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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! (40993 Views)
A Thread For 2016 Brides and Grooms To Be / Polygamy: Why Men Marry More Wives. / A Thread For Ladies Who Want To Get Married (2) (3) (4)
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Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tbaba1234: 6:59pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
tpia1: few facts about polygamy: Facts How? 6 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by armyofone(m): 7:01pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
sandijey: Each wife lives in a separate house in London and Mr Phillips spends three nights in each home before moving on to the next. Wow!! Such very demanding lifestyle and real enjoyment!!. 2 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 7:04pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
armyofone: Lmao. Enjoyment indeed. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tpia1: 7:06pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
. 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by edwife(f): 7:12pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
Godsdivinefavor i want to have more informations from you,being the first wife how did your husband went about it? Do you live together and how do you manage your home? Thanks |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by texanomaly(f): 7:15pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
GodsDivinefavor: Let me say my aim for opening these is majorly to help myself in facing the challenge of my new developing home. I can see from the bolded that it is your intention to make this work. The bolded is a place to start. This thread may be helpful too. I'm glad this subject is being handled with maturity and care this time. I do remember the other one. Someone mentioned speaking to your stepmum who was a 1st wife. If this is a possibility, do try it. I hope that other first wives will come and also give advice. Regardless of how anyone else feels about the subject of polygamy, this is your reality and ultimately you are the one who must deal with it. I do find it curious how many woman on NL will tell a wife to pray about their cheating husband. Some will even tell her to continue in the relationship because he is her husband and for the children. Yet they are the first to condemn polygamy. TV01: First of all, in a polygamous relationship, the parties are married. Infidelity is defined as... 1. marital disloyalty; adultery. 2. unfaithfulness; disloyalty. Whereas polygamy is defined as... the practice or condition of having more than one spouse, especially wife, at one time. Where is this infidelity you speak of? At least you know who your husband is sleeping with. Does a woman with a cheating husband know who, or how many woman her husband is sleeping with? Does she know if the other women are healthy or disease ridden? Now let's ask the question again. TV01: A wife in a polygamous marriage knows exactly who her husband is sleeping with, and who the other wife is sleeping with. Is a monogamous marriage to a philandering "holy man" a "better deal"? 12 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by texanomaly(f): 7:18pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
edwife: Godsdivinefavor i want to have more informations from you,being the first wife how did your husband went about it? I'm curious too. How does one bring another woman in to be a wife. Is dating outside the relationship involved? As for Muslims, I know sex outside of marriage is not allowed. As far as that goes, is dating allowed? How does one acquire the next wife? 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by edwife(f): 7:21pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
texanomaly: Yes,i might have an hint on how it is like for the second wife as she is very well aware of the former wife. My curiosity is with the first wife,i really need to talk with her and understand how she came to terms with it. your post above was exquisite well said. 2 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tbaba1234: 7:23pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
texanomaly: Dating in today's context is not allowed. The couple get to find out about each other in what is a controlled courtship (Never alone together). If they are satisfied, they go ahead with the marriage. 3 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by greatestluv4all: 7:35pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
Hmmmm. am in here even if i came late. bring my dinner here ooooo. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by donefezy: 7:41pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
#Following |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by freecocoa(f): 7:54pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
ayinba1:Mba kwa biko, I didn't come out of polygamy. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by GodsDivinefavor(f): 8:07pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
edwife: Godsdivinefavor i want to have more informations from you,being the first wife how did your husband went about it? texanomaly: In everything I do, I try to ask myself which role I played. What I did right/wrong or what I should have done that I never did. Where did I get it wrong, my dress sense, attittude, good or bad cook even poor romance culture abi bad bedmatics? Sincerely, I never saw it coming. Every marriage is as old as the first child, my firstborn is 6+ and wedding formalities completed a year after our firstborn up till registry. Besides, I work with a pharnaceutical company and earn well, not totally dependent on him. So am not over bordering him and also contribute the upkeep of the home. Have come to realise that one can only know him/her self, you cannot vouch for any other person no matter the kind of relationship. Maybe hubby had these mapped out or its the mistake he claimed, it is only the men who can know better and help answer these. 7 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 8:10pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
GodsDivinefavor: So you think, it could be your fault? Interesting. 5 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by edwife(f): 8:11pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
