mgbeketoto:



I don't associate with such men. The moment I see a jealous or possessive streak, I cut them off!
The moment a man starts asking me questions that don't concern him. . . . I tell him goodbye!

EfemenaXy, simple really. Apparently, you chose wrong from the get go. However, I think mind games in the area of weakening his resolve would do the trick, provided your mind is sturdy.

Timbuktou:
EfemenaXy, simple really. Apparently, you chose wrong from the get go. However, I think mind games in the area of weakening his resolve would do the trick, provided your mind is sturdy.

Sorry, I don't get this post of yours.

Who chose the wrong man?

carefreewannabe:


The biggest mumus populate the African continent. What have they achieved in comparison to men in the West?

strawman noted. Holla when your comment assumes a definite direction. It's past 10pm here, no time for beating about the bush.

Timbuktou:
strawman noted. Holla when your comment assumes a definite direction. It's past 10pm here, no time for beating about the bush.

I can see "strawman" is your favorite word.

carefreewannabe:


I can see "strawman" is your favorite word.

Is the observation valid or not, that should be your concern, not what words I favour. Take note.

EfemenaXY:


Sorry, I don't get this post of yours.

Who chose the wrong man?

I assume you did. I also assume the man you chose would not be amenable to such requests. But I could very well be wrong.

Timbuktou:
I assume you did. I also assume the man you chose would not be amenable to such requests. But I could be very well wrong.

For your information, I did not chose the wrong man to marry.

The discussion on this thread is neither about me nor my husband, so I would appreciate it if you would kindly desist from making assumptions on my behalf.

Thank you.

EfemenaXY:


For your information, I did not chose the wrong man to marry.

The discussion on this thread is neither about me nor my husband, so I would appreciate it if you would kindly desist from making assumptions on my behalf.

Thank you.

The wrong man to marry or the wrong man to accede to sharing his wife with other men, two different things. Since your requests to be tutored about open marriage and how it's best practised are in public domain, one could be forgiven to think you ask for your own benefit.

It actually never occurred to me that you could be asking on behalf of someone else or for purely academic purposes. My bad.

Ride right on, don't be bothered by my antics.

Timbuktou:
The wrong man to marry or the wrong man to accede to sharing his wife with other men, two different things. Since your requests to be tutored about open marriages and how they are public item, one could be forgiven to think you ask for your own benefit.
It actually never occurred to me that you could be asking on behalf of someone else or for purely academic purposes. My bad.
Ride right on, don't be bothered by my antics.

Now I totally get where Kanwulia was coming from when she made that comment about immature boys with comprehension skills.

I hate having to break things down to A, B, C level - but if that helps, then I'll oblige.

First of all, I never requested to be tutored about open marriages and / or how they are public item, whatever that means. Why would you even think that in the first place? Did you read that anywhere in my post?

Unlike you, rather than make assumptions on people's behalf, I'd rather choose to ask them directly which is exactly what I did.

Secondly, I do not have a closeted mind to different perspectives. Rather than make judgemental statements on people whose way of life differs from mine, I accept their differences and to gain a better understanding how it works for them, I ask them to explain (they aren't obliged too). I think, you should take a leaf from my book and learn to ask questions when in doubt, rather than jump to conclusions.

Finally, and most importantly, me seeking to understand a concept better in no way implies that I intend to adopt / incorporate that lifestyle into mine or in your words, for my "benefit".

I hope this makes it clearer for you.

EfemenaXY:


Now I totally get where Kanwulia was coming from when she made that comment about immature boys with comprehension skills.

I hate having to break things down to A, B, C level - but if that helps, then I'll oblige.

I'm glad I was able to aid your education in Professor Kanwulia's class, some things you really have to experience to understand. Now, it' time to get your tittiies out of whatever bunch their in.

EfemenaXY: First of all, I never requested to be tutored about open marriages and / or how they are public item, whatever that means. Why would you even think that in the first place? Did you read that anywhere in my post?

