carefreewannabe:

You can ignore these conversations.

Please, don't stop asking your questions. I really enjoy your conversation with the OP.

edwife:

I can ignore but but will the op do the same?


Thanks,i will be glad if she can come back because i have many questions and also because she already accepted her faith,we can but try to be that support system she is looking for.

Please no one should take offence.

carefreewannabe:

She has been answering your questions so far. I also hope, she will continue.

I am very peaceful. I feel for her. She is a nice woman.

ayinba1:

You have no idea.......

Your experience being born into a polygamous home may not be another person's, not close, not similar. You are right to oppose it and so is whomever supports it.

bellong:

My experience may not be close but it is similar to countless sour polygamous homes.

As per your husband married to his mum, I still maintain it is a different ball game.

You knew he was mummy's boy before marrying him unlike one springing up surprise by bringing another woman home.


You cannot compare oranges with banana

Phema: @yeyenatu, I've been reading your posts from the beginning and wondering where you were coming from, till I read the part you said your sister is a second wife. Now, it makes sense. Defending your sister's act huh? God dey the matter.

GodsDivinefavor: Am the owner of the thread and will always come around, all the contribution are beneficial not only to me but everybody.

Let calm some nerves...

I have a Msc in botany and more educated than hubby who only have a first degree.
He his financially better than I do cos he owns a haulage company which is doing well.

We got married legally and am empowered by law which me, hubby and both families are aware of.

But my mum spoke with me, she said a lot which really is reason behind my "stupidity".

Like I said ealier, law aside and education to the marine...I know myself even without those weapon, I can be brutal.

I guess mum knows her daughter too well, that must have accounted for the role she played.

Sincerely, I might have lost everything including job,kids,hubby and my life if I reacted the way my normal me would have.

I just hope I get the grace to carry on.

NB: I got everybody pm, but not now.

pickabeau1:

Yes it have its drawbacks but better than having two women in the same space
Catfights!

BlackBaron: Hmmn... Polygamy.

Not my cup of tea.
The cracks if there was never any, suddenly sprouts up on the demise of the father.

Not a legacy I'm prepared to bequeath to my unborn children!

ayinba1:

Please do not sell yourself short. I have not met you but "stupiditty" is not a word that applies to you.
You have displayed a lot of wisdom in your posts
May God strengthen you.

I want to point out some areas where you may feel some effects
When outsiders (some married women) learn of your situation, they might view you differently
They might behave to you differently
Some might want to cut off ties
Some will stay with you but their advice may be very contrary to what your mother advised.
But you will find friends that will respect you (regardless of their own marriage) and admire your strength.
They will provide you with tips on how to make things work
Don't lose sight of communication
And please stay with him if you still love each other and he treats you and your kids well.

Phema: @Yeyenatu, I've stated the only way polygamy can be accepted. So if, your sister's husband had an agreement with his first wife that he will, along the line, marry more wives, then your sister is "cleared" of the "act". If not. . . Oh well, that is my personal opinion.

Did I read you say "love"? Lol. Again, God dey the matter.

Like I said, I only just wanted to understand where you were coming from. I do now.

tpia:

Its cultural, its very difficult to practice in some cultures but easier in others.

yeyenatu: Define yourself as the one who is in charge of the house, including her.

yeyenatu: Take that stand and be firm. Be more than a wife now, be THE wife.

crackhaus:
No, you thank your stars.
He's the one that gets forced out of the house and only gets court appointed or supervised visits to his children...



it is the lord's doing and it is marvelous in our sight.

Why exactly should he be thanking his stars as opposed to the Nigerian setting?
Oh you'll poison his meal or mess with his car brakes?

I didn't say that. That's the evil spirit in you speaking not my words
Let me shift before you possess me

Yeah right, and I thought pretty chics like yourself don't fight or loose sleep over a cheating spouse

it's not about beauty dear.when someone you love throws you under the bus like that,it's gotta hurt. BAD. So I will lose sleep and cry too.plenty plenty tears


You'll just jejely move on jor...are there no more men out there who are better looking and more refined to punish him with..

you're right. I'll move on.hard as it may be,it definitely beats trying to please someone who never cared about how you feel about his actions in the first place.or faking happiness with smiles at the other woman that doesn't get to your heart.
Sounds like prison to me.
#myopinion

yeyenatu: yes love. My father loves his wives.

My sister's Hussy loves his wives. Whether or not, there was a discussion isn't my business. I don't put my nose in affairs that's not my business. Or judge same.

Unless you know them personally, then I see no reason for the 'tinge of sarcasm' I kind of sensed in your response.

Even if they are twenty, there is still love in play.

Living with one wife all through your life doesn't mean that 'love' is the sole pedestal keeping the marriage steady. You don't know what else he is doing out there, while he is saying 'I love you' to you every day.


YYN

Phema: @Yeyenatu, I've stated the only way polygamy can be accepted. So if, your sister's husband had an agreement with his first wife that he will, along the line, marry more wives, then your sister is "cleared" of the "act". If not. . . Oh well, that is my personal opinion.

Did I read you say "love"? Lol. Again, God dey the matter.

Like I said, I only just wanted to understand where you were coming from. I do now.

TV01:
Really? The one who had any semblance of authority in the home or equity in the relationship grasped from her - cruelly and against her will -should now form "Lady at the Top"? And the new wife - who everything suggests will at least for now be more favoured - will just accede to that?


You can only be "the wife", if you are the only wife. Neither they or anyone following - which is still a possibility se? - have any stand. The battle is for favour, not authority.

Talking up situations and chest thumping does not change reality. Don't glorify what is wrong, aspire to what right.


TV

TV01:
Really? The one who had any semblance of authority in the home or equity in the relationship grasped from her - cruelly and against her will -should now form "Lady at the Top"? And the new wife - who everything suggests will at least for now be more favoured - will just accede to that?


You can only be "the wife", if you are the only wife. Neither they or anyone following - which is still a possibility se? - have any stand. The battle is for favour, not authority.

Talking up situations and chest thumping does not change reality. Don't glorify what is wrong, aspire to what right.


TV

BlackBaron:
Indeed it may be cultural, but alas our people sort of damn the consequences of which they were once carrying.

My great F was a very wealthy man, had quite a bit andmmuch more. Once he died, others were shut off. My grand was from the first wife and also the first son. Connivance rubbed him of his inheritance. The eventual benefactor's generation still enjoys the proceeds till this day. They can all choose to sit at home and still be comfortable...talking about inheritance since 1930-40!

bukatyne:

How did your father marry his polygamous lifestyle with his religion (Christianity)?

The Bible frowns against it and been the husband of one wife is a mandatory pure-requisite for becoming an elder