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She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. - Family (5) - Nairaland

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Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Nobody: 7:10pm On Feb 13, 2015
Nekwa onu ya nekwa privacy! nonsense!

Go and bring back your wife and explain things with her...that's if you care...

1 Like

Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by ocelot2006(m): 7:12pm On Feb 13, 2015
Melahou:
Its obvious she has seen something damaging so defending yourself is out of it
cos its glaring...
she`s your wife for Christ sake...that you dont check her phone does not mean
she cant check yours especially when you have created room for suspicious...

ask for forgive and tell her you wont "misbehave again"

Bros, no offence intended with this question, but are you married?

Anyway, I've seen cases similar to this, and they all tend to occur at the early stages of marriages. In a particular case of a newly wedded couple I personally witnessed, the new wife angrily left home back to her parents' home cos of some mild issh between her and a hubby. The hubby, a young gentleman, never ran after her but simply told his father - in - law that if his wife refused to come home, then she was free to stay back with her parents. It was even her own that chased her back home and chastised the young lady for not taking time to sit down and iron out the misunderstanding with her hubby. Anyway, 2 years down the line, they're now both very happy as they now fully understand each other.

@ OP, my advise is that you relax. She'll come home when she's done venting. Then you guys need to sit down and talk. With respect to her going thru your phone, well I equally allow my wife go thru mine. It is not password protected and I do so to put her mind at ease just in case she's having funny thoughts about me. But her smashing the phone out of anger is a big NO NO.
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Nobody: 7:14pm On Feb 13, 2015
Smh at most of the comments. One sided ish

First his wife had no reason smashing her phones and that shows she has anger management issues. For goodness sake it could be ur head tomorrow. And then moving out of the house is completely unacceptable

Second, u have no right to say she won't be coming back. It only proves that you r either tired of the marriage n want out and she just gave u a cheap reason to

Third to address the issue of people saying there should be no privacy in marriage. For pete's sake everyone is entitled to their privacy and yes even in marriage. Some things are just better left in secret. You don't go searching 4 trouble where there's none.
If any of the partner so love and cherish the other as much as respect them. They discuss issues not go haywire on one another. He might have a good reason to not want to share that kind of conversation.
I knew couple's that talking about each others day and other people hitting on them gets the other partner insecure and jealous.

Lastly, I bet my last kobo that most female nairalanders disapproving of the op and supporting the wife take even worse shits from their husbands at home and even end up begging him.
Who's deceiving who?
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Nobody: 7:14pm On Feb 13, 2015
This is no marriage... Wait until you mature before settling down. Mba!







Very littlelun....
I'm not married anyway but I would never beg a man who cheated on me... I fit kill am sef nonsense!
If there should be privacy in marriage then I don't see how they are one body.
Smashing phone is wrong Ko!
Op wetin you do why dem smash your phone? You for talk am ni...
Dem for smash your head, you even get Luck sef... Ana akogheri.
O
Aw! Don't mind me am just 15..but dis kind story dem de vex me no be small
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Nobody: 7:14pm On Feb 13, 2015
Closetoheart:
Forgiveness is a choice. My husband cheated on me with his long time gf barely two months into our marriage. I saw the messages... I wanted to commit suicide. I was pregnant at that time. I felt abused, disappointed and bad. He apologised and I forgave him. Eight months later, I saw him send his unclad picture to the same girl. I threatened to pack out of the house, he apologised again, and promised not to do it again.

Now, you know what? I don't care any more. Whether he is still seeing the girl or not is his problem. He is answerable to God. He is a xtian, he ministers in church now. So if he still indulges in such acts, he will have God to answer to.

Do you why I kept on forgiving him? Because he apologised. It still pains me, but I have promised myself that the forgiveness will stand, and I will continue to forgive him, even if he does something worse. Because I cannot continue to bear grudge in my heart. I want to make heaven.

The best I can do is to be wise. When I say being wise, it means protecting myself and my children from whatever inactions or actions of their dad that might want to cause harm to us.

I came across your post.

And I am sorry....but I disagree with you.

First question....why haven't you reported this man to the Church you attend.? If he is ministering....and doing extra-marital affairs....I think it is high time you reported him to the church. The two of you need counselling(and deliverance!).

