Hmmm, the ladies (from their comments) don't seem to understand what it feels like to be in the friend-zone. You think a guy wants to remain in that condition of unrequited love? You think he hasn't tried to leave?

A man who continues to care is quite irresistible (to you) even though you have zoned himm off. Most of you ladies manipulate such guys to remain attached just so you would feel needed. It's evil of you.

Long ago, I had my strings pulled by someone I loved. She never said yes or no. Whenever she felt my attention dwindle, she would yank on my strings. It took cold logic for me to break away from her influence. It was a bad break 'cos, as it stands today, we are no longer friends.

You know what I feel when I meet ladies who act like that? Nothing but disgust. Manipulation (of the heart) is nasty business.

Nice thread. I met a girl I really loved. She ain that preatty but I loved her so much my friends thought I was crazy. We became close and she gave me so many green lights after asking her out she said she had no feelings for me. I was shocked that night I stopped chatting with her. Stopped calling and all that. It wasn't easy but I made a decision to let her go. Then she started chatting to me but I always responded with one word which frustrated her. Few weeks we met and she said what I did(ignoring her) was heartless and she told me she wanted a serious relationship cos she's born again. But the girl didn't mention that before na. Well, now we just friends and we keep in touch once in a blue moon. We zoned each other ........ Once I ask a girl out and she says "NO. I walk away. One trial, One answer. That's it for me

chidiebere2020:
is just that many donst knw wen they are friendzone,

True that. But some guys are clueless sha.

I feel friendzoning is one of the many inhumane things you could actually do to someone else. It is dehumanizing.

If one doesn't share intimate feelings for someone else with the same intensity as that person might have for one, then I reason it would be best to just say so....instead of leading he/she on. That is a pretty wicked thing to do.

Any girl that tries to friendzone me is up for a rude awakening. She will soon find that love is not so blind
afterall.

In an entirely unrelated note: ihedinobi2, I need your help with something really urgent. Let me know when it is okay to send you a PM.

Mightyify:
I think mine is a little complicated than being friendzoned. There's this girl i love, i have shown her everything to prove it, but my problem is that she rarely reciprocate...I have been asking her out for 3months now, she keep telling me "no". The most puzzled of this all is that whenever she comes to my house....we will kiss, i suck her br**st and sometimes we even make love, but still after everything she will still tell me "no". Am getting tired... I need some advice.

How can you not know she just wants the $ex? This is where most guys get it wrong, y'all think ladies don't get Hot and just want to do, smh, the world is changing so fast that many people are no longer conservative or as conservative as they used to be(women especially), if you can't deal with just having $ex and moving on like nothing happened, then remove yourself from that situation, haba!.

My advice for guys. If you don't want to be friend-zoned. Don't just fall inlove but rather Decide to fall inlove there's difference between having feelings and falling inlove. I do have feelings but I never fall in love just like that. I weigh all parameters in reality before jumping. So when I get the negative response I just decide not to love that person again. Very simple.

Thinkr:
Nice thread. I met a girl I really loved. She ain that preatty but I loved her so much my friends thought I was crazy. We became close and she gave me so many green lights after asking her out she said she had no feelings for me. I was shocked that night I stopped chatting with her. Stopped calling and all that. It wasn't easy but I made a decision to let her go. Then she started chatting to me but I always responded with one word which frustrated her. Few weeks we met and she said what I did(ignoring her) was heartless and she told me she wanted a serious relationship cos she's born again. But the girl didn't mention that before na. Well, now we just friends and we keep in touch once in a blue moon. We zoned each other ........ Once I ask a girl out and she says "NO. I walk away. One trial, One answer. That's it for me

same here bro. one trial one answer. if a girl knows what she wants one trial is enough.

Honestly u must say, this is one of the most deep and intelligent thread I've come across on nairaland. One without shallow and vain talks. I've learnt a lot, and one thing I will take with me is that one should build a life and one that he/she will be proud of, then let the rest fall into place, friend zoned or not, get a life first.

Sophyrocks:


I completely agree with you on the bolded. As for guys who complain about been friendzoned, Simply get out of that zone and move on with your life. If you open up your feelings and let a lady know how you feel about her on time then make the decision to move on if her answer is negative, You won't be friendzoned!! Tell yourself the truth and move on. LOTS OF LADIES OUT THERE TO CHOOSE FROM!

