freecocoa: Is that the answer to the question I asked?

Just moving 3 steps ahead of you. :-D

Are there any polygamous husbands that can shed light on why they chose to take another wife? I'd like to hear that side as well.

I get the impression from many of the men here, who condone polygamy, that it is simply their right. How much attention is paid to the existing wife's feelings?


@topic

GodsDivinefavor:

Its a 5 bedroom apartment.

All what you mention are actually what I need God to guide me on.

If this is going to work for all involved, it might be wise to sit down with your husband first and discuss expectations. Then sit down with the three of you and discuss expectations, set boundaries and clear cut rules.

Without clear cut expectations, rules and consequences there will never be peace in any household, take less one with exaggerated tensions from the beginning. Once rules are set, for children and adults, consistency is the key to success.

Because you are not the only woman in his life, there will be tension and rivalry. It is human nature. Just remember, a man faced with the choice of a nagging wife and peace, will likely choose the latter. Wouldn't any person?

maclatunji:

Well, there could be so many reasons that may make a man inclined to monogamy, reluctantly consider polygamy.

I personally would like my children to have a simplified relationship with a single father and mother not with the step-mum appendage.

However, if in an extreme situation the woman I choose as a wife and hope to build this solid home with seems unwilling or totally incapable of making life easy for me and by circumstance, I meet someone who is totally amazing and incredibly mature to make my life meaningful, it might be a consideration. I hate divorce as well.

I also wonder if it is responsible in situations of war where many good women may be left widowed if it makes sense for the few men available to say they will be absolutely monogamous. What is likely to happen is one man to several concubines in such a society. I would not do concubines in such a scenario and might carefully consider If any widow is what the honour of being a second wife. If you provide for a woman and her kids and she is going to be relating with you frequently, it might be more honourable to make it formal rather than put yourself in an untenable position with all parties involved including the children.

If for any reason I find myself in a position to want a good woman away from my wife, it must not be as a concubine.

My future wife has a great part to play, if she completes me, I would gladly not think of another wife, I love a simple life.

I take these issues seriously and do everything possible as a single man not to make a mistake in considering women as potentially my wife. Before, I give a woman a second thought at all as someone I should study, she must have passed several mental tests in my head.

Is this not what I basically said? That something has to be missing to make a man want another wife, your own go worse if you ever take another wife sef, the 1st one would most likely be ignored because, according to your post, she no longer fits what you had in mind(assuming you ever take a 2nd wife that is).

Now to the widowed women, are there no widowers? Or even single men who would be willing to marry these women? Just as men die, so do women.

The best thing is to make sure you marry someone who completes you, hard as it might be for you to accept, it's best to get divorced, if you are no longer satisfied/happy with your partner, there's no point in keeping her and marrying someone else when she only reminds you of how unfulfilled you were with her.

People should either take it or leave it, polygamy is just plain selfishness on the part of the man.

maclatunji:

Just moving 3 steps ahead of you. :-D

I see.

.

freecocoa:

Now to the widowed women, are there no widowers? Or even single men who would be willing to marry these women? Just as men die, so do women.

.

How many single men are willing to marry a widow?? Realistically, it is far easier for a widower to remarry.

tbaba1234:

How many single men are willing to marry a widow?? Realistically, it is far easier for a widower to remarry.

You can't say you are 100% sure but to avoid arguments, i'll say, not all widowers/widows actually wish to remarry(especially the ones with grownup kids) and yes, a young widow can actually get a young man to marry her, I've seen it happen.

Now, how many of these polygamists married widows? The ones I know, went for fresh young ladies, so I don't think that point is valid at all in this topic.

freecocoa: You can't say you are 100% sure but to avoid arguments, i'll say, not all widowers/widows actually wish to remarry(especially the ones with grownup kids) and yes, a young widow can actually get a young man to marry her, I've seen it happen.

Now, how many of these polygamists married widows? The ones I know, went for fresh young ladies, so I don't think that point is valid at all in this topic.

Polygamists offer them an option.

tbaba1234:

Polygamists offer them an option.

Like they had/have no options in the first place?


Meanwhile, you didn't answer the post directed at you.

freecocoa: Like they had/have no options in the first place?


Meanwhile, you didn't answer the post directed at you.

In our society, it is really difficult for widows and if one want to get into a good polygamous marriage then good for her.

What post?

tbaba1234:

In our society, it is really difficult for widows and if one want to get into a good polygamous marriage then good for her.