Read below:

EfemenaXY: Having said that, you've got me wondering though. How
does it really work? I mean really? Say for the partner you
choose to go out with, do you have certain limits like he
must be single and definitely not married? Or does he have
to married, as that would mitigate any instances of him
wanting to take things one step higher? I would have said
going out with a married man would be a safer bet as he's
got his own marriage to preserve and wouldn't want to risk
any "upheaval", but that works mostly for non-open
relationships, which certainly isn't applicable in your case.
So, I'm thinking, if he's married, how would you handle his
wife if she decides to come after you as per feeling slighted
that you're the "other woman" trying to create problems for
her union?

[Quote author=EfemenaXY]Unlike you, rather than make assumptions on people's behalf, I'd rather choose to ask them directly which is exactly what I did.[/quote]congrats on your unassuming/non-assuming mind then.

EfemenaXY: Secondly, I do not have a closeted mind to different perspectives. Rather than make judgemental statements on people whose way of life differs from mine, I accept their differences and to gain a better understanding how it works for them, I ask them to explain (they aren't obliged too). I think, you should take a leaf from my book and learn to ask questions when in doubt, rather than jump to conclusions.

yet, your extra open mind doesn't take exception to judging my judgementality? How really open-minded are you exactly? You shouldn't be unaccommodating of my "closeted", or, is it that your self-professed liberalism has no place for conservatives and traditionalists?

EfemenaXY: Finally, and most importantly, me seeking to understand a concept better in no way implies that I intend to adopt / incorporate that lifestyle into mine or in your words, for my "benefit".

I hope this makes it clearer for you.

I think I dealt with this in the post you quoted in which I apologised. However, overkill is entirely your prerogative.

Timbuktou:
I'm glad I was able to aid your education in Professor Kanwulia's class, some things you really have to experience to understand. Now, it' time to get your tittiies out of whatever bunch their in.

Read below:


[Quote author=EfemenaXY]Unlike you, rather than make assumptions on people's behalf, I'd rather choose to ask them directly which is exactly what I did.congrats on your unassuming/non-assuming mind then.



Secondly, I do not have a closeted mind to different perspectives. Rather than make judgemental statements on people whose way of life differs from mine, I accept their differences and to gain a better understanding how it works for them, I ask them to explain (they aren't obliged too). I think, you should take a leaf from my book and learn to ask questions when in doubt, rather than jump to conclusions.yet, your extra open mind doesn't take exception to judging my judgementality? How really open-minded are you exactly? You shouldn't be unaccommodating of my "closeted", or, is it that your self-professed liberalism has no place for conservatives and traditionalists?

Finally, and most importantly, me seeking to understand a concept better in no way implies that I intend to adopt / incorporate that lifestyle into mine or in your words, for my "benefit".

I hope this makes it clearer for you.I think I dealt with this in the post you quoted in which I apologised. However, overkill is entirely your prerogative.

And your point is?

If you've got something to say, then say it directly, rather than play with words. You obviously have a problem / angst with Kanwulia. Whatever your issue is with her, pls don't drag me into it, as I neither care to know what your problem is or what you think of her.

Be that as it may, I choose who I want to interact with, irrespective of that person's enemies. If you've got a problem with her, then address her directly. Don't jump on my back (posts) to make your point against her. Leave me out of it.

[quote author=EfemenaXY post=30314780]

EfemenaXY: And your point is?

Don't play the dumb little immature girl devoid of any comprehension ability.

EfemenaXY: If you've got something to say, then say it directly, rather than play with words. You obviously have a problem / angst with Kanwulia. Whatever your issue is with her, pls don't drag me into it, as I neither care to know what your problem is or what you think of her.

Ah, the irony of hypocrisy. I find it funny you lambasted me for blatant assumption not quite five minutes ago. Non, madame, I have no problem with Kanwulia more than I have with anybody here. In fact, I appreciate the humour with which she dispenses her opinion, however, I'm under no obligation to like her opinions. Doesn't mean I have 'angst' against her. Are you showing signs of hypocrisy or comprehension deficiency? One wonders.

