Obike10:
If there is trust between you two. No need for monitor........

Does having trust prevent infidelity?

Okay here s what I will say concerning this topic ..... You can monitor but don't ask questions ,don't get angry ... All you have to have in mind is that ..all women on earth tends to cheat and that's how's it will forever be ..everybody likes to try new thing . All you just have to do is ask yourself a question , why is she doing it ? If you see her receiving a lot of txt messages , then start sending her txt messages more , if she chats with a lot of guys on social .... Then you start to do more ... Whichever way you think she's cheating , go ahead and fill the space .... DO ALL THESE if you know YOU REALLY want to MARRY HER ! Nobody can satisfy a woman in this world ..if you think you are handsome ...she sees many guys more handsome than you everyday , if it's money you have ...some more rich guy ask her out everyday ... So all you can do is to try your best to fill in all space you think your woman can fall out ! Thanks

Did you say right?...... Well in my opinion it is right for those that are insecured...

Twaci:
The topic says it all, do u think it is right to monitor your partner?

By monitor, I mean; always checking his/her phone, making sure you know ALL of his/her friends, always noting every activity carried out by him/her on all their social sites (e.g Nairaland, facebook, twitter, IG...), and so on.

I have my opinion on this but need to hear yours. Let's talk.

Good morning.

Monitoring is distrust and that can destroy the relationship if there is any need for complains, let your partner know ASAP

Reading comments and learning

rokiatu:
Nope...Infact I don't even answer my man phone, even in his absence. He on the other hand, na different story.

You don't do that because you are confident that you can satisfy him, he on the other hand knows your value and is therefore insecured because he knows that bad boys full town ready to steal you from him

If you does that, the result is breakup or die.

Twaci:
The topic says it all, do u think it is right to monitor your partner?

By monitor, I mean; always checking his/her phone, making sure you know ALL of his/her friends, always noting every activity carried out by him/her on all their social sites (e.g Nairaland, facebook, twitter, IG...), and so on.

I have my opinion on this but need to hear yours. Let's talk.

Good morning.

Monitor me, I'll pretend I don't know. But you'll regret.

i nearly break leg because of monitorin. Since then, i ceased to act foolishly. If i narate my ordeal here u'll get mad with laugh. Monitor at ur own PERIl.

rokiatu:
Nope...Infact I don't even answer my man phone, even in his absence. He on the other hand, na different story.

for this kind Ass-et wey you carry if I b your man I go turn monitoring spirit o..that package na investment o

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It's not right to do so, but if ur mind is filled with suspicion it's necessary especially when u are considering him / her to tie knot with u in the future! to me no man would stand a cheating wife. Always follow ur heart, but don't forget to go along with ur brain.

Lizabeth25:
You are wrong..! Smart girls will never keep text messages that will implicate them on their phones. They delete them the moment they read them!

A guy who feels insecure goes around monitoring his babe and that makes him a dog.!

The reason is this, guys prefer a lady who already has plenty/many suitors. Then you join the queue in wooing her. The moment you win her, do you think others will back out? They will want to see d methods you used in winning her and they re-package and re-brand themselves and perform better than you. She gives in to the guy and double/triple date una.!

She wouldn't want to lose both of you. She shuttle from his place to yours. The moment she leaves his place, she changes his name to a female name on her phone and even call him in your present if she's smart just to check on him.

So, guys should stop forming as if they know ladies like the back of their hand!

Mtcheeeeeeeew!!!

Like I said snooping is not something that should be done everytime. Just Once in while so that you do not get fooled into thinking that you're with someone who has already starting playing games outside.

Anybody that goes around monitoring their girlfriend is Jobless but that doesn't meant you should remain completely oblivious, same with everything that happens in life.

Yes we like a girl that is attractive and has many suitors, it's normal if the girl is of high value or great beauty but we love even more, girls that are self controlled, loyal and who do not go around like female dogs from one man's house to another.

