EfemenaXY:


What a realistic, down-to-earth post!

Thanks for sharing your experiences, mami. It does get better with time...but make sure, you teach them all about domestic chores whether they're boys or not. You'll get the reap the benefits in full (like I do every weekend!)

Thank youuu Efe, yes oo, life has really changed from before kids. But I love the little blighters and I'm able to see its a phase . I think I've gone through the worst bits ( fingers crossed) and its getting better now. Twins are always a shock to the system. You think oh it's 1 baby then u go for a scan and they find 2 . Though my dad was a twin I never expected it.

Yes ooo on the domestic chores front . Literally when they are 13 and over they will do it all and I'll put my feet up .

chaircover:


Dont worry, everything in this life is a phase
There will come a time when you end up with pleny time on your hands and no kids to "shout" at
Please enjoy them now
All my ones do is ask for money

Chaircover , thanks so much. I know it's a phase, tho I keep telling people I can wait for them to grow up, go to uni, get married and move out, but I onow I'm going to miss this special tme when they are small and cuddly.

Variety is the spice of life, one just needs to inculcate it into marriage to spice it up.

EfemenaXY:

Sorry, I don't get you. Whose got the tendency to be this clingy? White chicks? Blacks? Asians?

I don't think the clingyness you've just described is race dependent, but rather on the personality of the lady in question. An insecure woman in her relationship will display what you've just described and anyone can be insecure, irrespective of whether they're black, white, yellow, green, or orange.

I think what you should ask yourself here is this: why are your chicks (or the ladies you've gone out with) this insecure? Do you deliberately fish out insecure women to date? Or does dating you make a previously secure, independent-thinking lady suddenly become the opposite? Do you give them cause to be this emotionally needy?

Err, i was alluding to snow bunnies. Once you look at it based on percentage/ratio, using majority/minority as a premise - you can definitely make an argument for it being race dependent. Also, my assertion was based on my experience...and generally speaking they're more expressive and cos of that, once they emotionally attached to anyone - it can become somewhat extreme. Anyway, "clinginess" in this context doesn't necessarily mean "insecurity" - just being super-attached, based on excessiveness.

Emotionally needy, big sis Efemena? - bwahahaha. Perhaps, that's why every time I shoot the non-existent self-esteem of the female posters on here, they tend to stalk me all over the darn forum (Jk Jk Jk Jk loool). And this is the extroverted virtual me - the real me on these streets, who seldom talks and is always a ghost might be a silent self-esteem killer - who knows? I guess I need to study myself more, to see how I rub off on others lol.

Anyway, I don't think I make chics emotionally needy. I just know I've got a big personality, though I don't talk much around chics or folks I can't trust, unless it's about generic things. And that comes with the territory, and the need to always protect yourself at all times. Also, I don't pander to chics - nor make them feel too important. I just deal with them like I deal with guys. I might switch it up a bit, from time to time, but generally speaking: I just don't give a fvck. Regardless, they always fall in love with me...and that's the most important thing.

You make the bolded bit sound like a thing of pride?

Any black man whose Caucasian girlfriend acts like that should be worried because it's not about her being submissive (well, not willingly), but rather you lot being stereotyped as a low IQ violent brute who acts first then thinks later.

Shymexx, Shymexx, if your white girlfriend cowers before you, you should be offended for starters, especially if you've never been violent towards her, or given any indications of having the tendency to be so. See, it's akin to this scenario:

Bulky black man seen walking down the streets with scrawny white woman. Woman suddenly yelps and the nearby cops descend on the black brother like no man's business, even before they hear out the whole story. It eventually comes to light that little Ms. Scrawny yelped because she thought she saw shadows moving in the alley way.

How do you explain the police's reaction? Racism, perhaps?

As a man, it's thing of pride when your woman behaves like a woman, and show you the utmost respect. It has nothing to do with the stereotype of being a low IQ-having violent brute...but more to do with understanding how to act. I guess it's they don't secrete the same level of testosterone in black women, and provoking violence isn't their thing - hence you hardly hear about domestic violence between black men and white women.

Conversely, I'd say black women in general have low self-esteem when dealing with white men, and they're never aggressive regardless of how they're disrespected. They can be ghetto-gagged by redneck, but that won't stop them from keeping a straight face with a broad smile. It's evident at work as well - I see examples everyday.