What post?

Good for her, regardless of how the first wife may feel? Hmm.

This post

freecocoa: Then she must be tired of the man and wants someone to help ease the ache or load as the case may be.
On a more serious note though, there has to be a reason, I don't believe a woman who's in love with her man, will be willing to share him, I just can't wrap my head around it.
Just why does it have to be the men taking the wives and expecting the women to be cool with it as it is no big deal? Now tbaba, honestly tell us, how you would feel if you ever have to share your woman with another man? Will you even accept such?

tpia1:


Nothing new about that, we all know you're a ladies' man .


But for religion, you'd be a terrible flirt.



Na fight my brother?


Just asking.

Hmmmm...@bolded interesting submission.

freecocoa: Then she must be tired of the man and wants someone to help ease the ache or load as the case may be.

On a more serious note though, there has to be a reason, I don't believe a woman who's in love with her man, will be willing to share him, I just can't wrap my head around it.

Just why does it have to be the men taking the wives and expecting the women to be cool with it as it is no big deal? Now tbaba, honestly tell us, how you would feel if you ever have to share your woman with another man? Will you even accept such?

These women have a myriad of reasons for choosing polygamous relationships. These are some of the stories, I have heard

I. Woman has a very close friend who is a widow or a divorcee going through a difficult time with kids and all. Suggests that husband marries friend.

ii. Woman is career oriented, suggests husband marries another woman who eases the burden for her on the home front .

These are some of the kinds of stories, I have heard. These women have their justification for it. I posted a story earlier about a woman who was actually looking for an already married man to marry.

Polyandry is impractical, that is why it is so rarely practiced historically. Who owns the child? So no, I will not be sharing my wife. This is however my personal preference.

In polygamy, some women are more accepting of it than others.

I am not a polygamist, neither do I intend to be one. But there is nothing wrong with those who make that choice.

tbaba1234:

These women have a myriad of reasons for choosing polygamous relationships. These are some of the stories, I have heard

I. Woman has a very close friend who is a widow or a divorcee going through a difficult time with kids and all. Suggests that husband marries friend.

ii. Woman is career oriented, suggests husband marries another woman who eases the burden for her on the home front .

These are some of the kinds of stories, I have heard. These women have their justification for it. I posted a story earlier about a woman who was actually looking for an already married man to marry.

Polyandry is impractical, that is why it is so rarely practiced historically. Who owns the child? So no, I will not be sharing my wife. This is however my personal preference.

In polygamy, some women are more accepting of it than others.

I am not a polygamist, neither do I intend to be one. But there is nothing wrong with those who make that choice.

Feeling really sleepy, hopefully tomorrow will be a good day to continue.

We shall revisit this.

maclatunji:

Hmmmm...@bolded interesting submission.

Haba! She could be right.

maclatunji:
Well, there could be so many reasons that may make a man inclined to monogamy, reluctantly consider polygamy.
I personally would like my children to have a simplified relationship with a single father and mother not with the step-mum appendage.
However, if in an extreme situation the woman I choose as a wife and hope to build this solid home with seems unwilling or totally incapable of making life easy for me and by circumstance, I meet someone who is totally amazing and incredibly mature to make my life meaningful, it might be a consideration. I hate divorce as well.
I also wonder if it is responsible in situations of war where many good women may be left widowed if it makes sense for the few men available to say they will be absolutely monogamous. What is likely to happen is one man to several concubines in such a society. I would not do concubines in such a scenario and might carefully consider If any widow is what the honour of being a second wife. If you provide for a woman and her kids and she is going to be relating with you frequently, it might be more honourable to make it formal rather than put yourself in an untenable position with all parties involved including the children.
If for any reason I find myself in a position to want a good woman away from my wife, it must not be as a concubine.
My future wife has a great part to play, if she completes me, I would gladly not think of another wife, I love a simple life.
I take these issues seriously and do everything possible as a single man not to make a mistake in considering women as potentially my wife. Before, I give a woman a second thought at all as someone I should study, she must have passed several mental tests in my head.

I can understand your reasoning, but I still find it unacceptable. Well, in the first place, if your wife said all the above about you, how would you take it. No one really (and am generalizing here) actually goes into a marriage believing that they will be a failure to their spouse. We all go thru times of struggle, need, depression, etc and if the other spouse reacts that they're own needs aren't being met and gets another spouse that is really hurtful and selfish IMO. If my husband was having trouble with work and not providing for our home, and in general contributing to my heartache, is my answer to find a man that can fulfill my desires because he's totally awesome and mature, and tell hubby 1 to get used to hubby 2?