On a final note, there is always a window of error. The girl in not a robot. No matter how smart she is there must be a slip up somewhere. In fact it is even the smartest that are the most prone to make the simplest of mistakes. There are too many signs for you to see to know that the girl is no longer exclusively yours, signs that can not be hidden.

Then it's time to exit.

Yes we do know the Ladies patterns like the back of our hand. So stop acting pained and start acting responsible.

Lol......acting responsible ke..?


Have always been responsible.! I am just letting know that there are still things guys don't know about girls.

#No offense about my comment#

WackyJ1:




Like I said snooping is not something that should be done everytime. Just Once in while so that you do not get fooled into thinking that you're with someone who has already starting playing games outside.

Anybody that goes around monitoring their girlfriend is Jobless but that doesn't meant you should remain completely oblivious, same with everything that happens in life.

Yes we like a girl that is attractive and has many suitors, it's normal if the girl is of high value or great beauty but we love even more, girls that are self controlled, loyal and who do not go around like female dogs from one man's house to another.

On a final note, there is always a window of error. The girl in not a robot. No matter how smart she is there must be a slip up somewhere. In fact it is even the smartest that are the most prone to make the simplest of mistakes. There are too many signs for you to see to know that the girl is no longer exclusively yours, signs that can not be hidden.

Then it's time to exit.

Yes we do know the Ladies patterns like the back of our hand. So stop acting pained and start acting responsible.

Why not? Are u not supposed to be best friends? It's only those who are guilty that will say NO. If you have nothing to hide from ur partner, why can't he/she check ur phone? O gaaa o.

By monitor, I think you're talking about something like "stalking". Yeah, that's the right word. To which I say, No! It's not healthy to stalk people, not your partner at least. Most times, it's very destructive, and the pain that comes with it is always sever.

But then it's nice to "monitor" your partners. It's always good to keep a tab on then, watch their back for them. But you don't push it. When you do it too much, you make them look like kids, and nobody enjoys that feeling. We all need a break sometimes.

I think this topic is meant for me cos I do it a lot and I end up getting upset and mad about it. Even after she has explain it all over again, am never satisfied cos my mind keeps flashing back at it again and again. I trust her so much but don't know what to do to stop monitoring her. PLEASE HELP.

phabuloz:
This has cause lots of problems in relationship so I wouldn't advise any1 to indulge in it

Just broke up with a lady I was engage with cos of dis. We don't need to do this but there re things u see n u ask ur spouse instead of telling u wat it is she/she piks quarell wat will. One do?now two yrs gone down d drain...

It is suicidal to monitor your partner in HD... Don't even think of it!

naijaboiy:
There is no rule that states whether it's wrong or right.

Sometimes it's just for the good of the relationship not to bother yourself with somethings that will cause damage to it.

But sometimes curiosity may get the better part of us and we'll see ourselves checking his/her phone and messages.

I believe in periodic checking and asking of questions though.

Don't just stay there and be left oblivious of what is going on. It may be very devastating when you finally find out.

Trust me.

Nuff said bro!

Who is ur Partner? If i may ask

Controlled monitoring is ok perhaps on quaterly basis. My problem is that relationships brings defenses down such that if you are the type that believe in protected sex getting involved in a so-called relationship builds a dangerous if unnecessary trust that would make you careless about your protection and that would expose you to danger more often than not cos your baby may be some other guys bi tch and most likely so. My advice: Don't get into any serious relationship, see every woman as a LovePeddler by protecting yourself properly before delving into their pit of hell and don't even get married. Instead make babies through contracts which would ensure that before pounding the woman skin-to-skin you would have gone for thorough medical checkup and when you have impregnated her and the baby is born you pay her off and that will be it. But if you are not gonna follow my advice please at least a quaterly monitoring is advisable so you may known when to walk and when to run. But better still see all women as whores and your days will be long!!!

If u don't want to die bf ur time,u beta stop going dere.though men nid to be check smtimes n call to order...lol

francizy:
OP it is right "if and only if" you want to have a heart attack...

Not just heart attack,going gaga is involve too...

