by Jennifer Ehidiamen

One day, we'll travel to Abuja by train [LOS-ABV]. And I'll get to write a travelogue. But until then, enjoy this piece on some interesting people I see (meet) whenever I travel by Danfo [those yellow buses], around Lagos:

1. The co-driver: In a Danfo bus, you'll normally find a driver, bus conductor and other passengers. Among these other passengers is a co-driver i.e. a self acclaimed one. You'll often hear him from the back seats giving orders to the driver on where to follow, how to step on the brake, how to swerve onto a new lane etc. And the driver most often respond: "Na you dey drive?" Or "You wan collect steering for my hand?"

2. Red Alert: Imagine yourself inside a danfo bus and the driver is running on what seems like a top speed. Then all of a sudden you hear a voice break into your chain of thoughts. More like a scream: "Ahn ahn, driver you wan kill us?" Or "Driver please take it easy o. I never marry." Sometimes the co-driver doubles as a "red alert". Other times another passenger plays that role. The main goal is to caution the driver so that we can all arrive safely.

3. Preacher man: Repent for the Kingdom of God is at hand. With the preacherman in your bus, you can barely hear yourself think. Forget about receiving calls in that bus. If you do, you will hear the person on the other line asking, "are you in church?". The good thing about a preacherman in your danfo bus is that you get reminded that heaven and hell is real. "If we all die now, where will you go? Heaven or hell?" Some passengers stare at him in anger. Why should you say if we all die now? Yes, of course we want to make Heaven. No we won't die in this danfo bus.

4. The pervert: One day I was in a danfo bus and I heard a woman say in a loud voice "if you try that again I will slap you." She was referring to the young man sitting beside her. The story was that the man was rubbing his elbow against her breast. You can't really tell who is rubbing what because some of these buses are usually so jam-packed. The best thing is to position yourself well. But if you are unlucky you might fall victim of false accusation, this time a reversed psychology- one day, an older man pissed at the way a woman was protecting her frontage bluntly asked, "who wan touch your breast?" According to him, he has more than that at home. Silence.

5. "Do you know who I am": This man or woman tells us in a danfo bus that he or she is a very important person so the bus conductor must not argue with him/her over N10 change. Enough said.

6. Political analyst: If you missed the news last night, and you have a political analyst riding the same danfo bus with you, may God bless your day. All is cool until he gets another politically conscious passenger to engage in the discourse. Sometimes their analysis is a comic relief. Other times depressing. Depending on the topic in focus. An elderly analyst tells the younger folks in the bus about the good old days. And the danger of having a "young" inexperienced president rule Nigeria.

7. GSM users: Sometimes, you enter a bus and everyone, well almost everyone, is on their mobile phone making calls. The one screaming at the top of his voice...

8. Sleep-attack: How do people sleep through the journey? In the danfo bus? On the bumpy Lagos road? Forget it. You don't know what their story is about. Body no be wood o.

9. Networker: The guy tells you that you have beautiful brown eyes and soberly shares his story. What is yours? Blank stare.

10. Tribalism: If war breaks out in Lagos, it might start from a danfo bus. One minute you enter a danfo bus and you see us all sandwiched in the air-tight yellow buses and you sigh in relief. The next, you hear an argument from the back row and the next thing, someone is yelling, throwing verbal punches at a particular tribe. End of story.

These are my first ten. There are more categories to meet.

It is no longer news that I love public transport. If you want to really see Lagos, ride the danfo but bring your change.

Picture: I entered a bus in ogba (Lagos) and looked up in time to see that I was sitting beside an old colleague from Nasarawa. Danfo is cool like that.

Enjoy life. Take it easy.

http://youthmakingchange..com/2014/09/10-people-you-will-meet-in-danfo-bus.html

You must bring your change o

What of those ones that'll fall asleep and awkwardly put their head on your chest.Damn! Especially those girls with old wigs.

Very true indeed.
There might also be someone sitting behind/beside you who has been reading all your chats as you type them since you got into the bus. When you eventually catch him/her, you'd look at him/her like - "why can't people mind their business?" Then you go through your chats just to know the stuffs that aren't private anymore. LOL

Lol... so True.

so whats the pic for

Then the lady on the low waist jean flashing her butt at any body who is plagued with the misfortune of sitting behind her

11. The dirty mechanic that will wear his oily, grease-stained and filthy workshop clothes. Enters the bus and sits beside you like that. God help you if you're putting on white clothing, you will nearly enter the body of the next person beside you in a bid to avoid contact with them. The most annoying part is that they will feign ignorance and sit as comfortable as ever.

