@poster,
Why is it that you Yorubas don't make enough effort at learning other peoples languages. Why not learn Esan language and in turn help your child to speak it.
Too bad.

kendraloops:

Are u kidding me? He has a right to deny me giving MY child a yoruba name All the labour pains n agony nko? Abeg foget oo. I know he's more of Esan than yoruba but it hurts. In public when people ask for his baby's yoruba name, he quickly responds that he's gat none.


As for me being pregnant again, I'm not oooo. Lol. Y u dey ask sef?

You should have known these are the issues that come with inter tribal marriages. If you're bent so much on retaining your yoruba identity and language why did you marry a non-yoruba? You should have married a yoruba man instead of Esan.

It is the African culture that every child identifies to his paternam side. The baby is more of Esan. You've been married into the Esan tribe. You're now also Esan yourself. By right, the baby's first language should be Esan, and maybe later Yoruba.

Assume your own brother marries a hausa wife, and the wife insists on speaking hausa to their child instead of Yoruba, being the child's father's language, how would you react to it?

To be fair, allow the child to learn Esan first. While growing up, he'll pick up Yoruba. It is what many kids who grow up in bilingual homes do. It would even make more sense that he speaks Esan first given that Esan is more difficult to learn as an adult than Yoruba.

.

@OP

Be careful about the opinions offered here.

When such a topic arises, it is very easy to allow tribal instincts take over.

People are using "insecurity" here very liberally. It must be a trendy word these days.

Your hubby learnt to speak Yoruba fluently so he cannot have anything against the language as such.

He fell in love with a fine yoruba lady and married her and in one fell swoop got Yoruba parents-inlaw plus Siblings-IL, so I doubt if he has anything against Yoruba people.

He lives in the SW and I guess he attends a few "owambe" thingz, so he's unlikely to be averse to local culture. It is illogical to stop his son learning what he learnt himself.

The question is what is he against?

My guess is this. Because he lives in the SW and speaks Yoruba, you may never have shown any genuine intesrest in his language and culture.

As a woman, you can use your enormous "soft power" to make your man feel more important and loved.

"Honey can you get me a book in Esan? I want to be able say some basic words so that I can talk to your elderly relatives".

"Darling, can you try to speak more Esan to junior now that he still young?"

"Sweetheart I am never gonna learn Esan if you don't speak it with me more".

"Dear when are we going to have that lovely Esan meal/dish again?"

Such proactive attitude can make him feel that his culture is not totally discounted. Moreover, you'd be shrewdly pushing the responsibility for fostering some Esan culture in the household to him.

It is an intertribal marriage. It can be absolutely fun if there's proper communication.

Having been in a few interracial relationships myself, little things (like Afam said) do matter.

Mhen, I'M highly scared of the comments i'm seeing on this thread. i have tried my best not to interfere on any tribal issues on NL. I just can't imagine how people could be so carried away by tribal sentiments to the extent of being lost bwt right and wrong. For someone like Afam, just put urself in the op's shoe, if ur sister comes and tell you that her Esan husband told her never to speak Igbo to her baby again, a language they both speak, would you be happy with it...? some people even suggest that the wife should go and learn Esan language so that she would teach the baby, are you guys really for real...? jeez...! this is really annoying. so after carrying the baby for 9months, she should start learning her husbands language again just because she wants to teach the baby, when her husband is not dumb
. I'm not surprised by that ChineloSA's comment, cos I knew she has no brain before now, but Afam just confirmed how far he could go.

It is so sad that many see marriage as a battle rather than a union. How does speaking yoruba makes a child less Esan? If a man does not like his wife speaking her language to his son, why not married from his tribe? Why wouldn't people understand that the more languages a person speaks, the more advantage he/she has? You keep seeing husbands crying I m the boss, you do my biddings to their wives and then you wonder if real bosses need to make noise before they are acknowledged and recognised? However OP as much as I sympathise with you, I ll advise you apply wisdom here. It is totally impossible for your husband to stop you from speaking your language to your child since I m sure you don't speak his own. Avoid confrontation, pray for wisdom to whether this storm and patiently push your thoughts through to him. Let him understand you re not trying to monopolise your baby but rather trying to put him in a more advantageous position in life and encourage him to speak his language to the child too. Avoid quarrel for ' A house divided against itself cannot stand'.

saxywale:
Your husband has no choice. Your son would eventually pick up the language as long as you live in the southwest.

Right on point. Both parties should prioritize finding a better way of presenting their languages to the kid, believe me kids learn like robots.

Kai, see insults wey this man don chop for nothing. I wonder if was the other way round, Yoruba husband with Esan wife living in Ekpoma if Nairaland would have tagged the hubby "insecure"/ smh.