Second thing....go and get yourself tested for STI'S...especially HIV, Syphillis, PID....even Hepatitis B. Because I am here to tell you that that man will carry all sorts of things from outside and bring them into your house. For your health sake....repeatedly get tested. Even if it is every 3 months.

Third thing....pray really hard. Because you are going to need it. Pray for wisdom and strength.

Fourth...don't assume adultery will not affect your children. As someone who has seen how it can do so in the lives of others.....including one case in a relative that led eventually to the death of one of said relative's child.....adultery will always affect your children. What lesson will your son learn from his father? That it is OK to be a hypocrite.?

Yes....carry on forgiving. Carry on loving. But don't tolerate sin in the christian home....so get your pastor to counsel the two of you. Because when Minister is sinning....God will cut off the blessings from that church.

p.s....Read late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya's book Marriage.

6 Likes

Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Nobody: 7:17pm On Feb 13, 2015
Chidonc:




GOD BLESS U MUMMY

Is that the kind of marriage you want?

Where your wife goes on affairs?

Where you go on affairs and then go to church on sundays to be pillar of the church?

Some of you people......stop tolerating sin in the church!

4 Likes

Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by bukatyne(f): 7:19pm On Feb 13, 2015
AwesomelyMade:
You are a real woman and home maker too!

Because she continually forgives a cheating husband?

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by yebo: 7:21pm On Feb 13, 2015
I dont realy belive in going through by husband phone but when i see signs Just to prove myself right i go through his phone, recently i discovered by husband was chatting with someone and i noticed He was so engross with the chat, something tells me He Is chatting with a lady, i accused him but He denied, so the Next Saturday i went through his phone n i saw a chat with a lady asking m'y husband when He Is going to take him out, aside this He has a female colleage who Is married That enjoys calling m'y husband around 9 pm but m'y husband see nothing wrong with the friendship, i felt so bad n depressed one weekend but i Saïd to myself, why i'm i crying for m'y husband who Is busy enjoying himself, That was how i helped myself, i stopped worrying myself about him, its not worth it , cos if i keep thinking about him n kill myself He Will still remarry so why should i, i dont care anymore.
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Nobody: 7:21pm On Feb 13, 2015
candygosh:
Smh at most of the comments. One sided ish

First his wife had no reason smashing her phones and that shows she has anger management issues. For goodness sake it could be ur head tomorrow. And then moving out of the house is completely unacceptable

Yeah.....so if I was yer husband...and you caught me with a nice young thing in bed...one day after work...and you get angry....I hope no one will say Anger Management!

Second, u have no right to say she won't be coming back. It only proves that you r either tired of the marriage n want out and she just gave u a cheap reason to

True.

Third to address the issue of people saying there should be no privacy in marriage. For pete's sake everyone is entitled to their privacy and yes even in marriage. Some things are just better left in secret. You don't go searching 4 trouble where there's none.
If any of the partner so love and cherish the other as much as respect them. They discuss issues not go haywire on one another. He might have a good reason to not want to share that kind of conversation.
I knew couple's that talking about each others day and other people hitting on them gets the other partner insecure and jealous.

How about trust? How about if privacy is cover for some night fun activites?

Lastly, I bet my last kobo that most female nairalanders disapproving of the op and supporting the wife take even worse shits from their husbands at home and even end up begging him.
Who's deceiving who?

They probably do....but that does not make it right....and we should not be tolerating such stuff!

(Pardon if I sound angry.....but years of treating wives infected with HIV by their devoted husbands has left me less tolerant. I hope I am not that loutish when I tie the knot!)

9 Likes

Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Nobody: 7:23pm On Feb 13, 2015
bukatyne:


Because she continually forgives a cheating husband?



Ask am oo...
Anyway whatever we ask for, we will get.
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by bukatyne(f): 7:24pm On Feb 13, 2015
Optimall:



Ask am oo...
Anyway whatever we ask for, we will get.


Don't mind the guy...

I need to get his definition of a real man cheesy

2 Likes

Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Nobody: 7:26pm On Feb 13, 2015
bukatyne:


Because she continually forgives a cheating husband?

