then its his responsibity to teach him since u don't speak the language. which means more involvement in his son's life.

Why are u making this an issue? agree not to speak Yoruba to ure son and move along to more important issues.

nutty_hnic: This is the 21st century for crying out loud.

When your son comes of age, both of you would have more to worry about than freaking yoruba or esan!!!

The only reasonable person here today!

.

Afam4eva:
If i get you correctly, your point is that, men being the head of the family may have been created by humans and not nature. if that's the case then a woman that wants to lead a family in the capacity of the breadwinner or head should find a husband who will submit and she should not take an oath that says she will submit and later not do so. As far equality is concerned, like i've been saying is not possible the way you want it. That's why as the person you quoted put it, a man and a woman cannot hold a steering at the same time. One has to hold it while the other gives advice and direction. It's either you're one or the other. Both of you can't be both at the same time. Even people who come together to form a business as equal partners end of taking different roles how much more a couple.

you are not understanding what he wrote

we don't want more APC to dominate our land. stop yoruba, stop APC from dominating our south south region now!

I honestly don't understand why couples don't discuss issues like this before deciding to get married. Marriage is all about tolerance, there is obviously a problem the moment either party starts feeling own view/opinion/say is say regardless of how it will impact the other person.

This issue obviously wouldn't go away and i get very angry when people start asking the woman to just accept because;
He is the husband and thus you must obey king kong,
The role of a woman is to just sit listen and be a baby making machine,
If you want your marriage to last then don't complain
Bla bla bla bla

Of what use is you being unhappy about something so dear to you in your marriage whilst constantly feeling your opinion counts for nothing?

To even think about his stated reason for not wanting you to speak your own language to your own son. Isn't his sole reason equally applicable to his language as well.

The primary being the language you guys communicate is English so how on earth would the child pick up yoruba or esan accent?

You are not meant to feel undervalued in a marriage. It is a partnership and to think you will even have more responsibility in raising this child is just making woooow

Anyhoo, OBEY is the magic word since you are a Nigerian woman married to a Nigerian man and living in Nigeria.

There is no understanding between the two of you.

paulibling: madam with due respect i hope this is just one of nairaland fabricated gimmicks to get people talking. if not sorry cos you are not matured enough to be a wife. you dont tussle with a man over the right of a son. you will succeed in making him hate the boy because of your insubordination. and less i forget if your hubby is not a seasoned born again start getting ready to welcome another woman that will give him another son that will learn esan very well and take all the love of the man which means that he will bestow his generation on him. and your son will grow up to see you as a witch. take it or leave it.

You are a foo..Lish and crazz.y woman. Na to nak.ed dey run up and down remain 4 u. So a man wud HATE his son because he can't speak Esan? Even if the son is intelligent n successful? Do u knw d number of naija kids and adults who can't speak any naija language? U tink their parents hate thm for tht. Una too thy think rubbish for una brain. If ur son can't speak ur language, it is nobody's fault. He can as welL mke d boy live n school in his viLLage if he wants him to Learn ASUN language. Iranu!

What a hilarious thread! orishirishi creatures.

Ileobatojo where have u been? You get time o.

De beauvoir you u sent me an email.

Chanchit: Mhen, I'M highly scared of the comments i'm seeing on this thread. i have tried my best not to interfere on any tribal issues on NL. I just can't imagine how people could be so carried away by tribal sentiments to the extent of being lost bwt right and wrong. For someone like Afam, just put urself in the op's shoe, if ur sister comes and tell you that her Esan husband told her never to speak Igbo to her baby again, a language they both speak, would you be happy with it...? some people even suggest that the wife should go and learn Esan language so that she would teach the baby, are you guys really for real...? jeez...! this is really annoying. so after carrying the baby for 9months, she should start learning her husbands language again just because she wants to teach the baby, when her husband is not dumb
. I'm not surprised by that ChineloSA's comment, cos I knew she has no brain before now, but Afam just confirmed how far he could go.

aя̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ Y♡Ʊ married? I seriously doubt it.
@op, I believe every woman wants peace in her ђøm£, if Y♡Ʊ follow the advice of these amatuer femminist on nairaland then ϔ☺ΰr marriage is doomed. Irrespective of what anybody may tell Y♡Ʊ in this thread,ϔ☺ΰя̩̥̊ son is Esan,YOU have also become an esan woman by marriage. Y♡Ʊ may not know it but Y♡Ʊ aя̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ highly disadvantaged by not ardently learning the esan language yourself, Ђø̲̣̣w do Y♡Ʊ feel when Y♡Ʊ get to ϔ☺ΰя̩̥̊ hubby's hometown ånd just mope around cos Y♡Ʊ don't understand a thing they say? Ånd now Y♡Ʊ want ϔ☺ΰя̩̥̊ child to be in same shoes as Y♡Ʊ aя̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥? If I were to be married to a different tribe,I would first try very hard to learn M̶̲̥̅γ̲̣ hubby's language ånd then insist that M̶̲̥̅γ̲̣̣̥ kids learn it as well. They don't ИƐƐD ϔ☺ΰя̩̥̊ language,if they eventually learn it then it is a plus but they ИƐƐD to learn their father's tongue,they ИƐƐD it. ϔ☺ΰя̩̥̊ hubby would be very embarrased when he takes his kids to visit his hometown ånd they can't speak his language rather they speak their mother's language! His people ωιℓℓ term him a fool ånd ωιℓℓ dislike you Fø̲̣̣я̅ that cos they ωιℓℓ lay the blame on YOU, then ϔ☺ΰя̩̥̊ hubby would have a re-think on why he didn't marry from his tribe in the 1st place ånd may consider marrying a lady from his tribe. All these issues could be avoided by a simple act,try very hard to learn his language ånd make sure Y♡Ʊ both teach ϔ☺ΰя̩̥ kids his language first. Just M̶̲̥̅γ̲̣̣̥ opinion!

Ånd just because Y♡Ʊ added a yourba name to your son's name doesn't make it his known name. He should be known ånd addressed by his Esan name. He is a male child ånd therefore should identify with his father's culture, I believe it is in the best interest of the child. (It may be painful to you but sorry,truth hurts)

How will d son Learn d language? WiL d father take him everywhere he goes? Abi no d mama go dey with d boy most of d time? Esan man wey don confuse.

Leave this man IMMEDIATELY! One day hell wake up and KILL YOU.......yes..........I say KILL YOU. Seek divorce and take possession of the child ASAP. I know what am saying. A word is enough for the wise.

kendraloops:

It never came up in our discussions cos I didn't imagine it was ever going to become an issue going by the fact that he speaks Yoruba fluently.

madam, why are u so worried, your hubby is not always around 24hrs, so you can teach your baby when he is not around.

chineloSA:

I understand the guys point of view. Is he married to you or you married to him You giving your son a Yoruba name should just be plain negotiations and him being a nice guy.

I ask if you are pregnant because, from my perspective I think you overreacted. In my culture, that is not negotiated, especially if you are married. So, i expect you to understand such.

The issue of negotiation should not arise, for crying out loud his father being esan automatically gives the baby an esan first name and surname. You would agree this two are the most important names, so what is so bad in his mum wanting him to have a yoruba name? She and her parents mit even be the only ones that would actually be calling him by that name. The fact that she is demanding this does not mean she in anyway showing she is the man of the house.
Haba Men sha. I which the table could be turned round and let men go thru pregnancy and labor you wld realise that this small demands by mothers is not too much to indulge them with.