12. The one that will buy boiled eggs, gala, Lacasera, pure water and so on eat all through the journey. They will chew like locomotive engines when they eat their bounty and if you're lucky they might even throw grenades (Farts)

13. The fat woman that is supposed to pay for two seats but will pay for one and you will be squeezed like tuna in a can.

14. The newspaper borrower

Oh, I could go on and on!! Lagos is in a class of its own mehn. I don miss

Please how do i get to ejigbo from Opebi Allen in Ikeja using public buses. and how much would it cost please help me oo.. its urgent..

lmao

What is danfo ?

cute post..
15. D observer: d guy sitting at one corner, looking around. no, he's Nt a thief, he z only observing thingz

Very funny but indeed real. Lagosians can testify.

U 4got d football fanatics, now dat 9ja drew yesterday, dey'll argue till d end of their journey.

LEMME SHARE DIS STORY WITH U::

one day while coming frm wrk, i wanted 2 enta a danfo, bt d only place i lyk siting is @ d frnt with d driver nd anothe passenger, so when i reached d bustop i headed 4 d frnt sit, only 2 find a man neatly dressed with suit there, so i joined him after about 20mins d man angrily left d bus nd went 4 another one becos one we were in was taking tym 2 full, after abt 5mins. I too left d bus nd went 2 another one sat at d frnt, lo nd behold it was desame man, after sometyms he angrily left 4 another bus which i unknowingly followed him 2, and met him at d frnt seat, wen d man looked at me, he said "guy na wetin na, y u dey follo me lyk dis, see anybody wey send u tell u no see me", mehn i vex coz oda pple don dey luk me one kind, den i told him, "shebi d moto na ur own, if u no wan siddon 4 public moto go buy ur own na", he den left 4 another bus, wen i thought abt it i jus cant help but laff out LOUD!

Lol

SupperStory...

The JJC: we have two type of JJC, the wise JJC that Will always remind the driver n conductor the bus stop he/she
will alight because they are new to the area while on the other hand we have the mumu JJC will keep mute until the bus must have passed his bus stop that when he will remember to ask the driver n conductor (he will be like "driver abeg I go drop for Ogba bus stop bcoz I no sabi am, everybody inside the bus go just laugh n give him the sad news, oga we don pass ogba bus stop 30 mins ago) yawa don gas!!!!

The one who will refuse to pay that he is a staff.

......The sadist who just mtchw al-through the ride.

Great quote by Wasiu: "Change can't be given to u every time, you must bring the change" Wasiu is a bus Conductor at Oshodi. Now read it again.

The first time I went to Lagos was last year... From the moment I boarded the bus, the conductor kept shouting at fellow conductors and agberos 'Iya eh'.. 'Iya eh'.
I had to ask if it was a destination too?!! And why he only shouted it to fellow conductors. My friend,whom I was with, laughed me to scorn!!

I can't stop laughing

Ordinarily Danfo is like a village market

Eko for show!

1. Woman who let her young child relieve himself on the floor. We were travelling up and down hills, up, down, and sideways All trying to lift shoes and bags as this small flood moved from side to side.
2. Pick up woman with big enamel bowl from the side of the road. The bowl was full of grilled forest snails, big ones. I look and say no no. My friend, he purchased one stick. I doze and fall asleep for a while. I wake up some maybe 30 minutes and this guy is STILL chewing on maybe that first snail. I ask, is that good? He answers, yes, but it's a little tough LWKMD!!

Eko akete Ilu ogbon, aromi sa legbe legbe

MsNas: 11. The dirty mechanic that will wear his oily, grease-stained and filthy workshop clothes. Enters the bus and sits beside you like that. God help you if you're putting on white clothing, you will nearly enter the body of the next person beside you in a bid to avoid contact with them. The most annoying part is that they will feign ignorance and sit as comfortable as ever.

12. The one that will buy boiled eggs, gala, Lacasera, pure water and so on eat all through the journey. They will chew like locomotive engines when they eat their bounty and if you're lucky they might even throw grenades (Farts)

13. The fat woman that is supposed to pay for two seats but will pay for one and you will be squeezed like tuna in a can.

14. The newspaper borrower

Oh, I could go on and on!! Lagos is in a class of its own mehn. I don miss

Better than the guy that reads over your shoulder and holds your hand as you flip the page....Na you and am buy the paper?

This is hilarious and so very true.
I miss Lagos though