Although most nice guys are friendzoned but its pure fallacy to believe that all friendzoned guys are Nice guys. Anybody can be friendzoned.

Can you friendzone a bad player I don't think so.. .

Mynd44:
The OP is wrong.

This argument is so flawed it is amazing but hey, whatever the heck rocks your boat.

**back to hibernation**

oya....go use that secret monicker of yours.

Sophyrocks:


I completely agree with you on the bolded. As for guys who complain about been friendzoned, Simply get out of that zone and move on with your life. If you open up your feelings and let a lady know how you feel about her on time then make the decision to move on if her answer is negative, You won't be friendzoned!! Tell yourself the truth and move on. LOTS OF LADIES OUT THERE TO CHOOSE FROM!

Although most nice guys are friendzoned but its pure fallacy to believe that all friendzoned guys are Nice guys. Anybody can be friendzoned.

just like you said "move on with whatever answer that comes from her" it's only nice guys that still stick around......Hoping that she will change her mind

I had nd stil av a gal whom i luv a lot, we started off as frnds nd our frndship thickens so i askd ha out bt she didnt accede to my proposal. She suddenly startd calln me names i wasnt known wit; darling,swit@,luv nd all names of dat sort. I didnt knw wat it meant then bt later i noticed she frequently seek advice frm me about ha new bf. It was then that i knw av been zoned so i reduced my call tym nd chat rate wit ha, by that, i got my freedom .....she nw calls me virtually evryday to knw hw m doin.i knw she's tryin to get bk bt av made my mind nt to awaken d dead luv.

Emmyactor:


Can you friendzone a bad player I don't think so.. .

Oh yes. I have friend zoned a player. Because i saw he was indeed a player. There is always one special person your heart beats for no matter how many peoples' hearts you play with. players are not always tough. they have a weakness. All you have to do is play his/her game unknown to him/her after gaining their trust. It takes a very wierd and complicated person to be able to do that.

ihedinobi2:

Why don't you just do stuff that can't be misinterpreted? You know, like nothing. Don't be there at all to be misinterpreted.

I second this OP! Just openly state your stance undermining the fact that someone might get hurt... Sure, eventually the lover might feel bad, but the loved would have done the lover a lot of good in the end
Being direct saves just about everything.. Be it time, effort, whatever.. Its better this way in the long run..

To know how heartless these "Zoners" are. After you leave they'll be calling and texting. Its funny when you tell someone "let's just be friend" and when he stops calling like a lover then they will find that love back. Its so amazingly wicked. Plz girls/guys let's put an end to this thing. Its bad

tintingz:
When a guy is nice some girls use them, take advantage of his nice nature and dump or friend-zone them, only girls that knows the value of being nice keep them and love them.

Na true u talk when u care too much u are being taken for granted. Nd I don learn.

Tymax:
Hmmm, the ladies (from their comments) don't seem understand what it feels like to be in the friend-zone. You think a guy wants to remain in that condition of unrequited love? You think he hasn't tried to leave?

A man who continues to care is quite irresistible (to you) even though you have zoned himm off. Most of you ladies manipulate such guys to remain attached just so you would feel needed. It's evil of you.

Long ago, I had my strings pulled by someone I loved. She never said yes or no. Whenever she felt my attention dwindle, she would yank on my strings. It took cold logic for me to break away from her influence. It was a bad break 'cos, as it stands today, we are no longer friends.

You know what I feel when I meet ladies who act like that? Nothing but disgust. Manipulation (of the heart) is nasty business.

tank God for your life ooo. U escaped......ladies dat friend zoned guys are not different from demons.

Yes....demons....they kill you silently. U heart is with them while they r busy fvvvvvcking anoda dude.


Na to leave d babe for life oooo

LOL, what an interesting topic. Unfortunately friend-zoning is something that is intruging but for some guys.

Girls will sometimes ignore you as a congruence test, if your state immdiately tumbles or if you walk away at the first sign of resistance, she's just weeded you out. Ignoring you or saying something snarky is an easy way for a girl to see if you're the real deal or another wuss

Abbey2sam:


just like you said "move on with whatever answer that comes from her" it's only nice guys that still stick around......Hoping that she will change her mind

Of course. Once you make that effort to move on on time, you wont be friendzoned. But you know human nature, we just love to hope for something positive coming out in our favour by being patient. and we can't help whom we fall in love with. Some friendzoned guys have turned out to be lucky and ended up as husbands. You hear some couples say they have been ffriends for a long time before dating and getting married. its a 70/30 chance anyways.