EfemenaXY: Be that as it may, I choose who I want to interact with, irrespective of that person's enemies. If you've got a problem with her, then address her directly. Don't jump on my back (posts) to make your point against her. Leave me out of it.

babe, park well and stop boxing shadows. Your assumptions about my 'enmity' (such a big word) with Kanwulia are extremely silly. Carry your faux-liberalism and shove it up your arze. I ain't buying.
I seldom quote Kanwulia because of her idiosyncratic way of responding to posts that challenge her opinions. If I feel the need to I will, I don't do biitch moves. I quoted you because I wanted to address you, EfemenaXY. At this point, your comprehension abilities seem non-existent.

^^ Thank you.

Now move on. I'm done conversing with you.

EfemenaXY:


Now move on. I'm done conversing with you.

Oh, thanks for your time, patience and "understanding".

EfemenaXY:


Now I totally get where Kanwulia was coming from when she made that comment about immature boys with comprehension skills.

I hate having to break things down to A, B, C level - but if that helps, then I'll oblige.

First of all, I never requested to be tutored about open marriages and / or how they are public item, whatever that means. Why would you even think that in the first place? Did you read that anywhere in my post?

Unlike you, rather than make assumptions on people's behalf, I'd rather choose to ask them directly which is exactly what I did.

Secondly, I do not have a closeted mind to different perspectives. Rather than make judgemental statements on people whose way of life differs from mine, I accept their differences and to gain a better understanding how it works for them, I ask them to explain (they aren't obliged too). I think, you should take a leaf from my book and learn to ask questions when in doubt, rather than jump to conclusions.

Finally, and most importantly, me seeking to understand a concept better in no way implies that I intend to adopt / incorporate that lifestyle into mine or in your words, for my "benefit".

I hope this makes it clearer for you.

Bia? Nne!!!! Na which SUKUUU ya pa and ma sen you go?
Na Switzerland?
You be PROFESSOR?
Hmmmmmmmmm. . . .
You get pawa o!
Well done sugar!
Wetin grandmama don taya to hesplain, my grandsssshidren go hellep me abi?

Good job!

EfemenaXY:
^^ Thank you.

Now move on. I'm done conversing with you.

Next time, you go ask BUHARI for "patikulas' and 'safiticate' before ANY debate!!!!

Muchecheche!!!!

LWKMD!!!!

*2 hours left to go home o!!!! Time for last checks, to make sure my KRASE PIPO nefa h-escape from dem bed jump h-enter road*

Lol. Hmmm

KanwuliaJara:
P

Bia? Nne!!!! Na which SUKUUU ya pa and ma sen you go?
Na Switzerland?
You be PROFESSOR?
Hmmmmmmmmm. . . .
You get pawa o!
Well done sugar!
Wetin grandmama don taya to hesplain, my grandsssshidren go hellep me abi?

Good job!

My dear, it's got nothing to do with schooling in Switzerland (I wish! ), but rather showing some decorum when communicating with others on an anonymous online forum. I don't know the person behind the keyboard and neither do they know me, so being rude and uncouth is totally uncalled for.

I schooled and graduated from Uni in Naija just like many others on here, I'm sure, but I was brought up well by my parents to exercise good etiquette when relating to others. Throwing insults, while jumping in with both hands and feet just to get someone's attention online is completely unnecessary. I too can match insult for insult, but where would that get me?

Abegi, no time jare. Anyway, make you do come back online properly jare.

Good Morning.

KanwuliaJara:


Next time, you go ask BUHARI for "patikulas' and 'safiticate' before ANY debate!!!!

Muchecheche!!!!

LWKMD!!!!

*2 hours left to go home o!!!! Time for last checks, to make sure my KRASE PIPO nefa h-escape from dem bed jump h-enter road*

ROTFLMAO!!

Noted, ma'am.

KanwuliaJara:


Once again. . .

