cococandy:
no it is Netflix re-incarnate. But totally free. And filled with up to date new realease even before it gets to Netflix. You should try it.

Will do. Arigato

bodashee:

Thanks. I haven't seen the movie. Its so unlike me, I didn't really get to watch so many movies this year.

2014 or 2015?

anonimus:


2014 or 2015?

Bobo calm down na. We're still in 2014 o jare. Its still some hours to the new year.
Can't wait to watch American Sniper. I read the book........was really sad when I found out about Chris Kyle's death. The movie is definitely worth looking out for.

bodashee:


Bobo calm down na. We're still in 2014 o jare. Its still some hours to the new year.
Can't wait to watch American Sniper. I read the book........was really sad when I found out about Chris Kyle's death. The movie is definitely worth looking out for.

Happy new year.

bodashee:


Thanks. I haven't seen the movie. Its so unlike me, I didn't really get to watch so many movies this year.

You gotta try it. Happy new year.

An0nimus:


EL O EL. (There's this NLer that does this )

Mutaino7 instead of watching Telemundo or Bollywood I'll watch Spongebob.

For a while now – and particularly since my return from my last sabbatical - I’ve been keen for us to discuss in greater detail about men in relationships. Specifically how best to relate too, and manage the dynamics.

There are myriad approaches one could take to this and it could get quite expansive. But rather than over-analyse it, I think we should just kick it off.

In some ways, I feel we’ve touched on a lot of it already, but perhaps in a piecemeal form – I hoping we can do it here in a way that allows people to join the dots.

I’m particularly speaking to men here, which is why I brought it here. I think we’d be best served by taking an unalloyed male viewpoint.

My charge here, as always has been strong families and a flourishing society. I speak as a Christian, this is not about picking up hot chicks or “dealing with women”. I believe the sexes are complimentary and work best together for the greater good.

I do however, appreciate there will be those with different beliefs with interesting perspectives and insightful stuff to share.

As we are all constrained by time, I’d like everyone to pitch in, share the lead and contribute areas for discussion – and particular for those who have questions or real life experience to share if willing.

I’ll suggest some areas – as follows - with no order in mind, and I’m nore than happy to subsume them to more pressing or interesting items;

- The mature man – his character, his stance, his approach
- The burden and expectation of marriage
- Men and marriage – pre-marriage, within-marriage
- The natural woman – triggers and responses, hypergamy, are they loyal? Mars & Venus
- What to look for in a wife – and why you need one

I’ll pause here to allow a bit of brainstorming – but if anyone is itching to kick it off (we can keep a rolling list of topics), no problem.


Cheers
TV

Happy new year, everyone.

Bros TV, I'm down for this.

Mature men, please. We could start with that. Jesus cried. In public. He let his mother tell him what to do once. Decided not to fight plenty of times. Does he fit the bill?

Uncle tv01 we don ready* picks pen to jot*

Well done bruv, been on the lookout for this. I'm really looking to learn as and even more than I know or think I know already. However, I'd like to start with:

The Burden And Expectation Of Marriage: I think marriage, in the wholesome sense of it, is extremely important in safeguarding our society and civilisation. The traditional father-mother-children home is non-negotiable if we are to remain as a race. As such, every member of society will do well to marry and remain married while catering for and appropriately socialising any offspring that may arise from such a union. Our forbears were well aware of this truth and acted righteously upon it...

Men And Marriage: Pre-Marriage/Within Marriage: The man should be able to take care of himself before marriage; this includes provision, hygiene(cleanliness is next to godliness, gentlemen), space domination, protection. These attributes, fine-tuned, are the skills with which he holds his home together. He should know how to run a home and he fine tunes this skill in bachelor-hood. His relationship with women should be with wisdom(Machiavellian, as women are hardly straightforward with their expressions), he would do well to master the mystery that is communication with women before marriage if he's to have any success with his wife.

Within marriage, he is to handle himself with the utmost dignity if he desires submission from his wife and respect from his offspring. He's the reference point, so he has to be seen to be a man of character; solid and incorruptible.

