ileobatojo:


Lostmermaid, what happens if you discover unequivocally that the babymama is as bad as you were told. What then?

Well I'm not the same person as my mum.

Noone is.

If baby mama is bad, she might influence, or might not (cause she's living with another man now; the stepdad) yet, that doesn't mean the child will be bad too.

People adopt kids... without knowing who their mum is. Could be any woman. Could be the most evil woman. But the kid is a different person and they reflect what you give them anyway.

If you give them criticism; they will become criticising; if you give them love, they will become more loving....

So even if it's 100% that the mother is evil; it's not how the child will be too.

LostMermaid:


2. and 3. is actually highly relevant to what I heard about the baby mama. I was saying baby mama might influence the kid, and then the kid might affect the happiness in the family in a negative way. It's definately based on thinking this baby mama is a tricky woman who also cheated on her partner; someone with bad personality; so therefore might influence the child.


About 3; these feelings mainly emerged from thinking she TRICKED him into it. So even though he never wanted that; based on what I heard about her; she FORCED him to create a child together and have such a bond.

If it was his previous marriage and everything happened in its natural way but then their love faded and that's how they fell apart; I wouldn't be having these feelings...

I'm more OK with it now though.

Yet I'm surprised how you could think these are MY INNER THOUGHTS that were not triggered by what I heard about baby mama. It's clear they are!

No they are not!

Now tell me what justifies the thoughts below? Why do you think your man should love his daughter less than he loves your own? They are all his blood, ain't they? If the man who was hurt by the ex is loving his daughter like a true father should and you have issues with it, dont you realise you got deeper issues and calling the mother a slut or whatever is just your own way of justifying the ill feelings you have towards the girl?

[quote author]since he loves
me so much and wants to spend rest of his life
with me, since I'm the woman he's in love with;
then if he makes a child with me, he should love
that child more. More than the one he made with a
slutty ex by accident, who is still behaving in an
evil way. [/quote][/b]


Sorry, I can't dig up more post from you but like I said earlier, it is strictly your decision to stay or leave but your thinking that any external person is going to teach you how to love that girl is a waste of time. Loving a stepchild takes grace and its either you have the grace or you don't. You clearly don't!

I sincerely wish you all the best though!

LostMermaid:


Not everyone is judging I've read plenty of comments that are written with understanding and a positive, productive attitude. AND;

THANKS TO THEM;

I changed my view on the baby mama.

Also added a note on this on the main post, saying it was wrong to view her bad, based on what he told me, as it's past time; and noone can tell 100% what really happened.

I think you didn't read many things; and you based your comment on a few things you came across on the main post making quickly a judgement.

'


sweetie, this is about you, not anyone you mentioned, including the baby mama.

you showed your character by your posts, that is what people were commenting on.

you "were reading comments written with understanding and a productive, positive attitude" which you yourself lack and never displayed during your entire write ups since last year, and you feel you'll suddenly develop whatever attitudes you are referring to, like magic?

or is this your way of telling us you are trolling.

i find it strange you are commending attitudes you yourself did not think of displaying.

LostMermaid:



"VALIDATION FOR EVIL FEELINGS"

FOR GOD'S SAKE, I SAID I WAS BOTHERED BY THESE THOUGHTS HOW ON EARTH DOES THAT SOUND LIKE LOOKING FOR VALIDATION TO YOU?

IF YOU REFUSE TO UNDERSTAND MY INTENTION WAS TO FIX THESE THOUGHTS; AND THEY DO NOT REFLECT MY BEHAVIOR OR ACTIONS; IT'S YOU WHO IS EVIL THEN. AND WHAT'S WORSE. YOU AREN'T AWARE OF IT.

ACTING ALL LIKE AN ANGEL AND SAINT, COMING AND ACCUSING ME, WHEN I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG, AND HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS TO REPLACE WHAT I THINK WITH POSITIVE THOUGHTS, CONGRATULATIONS, NOW THAT YOU HAVE ACCUSED ME, IGNORING COMPLETELY LOTS OF OTHER PERSPECTIVES TO IT; DO YOU FEEL LIKE A BETTER PERSON?