I also abhor the thinking that men are territorial and will not accept another man, but women aren't. I mean, if we weren't then polygamous homes would be paradise for one and all. Let's just be honest that the rules of society made a woman a harlot for stepping out on her marriage and the man a saint for doing the same thing.

Finally, I also detest the age-old excuse that a man is a natural cheat. No IMO a woman is the original natural cheat, we genetically will not settle until we find the best specimen to father our offspring. And if there was a defect, or another alpha male, he'd simply come to challenge the man and the best man wins. (This exists everywhere in the animal kingdom FYI, even to the extent of killing the losing males offspring) I am even of the belief that this actually hurt the male ego to the extent that he went and tried to change the rules of nature

My opinion of polygamy is this, both parties must consent to this arrangement beforehand. And if they do, then all the power to them. If my husband came and told me to accept another wife, then I will tell him to accept my not being a housewife anymore because he found the one! I will be working long hours at the office taking work trips and going away on vacation on his dime ... let the other wife slave in the kitchen and wash the nappies etc. In fact, I'd rather my hubby take another wife when my own kids are grown and out of the house so that I can enjoy my life! But if that was the case, I'd only want my own grandkids in my house and not his second brood, they can go live separately. Of course, I live somewhere where a wife can have her name on all properties, accounts and businesses, and I wouldn't hesitate for a minute to make sure that he ever decides to leave me, I'm gonna leave with half

@ GodsDivinefavor , my dear I appreciate the subject and questions you have brought up on this thread. I'd say that the wise thing to do is to always aim to improve yourself, married or not, parent or not, it doesn't matter. If you were truly the "reason" why your hubby brought in a second wife, then be grateful he didn't leave you outright. On the other hand, I'd urge you to remove yourself from the situation in the sense that he put you all in this situation, and as the head of the home, must decide how the home will run. Passive aggresive in the sense that you must not put yourself to the level of pettiness and nagging that is now suddenly expected of you. Kill the other wife with kindness, always return evil with good. Be blameless, and see what that will bring to your own inner peace. Because, I will say it this way, if the man really cared about your happiness and inner peace, he would've consulted you, or something at least. Just springing this situation on you makes me think that he really doesn't care about your feelings, the work you put into the marriage and the home and what you bring to the table. That shouldn't lead you to be evil or unkind, but just be aware that he showed you his true colours and you really cannot count on him to be of any emotional support. Once you come to peace with that, I believe that God in His divine favor will gift with the peace that passes all understanding.

freecocoa: Is this not what I basically said? That something has to be missing to make a man want another wife, your own go worse if you ever take another wife sef, the 1st one would most likely be ignored because, according to your post, she no longer fits what you had in mind(assuming you ever take a 2nd wife that is).

Now to the widowed women, are there no widowers? Or even single men who would be willing to marry these women? Just as men die, so do women.

The best thing is to make sure you marry someone who completes you, had as it might be for you to accept, it's best to get divorced, if you are no longer satisfied/happy with your partner, there's no point in keeping her and marrying someone else when she only reminds you of how unfulfilled you were with her.

People should either take it or leave it, polygamy is just plain selfishness on the part of the man.

Things are not always so straightforward. Ok, let's assume a man (not me) is in the situation I described but outside of not being very supportive or caring that much about her husband, she really is not much of a problem, she does not even care about whether her husband marries another woman, she is content with her kids, profession and socializing with her female friends, she may not even be that much interested in sex anymore, the question that arises there is if there is any pressing need to divorce her. My answer would be no.

She, the husband and kids can still function in that set-up without the hastles of divorce.

The new wife if the husband chooses wisely and is well-to-do would probably respect herself too.

Some women just cannot match their husband's sexual demands at a certain age any longer and the husband is still virile, it could be to their mutual advantage to allow a younger wife fill that gap. Wife is relieved and can maintain her health, husband can get his sexual satisfaction and new wife can get a husband and the comfort of having a family. This is not rocket science.

In some instances, a woman may be barren and her husband loves her and would keep her but he can have children and naturally should.

It is not all cases that arise just because the man wants several women for sex. Even with that, if the man goes about it with decorum and the women are not complaining, we might have to respect their choice.