This thread is about BORING MARRIAGES!
In a nutshell. . . ALL MARRIAGES GET BORING.
My marriage is boring. . .not anti-family.
I still love my husband and children VERRRRRY DEARLY. . . and have never failed in my responsibilities as a wife or mother!
MY MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE IS STILL VERY VALID the last time I checked!
My husband is quite a very happy man. . . .and SHARES THE SAME DAMN SENTIMENTS I have!

Marriages are NOT USELESS according to you. I disagree!

This is not an 'anti-family' thread. A boring marriage does not mean YOUR MARRIAGE IS ANTI-FAMILY.
It only means. . . THE SPARK IS GONE! Very natural!
The futility of SPICING UP A BORING NIGERIAN/AFRICAN MARRIAGE IS THE FOCUS OF THIS THREAD.
You are wrong in introducing anti-family movements, misogyny and feminism sentiments here.

Please, stick to the topic or take your 'beaf' to the right threads. . .

Thanks!

This thread kind of stirred up a question which I have been trying so hard to find answers to as a prospective husband. From what I have observed about marriages around me, most married people get bored with their marriages/spouses at different stages in the marriage, some get bored even very early in the marriage. My question is: what can married people do to avoid getting bored with their spouses? Again @kanwuliajara, I found out that your grudge is more about Nigerian/African/African-American marriages, as if whites are any better. Please what are those things your man or any other black man could do to keep the marriage lively? I mean, what do you really want your man to do to make you happy? Please be emphatic. Thanks

donpeey22:
This thread kind of stirred up a question which I have been trying so hard to find answers to as a prospective husband. From what I have observed about marriages around me, most married people get bored with their marriages/spouses at different stages in the marriage, some get bored even very early in the marriage. My question is: what can married people do to avoid getting bored with their spouses? Again @kanwuliajara, I found out that your grudge is more about Nigerian/African/African-American marriages, as if whites are any better. Please what are those things your man or any other black man could do to keep the marriage lively? I mean, what do you really want your man to do to make you happy? Please be emphatic. Thanks

Erm?
Whites are better o, generally-speaking.
Black women and white men in an interacial match-box have the least divorce rate o. Amen!!!
100% by far and farrrrrresst!!!!
I can list MANY REASONS WHY!
But the MOST important one is that: because A WHITE man has SOOOOOOOO much more to offer a black woman, she can NEVER be bored!!!
For one, they LISTEN without arguing like a TYPICAL YAHOO-YAHOO you-know-what!
HOW MANY NIGERIAN MEN GO TAKE VACATION WITH THEIR WIVES AND KIDS without making it A VACATION TO FORGET from the alpha and omega of that miserable vacation? Una go argue till one of UNA quench for dia ke!
Nigerian man ALWAYS get sointin to prove o, OR HE WILL FABRICATE ONE FROM HIS SADISTIC MIND!


This #1 reason get many branches o.
Them nor they shout or MAKE YOU SHOUT!!!!
They go the EXTRA MILE to MAKE SURE YOU ARE HAPPY!
The proverbial "calm after the storm that the are". . . . . You ALWAYS COME FIRST!!!!
My husband is just one example. NA SO ALL OF DEM BE. From my PAPA, to my uncles, to my brothers. . . . . NAME HIM!
Even when they are FAITHFUL, they are even more CANTAKEROUS AND GRUMPY!!!
Very restless and nomadic!

As for what a black man KIN DO to stop this boredom disease? THEY SHOULD LEARN TO KEEP THEIR PANTS UUUUUUUP and pay attention to their marriages. SEX IS NEITHER FOOD NOR LOVE, so no need to treat it as such!
A polygamous, emotional NOMAD can NEVER have a consolidated emotional fortress in more than one woman breeding children here, there and yonder!!!
Love does not have division of labor!
STOP POLYGAMY!!!

Tubaba na TYPICAL NIGERIAN MAN!!! Annie IDIBIA dey deceive herself . . . . And she go so taya ke!