I BET YOUR HEART IS FILLED WITH LOVE AND TOLERANCE.

.....NOT!!!!!!!!

[size=18pt]Go and find another man
Do you want me to say it in Igbo or whatever language you speak?[/size]
Find someone else
This man is not the will of God for you
I am now speaking prophetically

LostMermaid:


How many times did I write I am not proud of these thoughts and I want to CHANGE these "thoughts (and thoughts are not always equal to actions!). And I DO have a lovely relationship with the kid. AND I treated the baby mama politely. and etc. etc. etc. Did you bump your head somewhere hard when you were a child? Cause I suspect you understand what you read properly.

OR;

That child is innocent yes you are right; but you are not.

Don't reflect your twisted psychology and hate on your own stepmom on me.

LIAR. YOU said the baby mama is a slut. how polite could you have been? you schizophrenic human being. Dont ever quote me again. if you end up in that man house, treat that child like your blood and get over the baby mama or else na hypertension go kill you.

Again have you checked your BP today ?

REMEMBER not to quote me again because my next reply back at you will be disastrous.

Kimoni:


No they are not!

Now tell me what justifies the thoughts below? Why do you think your man should love his daughter less than he loves your own? They are all his blood, ain't they? If the man who was hurt by the ex is loving his daughter like a true father should and you have issues with it, dont you realise you got deeper issues and calling the mother a slut or whatever is just your own way of justifying the ill feelings you have towards the girl?

[quote author]since he loves
me so much and wants to spend rest of his life
with me, since I'm the woman he's in love with;
then if he makes a child with me, he should love
that child more. More than the one he made with a
slutty ex by accident, who is still behaving in an
evil way. [/b]


Sorry, I can't dig up more post from you but like I said earlier, it is strictly your decision to stay or leave but your thinking that any external person is going to teach you how to love that girl is a waste of time. Loving a stepchild takes grace and its either you have the grace or you don't. You clearly don't!

I sincerely wish you all the best though!

I said 2 and 3 are related and you go and bring up what I wrote as thought number 1.

Are you doing that on purpose just to seem right, or did you sincerely not pay attention that I said TWO and THREE are related.

I feel like I've been writing in vain; and you don't read it properly; and then come again and write something else, just to prove me wrong.

The things below are clearly related to the thought of baby mama is evil, based on what my man said, and she might influence the kid, hence the kid might influence the whole family;
And also number 3 mainly emerges from the thought that baby mama tricked him -based on what my man told me again- and therefore she doesn't deserve to share such a bond with him.


!!! It's clear to see.

2. I also think, his child with his ex ( 4 now) might influence the children I will have with him in a bad way, if she came living with us. Sometimes I think it might be nice... but sometimes I think she will be an outsider, kind of like a secret agent; not exactly from the family; representing her mother, and maybe sometimes reminding her, or defending her. Kind of like a dark cloud above the happiness of the family. Keeping us from behaving comfortably, or keeping us from just being the family; like for example preventing me from telling my children how I met the love of my life, their father, my future husband, because she might get jealous or something. Lots of things like that.... What do you think about this?

My man said she might put her mother's picture in her own room when she comes living with us, or even a picture of the mother and my man and the child together (as a family!!?!!!) and he said as much as he wouldn't like this, he should be and also I should be ok with this... undecided

3. Sometimes it's also bothering me that she has a part of him... That way she made herself "forever" remaining in his life, that way or the other. In a way, she still has power over him. As if, he, in a way, partially belongs to her. Despite him saying he hates her badly and everything and they don't even have a proper friendly conversation. He is the father of her child. And he's crazy about her (his) child! There's no stronger bond than that! cry cry cry

zeezahbee:
LIAR. YOU said the baby mama is a slut. how polite could you have been? you schizophrenic human being. Dont ever quote me again. if you end p in that man house, treat that child like your blood and get over the baby mama or else na hypertension go kill you.

again have you checked your BP today ?

Yeah I said that cause my man said baby mama cheated on him. I explained why I said that. Is cheating on your partner considered normal in your dictionary

But then, I also added a note on the main post; saying it's wrong to say anything bad about the baby mama(Go check it!!!) because I wasn't there when things happened. So I changed my mind about it. I changed the thought, based on some nice advice from lovely people.