As for your point on widowers marrying widows, did RMD marry a widow after his first wife's death? In post-conflict societies, it is even worse because most of the men are dead. Polygamy can be a strong safety net.

texanomaly:

Haba! She could be right.

#Goaway

Will be back

@Vivalableue, you have answered yourself. check the portrayal of the quintessential man in society, for example, James Bond, the guy is portrayed as irresistible to women regardless of how brilliant they are from his doctor to the daughters of his enemies. Why?

It is largely true that a man can be in many relationships with women and successfully pull it off. A woman that does that is simply a slut across most societies.

So, why not regulate this tendency in men with limited polygamy for those that want it? I agree that men who would be 100% monogamous are rare. I genuinely believe that I can be one. In fact, I want to be one. However, to think it is easy or can become the norm is just lying to oneself.

The vast majority of "monogamous" men are just jokers with several lovers and probably illegitimate children all over the place. So, the real question for most people is: do you want to live a lie or face and manage an inconvenient truth?

maclatunji:


#Goaway

#gone

aderonila18:

Abeg you can say most men but no, not every man is a cheat

okay

GodsDivinefavor:

Its a 5 bedroom apartment.

All what you mention are actually what I need God to guide me on.

my dear, get teo of everything. a new maid whose salary isnt too expensive for you. start thinking of getting your own car.

bottomline, the ability to ignore. it is normal for the differences in personalities to bring reasons for clashes but knowing that your point of view is different from hers, should help you when the isshs rise. live like she doesnt affect your life, because she shouldnt.




YYN

OP

why does your hubby want to accept the second wife in the same house
Polygamy is better managed with the women in different living quarters
That is why it s not for middle income households
That is a recipe for issues

maclatunji: @Vivalableue, you have answered yourself. check the portrayal of the quintessential man in society, for example, James Bond, the guy is portrayed as irresistible to women regardless of how brilliant they are from his doctor to the daughters of his enemies. Why?

It is largely true that a man can be in many relationships with women and successfully pull it off. A woman that does that is simply a slut across most societies.

So, why not regulate this tendency in men with limited polygamy for those that want it? I agree that men who would be 100% monogamous are rare. I genuinely believe that I can be one. In fact, I want to be one. However, to think it is easy or can become the norm is just lying to oneself.

The vast majority of "monogamous" men are just jokers with several lovers and probably illegitimate children all over the place. So, the real question for most people is: do you want to live a lie or face and manage an inconvenient truth?

I do get what you're saying...but the fact is that OK let's put it this way.. a study published a while ago came across some alarming statistics.. as much as a 3rd of all children did not belong to the men who claimed paternity. No, women cheat all the time, we just get you guys to pay for it.

When a man is saying "Hey let me cheat on you with another girl, but I'll let her be my second wife", I'm hearing "I'm no good at sneaking around, so I might as well bring her here before I get busted."

The wife will huff and puff and act all crazy, but we all know that since she's creating drama at home, and giving the man more of a headache, using up what little attention span he now has; she can now go and spend more time with her side piece with even less interruption.

Hey, maybe I'm corrupted, but I know that men cheat to prove to their own selves that they can do it and because they have very little self-control (basically the same reason why children disobey their parents), while women do it because they aren't satisfied with their man. SO... if this is all the case, why not do all you can do to satisfy your wife and keep her happy. I mean, a good woman can juggle more then a few men and still give it strong go each time, with our ability to fake pleasure and all, and if you aren't giving her your full effort she will go elsewhere to finish the job (believe that).. Do you think that proving to her that you don't have what it takes to make even 1 woman happy, and then squander what little you have on another woman, as a hallmark of respect, you being "the man"?. The problem, is that you men realized is that by keeping us women divided on the issue you stand a better chance at avoiding the embarrassment. I'm pretty certain that the more women talk about how unsatisfying and unremarkable a certain man is, he'd be less inclined to hurt his pride outside of the home. As I said earlier, it's all about your ego as men...

freecocoa: You can't say you are 100% sure but to avoid arguments, i'll say, not all widowers/widows actually wish to remarry(especially the ones with grownup kids) and yes, a young widow can actually get a young man to marry her, I've seen it happen.