Err, police stop black men everyday for no reason anyway - so if that ever happens, it's just normal. Walking While Black (WWB), Driving While Black (DWB), etc., are crimes on these streets lol. Black men will always be targeted, and I don't think that example has anything to do with the relationship between black men and white women.

Compared to?

Do such marriages last longer than Negroid woman married to Caucasian man?

Compared to other interracial relationships. Like the grand-master teacher user to say: white women have always desired black men from the slavery days - and once they get their hands on one, letting him go is always difficult cos you don't come across that physical specimen everyday. That's why they love all sports in which black men dominate...nobody represent a hunk to them better than black men.

Hard to believe.

Not throwing shots, just responded to the legendary Kanwulia the calloti. However, this year, all my chics must have real hair - no chics with fake hair.

mgbeketoto:
I just remembered I have an anniversary coming up. . . .and damn!
Still some boring shyte!
Do you have a mate or a SOUL MATE?

I have a MATE!

All my soul mates are OUTSIDE the marriage o!
The moment I marry them. . . they become mates without souls!
All we do is 'mate' and sleep!
You can NEVER SPICE up an old marriage!

You can only manage!

I LOOOOOOOOOVE THE CERTIFICATE!!!!!
Not the marriage!
I don't think it matters WHO it is.
When it comes to marriage. . . .there is no perfect fit!

If you can manage. . . . and avoid divorce, PRAISE YOUR LORD!
It means you are succeeding!
You can NEVER SPICE UP A NIGERIAN OR AFRICAN MARRIAGE!

If you would‘nt mind, what is marriage to you? Is it “a male & female staying together“ or “getting a certificate for themselves“?

The room mate plan continues oooooooooh!!!
. . . . And loving it!

Eshyy:

If you would‘nt mind, what is marriage to you? Is it “a male & female staying together“ or “getting a certificate for themselves“?

All of the above!
Anything but marriage THE SHAM!

Back to Mgbeketoto? I loved the " Kanwuliajara" series. Something to do with the name. . . Let's rejoice

ifyalways:
Back to Mgbeketoto? I loved the " Kanwuliajara" series. Something to do with the name. . . Let's rejoice

Muheheheheheeeeeee !!!!
I just try my luck o. . . . .

Dem nefa 'de-ATI-vet' this ID.

Ka anyi nuliaaaaa oooooooooh!

Once u stop spending time with ur spouse i.e goin 2beach,cinemas etc 2geda..ur marriage is bound 2be boring..couples r suppose 2hit d gym 2geda and do so many interesting tins 2geda..spice tins up in d bedroom,try out new tins..I bet dat marriage will be lively 4ever. Buh if u jux sit down and keep doin d same tin evryday, u r bound 2b bored..

who's this @mgbeketoto?

[quote author=mgbeketoto please dearies. Forgive me for this question because am just a young and curious guy. She asked you a question on wether you agreed with your hubby on both of you guys using condom with others , while coming neat with your selfs ? I really need to learn from you here. Answer me please. Am anxiously waiting for yourr answers.

It gets better!
No need to say "Happy Anniversary" anymore.
Last year. . . . . We did not even remember and we were BOTH at home.
Bwaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

mgbeketoto:
It gets better!
No need to say "Happy Anniversary" anymore.
Last year. . . . . We did not even remember and we were BOTH at home.
Bwaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Na your hand be dis?

Long time, no type. Happy Anniversary, new year, infact AJ, happy everything.

ifyalways:


Na your hand be dis?

Long time, no type. Happy Anniversary, new year, infact AJ, happy everything.

Oh yes o my darling sis!
Alive and kicking wella wella.
Thanks jare. Same to you.
NL dry like hell.
Just checking to see who don die and who dey alive.
Same ol-same ol I see.

I say make I appear before rumor begin spread say I dey for Buhari "oda room" of death.

Muchechechecheche

Still on the subject . . . .

EfemenaXY:


True that. Very true.

But, I was thinking more in line from the hubby's perspective...and you've already answered that bit for me in your post above. I know many people would disagree with what I'm about to say, but who cares? You are very lucky to have a mature, understanding, and open-minded man. It takes real courage and a firm grasp on reality to understand that marriage isn't a one-sized shoe box sort of thing that must be applicable to everyone. You guys have found out what works for you, whilst keeping your family unit intact. He's happy, you're happy. What else could be more important?