Yes! There is no limt to forgiveness especially a spouse. I'm sure her forgiving spirit is the reason why her home is yet to collapse. She is a woman of honor.

1 Like

Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Gamesmart: 7:27pm On Feb 13, 2015
charles009:
Hey guys,

I got married to my wife last December, we have been living happily. But last night, events took a bitter twist. She woke me up 2.09am today and started raining abuses on me. Be for I could talk, she smashed my phone on the floor.

The question is why is she angry? She read an exchange of sms between me and a certain girl. I stead of her asking questions, she went extreme.

I don't visit her phones and I expect her to do the same. Am still asking how she managed to get the password.

Though she has left the house this morning with some of her baggage, I am determined that I am never going to allow her enter my house again.

Now I ask?? Is it right for her to breach my privacy and get into my phone?


Call her.

Ask her to come over to talk.

When she comes, ask her what the issue is.

Then she will tell you the issue, which for reasoning sake, I will assume is this chat with the girl you talked about.

After she does, ask her to unlock her phone.

Stroll through her BB and whatsapp chats one-by-one (including with girls), then you will see that most women are hypocrites.

She is most likely doing the same. Check conversations with girls because she can store a man's name with a female name.

Even the ones castigating you here are doing the same thing with some male admirer.
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by papaskino(m): 7:27pm On Feb 13, 2015
Courtship is very necessary for a life time investment such as marriage. One shud not plan in marriage rather plan for it. It is wrong for your wife to invade your privacy if you made her understand her limits at 1st an wrong for you to be that careless with such a sensitive issue. You are married to her and not dating so make peace, b careful or better still be faithful to your spouse!!!
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Amhappy(f): 7:29pm On Feb 13, 2015
OP So you want privacy abi. I hope you and your wife wear suit when having sex to express your sweet privacy, anuofia. I know men like you. STDs host.

7 Likes

Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by bukatyne(f): 7:29pm On Feb 13, 2015
Closetoheart:
Forgiveness is a choice. My husband cheated on me with his long time gf barely two months into our marriage. I saw the messages... I wanted to commit suicide. I was pregnant at that time. I felt abused, disappointed and bad. He apologised and I forgave him. Eight months later, I saw him send his unclad picture to the same girl. I threatened to pack out of the house, he apologised again, and promised not to do it again.

Now, you know what? I don't care any more. Whether he is still seeing the girl or not is his problem. He is answerable to God. He is a xtian, he ministers in church now. So if he still indulges in such acts, he will have God to answer to.

Do you why I kept on forgiving him? Because he apologised. It still pains me, but I have promised myself that the forgiveness will stand, and I will continue to forgive him, even if he does something worse. Because I cannot continue to bear grudge in my heart. I want to make heaven.

The best I can do is to be wise. When I say being wise, it means protecting myself and my children from whatever inactions or actions of their dad that might want to cause harm to us.
.
Please If your husband is truly a minister (although not a Christian), report him to the church authorities...

He is polluting the altar and heaping curses on himself.

It would also be a disaster If he lays his unholy hands on the congregation

1 Like

Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Odunharry(m): 7:30pm On Feb 13, 2015
candygosh:
Smh at most of the comments. One sided ish

First his wife had no reason smashing her phones and that shows she has anger management issues. For goodness sake it could be ur head tomorrow. And then moving out of the house is completely unacceptable

Second, u have no right to say she won't be coming back. It only proves that you r either tired of the marriage n want out and she just gave u a cheap reason to

Third to address the issue of people saying there should be no privacy in marriage. For pete's sake everyone is entitled to their privacy and yes even in marriage. Some things are just better left in secret. You don't go searching 4 trouble where there's none.
If any of the partner so love and cherish the other as much as respect them. They discuss issues not go haywire on one another. He might have a good reason to not want to share that kind of conversation.
I knew couple's that talking about each others day and other people hitting on them gets the other partner insecure and jealous.

Lastly, I bet my last kobo that most female nairalanders disapproving of the op and supporting the wife take even worse shits from their husbands at home and even end up begging him.
Who's deceiving who?
lol....
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by babygirlfl: 7:31pm On Feb 13, 2015
bushdoc9919:


Yeah.....so if I was yer husband...and you caught me with a nice young thing in bed...one day after work...and you get angry....I hope no one will say Anger Management!