Ova to you! Work don close. Time to go wash nyansh!

mutter:
Being bored is a state of the mind and the great thing about the mind is that you can influence it and steer it.
Decide you have the most exciting marriage and act that way and your marriage will become exciting.

I am married to a rather calm man who does not like much social life and yet I am more the temperamental kind that is always attending one function or the other. Years back it used to make me unhappy that he had no interest but I learnt to attend with my kids where possible. Over the years my husband has started getting more engaged socially and that really makes me happy. I too have reduced my social engagement ( ehhm not really) anyway I have gotten used to the fact that I have to do most of the talking and joking and teasing.
He could spend hours after work on the phone talking to family and that used to get me. it took me years before I found out how to get him drop the phone. Schatz I love you, hugs , kisses and the phone call is ended immediately
The hardest part for a woman is being submissive, especially when the man is getting it wrong. That is hard and you need time to work at it. The fact is that if that aspect is missing you can hardly get to the man because the fronts are hardened... two soldiers on the battle field.
What I am trying to say is that you constantly have to work on a marriage to make it work and to make it happy. Laugh, joke ,tease, flirt. It is not that easy and it takes time. Sometimes you ask yourself if it is worth it but if you remained determined you will get there. You can learn to become loves, friends, family, mother father to another and then you become one heart and one soul.

Anyone becomes your soulmate as soon as you let them into your soul.

Even though I find some of the things you said about making the failed institution called marriage work torturous, I still think if one would do it, you appear to have an attractive mentality (for marriage) a man would like.

KanwuliaJara:



Erm?
Whites are better o, generally-speaking.
Black women and white men in an interacial match-box have the least divorce rate o. Amen!!!
100% by far and farrrrrresst!!!!
I can list MANY REASONS WHY!
But the MOST important one is that: because A WHITE man has SOOOOOOOO much more to offer a black woman, she can NEVER be bored!!!
For one, they LISTEN without arguing like a TYPICAL YAHOO-YAHOO you-know-what!
HOW MANY NIGERIAN MEN GO TAKE VACATION WITH THEIR WIVES AND KIDS without making it A VACATION TO FORGET from the alpha and omega of that miserable vacation? Una go argue till one of UNA quench for dia ke!
Nigerian man ALWAYS get sointin to prove o, OR HE WILL FABRICATE ONE FROM HIS SADISTIC MIND!


This #1 reason get many branches o.
Them nor they shout or MAKE YOU SHOUT!!!!
They go the EXTRA MILE to MAKE SURE YOU ARE HAPPY!
The proverbial "calm after the storm that the are". . . . . You ALWAYS COME FIRST!!!!
My husband is just one example. NA SO ALL OF DEM BE. From my PAPA, to my uncles, to my brothers. . . . . NAME HIM!
Even when they are FAITHFUL, they are even more CANTAKEROUS AND GRUMPY!!!
Very restless and nomadic!

As for what a black man KIN DO to stop this boredom disease? THEY SHOULD LEARN TO KEEP THEIR PANTS DOWN, and pay attention to their marriages. SEX IS NEITHER FOOD NOR LOVE, so no need to treat it as such!
A polygamous, emotional NOMAD can NEVER have a consolidated emotional fortress in more than one woman breeding children here, there and yonder!!!
Love does not have division of labor!
STOP POLYGAMY!!!

Tubaba na TYPICAL NIGERIAN MAN!!! Annie IDIBIA dey deceive herself . . . . And she go so taya ke!

Ova to you! Work don close. Time to go wash nyansh!

OK. Lessons learnt!

donpeey22:
OK. Lessons learnt!

Good boy!
Happy "new month" my pipo.
Happy Soinday!
Tinnne for work!

Someone seems to be watching too many Hollywood movies and she seems to be taking perspective on such way of life.

All marriages, whether na inter racial or black -black have their own challenges. it just depends on the two participating partners to look for a way to mitigate things and find a way of making their lives much more interesting.

Love(marriage) has two primary stages. The intense rush
(dopamine) which lasts 1-1.5 years is the first. You'll never keep that stage with anyone, it's not you or them it's just how human biology works.