Now, how many of these polygamists married widows? The ones I know, went for fresh young ladies, so I don't think that point is valid at all in this topic.

because the singles are tough enough to bring in. now imagine a woman with kids. makes it even tougher. the rivslry may start from the kids,

i had a friend whose brother took to court over a property. the father died, first wife (my friends mum) died after leaving the second wife. when she died, her first son took over the house, meanwhile he is not the man's biological but brought into the home and he is indeed older by a year. see yawa... it was horrible. not a good example to be set.

so, when the widow has kids, marrying a a man with a wife can be difficult. but not entirely impossible. its just easier to keep things less complicated.

pickabeau1: OP
why does your hubby want to accept the second wife in the same house
Polygamy is better managed with the women in different living quarters
That is why it s not for middle income households
That is a recipe for issues

true but it also has its issues too. my sister is married as a second wife and she has her own house. her husby is a afternoon and second weekend husband. even my little niece, when she sees her father she would ask if it was time for lunch already. each has its own jare.




YYN

maclatunji:

Things are not always so straightforward. Ok, let's assume a man (not me) is in the situation I described but outside of not being very supportive or caring that much about her husband, she really is not much of a problem, she does not even care about whether her husband marries another woman, she is content with her kids, profession and socializing with her female friends, she may not even be that much interested in sex anymore, the question that arises there is if there is any pressing need to divorce her. My answer would be no.

She, the husband and kids can still function in that set-up without the hastles of divorce.

The new wife if the husband chooses wisely and is well-to-do would probably respect herself too.

Some women just cannot match their husband's sexual demands at a certain age any longer and the husband is still virile, it could be to their mutual advantage to allow a younger wife fill that gap. Wife is relieved and can maintain her health, husband can get his sexual satisfaction and new wife can get a husband and the comfort of having a family. This is not rocket science.

In some instances, a woman may be barren and her husband loves her and would keep her but he can have children and naturally should.

It is not all cases that arise just because the man wants several women for sex. Even with that, if the man goes about it with decorum and the women are not complaining, we might have to respect their choice.

As for your point on widowers marrying widows, did RMD marry a widow after his first wife's death? In post-conflict societies, it is even worse because most of the men are dead. Polygamy can be a strong safety net.

What kind of a home and family setting do you think a house where the wife no longer care about her husband be? I take it you don't know how it feels to no longer care about someone you once loved, which by the way has to be brought about by something, you think it's healthy to stay in a loveless marriage? You think this won't affect the kids? Tunji you make me laugh this early morning.

Okay now so only men have intimate needs that need to be met at all points in their lives eh kwa? What if the tables were to be turned and the man is the one who can no longer satisfy his wife?what would you have such a woman do?

Again I ask, what if the man is the impotent one? Whatever happened to adoption? Or even hoping and praying for a miracle which many religious people(which you are a part of) do? Unless miracles isn't part of islam.

RMD didn't marry a woman ontop his 1st wife na, atleast she was dead and that's not the case with most polygamous men, this also doesn't mean that widowers can't marry widows. I actually raised that point because you and Tbaba made it look like marrying widows as an act of charity is why some men take 2nd wife, whereas most of these men don't even consider widows when taking a 2nd wife.

Polygamy is not a safety net whatsoever, it is borne out of selfish reasons I still maintain, until I see women in the same situations you painted these polygamous men to be in, allowed to take different husbands for the same reasons the men do, will I be swayed.

vivalableue:

I do get what you're saying...but the fact is that OK let's put it this way.. a study published a while ago came across some alarming statistics.. as much as a 3rd of all children did not belong to the men who claimed paternity. No, women cheat all the time, we just get you guys to pay for it.

When a man is saying "Hey let me cheat on you with another girl, but I'll let her be my second wife", I'm hearing "I'm no good at sneaking around, so I might as well bring her here before I get busted."

The wife will huff and puff and act all crazy, but we all know that since she's creating drama at home, and giving the man more of a headache, using up what little attention span he now has; she can now go and spend more time with her side piece with even less interruption.

Hey, maybe I'm corrupted, but I know that men cheat to prove to their own selves that they can do it and because they have very little self-control (basically the same reason why children disobey their parents), while women do it because they aren't satisfied with their man. SO... if this is all the case, why not do all you can do to satisfy your wife and keep her happy. I mean, a good woman can juggle more then a few men and still give it strong go each time, with our ability to fake pleasure and all, and if you aren't giving her your full effort she will go elsewhere to finish the job (believe that).. Do you think that proving to her that you don't have what it takes to make even 1 woman happy, and then squander what little you have on another woman, as a hallmark of respect, you being "the man"?. The problem, is that you men realized is that by keeping us women divided on the issue you stand a better chance at avoiding the embarrassment. I'm pretty certain that the more women talk about how unsatisfying and unremarkable a certain man is, he'd be less inclined to hurt his pride outside of the home. As I said earlier, it's all about your ego as men...