True.



How about trust? How about if privacy is cover for some night fun activites?



They probably do....but that does not make it right....and we should not be tolerating such stuff!

(Pardon if I sound angry.....but years of treating wives infected with HIV by their devoted husbands has left me less tolerant. I hope I am not that loutish when I tie the knot!)

@ coloured, I hope these women learn.

3 Likes

Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by bukatyne(f): 7:32pm On Feb 13, 2015
AwesomelyMade:
Yes! There is no limt to forgiveness especially a spouse. I'm sure her forgiving spirit is the reason why her home is yet to collapse. She is a woman of honor.

Interesting

Who is a man of honor?

4 Likes

Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Nobody: 7:32pm On Feb 13, 2015
bukatyne:



Don't mind the guy...

I need to get his definition of a real man cheesy


cheesy cheesy cheesy grin
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Nobody: 7:32pm On Feb 13, 2015
bushdoc9919:


Yeah.....so if I was yer husband...and you caught me with a nice young thing in bed...one day after work...and you get angry....I hope no one will say Anger Management!



True.



How about trust? How about if privacy is cover for some night fun activites?



They probably do....but that does not make it right....and we should not be tolerating such stuff!

(Pardon if I sound angry.....but years of treating wives infected with HIV by their devoted husbands has left me less tolerant. I hope I am not that loutish when I tie the knot!)
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Nobody: 7:39pm On Feb 13, 2015
bushdoc9919:


Yeah.....so if I was yer husband...and you caught me with a nice young thing in bed...one day after work...and you get angry....I hope no one will say Anger Management!


True.


How about trust? How about if privacy is cover for some night fun activites?


They probably do....but that does not make it right....and we should not be tolerating such stuff!

(Pardon if I sound angry.....but years of treating wives infected with HIV by their devoted husbands has left me less tolerant. I hope I am not that loutish when I tie the knot!)

Lol. If you were my husband to be really honest I would just retreat jejely. One thing I have learnt in life is that violence is not a solution. After violence the problem still lingers. You know how they say the gentle strides of a lion is not a sign of cowardice. In fact, if I don't talk about it he will bring it up eventually except he's 'evil'
There has to be something I'm not doing right to make u cheat on me and let's be realistic marriage is overrated. It's my belief that at some point people want to try out new thing. If I'm not at fault n he's just an unrepentant cheat then I'd leave. It's not like I'm super glued there.
Beside, women need to keep praying 4 their husbands to resist temptations cos the single ladies out there aren't smiling.
About anger management what if she smashed the fone now and bits of it gets into her throat accidentally and makes her choke to death. Anger solves nothing it only makes it worse.
Even if her actions 4 leaving were found to be right due to the issues at that moment she would still be castigated of they eventually meet a councellor.

Ok what about a man who cheats so well that the wife doesn't know. If he delete his conversations and call logs nko?
Lots of men have Wierd fantasies I have always said that on this forum. When things go wrong people should ask themselves question? Some men are just not going to talk about it while some would. Just like the thread of the lamenting housewife that her husband want her to swallow his c.um

Marriage is a complex thing and before we delve into it lots of thinking should be done and boundaries should be discussed.


And I'm not saying women should tolerate cheating husbands. I'm just advocating that before we criticise we should do it without sentiments.

1 Like

Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by yebo: 7:40pm On Feb 13, 2015
soulglo:


Do you really need to ask LOL

He is not ready to fix the problem. He wants someone to tell him that his wife is the devil for looking through his phone.

OP you need to grow up. Your wife might be wrong for searching through your phone but that is the smaller issue here. The fact that you have refused to take responsibility for anything is very telling. You will not even admit that you have been whoring yourself out. You either think that the people you are hoping to get responses from are fools or that you truly feel that you have the right to do whatever you want to and take no responsibility. In either case you would be wrong.
I am willing to bet that you have been playing games for a while and when confronted you have lied through your teeth and she finally guessed the password probably from weeks or maybe even months of trying. Some women go crazy just trying to prove that they are not imagining things when their husbands are cheating. So now she has the proof and you cannot lie anymore and what do you do? You come one nairaland and gloss over what she saw and focus on the part were she went looking in your phone.
Looking through your phone is wrong but that is not the real issue here.
honestly i so Much love your comment, You have Saïd it all, i told m'y husband That ces cheating on me but He denied but Just to prove it i went through hes phone n i saw his chat with a lady, asking m'y husband to take hip out That she Is bored at home
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Nobody: 7:41pm On Feb 13, 2015
Odunharry:

lol....