The second stage is a bonded partnership (seratonin), and although it will never be as intense as the first stages it can be very comfortably romantic. It still takes work and communication from both partners, but it's very possible.

Question is, what have you done as a lady to improve things. It takes two to tango but all I see here is heaping blames on just one gender as the harbinger of the boring nature of most marriages and that a different species does a better job. "It's always greener on the other part."


Good luck in your extra marital affairs. Na those girls wey go put their mind for this one sided talk and believe it's the gospel truth na im I pity pass. Take her talk with a grain of salt and work on your marriages. Your marriages are what you make it to be.

there comes a time... I just hope am wrong cus d assumptions about dia..ladies are being proved to be actually koret by wat am seeing in diz thread.

Mgbeketoto which school do you learn your spellings and pronunciations from because they are damn too funny

SAMBARRY:
Mgbeketoto which school do you learn your spellings and pronunciations from because they are damn too funny

The GREAT UNIBEN!

*gosh! I just finished almost a WHOLE chicken and 5 huge croissants!!! My life is love! Chai!!!! I can't breathe or move. GLUTTONY!!!!*

satope1:
Someone seems to be watching too many Hollywood movies and she seems to be taking perspective on such way of life.

All marriages, whether na inter racial or black -black have their own challenges. it just depends on the two participating partners to look for a way to mitigate things and find a way of making their lives much more interesting.

Love(marriage) has two primary stages. The intense rush
(dopamine) which lasts 1-1.5 years is the first. You'll never keep that stage with anyone, it's not you or them it's just how human biology works.

The second stage is a bonded partnership (seratonin), and although it will never be as intense as the first stages it can be very comfortably romantic. It still takes work and communication from both partners, but it's very possible.

Question is, what have you done as a lady to improve things. It takes two to tango but all I see here is heaping blames on just one gender as the harbinger of the boring nature of most marriages and that a different species does a better job. "It's always greener on the other part."


Good luck in your extra marital affairs. Na those girls wey go put their mind for this one sided talk and believe it's the gospel truth na im I pity pass. Take her talk with a grain of salt and work on your marriages. Your marriages are what you make it to be.

Hmmmmmmm
Na my opinion I give o!
I nor tell any barry to take an TAKE DO BIBLE OR KORAN!

Shior!

https://www.nairaland.com/788678/married-5-years-partner-hardly


Still on the MATA!

mgbeketoto:
I just remembered I have an anniversary coming up. . . .and damn!
Still some boring shyte!
Do you have a mate or a SOUL MATE?

I have a MATE!

All my soul mates are OUTSIDE the marriage o!
The moment I marry them. . . they become mates without souls!
All we do is 'mate' and sleep!
You can NEVER SPICE up an old marriage!

You can only manage!

I LOOOOOOOOOVE THE CERTIFICATE!!!!!
Not the marriage!
I don't think it matters WHO it is.
When it comes to marriage. . . .there is no perfect fit!

If you can manage. . . . and avoid divorce, PRAISE YOUR LORD!
It means you are succeeding!
You can NEVER SPICE UP A NIGERIAN OR AFRICAN MARRIAGE!

Yes oo, I know what you mean, it's an endless cycle of cooking cleaning, wiping pooeybums and snotty noses. Endless washing and food and clothes shopping for the kids, endless drudgery. I need a slave .

The endless cooking, breakfast lunch dinner, they cannot do without 1 meal. When hubby is not here I can just have toast for brekkie then microwaved meal for lunch and cooked meal for dinner. When he is here u have to be cooking endless various indigenous dishes, spending hours in the kitchen.

Then I guess I'm too old and knackered cos sex makes my body ache now and I can now do with out it . I am just tired . I cannot wait for my twins to grow up. NO MORE KIDS!. Some days I dream of breaking my leg, then I will be admitted to hospital and they will bring me food and I'll watch telly all day whist someone else looks after the kids . Just that I can't gather up enough courage to fall down the stairs, by accident on purpose, it is well