This!!!

Dere was a time I was doing dis monitoring stuff,I later realized wat I hv been doing to myself,my relationships always crash.I decided to quit and restrategise...now I dnt care about my partner's messages and all worth not,cos I wnt to live long..

WackyJ1:
I use to do this once, I checked and I saw evidences that broke my heart. I then tried to correct and all that but then she cried for her "privacy".

I wasn't wrong, my only mistake was letting her know what I had found.

Snooping is not a matter of insecurities, mistrust and bla bla bla.
Most times these girls are not to be trusted, they almost always get up to some mischief. They hide it so well that the only way to find out is to see a slip up somewhere in an inbox, whatsapp or BBM.

Checking her messages is not to be done all the time because it results in needless headache.
But it needs to be done once in a while so that you do not get fooled into thinking that you're a relationship of commitment and trust when the girl is playing pranks behind you.

When you check and you find something suspicious and not right, it's not the time to correct, it is the time to reassess. It's not the time to start preaching sermon to the girl but the time to know that that countdown to the end of the relationship is at hand.

You are absolutely correct. Especially the last paragraph- on point!

kinglekan:


Even if there are no rules that state so. Checking of your partners phone call logs, txt msgs, emails, is a total violation of personal space. Everyone has a right to some sort of privacy.

This is not necessarily because he/she is a cheat, but having a mindset that something fishy might be going on is just as close as being paranoid.

I think its a NO NO. The thing is it becomes a habit, you begin to see little things and blow them out of proportion. Sometimes it could be a total misunderstanding. These things could have been avoided if the partner didn't start getting all nosy.

The very fact that you started being suspicious would automatically lead you to find something. (Might be totally not what it seems like, but your mind has been made a detective and would definitely find a fault)

#Just Saying

I think you are a womaniser. The tortoise advised that if you are roasting yam you shoud tie a rope to it and tie it to your waist because if care is not taken it's easy for one man's property to become another man's. So by monitoring you are simply obeying that wise saying above such that anyone who takes you takes your yam or if he takes your yam he takes you as well. And nobody would want that heaache thereby ensuring the safety of you and your yam!

It is lack of trust for monitoring your partner. ok

[size=14pt]........it's not a rule, but it does happen. For the married, the husband has responsibility as head of home to know the state of things.
You must understand that adultery is not rape. It most times is premeditated. Rape is sudden & unexpected. But adultery is not.
In other words, there are steps that lead to adultery which if the other spouse had been more observant would have noticed one or two indicators along the way.
There's nothing wrong flipping through ur spouse's phone sometimes. I have done it about few times in 14yrs of being with a wife.
Had a friend who trusted his wife totally cos he married her as a virgin, so as he told me he totally trusted her i just looked on and nodded though i knew at that particular time she was deeply inlove with anoda man. She later confessed to him and he was shocked to his roots. She was able to overcome the temptation without infidelity, but it was tough.
LESSON:
Never assume the strength of your spouse. Observe and know those hanging around them physically, by calls, texts and email. You have a duty to watch over your home/marriage. Never relax on the assumption that your partner is so strong and that they cannot stray. They can, especially the wives. Remember, no matter how strong a rod is, if you leave it around fire long enough it will bend. So are those loved ones you trust. It's not that they are not trustworthy, but the temptation might overwhelm them. So, help them!
[/size]

pomsky:
[size=14pt]........it's not a rule, but it does happen. For the married, the husband has responsibility as head of home to know the state of things.
You must understand that adultery is not rape. It most times is premeditated. Rape is sudden & unexpected. But adultery is not.
In other words, there are steps that lead to adultery which if the other spouse had been more observant would have noticed one or two indicators along the way.
There's nothing wrong flipping through ur spouse's phone sometimes. I have done it about few times in 14yrs of being with a wife.
Had a friend who trusted his wife totally cos he married her as a virgin, so as he told me he totally trusted her i just looked on and nodded though i knew at that particular time she was deeply inlove with anoda man. She later confessed to him and he was shocked to his roots. She was able to overcome the temptation without infidelity, but it was tough.
LESSON:
Never assume the strength of your spouse. Observe and know those hanging around them physically, by calls, texts and email. You have a duty to watch over your home/marriage. Never relax on the assumption that your partner is so strong and that they cannot stray. They can, especially the wives. Remember, no matter how strong a rod is, if you leave it around fire long enough it will bend. So are those loved ones you trust. It's not that they are not trustworthy, but the temptation might overwhelm them. So, help them!
[/size]