@OP, no pipe low, you hear? I can see you are on your way to become the first wife.

bigfrancis21:

You should have known these are the issues that come with inter tribal marriages. If you're bent so much on retaining your yoruba identity and language why did you marry a non-yoruba? You should have married a yoruba man instead of Esan.

It is the African culture that every child identifies to his paternam side. The baby is more of Esan. You've been married into the Esan tribe. You're now also Esan yourself. By right, the baby's first language should be Esan, and maybe later Yoruba.

Assume your own brother marries a hausa wife, and the wife insists on speaking hausa to their child instead of Yoruba, being the child's father's language, how would you react to it?

To be fair, allow the child to learn Esan first. While growing up, he'll pick up Yoruba. It is what many kids who grow up in bilingual homes do. It would even make more sense that he speaks Esan first given that Esan is more difficult to learn as an adult than Yoruba.

So have you seen anywhere in the op's write up where she's against her baby speaking the language...? Can you teach someone what you dnt knw....? Her husband speaks the language, let him speak it to the baby, must the wife be the one to do everything....? they both have a job to do, the wife is trying to do her own, the husband too should do his own part and stop whining

bigfrancis21:

You should have known these are the issues that come with inter tribal marriages. If you're bent so much on retaining your yoruba identity and language why did you marry a non-yoruba? You should have married a yoruba man instead of Esan.

It is the African culture that every child identifies to his paternam side. The baby is more of Esan. You've been married into the Esan tribe. You're now also Esan yourself. By right, the baby's first language should be Esan, and maybe later Yoruba.

Assume your own brother marries a hausa wife, and the wife insists on speaking hausa to their child instead of Yoruba, being the child's father's language, how would you react to it?

To be fair, allow the child to learn Esan first. While growing up, he'll pick up Yoruba. It is what many kids who grow up in bilingual homes do. It would even make more sense that he speaks Esan first given that Esan is more difficult to learn as an adult than Yoruba.

If the child will learn Esan, the father must speak it to the child. I think rather than stopping the wife from speaking her language, the man should focus on speaking his language to the child too. Both parents should communicate in their local languages to the child when in private audience with the child while they speak a common language, preferably English when together with the child. They can reach a truce and shouldn't turn this to a confrontation as the child is the greatest loser in the battle that will ensue.

chineloSA:
Personally, how I would treat this is, my child has to know all his father culture, language etc before mine.

Though I do not think the guy may have meant bad, but he meant it. The son is his son hence he bears his surname.

I think you overreacted, since you said the child can still learn Yoruba either way. Teach your son all his fathers culture before yours. Your son may blame you when he does not fit in, in future. Your son is not Yoruba, he is Esan.
Even with names, he has a right to deny you to give your son a Yoruba name, its his Esan son, not Yoruba son, so you were just pushing your luck.

Are you sure you are not pregnant again

Wherever you got the knowledge to type these intelligent words would never run dry... God bless you for this...understanding is very rare, even though many claim to have it..

Chanchit:


So have you seen anywhere in the op's write up where she's against her baby speaking the language...? Can you teach someone what you dnt knw....? Her husband speaks the language, let him speak it to the baby, must the wife be the one to do everything....? they both have a job to do, the wife is trying to do her own, the husband too should do his own part and stop whining

It seems simple enough doesn't it? An excellent bonding and unifying scenario, which will even give the wife more opportunities to learn the Esan language faster. One would have thought a degree in rocket science is not necessary to come to this practical, common sense agreement. But apparently, on NL, it is a different ballgame entirely.

ileobatojo:


It seems simple enough doesn't it? An excellent bonding and unifying scenario, which will even give the wife more opportunities to learn the Esan language faster. One would have thought a degree in rocket science is not necessary to come to this practical, common sense agreement. But apparently, on NL, it is a different ballgame entirely.

But she tell you say she wan learn? I maybe wrong but I highly doubt she has shown interest in learning Esan, hence the ban of Yoruba.

Kai, Nigerian with dongo turenchi argument . All day long business
OP, let the little one learn English. Teach the child Hausa and Igbo, neutral languages.
I'm still trying to learn Esan.
Aba, e'gwi o

If this are the microchips that make up Nigeria then we have no hope whatsoever. Language, tribe and tongue are a curse to this country. When you'd think cross-cultural marraiges will result in a third 'language', new ideas and the dawning of hope, pigs still prefer mud. Utter rubbish. Hope your son will not inherit this ish.

Igban:

But she tell you say she wan learn? I maybe wrong but I highly doubt she has shown interest in learning Esan, hence the ban of Yoruba.

You are wrong. Here's OP's response when someone told her to show interest in Esan language.

kendraloops:
Trust me, I've been doing that. I can make 1 or 2 sentences with his language. His parents even praise how fast I've learnt some words.

Reference: If this are the microchips that make up Nigeria then we have no hope whatsoever. Language, tribe and tongue are a curse to this country. When you'd think cross-cultural marraiges will result in a third 'language', new ideas and the dawning of hope, pigs still prefer mud. Utter rubbish. Hope your son will not inherit this ish.