undecided inhaled laughing gas? tongue
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by kenx1(m): 7:41pm On Feb 13, 2015
wetin married man dey chat with all these underage.. we men sha sad

1 Like

Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by bbjummy: 7:43pm On Feb 13, 2015
Melahou:
Its obvious she has seen something damaging so defending yourself is out of it
cos its glaring...
she`s your wife for Christ sake...that you dont check her phone does not mean
she cant check yours especially when you have created room for suspicious...

ask for forgive and tell her you wont "misbehave again"
kiss wow! Sweet point. I love you for that jare. Doff my fila oh! Fula oh! I mean cap for you
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Blitz888(m): 7:44pm On Feb 13, 2015
MizMyColi:

Passworded Phone Which She Can't Have Access To and They're Married? Like Really Married, Not Contract or Arrangee Married?
I don't gerrit, why?
Is she overly sensitive and largely insecure? But even at that..............

Call me overly idealistic o, but You see,
This is why I will not decide to live forever with a person who consciously chooses to underplay these principles.
Openness
Sincerity
Trust
&
Selflessness


Wife may have gone too far by being violent, but I shudder to think what I'd do if I were in her shoes, of course, that's depending on the enormity of expose on the SMS(es).

It hurts to give your all to a person and watch them treat it as thrash.
this same principles you mentioned above were the very same principles I lavishly bestowed on my Ex and she didn't just rubbish it but took it that I was weak. I can never thread that path again.
Back to topic!
Op, its your wife we're talking about here and not a gf. You must have really effed up big time.. Apologize to her with a promise never to do such again.

I used to be an advocate of 'full disclosure' in rship but I am gradually beginning to review that stand cos experience has thought me to.
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Nobody: 7:46pm On Feb 13, 2015
bukatyne:


Interesting

Who is a man of honor?
Good question!

But that's a topic for another day. Maybe you can start a thread on that so that we trash it out.

What do you think?smiley
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by bbjummy: 7:47pm On Feb 13, 2015
elantraceey:
You are married not dating !!!!!! Should there really be such privacy and secrets in marriage?


I can't imagine dating someone that i can't go through his phone not to talk of getting married to one. undecided

What was the chat like? Why am i even asking ? What kind of chat will infuriate a wife like that? undecided


And you could still get angry undecided



lemme stop joor angry
No pls, tell him more. He needs to learn. Men and their stupid excuses. waayo people.
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Onegai(f): 7:48pm On Feb 13, 2015
yebo:

honestly i so Much love your comment, You have Saïd it all, i told m'y husband That ces cheating on me but He denied but Just to prove it i went through hes phone n i saw his chat with a lady, asking m'y husband to take hip out That she Is bored at home

Hian, relax your mind, give it some months. Start looking pretty and wearing red pant and bra. Start cooking your hubby delicious meals. There are plenty men out there who wanna take you out (and you can come home even more relaxed grin)

Na wa o. OP, less than 4 months. Please send her bride price back, you don't deserve to be married.

1 Like

Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Chidonc(m): 7:49pm On Feb 13, 2015
bushdoc9919:


Is that the kind of marriage you want?

Where your wife goes on affairs?

Where you go on affairs and then go to church on sundays to be pillar of the church?

Some of you people......stop tolerating sin in the church!

In as much as nobody wants dat kind of marriage but it takes a lot of maturity 4 her 2 have kip her calm and always reasoned b4 she takes any actions, remember 2 wrongs never makes a right, am sure dat sooner or leta, her hubby will realise d kind of woman God has blessed him wit and come around, dats why I will still say 2 her GOD bless u ma
Re: She Went To My Phone, Now She Is Threatening A Divorce. by Nobody: 7:51pm On Feb 13, 2015
Your wife has no right to pry into your privacy which is your phone. Should she access your phone without your consent, she must bear the consequences.

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