I have taken time to read through some of the post in this topic, i think your write up Pomski is very sensible.

I should start by saying a relationship that can't be monitored is not worth it...why hide the skeletons in the cupboard? Why be with a man or a woman if your desire is with someone else. We live in the age and times where ladies get married to mr. A with mr. B's baby in their womb. If a man can't monitor his wife's convo with the external world...his home becomes a dangerous place...he might end up raising his wife's lovers children thinking they are his.

I once met a friend who narrated his ordeal to me:

his wife told him she was going to get her clothes from her tailor, the mind, been very much in love decided to see the wife to the tailors place, on getting there, he sat outside waiting for the wife who was having intercourse with the so called tailor inside. As trusting and as loving as this husband could be, he went home with his wife with a knowledge of what had just happened.

But as they rightly said: every day for the thief, one day for the owner.

The hopeless fake tailor sent a picture of his manhood, and a picture of him and the woman making out to the woman's phone...though the husband was in the house when the pics got to the woman's phone...she was secretly enjoying the pics, and unknown to her, her hubby was standing behind her wondering what was giving his wife such reason to giggle....and when the hubby saw the pics by mistake, it took him three days to get out of the first stage of shock...and that dented not only the trust, but the guy's spirit for ever.......

You tell me about trust....I am a Christian and my Bible makes me understand God is omnipotent and omnipresent...yet, the eyes of the Lord is upon everything we do...my brother and my sister...especially the brothers...God has placed you as the head over a family, whatever you must do to move your family forward, you have to do it....you are the visioneer....because you are a good man doesnt mean other predators are good men too....you must know that with the popularity of mobile gadgets, people do engage in phone intimacy, filthy convo etc....don't just sit there trusting foolishly and blindly till you get to a stage where your findings would give you heart attack....don't mind what people would say....many would call you insecure, many would call you all sort of derogatory names....but, if you don't watch things....hmmm...express go leave you o....infact my bible tells me to watch and pray........watch.....watch...watch....

we live in a time where many religious leaders can't even be left with our daughters nor wife for private counselling.....we see these shit happen everyday in the society.........

Pomski...your write up completely spelt everything I got in my mind concerning this topic....talking about adultery, cheating etc....infidelity is not only catching a man and a woman making out....there is a more dangerous side of infidelity called emotional infidelity...where a lady or a man is married to mr. A but their mind is completely with mr. B.

And the victim of such would be pouring out their energy, resource, love and life into the relationship.........sometimes because of too much trust they find out late and when they do find out late....they get stroke or heart attack.

I will not fail to share my own personal experience here just to help someone out there...a lot of my friends and enemies already knew about mine...its all over the news...and like I said before, a husband or wife that can't be watched, that keeps deleting mail trails, sms's etc is not worth it.

My Personal experience....loading..............

NZEGWUAGU:
[s] I think you are a womaniser. The tortoise advised that if you are roasting yam you shoud tie a rope to it and tie it to your waist because if care is not taken it's easy for one man's property to become another man's. So by monitoring you are simply obeying that wise saying above such that anyone who takes you takes your yam or if he takes your yam he takes you as well. And nobody would want that heaache thereby ensuring the safety of you and your yam! [/s]

Dafuq is this trash u wrote up there? Couldn't even read it. Stopped after I saw womaniser and I just figured you had your head in the wrong place.

Except you have something intelligent to say apart from fables you were told as a dumb silly kid, then stay off my mentions.

RUBBISH!!!