I also asked in one of the posts; what's your description of perfect stepmom specifically; what specific things should she avoid in particular; as I thought you might give useful advice; yet; you didn't bother.

Judging and talking evil must be easier eh.

Thy shalt not judge

I had wanted to delve into her background and growing up to help us ascertain why her thought process was d way it was earlier.

I don't think we can get to d root of the problem by attacking her. She will only be defensive.
In counseling, u must flow with d person in other to be able to hold onto a major factor that makes d person behave or think the way she/he does. (Ur opinion doesn't matter at all.
I repeat, ur opinion doesn't matter at d moment. At least for the sake of that baby gal)
Once u go on condemning, they will withdraw and become defensive.
At times by d time u finish with d person,no need advising d person on what to do again.
They will end up following d right part.

So pls anytime we see a genuine case,lets put sentiments aside and do the right thing which is in depth counseling which is what d person needs(reason for coming online).
Nobody knows it all and I'm happy she is genuine unlike most cases here.

At d end we r doing more harm than good.

LostMermaid:


I said 2 and 3 are related and you go and bring up what I wrote as thought number 1.

Are you doing that on purpose just to seem right, or did you sincerely not pay attention that I said TWO and THREE are related.

I feel like I've been writing in vain; and you don't read it properly; and then come again and write something else, just to prove me wrong.

The things below are clearly related to the thought of baby mama is evil, based on what my man said, and she might influence the kid, hence the kid might influence the whole family;
And also number 3 mainly emerges from the thought that baby mama tricked him -based on what my man told me again- and therefore she doesn't deserve to share such a bond with him.


!!! It's clear to see.

2. I also think, his child with his ex ( 4 now) might influence the children I will have with him in a bad way, if she came living with us. Sometimes I think it might be nice... but sometimes I think she will be an outsider, kind of like a secret agent; not exactly from the family; representing her mother, and maybe sometimes reminding her, or defending her. [/b]Kind of like a dark cloud above the happiness of the family. Keeping us from behaving comfortably, or keeping us from just being the family; like for example preventing me from telling my children how I met the love of my life, their father, my future husband, because she might get jealous or something. Lots of things like that.... What do you think about this?

My man said she might put her mother's picture in her own room when she comes living with us, or even a picture of the mother and my man and the child together (as a family!!?!!!) and he said as much as he wouldn't like this, he should be and also I should be ok with this... undecided

3. Sometimes it's also bothering me that she has a part of him... [b]That way she made herself "forever" remaining in his life, that way or the other. In a way, she still has power over him. As if, he, in a way, partially belongs to her. Despite him saying he hates her badly and everything and they don't even have a proper friendly conversation. He is the father of her child. And he's crazy about her (his) child! There's no stronger bond than that! cry cry cry

I told Aisha I am not bothered about your feelings towards the ex. Time, age and experience will teach you not to believe everything a current partner tells you about an ex (if you don't know that already). Why I dwelt only on that part is that it was ur direct feelings towards the girl without anything to do with the mum.

Anyways, nothing anyone says here is gonna change your mind, especially those which are contrary to what you want to hear. But still, it's okay that we have said them, so it can be a reference point for you in future. All the best darling.

LostMermaid:


Well I'm not the same person as my mum.

Noone is.

If baby mama is bad, she might influence, or might not (cause she's living with another man now; the stepdad) yet, that doesn't mean the child will be bad too.

People adopt kids... without knowing who their mum is. Could be any woman. Could be the most evil woman. But the kid is a different person and they reflect what you give them anyway.

If you give them criticism; they will become criticising; if you give them love, they will become more loving....

So even if it's 100% that the mother is evil; it's not how the child will be too.

You've spent the first how many pages talking about how bad and slutty she is and for that reason the father should not love her as much as he should love the child he has with you. You even managed to convince others that the main problem is that the baby mama is bad. Now you're saying it doesn't really matter whether she's bad, forced him to be a father, cheated etc. So which is it?