GodsDivinefavor: Thank you so much for being so honest. Do you live with her?and sometimes do you think of leaving the marriage? Tell us more about the disadvantages/advantages you face. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by maclatunji: 8:24pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
tpia1: Keep analysing and responding to yourself. You do project a lot madam. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tpia1: 8:28pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
maclatunji: that is not a crime. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by maclatunji: 8:32pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
tpia1: Smart response madam. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by GodsDivinefavor(f): 8:34pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
edwife: When and how he started I cannot say. I got to know about 3months ago that am to accept a second wife. Funny enough, we just moved into our own house about a year ago. I remember I complained my hubby was sleeping alone...maybe it was all part of the game plan. 2 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by GodsDivinefavor(f): 8:36pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: Seriously, am still trying know where or what I did wrong. 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by aderonila18: 8:37pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
yeyenatu: My father got married to a lady that is just 4 years older than me, she used to be my sister's classmate in the university even. We made fun of me a lot when it started. and mum did sakara but we got her to calm down. Abeg you can say most men but no, not every man is a cheat 2 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by edwife(f): 8:37pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
GodsDivinefavor: You did not answer my questions though....if you please. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by soonest(f): 8:41pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
Who says polygamous men don't cheat? In fact they are the greater cheats. So the notion that as a wife in such a setting u will knw who ur husb is sleeping with doesn't hold water at all. A cheat is a cheat even when he has 100 wives. I wish the Op had opened this thread as a diary like pickabeau said, so that it doesn't turn into a religious thing cos it's brewing 14 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by GodsDivinefavor(f): 8:44pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
You see, like I said earlier am trying to brace myself for the challenges ahead. Welcoming another woman into my (sorry our home), sharing everything including "our" man. Raising the kids in such setting and living with all these for God knows hwo long. 2 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 8:44pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
GodsDivinefavor: It makes me sad to hear that you are trying to take the blame for your husband's actions. If there was anything he didn't like, he could have told you before moving on to more drastic changes. Have you asked him these questions? 4 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by texanomaly(f): 8:44pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
GodsDivinefavor: Did I miss a post or something? Was your husband unfaithful? How did the other wife come into existence? Also...Do you live in Nigeria, and was your first marriage only traditional or registry too? |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by ayinba1(f): 8:47pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
maclatunji:She's pretty good sometimes, you would have to agree. Now how many of our polygamous men actually marry a woman who was widowed?? Most go for young, succulent babes. Sorry to digress 10 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by ayinba1(f): 8:49pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
GodsDivinefavor: Wrong approach. I would not waste my breath on this unless my husband is behaving badly towards me. But if we accept that we are not perfect, our best intentions and actions will never be enough to stop the other from doing what they desire. 3 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by aderonila18: 8:52pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
GodsDivinefavor: You see, like I said earlier am trying to brace myself for the challenges ahead. You are from a polygamous family right? Do you think he considered that when marrying you? Maybe he always wanted to have 2 wives and he felt since you grew up in that setting you would more likely put up with the situation unlike many ladies from monogamous homes who would have left? 2 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by aderonila18: 8:53pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
soonest: Who says polygamous men don't cheat? In fact they are the greater cheats. So the notion that as a wife in such a setting u will knw who ur husb is sleeping with doesn't hold water at all. A cheat is a cheat even when he has 100 wives. Very true, there are men with 4wives who still have concubines. 8 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by ayinba1(f): 8:54pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
soonest: Who says polygamous men don't cheat? In fact they are the greater cheats. So the notion that as a wife in such a setting u will knw who ur husb is sleeping with doesn't hold water at all. A cheat is a cheat even when he has 100 wives. We can be tolerant of each other and respectful of the poster's story. The thread is perfectly positioned, I believe you are free to post your experience and all contributors should either be respectful or not post a response. Life has never been fair, perfect nor black and white. You make your own perfect out of your situation. I can choose to be single and spend my entire life (very lonely, let no one fool you) that way so I can hold my head high and say " I did not share my man" or I can accept it (very painful) and try to create the best out of the situation. Ultimately, the relationship between my husband and I will be crucial to how this plays out. Again, regardless of being in a monogamy or polygamy. 4 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by ayinba1(f): 8:56pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
freecocoa: Mba kwa biko, I didn't come out of polygamy. Hmmnnnnn.... Okay 3 Likes |
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