OrlandoOwoh:
Our youths come up with different names to describe relationship yet there is increase in domestic violence and divorce. How did the word, friendzone, come about? What is wrong if I choose to start a relationship with first seeing and taking a lady as a friend?

i wonder ooo

MizMyColi:
[b][/b]

And this ^^^ about sums it up for me. In addition to the writ above which quite captures my thoughts on this matter, I'd like to add thus:
Sometime ago, I mentioned on here that I am never cool with this whole "friendzoning" thing.
No straightforward and selfless human being should be either.
I try to define roles in my relationships with people.

As it stands now, e-life apart, there are mature guys I know, who would give anything to hear me say "I love you too"
They are always there for me and
But I try to let them know the state of my heart towards them: "I love You, just not in the way you expect me to"
I do not take advantage of them in any way and even when I receive unsolicited gifts, I show them gratitude and more oft, I'll always look for a way to pay back especially through calls(not 1-3mins type), just to know how they're doing and say stuffs to cheer them up. That way no one feels used.

I have to admit on here, that for a very short period in my life, during school days, I was friendzoned
I know the feeling of loving and giving unreciprocatedly (sic).
I won't subject anyone to that.
No, not knowingly.



Tagged:Pickabeau1

You accept the gift and call me back 10 minutes call.

That's a NoNo. Reject the gift..

ihedinobi2:
After reading a friend's latest entries in her diary, I thought about writing my "closing" arguments on friendzoning and "nice guys finish last". I decided that it isn't worth my energy right now. But I'll say the following and leave it at that:

Friendzoning is an act of selfishness. This is because love is beautiful when you're the recipient. When someone loves you, they make you a very high priority in their lives. You benefit a lot from that. They're always there for you. You can count on that. If you have any kind of need, they will be right there to stretch themselves and provide it. But here's where it gets tough: love is vastly expensive to the lover. The lover spends a very difficult kind of currency - themselves. Where do you replenish such expenses? Only from other people who love you in the same degree.

Now, someone is spending themselves on you and you enjoy that. But you would rather not spend yourself on them for whatever reason is applicable to you. What do you do? Call Love Friendship and invent arguments for why they should keep up the expense even when it kills them to do so. That is what makes the Friendzone issue difficult to leave alone. Those who have been drained like that tend to be cynical about love and the value or worth of fellow human beings.

About the "nice guys finish last" matter, I have only this to say: like attracts like. If a woman is attracted to men who do not respect or value womanhood, it says a lot about her not just about men who do respect womanhood. If a woman wants tough guys who are all about swag and money and bachelor pads, whatever she says about them being real and all that, it means only that she is not very interested in motherhood and stability. You want to live the life of the club and spotlights, you don't belong in the home, the kitchen and the bedroom and nursery. It's that simple.

When a man or woman is ready to take on life, they don't look for fast-moving stuff, they look for deep roots. And if they have spent their youth running around and jumping on every train headed south, well they have the consequence that they will not be very deserving of any kind of love, to say nothing of a good man's or woman's love. Forgiveness exists to ensure that they can be rescued but it is not something they have any right to. So if you're a nice guy and the flashy girls are giving you the cold shoulder, move on. Don't complain. Simply build yourself a life you can be proud of and you will have your own pick of women. Don't be bitter about other people's choices even if they hurt you. Just free them and thus free yourself to breathe, to live, to grow and become everything you can be.



Addendum: I realize that there is a conflict about the definition of "nice guys". I have only this to say about it: there are dull guys, there are players and there are decent men. Dull guys are boys who have not acquired the, er, "balls" to take on life. Players are the typical bad boys. Decent men are the "nice guys" in question here. Decent men make homes. They tend to keep long relationships so whenever they're in the market after their first time, they aren't nearly always the most polished. They place their women very high on their priority list because they understand gow critical the role of womanhood is to a man. You don't generally find them in clubs, not because they don't like fun but because they have moral boundaries. You won't meet them at strip joints unless they're on a break from decency. They aren't regulars at pick-up bars and restaurants because some things tend to be overdone. A decent guy is simply a man with boundaries. He does not live on a constant high. He is a centered person and does not chase thrills as a matter of course. That's the nice guy here. If you have any other definition, it doesn't apply to my arguments.