If you agree that the treatment of the child shouldn't matter whether the mom is bad or not, then what exactly is the purpose of this thread and why have you spent all this time and energy obsessing about how bad she is?

ileobatojo:


You've spent the first how many pages talking about how bad and slutty she is and for that reason the father should not love her as much as he should love the child he has with you. You even managed to convince others that the main problem is that the baby mama is bad. Now you're saying it doesn't really matter whether she's bad, forced him to be a father, cheated etc. So which is it?

If you agree that the treatment of the child shouldn't matter whether the mom is bad or not, then what exactly is the purpose of this thread and why have you spent all this time and energy obsessing about how bad she is?

I noticed I was influenced by the things I heard about that and I noticed these let the thoughts that I initially shared, start to grow and cross my mind at times.

Purpose of this thread was see other views and see if I could change those negative thoughts in me, that I knew were not good at all and could in the future reflect on my behaviors (god forbid)

So with the help of positive comments from nice people (and not the judging ones) I don't think like that anymore, like how I wrote on the main post and I changed my point of view.


That was my aim.

tpiah99:


crap

as per your entire post- if you have to beg her to not attack the boyfriend's daughter, does that make sense to you?

why dont you beg her to step away from the man since she clearly does not like the idea of his having been with someone else before looking her way?

Like she said, they were her thoughts. THOUGHTS! And even you when faced in tough situations can entertain even very wicked thoughts.

She's with the man. Not you. Aside from this issue, there's no other issue she has mention that is a potential reason for her to jump ship. Sometimes, the advices you give can tell how you understand problems. Its obvious she likes the child. Its only a thought...and she's entitled to it.

What if she came to nairaland to seek for advice on how she'll cope with a man who has a child out of wedlock?

tpiah99:
'


sweetie, this is about you, not anyone you mentioned, including the baby mama.

you showed your character by your posts, that is what people were commenting on.

you "were reading comments written with understanding and a productive, positive attitude" which you yourself lack and never displayed during your entire write ups since last year, and you feel you'll suddenly develop whatever attitudes you are referring to, like magic?

or is this your way of telling us you are trolling.

i find it strange you are commending attitudes you yourself did not think of displaying.

Some people attacked and put nothing positive on here; whereas some people, with better heart or with better mind; or you can say with better character (since you mention it) saw my true intention; and made positive contributions, which resulted in changing my way of thinking about certain things. They helped me replace negative thoughts(that I always mentioned, were BOTHERING me) with more realistic and more positive ones.

I guess, you're trying to say that what I wrote wasn't positive or productive. HELL YEAH, it wasn't. That's why , ONLY more understanding and nicer comments could fix it, or make a difference about it. And they did. (And that was what I came here for!)

Cause you can't solve a problem with the same approach as the problem. If you think what I write is negative, you can't solve it by being negative. You need to be 'better' than a problem or what you see as"bad" etc to solve it. Otherwise you can judge, you can get bitter, you can insult, you can criticise and...

..... All it would do is

NOTHING. no positive difference.

LostMermaid:


I noticed I was influenced by the things I heard about that and I noticed these let the thoughts that I initially shared, start to grow and cross my mind at times.

Purpose of this thread was see other views and see if I could change those negative thoughts in me, that I knew were not good at all and could in the future reflect on my behaviors (god forbid)

So with the help of positive comments from nice people (and not the judging ones) I don't think like that anymore, like how I wrote on the main post and I changed my point of view.


That was my aim.

You may need spiritual help plus some medications to help you with your thoughts
This is beyond nairaland
I kid you not

LostMermaid:


I noticed I was influenced by the things I heard about that and I noticed these let the thoughts that I initially shared, start to grow and cross my mind at times.

Purpose of this thread was see other views and see if I could change those negative thoughts in me, that I knew were not good at all and could in the future reflect on my behaviors (god forbid)

So with the help of positive comments from nice people (and not the judging ones) I don't think like that anymore, like how I wrote on the main post and I changed my point of view.


That was my aim.