Thanks, Pickabeau1, update, beneath.

The Mature Man: Character, Stance, Approach:
Character in the context of a romantic/marriage relationship should be fair, forthright, solid. Solidity should guarantee fairness, actually. Is he a man of his word? Does he present as a reed in the wind? Does he have dignity or is his integrity at the mercy of the whims of his lover as most increasingly seem to present?

Stance would be an offshoot of character.

Approach should be with dignity, efficiency, adventure, generosity. Carriage matters a great deal, so does time and resources and how these are invested, he shouldn't be afraid to explore his options in terms of quality of human he's dealing with and how she amplifies his strenghts and insures him against his weaknesses as he irons them out. A man who seeks love must be generous in giving love, however, he's to be "as wise as a serpent" to cut off abusers of this generosity, i.e, not casting his pearls before swine; he'd do well to pick 'em and polish 'em upon realising his error.

Proceed

The Natural Woman:. She is, at the most basic level, emotional, a feeler. Not incapable of logic, but seldom ever logical or rational. She doesn't respond to life/nature like a man would. From birth, she's concerned and content with safety where the male is concerned with exploration and adventure.

Seeking a mate, she's on the lookout for one who can provide for her and her offspring; or one with whom she can share the provisioning responsibilities(as feminists would have us believe), meanwhile, a man could and usually is very much at ease with providing for his clan even when his partner has not the ability to do so. Seldom, if ever, is she looked upon to protecting the clan, her first instinct is to nurture(mother) the clan.
As a result, she responds with glee to one who seems capable of provisioning and protecting, leaving her to face her own "ministry" of nurturing. This is proven everyday when women are "in love" with a poor guy but marry a rich guy whom they presumably "have no feelings" for. Being a nice guy or gentleman does not equate to "husband material" for women. If you are not a man of means or do not show "potential" to be one, take her professions of love with a pinch of salt. All it takes for a nice-guy-gentleman poor bloke to be single is a rich toaster and an excuse
"But our parents didn't marry for money", you might say. It might appear so, but, in reality, what they practised was controlled-hypergamy (thanks Aluta) because our forbears understood blatant hypergamy (marrying up as explained above) and its effects on society, hence, they developed systems to discourage the monetisation of romance, which we have blatantly today. Also, they understood the female biological clock and understood that if women waited too long for the "right" man, it might be too late for her to bear children or even have a half-decent suitor having priced herself out of the relationship market.

In semi-conclusion, it is my belief that "these (women) ain't loyal". They put out to the highest or most profitable bidder basically, and were it not for the Nigeria culture(which is largely demonised as archaic and barbaric and seems to be fading away), we'd have a nation of sluts, married and single (and they do exist I assure you) who would do anything for a Bold 5, which is now 12k, by the way. Our culture attempted to check hypergamy to the benefit of both male and female, sadly those checks are quickly eroding.

Love: This word is a scam, I tell ya. We have been had. Forget all the eros and neros tins, we've been had, and we have been willing accomplices because of our greed and selfishness. The very nature of love is unconditional, and I assure you, nobody loves unconditionally. If they did, there'd be no abuse, manipulation, divorce.
Divorce is basically the ultimate expression of selfishness and entitlement orientation, especially where children are involved. Why would someone who took marriage vows ever divorce? It beats my imagination.

Is it any wonder that "love" hasn't been enough to sustain marriages? I came across a quote "love shouldn't sustain your marriage, your marriage should sustain your love". How apt.

People like to argue that it is inhuman to marry with 'love' absent, I disagree. I believe that marrying for 'love' is a dangerous thing.

By the way, men and women love differently:

Woman: He's so nice and gentlemanly and sweet and, above all, look at this diamond ring he bought me. I love him *giggles.

Man: Oh boy, this babe set die, she come get respect and she sabi cook and she no dey use too much makeup. Baba, I done see wife, abeg. *aaarrrggggh. Guy you no go understand.

Parts in bold are most important...