Having said that, you've got me wondering though. How does it really work? I mean really? Say for the partner you choose to go out with, do you have certain limits like he must be single and definitely not married? Or does he have to married, as that would mitigate any instances of him wanting to take things one step higher? I would have said going out with a married man would be a safer bet as he's got his own marriage to preserve and wouldn't want to risk any "upheaval", but that works mostly for non-open relationships, which certainly isn't applicable in your case. So, I'm thinking, if he's married, how would you handle his wife if she decides to come after you as per feeling slighted that you're the "other woman" trying to create problems for her union?




And you're one of the most candid and brutally honest people I've met on Nairaland. You tell it exactly how it is without fake pretenses. You are as real as they get.

Anyone who can't stomach your very different perspective should take a flying hike.



You do make open relationships sound easy, but they aren't. I guess like you said, it all boils down to honesty, right from the very start. Your man knew where he stood with you from the beginning so no surprises. Most of the issues with a lot of marriages, I think, are skeletons popping out of closets, and couples skirting, dancing around issues, and not wanting to face up to what stares them in the face. The fear factor.



Yes dear. It's a burning question, very private, but I've just got to ask. Again, you don't have to answer it if you think I'm overstepping boundaries, and I'll understand....here goes:

Protection. Do you and hubby use protection when together, knowing you've got partners on the outside? Or did you both agree from the outset that both of you must use protection when having sex with your partners but not with yourselves? I'm asking this bit from the trust angle...

If this is the case (i.e: hubby doesn't need to use condoms when with you), don't you get niggling doubts that he might have on one or more occasions not used protection while with any of his partners, and therefore, probably putting you at risk of STDs? (Gosh, Kanwulia, you've no idea how much I'm blushing in embarrassment here as I ask you this...)

Was too busy working for my birthday bash 2016-2017.
Saving this space. . . . .
Wow! Missed this.

Time for work first. . . . .

EfemenaXY:


Protection. Do you and hubby use protection when together, knowing you've got partners on the outside? Or did you both agree from the outset that both of you must use protection when having sex with your partners but not with yourselves? I'm asking this bit from the trust angle...

If this is the case (i.e: hubby doesn't need to use condoms when with you), don't you get niggling doubts that he might have on one or more occasions not used protection while with any of his partners, and therefore, probably putting you at risk of STDs? (Gosh, Kanwulia, you've no idea how much I'm blushing in embarrassment here as I ask you this...)

To answer the burning questions. . . .

My husband no go DARE near my bedroom after we don crawl all over different beds? . . . . . . and vice versa. We just do not find each other attractive in that 'area'. But the marriage is a safety net till one person gets tired. No divorce necessary. We work as a 'FINANCIAL TEAM' and for the love of the 'marriage certificate'! Abi nor be wetin 'SOCIETY' want?

1. Na who dey fear STDs? Fearing STDS is like fearing going to 'WAR'. . . .I DON PASS THAT STAGE.


NIGERIAN MEN DO NOT USE CONDOMS! If they do. . . .it is only for one round.
Husband or boyfriend. . . no condom involved. If you catch something. . . just share the joy and sorrow.

2. HOW MANY OF YOU LADIES SLEEP WITH MEN USING CONDOMS? ASHAWO DEY USE CONDOM?
Shikena!

3. Na human being create diseases or na 'UNA GOD' create them? So, why should anyone be stigmatized on account of a 'dirty nyansh' or 'blokos'? Blame 'oludumare' abeg! The 'show' must go on.

4. Na who dey spread diseases pass? Married men. So, you are bound to catch something before you DIE! If you like be as faithful as a 'blind and deaf dog'. . . . HUSBANDS USUALLY HAVE WANDERING joysticks. . . . So, marriage is always a risk since MOST NIGERAN MEN ARE USUALLY PATRONS OF WHOOORES!
I dey wait for my time to die. . .but I will not die before my time. Shikena!

Hooly sheet! Wtf! Abroad has definitely spoilt you people! Haaaa!

Agreeing to fork others while forking each other in the confines of marriage... Na only God sure pass!

OPEN MARRIAGES ROCK!

This z it

Marriage is boring when one is married to a flat mate that has the opposite character, belief, etc but very interesting when one is married to soul mate that shares the same ideology and value
It is so unfortunate there is no much time to study each other during courtship because of work, distance, etc
But it is still workable if they are ready to pay the sacrifice by adding these vital ingredients and if not ready to pay the sacrifice, each will look for what makes them happy without sinning to God


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2_baCZsSFw