So you expect me to believe that nobody in your real life ever told you that your thoughts towards this child were evil? I think you came on nairaland hoping that someone would say that it is not unusual to think that way. You have resentful feelings towards a 4 year old child. How much worse could it get? You might not be a monster but you need to be honest with yourself. Some women can love and raise a child that they did not give birth to like their own. Some cannot. You fall under the category of the "cannot". Don't give yourself and this child a life time of misery. If this father loves this child as much as you say, the truth is that you will not be around too much longer because you can only pretend so much. The man loves his child and let's face it, he replaced the child's mother and can replace you too. His child though is going no where. The child is the fixture here. Your first post was honest but then when it gets broken down, you distance yourself from it. If you were already married to him, I would say something different.

@LostMermaid

Now that you have got many opinions, what are you going to do about your thoughts and feelings and the whole situation?

babyosisi:
.

You are 100% wrong
You should be encouraging her not to marry this man
Let her find a man without a child and there are plenty of them out there
It is the only wise thing to do and the only solution to her problem
Why would you put a child at risk?
Is the welfare of this child not more important than your attempts at making her grow some love which may or may not happen
And even if it happens any wrong move from this child will trigger the good old resentment she bore from day one
She should love herself enough not to go into a marriage with this much high jump
Love is not enough
Just like women who marry men their parents disapprove quickly find out that love is not enough

No be naija man?
He already knows her very weak spot and the strings he needs to pull to send her over the edge
The man is already manipulating her well!if he gave her a gun to shoot this woman,I am not so sure she wouldn't
All he needs in moments of disagreement is to show some extra love to this girl and her mother and she will jump off a bridge
Why would a young girl put herself in that position?

My point is very simple. It is a THOUGHT! Our minds no matter how holy they can be can entertain these thoughts. She is just showing the traits of JEALOUSY which is evident in EVERY WOMAN including you. She is presented with a case like this and is looking for advice, solution.

How about your husband goes out, brings in a child and tells you that she's his daughter? That in fact he had her before he met you? Or even later in your marriage, what will you do? Though yours is an imaginary scenario, hers is happening for God's sake.

It is people like you who also encourage young ladies to marry their partner even when faced with a child in-between. And more so if the reverse was the case. As in the lady already has a child.

LostMermaid:


Some people attacked and put nothing positive on here; whereas some people, with better heart or with better mind; or you can say with better character (since you mention it) saw my true intention; and made positive contributions, which resulted in changing my way of thinking about certain things. They helped me replace negative thoughts(that I always mentioned, were BOTHERING me) with more realistic and more positive ones.

I guess, you're trying to say that what I wrote wasn't positive or productive. HELL YEAH, it wasn't. That's why , ONLY more understanding and nicer comments could fix it, or make a difference about it. And they did. (And that was what I came here for!)

Cause you can't solve a problem with the same approach as the problem. If you think what I write is negative, you can't solve it by being negative. You need to be 'better' than a problem or what you see as"bad" etc to solve it. Otherwise you can judge, you can get bitter, you can insult, you can criticise and...

..... All it would do is

NOTHING. no positive difference.

This is one problem I have with people offering advice especially Nigerians. Like you said, look for those with nicer attitude.

We tend to confuse hauling strong words with stern and frank statements.

You have a THOUGHT and it is NORMAL; same will happen to your man if the reverse was the case EVERYONE here too. They are your FEARS and its a good thing you're honest and confronting it too! So it behoves on you to trash it or adopt it. Trashing will be the best. I had said before that you should take that child as yours and your life will be beautiful. But if by your personality (you know yourself) you can't cope, you know the best.

LostMermaid:


I noticed I was influenced by the things I heard about that.

Exactly my point. You claim your thoughts toward the child were influenced by what you heard about the baby mama. Now people have told you that what you heard may be wrong, but you have no guarantee of that. So if you find out that it actually was all correct, won't you be back to square one?