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ who says our parents didn't marry for money?
Hypergamy has, is and will forever be in place.
It's not about marrying a millionaire, it's about marrying someone that you THINK is waaayyyy up there.
And yes, our mothers did same too. Maybe a few didn't, but there are still a few who don't nowadays.

Y'all need to see how a woman's brain works when it comes to spending the rest of her life with someone-she totally needs a reason! And love is just never enough! She has a fantasy of the kind of life that she wants to live, that she wants her kids to live and sorry, but if you're weighed and found wanting, you'll have to find your way! Is it right? I have no freaking idea. It's just basic instinct-these days, the first thing I (the female version) check out is the kind of father you'll be, even before checking the kind of husband you'll be. And we all know fatherhood is about provision

So yeah, my humble submission is women have been hypergamous since the days of Eve, they are still hypergamous and always will be hypergamous! Let somebody shout AMEN!


*continues sipping malt on mat*

Wife: Necessity/Criteria You don't need a wife for companionship or sexxual release or pleasure or even reproduction, you can get all those anywhere. What you need a wife for is to help you build a clan. A husband-and-wife setting is the optimum environment for birthing and raising children; much like ISO standards.

You don't really need a wife to cook or clean up after you. You can do that yourself, and you did in bacherlorhood. A wife is your partner in ushering in a new generation. Simple. Therefore, it would your purpose of picking someone who shares the same values as you.

So, what criteria should she meet to be worthy of your provision and protection? Loyalty, sexxual exclusivity(preferably a virgin), in today's world where the average woman has consumed up to 12schlongs , you'd be hard pressed to find one who is chaste. However, once found, you can easily groom her to your taste, assuming you are a skilled bridegroom. There is no reason why you should settle for the sloppy fifteenths of touts and losers as she would have found bad boys intoxicating and desirable.

You are presenting value, you should receive value in return. You don't want to encounter a squishy, no-friction, wide open honey pot that leads to paper thin uterine walls.

You will weep for having been had, and still spend your hard-earned money moving from one reproduction specialist to another, either medical, spiritual, experimental or just plain quack.

Patient and willing to learn, meek, submissive,a hardworker who understands her role in your life and yours in hers. You, yourself should not be slothful, otherwise you wouldn't be worthy of her. Her job is to hold down the home while you're gone to win the bread. You're to be her lord(hypergamy), otherwise she'd lord it over you(probably through hen-pecking your soul to oblivion) ; no vacuum allowed.

A woman beautiful in and out;no girl is ugly, only lazy.

Shrews like the ilk we encounter around here daily are to be avoided like the plague, single mothers especially, you have to wonder why they weren't married by their baby daddies. Don't allow yourself to be shamed into picking up someone else's slack, you deserve fresh, clean, ripe fruit. They gave theirs away and will be looking for a maga to buy their low quality products. It would be a shame to pay premium price for trash.

N B: By no means exhaustive, got to be up early. Please forgive for digression, over-simplification and ambiguities.

alutacontinua:
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ who says our parents didn't marry for money?
Hypergamy has, is and will forever be in place.
It's not about marrying a millionaire, it's about marrying someone that you THINK is waaayyyy up there.
And yes, our mothers did same too. Maybe a few didn't, but there are still a few who don't nowadays.

Y'all need to see how a woman's brain works when it comes to spending the rest of her life with someone-she totally needs a reason! And love is just never enough! She has a fantasy of the kind of life that she wants to live, that she wants her kids to live and sorry, but if you're weighed and found wanting, you'll have to find your way! Is it right? I have no freaking idea. It's just basic instinct-these days, the first thing I (the female version) check out is the kind of father you'll be, even before checking the kind of husband you'll be. And we all know fatherhood is about provision

So yeah, my humble submission is women have been hypergamous since the days of Eve, they are still hypergamous and always will be hypergamous! Let somebody shout AMEN!