There, have a nice thought or two now.

God bless u. That's all I can say.. God bless u.

Classicalmusic:
LOL, what an interesting topic. Unfortunately friend-zoning is something that is intruging but for some guys.

Girls will sometimes ignore you as a congruence test, if your state immdiately tumbles or if you walk away at the first sign of resistance, she's just weeded you out. Ignoring you or saying something snarky is an easy way for a girl to see if you're the real deal or another wuss

i dnt f**king care if d gal is testin me.or not.....is she God?.....in dat kinda case, i just find greener pastures. THERE ARE BILLIONS OF GALS IN DIS WORLD

Mynd44:
The OP is wrong.

This argument is so flawed it is amazing but hey, whatever the heck rocks your boat.

**back to hibernation**

It's a long time I wrote the op and I was responding to a friend's difficulty at the time. But perhaps I wasn't objective enough. It would be very kind of you to point out what the flaws are to help everyone along.

rebella:

As long as they haven't been kidnapped and locked in some remote village, they aren't being held back. All they need is just will power to let go, cut off all form of communication for a while and leave !block numbers if needed, but explain first the reason for your actions.

Dear Rebella! Obviously u haven't been friendzoned at any point in ur life.. This issue isn't as straight up as ure making it to be.. This is psychology we're talking about here.. 1+1 isn't 2.. "They aren't being held back" u say? Oh yes! They are, most times at least.. U still wouldn't understand even if they're pointed out

That why I love being an introvert shout to fellow introvert goons. We gat dat power of resilience
D problem with introvert is that they are attracted to emotional nd needy people nd when they love they could go to any extent to prove.
RESILIENCE don't under estimate dis power of introverts.

Classicalmusic:
LOL, what an interesting topic. Unfortunately friend-zoning is something that is intruging but for some guys.

Girls will sometimes ignore you as a congruence test, if your state immdiately tumbles or if you walk away at the first sign of resistance, she's just weeded you out. Ignoring you or saying something snarky is an easy way for a girl to see if you're the real deal or another wuss

You ask a girl out and she says NO and you call it a test? Damn! That's a NO and not a test. If she eventually dates you then know she's out of better options. You get?

yhomz093:
How do you guys type lengthy words without getting tired??

When you have lots of ideas flowing, bottling it up will make u sick.

freecocoa:
How can you not know she just wants the $ex? This is where most guys get it wrong, y'all think ladies don't get Hot and just want to do, smh, the world is changing so fast that many people are no longer conservative or as conservative as they used to be(women especially), if you can't deal with just having $ex and moving on like nothing happened, then remove yourself from that situation, haba!.

I will appreciate if you could be clearer with your reply.

To love is exhaustive. It requires so much effort that the only compensation for such tiring activity is the confidence you are loved back in the same way. Friendzoning is brutal. Say NO to it.

highbeeola:
That why I love being an introvert shout to fellow introvert goons. We gat dat power of resilience
D problem with introvert is that they are attracted to emotional nd needy people nd when they love they could go to any extent to prove.
RESILIENCE don't under estimate dis power of introverts.

So what are you saying We that are extroverts should now do what

AmINotHuman:
Well, for all the "nice guys" out there, no one owes you a relationship. A woman is not obligated to date you because you managed to fulfil the basic requirement of being a "nice guy". The real question is, what else can you bring to the table? As shallow as this sounds, are you good-looking? Rich? Smart? Talented? Funny? Any thing more than just being a "nice guy"?

Being a a nice guy is nothing but the bare minimum. Saying "if I were your boyfriend, I won't treat you like that". It's not always about what you won't or don't do ("At least I'm not like the other guys", "At least I won't break her heart" ... and several other reasons while you're not a bad person).

What can you contribute to her life? Women invest too much into themselves (appearance-wise and so on) to meet a certain standard and you have to meet up with that standard, being a "nice guy" just isn't enough.

All in all, you can't force someone to fall for you. If a woman isn't romantically interested in you, there's no need to force it or pressure her or guilt trip her into dating you. It'll only make you her doormat.

I recommend this article for those who want to face the harsh realities of life: http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/

All I can say is u've derailed off topic.. I don't believe this is what the OP was trying to say.. Re-read the post..