Please don't answer, this is a rhetorical question. I can't deal with your going round in circles so I'm throwing in the towel. Good luck to you. And more importantly, good luck to the innocent child caught in all this drama.

soulglo:


So you expect me to believe that nobody in your real life ever told you that your thoughts towards this child were evil? I think you came on nairaland hoping that someone would say that it is not unusual to think that way. You have resentful feelings towards a 4 year old child. How much worse could it get? You might not be a monster but you need to be honest with yourself. Some women can love and raise a child that they did not give birth to like their own. Some cannot. You fall under the category of the "cannot". Don't give yourself and this child a life time of misery. If this father loves this child as much as you say, the truth is that you will not be around too much longer because you can only pretend so much. The man loves his child and let's face it, he replaced the child's mother and can replace you too. His child though is going no where. The child is the fixture here. Your first post was honest but then when it gets broken down, you distance yourself from it. If you were already married to him, I would say something different.

In real life everyone thought I'm the child's real mum, the child's friends also loved me. The child kept calling me mummy, like I mentioned in previous posts, children understand who's sincere and they don't show love without a reason. I told you, I don't have these thoughts in my head all the time. They just crossed my mind and it scared me, because I'm a good person, I wanted to stop them before they grew.

I've been honest with ALL the posts.. You don't know my real name age location or anything, you're just internet people; so I don't need to show myself with a mask; in fact, in real life I don't also wear any masks either. The reason why my recent posts are more positive is that I fixed and replaced most of the negative thoughts.

babyosisi:


You may need spiritual help plus some medications to help you with your thoughts
This is beyond nairaland
I kid you not

You know what is the best medication? An understanding soul offering you sincere advice, without blaming or judgement.

If you will only show understanding and compassion to those you think are faultless; yes it's easy to love them, but what's great about your heart then?

You didn't do that with me but, next time you think someone is horribly wrong, especially if they're ready to listen and have the courage to change, try a positive approach. Then, you can create a change.

I know you weren't much understanding, and chose the easy way (judge) yes but I don't remember exactly what you wrote at all. But I do remember almost every lines of the comments written in a more peaceful, positive approach. That means they made a difference. Bless them.

It's ok though. I didn't write these to say anything bad to you. I just wanted to tell you negative can't beat negative. Darkness can't beat darkness. Light can.

ileobatojo:


Exactly my point. You claim your thoughts toward the child were influenced by what you heard about the baby mama. Now people have told you that what you heard may be wrong, but you have no guarantee of that. So if you find out that it actually was all correct, won't you be back to square one?

Please don't answer, this is a rhetorical question. I can't deal with your going round in circles so I'm throwing in the towel. Good luck to you. And more importantly, good luck to the innocent child caught in all this drama.

I already answered that question in one of the previous posts.

So I see no harm in repeating. I said, I'm not the same person as my mum; so that child isn't either. If I find out it's true all those things about the ex, it's ok. You might adopt a child and their mum could be anything.

The innocent child you try to portray as the victim keeps calling me mummy whenever she sees me. I stated many times that my behavior towards her has always been positive and loving.

That's why when these thoughts crossed my mind, it scared me, and I thought I should fix it.

Why do you act like you never never ever had some temporary thoughts which you then knew, are not good, and told yourself to change them?

Are you claiming that since 20 something, 30 something or maybe 40 something years each and every thought that has ever crossed your mind made you proud and feel like a saint?

5minsmadness:
Oh for goodness sake!
The hypocrisy and self-righteousness on this thread is utterly disgusting!
The lady simply poured out her heart, how she feels and is looking for a listening ear, NOT JUDGEMENT!

Those ladies above me prattling their mouths and behaving like mother Theresa should swear on amadioha's shrine that the same.thoughts won't cross their minds if they were to be in the same ladies shoes! Haba.
She is looking for help, not condemnation. Some already calling her evil stepmother.

Family section indeed!

You know this bro? So many hypocrites in this section. That's why I hardly visit here. Ewwwwwwwww.

What's with nlers and trying to load people on guilt trips?

After all this "aroye" caused and started by the op, I can't believe s/he is still here tryna dump her bad behaviour and arrogant mindset on those who are advising her so her life can be better.


Because people are not joining you to hate on your boyfriend's baby, they're suddenly the bad ones?

That's twisted, get help and stop prolonging the thread unnecessarily.

kaboninc:


Like she said, they were her thoughts. THOUGHTS! And even you when faced in tough situations can entertain even very wicked thoughts.