*continues sipping malt on mat*

They did but not overtly. Hypergamy is the natural order, I don't condemn it. As with everything, though, conscientiousness is vital in practising hypergamy. Otherwise, it commodifies love. Hope you get my point? I'll edit my post appropriately.

Nice one Timbuktou

The clan is key n that's why men tolerate so many excesses from their wives just to ensure the legacy is perpetuated


Also I agree this 'love' has made some men too accommodating
The old men knew if a woman messed up with the expected unsubmissive attitudes, either she was sent home or got a new mate.

Now civilisation and economic realities has made these almost impossible.

No need to have too much debate on your points as aluta speaks from two sides of its gender.

You r both saying the same thing.

Controlled Hypergamy I agree as available successful men will always be a catch and women needed to settle quickly to avoid obsolescence.
Nowadays liberalisation means that they can live without being married or as concubines.


For the man who still wants that structure to ensure his legacy is well protected and well raised

-Be patient
-Still make your cheddar
-Set up structures like educational assurance plans, trusts,
-Marry a wife who is financially intelligent not necessarily a worker.....if tomorrow you r no more the little seed/payoff must be managed for the legacy.they are the next generation.

Please let's not have too much debate here


Other threads exist for those who want to
This is for tête a tête, camaraderie and cognac

^^Looking forward to your comment.

Just stepped in 'cause I saw you.

Hmmmmm.... welll

@Timbuktou, dammiit man... were you planning on leaving anything out when you begun typing?

Very informed read...

Timbuktou, smh. Thanks.

alutacontinua:
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ who says our parents didn't marry for money?
Hypergamy has, is and will forever be in place.
It's not about marrying a millionaire, it's about marrying someone that you THINK is waaayyyy up there.
And yes, our mothers did same too. Maybe a few didn't, but there are still a few who don't nowadays.

Y'all need to see how a woman's brain works when it comes to spending the rest of her life with someone-she totally needs a reason! And love is just never enough! She has a fantasy of the kind of life that she wants to live, that she wants her kids to live and sorry, but if you're weighed and found wanting, you'll have to find your way! Is it right? I have no freaking idea. It's just basic instinct-these days, the first thing I (the female version) check out is the kind of father you'll be, even before checking the kind of husband you'll be. And we all know fatherhood is about provision

So yeah, my humble submission is women have been hypergamous since the days of Eve, they are still hypergamous and always will be hypergamous! Let somebody shout AMEN!


*continues sipping malt on mat*

Our parents and grandparents did not marry for money - the hypergamy that exists today which you tried to equate to what was, is practised on a totally different scale.

Then you also need to factor in the fact that majority of marriages then were contracted not on what the woman 'thinks' about the man she is to be married to, but on what her father or mother deems appropriate.

Your point is noted however, in avoidance of subsequent arguments that may result.

Checking in....

Dealing first on points highlighted by TV:

- The mature man – his character, his stance, his approach
The definition of a mature man is subjective and also quite fluid, there is no universal law that encompasses it - everyone has a definition for it based on how it suits them, or on how they feel towards a person being defined.

That said, there are some criteria which can be used as guidelines in determining what a mature man is/should be:
Accountability, Responsibility, Integrity, Self-esteem, and Emotional intelligence.
I would expand on these but that will make this piece bulky - of course there are other criteria, but these basically cover how a man acts and responds.

His Character:
A learner and a teacher, he is astute and accommodating - never one to be overly judgemental, but one to always pay attention.

His Stance:
The innocence of a child, the boldness of a lion - one quality of a mature man is while having his own reality formed out from his own experiences, he also is able to understand that his reality is his and his only... never trying to impose on others, but one to listen to and understand another's experience.

A man must believe in something, it is what drives him - a man without beliefs and principles is at the mercy and whims of others.

His Approach:
Both accepting/believing and skeptical, Both calm and rash, Both soft and hard - intuitiveness is a necessity, as is informed logic.
His actions and reactions must be measured on consequence vs. momentary satisfaction.