Very well said.

ileobatojo:

You are wrong. Here's OP's response when someone told her to show interest in Esan language.

Ok, I stand corrected.

I know some people wish they know the op's husband, they won't mind not going to church tomorrow, even if it means trekking to his house to show him the link to this thread...

^
The yabbings too much. I feel sorry for the guy. What I will never understand is why people are much more comfortable sharing their marital problems with everyone except the person they are married to. I have married friends whose marital problems I know way more than their spouses. It amazes me! Talk to your spouse. Don't fight them. Don't nag them. Don't be passive aggressive. Sit them down and have a civilized conversation.

kendraloops: I'm so so so very angry this evening. I've been having this issue with hubby for a while now, used to think he was kidding but this evening just confirmed it for me.

I'm Yoruba n he's Esan from Edo state. He speaks yoruba very very fluently even better than me, he teaches me proverbs n all sometimes sef. But anytime I speak yoruba to our baby, he gets irritated kind of n says' my son is an Esan man, stop speaking yoruba to him'.

We had a major row over it this evening again. Don't I count in the boy's life? What's the biggie in him learning how to speak yoruba?

It is very simple.

Stop speaking yoruba to your husband's son.

if at al dat is wat is lingering btw u n ur husband den is wrong. D baby can b taught d both languages.

Let the baby learn one Language per time or else the baby will be confused and have difficulties with speeches.

Baby tends to speak mother's Language irrespective of your region/ country of residence.

Language is a minimal issue in marriage.Be careful of who you go to for advice.Make your marriage work Sis.

Have you learnt how to speak Esan ypurself since you are married to one who can even speak your language better than you. Most times people feels that the major languages are superior to the minor ones and as such it is belittling to learn them. My advise is for you to internalise your hubby tribe before you choke the boy with yoruba.

pDude:

It is very simple.

Stop speaking yoruba to your husband's son.

So she should stop speaking her language to HER own child? Wetin person no go hear for NL.

Ngbọkwụ: @poster,
Why is it that you Yorubas don't make enough effort at learning other peoples languages. Why not learn Esan language and in turn help your child to speak it.
Too bad.

i hate how idiotic some people are,so cos of one story,ur idiotic little self quickly generalises the topic to all yorubas abi?u do know that esan is not widely spoken as yoruba,they dont even live in edo state.how do u think she would learn that easily?u better dont bring ur tribalist ways to this section cos many inter-tribal marriages face the this language problem...anything yoruba brings out the hate in u people.

pDude:

It is very simple.

Stop speaking yoruba to your husband's son.

So the baby isn't her son too??

Nosa-Henry:
Have you learnt how to speak Esan ypurself since you are married to one who can even speak your language better than you. Most times people feels that the major languages are superior to the minor ones and as such it is belittling to learn them. My advise is for you to internalise your hubby tribe before you choke the boy with yoruba.

More iidiotic advice

It is suprsing how people are saying the wife shtould learn esan as if it is that easy,u pple are making it sound like marriage is like employer-employee,it doesnt make sense to me why the man would ban the woman from speaking her own language,he should ave approached an esan lady and married her if he didnt want to feel intimidated by another language..the other intelligent ways he can go about it instead of banning d woman from speaking her language to her child,he should teach his child his language since the woman has little knowledge of it,if possible,he should get a teacher who would teach the boy easn lang,get books written in the lang for him,take for holidays to his hometown frequently where the boy learn faster and he(husband)should speak the lang to the boy.with this method even the mother would also pick up the lang.banning the lang will not work cos if d boy picks up the lang outside the home,dere is nothing he can do about it.

madam with due respect i hope this is just one of nairaland fabricated gimmicks to get people talking. if not sorry cos you are not matured enough to be a wife. you dont tussle with a man over the right of a son. you will succeed in making him hate the boy because of your insubordination. and less i forget if your hubby is not a seasoned born again start getting ready to welcome another woman that will give him another son that will learn esan very well and take all the love of the man which means that he will bestow his generation on him. and your son will grow up to see you as a witch. take it or leave it.

^
If a man will hate his own child because the child doesn't speak his language, then the man does not deserve to be a husband or a father. Since when did the love of a child become conditional on the language the child speaks?

paulibling: madam with due respect i hope this is just one of nairaland fabricated gimmicks to get people talking. if not sorry cos you are not matured enough to be a wife. you dont tussle with a man over the right of a son. you will succeed in making him hate the boy because of your insubordination. and less i forget if your hubby is not a seasoned born again start getting ready to welcome another woman that will give him another son that will learn esan very well and take all the love of the man which means that he will bestow his generation on him. and your son will grow up to see you as a witch. take it or leave it.

you are not making sense at all,what da hell are u talking about?