She's with the man. Not you. Aside from this issue, there's no other issue she has mention that is a potential reason for her to jump ship. Sometimes, the advices you give can tell how you understand problems. Its obvious she likes the child. Its only a thought...and she's entitled to it.

What if she came to nairaland to seek for advice on how she'll cope with a man who has a child out of wedlock?

Aunty, the boyfriend in question already has a child out of wedlock, maybe you jumped on the thread without knowing what its about.

The op's dilemma and misplaced anger are because she is not the baby mama ( she did not trick him on time), and so, she wants the baby out of the way so there will be no competition for the boyfriend's attention.

Sounds rather psycho to me but you folks to your own.

tpiah99:


Aunty, the boyfriend in question already has a child out of wedlock, maybe you jumped on the thread without knowing what its about.

The op's dilemma and misplaced anger are because she is not the baby mama ( she did not trick him on time), and so, she wants the baby out of the way so there will be no competition for the boyfriend's attention.

Sounds rather psycho to me but you folks to your own.

Am very sure you didn't read the OP. And if you did, you didn't understand. But if you do, then tell me, do you sometimes have NEGATIVE RANDOM THOUGHTS?

tpiah99:
What's with nlers and trying to load people on guilt trips?

After all this "aroye" caused and started by the op, I can't believe s/he is still here tryna dump her bad behaviour and arrogant mindset on those who are advising her so her life can be better.


Because people are not joining you to hate on your boyfriend's baby, they're suddenly the bad ones?

That's twisted, get help and stop prolonging the thread unnecessarily.

What's twisted is, you can't make a distinction between "a thought" vs "behavior". I said I had these thoughts, also said I was bothered by them and want to change them. This is NOT a bad behavior. This is a SELF-AWARE and GOOD behavior.

I thanked to many comment writers here; which of them "joined me to hate the boyfriends baby" for God's sake? Do you even know what you saying? Not to mention I said I like the child, a million times. And the child likes me back. ETC ETC ETC. Why you then go on and talk about hate? It's you then who is full of hate!

I'm sorry but if you still can't understand what's going on after all these explanations, I will leave you in your world of limited perception and abundant judgement.

kaboninc:


Am very sure you didn't read the OP. And if you did, you didn't understand. But if you do, then tell me, do you sometimes have NEGATIVE RANDOM THOUGHTS?

Seems like it's only me who has some,at times, and everyone else is Jesus Christ.

Well at least I'm confronting these thoughts, and trying to make them all go away. I thought all humans had an angel and also a devil side deep within them, and I've been trying to silence the devil; to bring out the angel, yet all I'm getting is judgement and blame.

LostMermaid:


What's twisted is, you can't make a distinction between "a thought" vs "behavior". I said I had these thoughts, also said I was bothered by them and want to change them. This is NOT a bad behavior. This is a SELF-AWARE and GOOD behavior.

I thanked to many comment writers here; which of them "joined me to hate the boyfriends baby" for God's sake? Do you even know what you saying? Not to mention I said I like the child, a million times. And the child likes me back. ETC ETC ETC. Why you then go on and talk about hate? It's you then who is full of hate!

I'm sorry but if you still can't understand what's going on after all these explanations, I will leave you in your world of limited perception and abundant judgement.

You better get used to it
One of the biggest challanges of being a step mum is having to justify everything you do and being called evil by most people.

LostMermaid:

I see you're spending so much of your time trying to prove to these people who already have their mind make up about you and your cause. And it is not working!

Biko, leave them. With the information you've supplied, anyone who wants to genuinely help will do.

LostMermaid:


Seems like it's only me who has some,at times, and everyone else is Jesus Christ.

Well at least I'm confronting these thoughts, and trying to make them all go away. I thought all humans had an angel and also a devil side deep within them, and I've been trying to silence the devil; to bring out the angel, yet all I'm getting is judgement and blame.

Don't mind these saints!

Sometimes, I silence my mind and realise that some thoughts can actually come in. And I'll entertain it too. Other times, I engineer these thoughts. It happens to everyone.

That is a major problem with the cracked foundation of our society.