I'll continue later on other topics of discussion as this progresses…

Good one guys


Also the bent of the discourse may or may not be religious as not all are of that persuasion but we all see the impact the abdication of male responsibility has on the society

I will like to reiterate the givens on this topic


Headship of the family is not based on roles even if examples abound of families where fathers have messed up as many of our more vocal female posters scream about these boards.

Growing up in a family where a woman controlled all and sundry is dysfunctional


Let's not turn this board to a gender topic
Ignore trollish posters

Anyone who has not gotten this basic truth will not get it

Ignore

ihedinobi2:
Timbuktou, smh. Thanks.

You're welcome, bruv.

crackhaus:
@Timbuktou, dammiit man... were you planning on leaving anything out when you begun typing?

Lol, whatever is worth doing...

Unfortunate generalizations going on here...

goofyone:
Unfortunate generalizations going on here...

rather than making unsubstantiated comments, why dont you highlight the specific post so it can be discussed

Timbuktou:
Well done bruv, been on the lookout for this. I'm really looking to learn as and even more than I know or think I know already. However, I'd like to start with:

The Burden And Expectation Of Marriage: I think marriage, in the wholesome sense of it, is extremely important in safeguarding our society and civilisation. The traditional father-mother-children home is non-negotiable if we are to remain as a race. As such, every member of society will do well to marry and remain married while catering for and appropriately socialising any offspring that may arise from such a union. Our forbears were well aware of this truth and acted righteously upon it...

It's hard to prove that "marriage is extremely important in safeguarding our society and civilization'. And seriously considering it, it could in fact be an error. "Society and civilization"?? That's quite a long shot. Societies are birthed from beliefs, and there are certain belief systems that don't support your suggested type of traditional marriage (father-mother-children), even from time past. Yet, these societies have not imploded and might as well be flourishing better than ever. It's not surprising that you are an advocate for traditional marriage. Many people are and that's understandable. Once an integral part of western culture, traditional marriages grew with the massive revolutions that characterized western developments. During the industrial revolution and then subsequently following other bursts of western revolutions, traditional marriages were the main avenue for lasting man-woman relationships. Apparently, most people got used to this form and saw no reason for change. Even resisted it when it looked like things wanted to change.

Now, anthropologists agree that that was suited for that time. Recently, other forms of human associations have developed and when critically assessed, none of them really threatens society as such. Societies evolve with time and it's only natural that change follows as a consequence, especially if it suits that time. Other forms of man-woman associations such as cohabitation, for example, have proven much more suitable for this period of revolutions in the corporate world and if you ask me, I'd say,"why not have more of it?"

pickabeau1:
Nice one Timbuktou

The clan is key n that's why men tolerate so many excesses from their wives just to ensure the legacy is perpetuated


Also I agree this 'love' has made some men too accommodating
The old men knew if a woman messed up with the expected unsubmissive attitudes, either she was sent home or got a new mate.

Now civilisation and economic realities has made these almost impossible.

No need to have too much debate on your points as aluta speaks from two sides of its gender.

You r both saying the same thing.

Controlled Hypergamy I agree as available successful men will always be a catch and women needed to settle quickly to avoid obsolescence.
Nowadays liberalisation means that they can live without being married or as concubines.


For the man who still wants that structure to ensure his legacy is well protected and well raised

-Be patient
-Still make your cheddar
-Set up structures like educational assurance plans, trusts,
-Marry a wife who is financially intelligent not necessarily a worker.....if tomorrow you r no more the little seed/payoff must be managed for the legacy.they are the next generation.

Please let's not have too much debate here


Other threads exist for those who want to
This is for tête a tête, camaraderie and cognac

In summary. Good job, bro.

goofyone:


It's hard to prove that "marriage is extremely important in safeguarding our society and civilization'. And seriously considering it, it could in fact be an error. "Society and civilization"?? That's quite a long shot. Societies are birthed from beliefs, and there are certain belief systems that don't support your suggested type of traditional marriage (father-mother-children), even from time past. Yet, these societies have not imploded and might as well be flourishing better than ever.

Can you give examples of such civilisations