Hahahahaha... from where I form my opinions from (Islamic Law). He who owns the bed owns the child. The effect is that a man has the duty to protect his wife, if he becomes negligent and she gets serviced by other men and she gets pregnant, he still owns the child.

This is not just about a man and a woman, it is about keeping the society working in the most optimum manner. Can a woman sleep with multiple men? Yes. Can she be pregnant for all of them at the same time? No.

The two genders are not at par on this score and as a result, whether you accept it or not, the reality is different from what you idealise.

No woman regardless of sexual prowess can effectively run two households at the same time, some men can and do with relative ease.

yeyenatu: because the singles are tough enough to bring in. now imagine a woman with kids. makes it even tougher. the rivslry may start from the kids,

i had a friend whose brother took to court over a property. the father died, first wife (my friends mum) died after leaving the second wife. when she died, her first son took over the house, meanwhile he is not the man's biological but brought into the home and he is indeed older by a year. see yawa... it was horrible. not a good example to be set.

so, when the widow has kids, marrying a a man with a wife can be difficult. but not entirely impossible. its just easier to keep things less complicated.

YYN

Lol, tougher to bring in you say? Why knowingly involve yourself in a tough situation in the first place?

Haven't you seen or atleast heard of where the 2nd wife who's children are obviously the younger ones, claiming and fighting for properties? Hehehe, my dear, there's nothing like 'less complicated' it's either complicated or not.

freecocoa: What kind of a home and family setting do you think a house where the wife no longer care about her husband be? I take it you don't know how it feels to no longer care about someone you once loved, which by the way has to be brought about by something, you think it's healthy to stay in a loveless marriage? You think this won't affect the kids? Tunji you make me laugh this early morning.

Okay now so only men have intimate needs that need to be met at all points in their lives eh kwa? What if the tables were to be turned and the man is the one who can no longer satisfy his wife?what would you have such a woman do?

Again I ask, what if the man is the impotent one? Whatever happened to adoption? Or even hoping and praying for a miracle which many religious people(which you are a part of) do? Unless miracles isn't part of islam.

RMD didn't marry a woman ontop his 1st wife na, atleast she was dead and that's not the case with most polygamous men, this also doesn't mean that widowers can't marry widows. I actually raised that point because you and Tbaba made it look like marrying widows as an act of charity is why some men take 2nd wife, whereas most of these men don't even consider widows when taking a 2nd wife.

Polygamy is not a safety net whatsoever, it is borne out of selfish reasons I still maintain, until I see women in the same situations you painted these polygamous men to be in, allowed to take different husbands for the same reasons the men do, will I be swayed.

The woman can get a divorce if the husband is Impotent and she cannot live with it.

You raise a good point about impotent men, do you realise that an impotent man cannot have real sex with a woman but a barren woman can be the best sexual partner in the world? The only thing is that she cannot have children. Do not confuse impotence for infertility in men.

So, if the husband loves her as a woman, a friend and so on, he can still keep her. Do not make ridiculous arguments my friend, what sane man that can have children would only seek to adopt one? Even a woman with an infertile husband would not accept it.

Most fertile men with a barren wife would insist on having their own children and a second wife is the best option in such a scenario.

freecocoa: Lol, tougher to bring in you say? Why knowingly involve yourself in a tough situation in the first place?

Haven't you seen or atleast heard of where the 2nd wife who's children are obviously the younger ones, claiming and fighting for properties? Hehehe, my dear, there's nothing like 'less complicated' it's either complicated or not.

i hear you. but, wouldnt it be better he marries her than father a child out there that you dont know about.

we'd like to say its selfish for the man. i dont think a man can just wake up to say i want a second wife. i think its owning up if uou ask me. it is painful, dont get me wrong but i would rather he marries than do the nasty behind my back. in such situations, one may even not see his brakelight at all sef. keep him under your roof, so you can monitor his excapades and prepare for it. its better than being surprised with something your mind cant deal with at a time its not prepared for.


YYN

We are slowly drifting into the gender equality debate.