niceeric:

ma'am,the solution to the question above is right in the post I made....if she doesn't see my name fit to become hers,then she isn't fit to be my wife plus marriage to her isnt by force and vice versa.
my house, my rules.......no place for undue feminism with me.

Good point. It isn't by force
And NB, this isn't undue feminism, it's being able to understand and compromise. She wants to combine 2 names her choice.
By the way u speak u will rule ur home in a military way and probably see ur wife as a minions not a partner and better half

daretodiffer:


Use your brain. How is this undue feminism? Are you a father? Is she your property? What right do you have over her other than marital rights which is also the same she has over you? Are you suggesting that she abandons her identity because of one stupi.d union?

She can have several husbands but she will only have one father. Therefore you won't have anything on her if not for your union with her.

It is no longer your house when you are married. Learn how to use ‘our' as in our house, it is either you build the house together or she contributes to it during the course of marriage. Regardless, it is as much her home as it is yours

Don't mind him, I'm pitying his wife already.

niceeric:

see, If u won't take your husband's name or you're not even taking his if you're married already, good for you if he accepts....perhaps some dudes don't mind BUT with me, no lady is my only option for marriage, if the conditions aren't right to her,we split and another comes in.
I know most ladies are only forming feminists online as it's a way to show themselves strong but it's to me a way to show inferiority complex cos women have always had this strength over men so y claim some extra 'pseudo' strength through unrealistic feminism?...well,na una sabi

Use your brain. Think rationally not emotionally.

How is it inferiority complex to say one relationship is superior to another? Her father is her identity not her husband. What is hard to understand in it?

You are the one threatened her we. You seem to think you are everything. Who the hell are you? Is it because you are a man?

Take another look at the 21st century. A smart woman can't be bothered by such childish, immature and complexity threats?

HaneefahRN:

Good point. It isn't by force
And NB, this isn't undue feminism, it's being able to understand and compromise. She wants to combine 2 names her choice.
By the way u speak u will rule ur home in a military way and probably see ur wife as a minions not a partner and better half

Your last paragraph is an intentional misconception of my ways and ideas as expressed in my previous posts and I must say I feel bad I'm viewed In this light

to the above, i'll say 'you don't know me'

HaneefahRN:

Don't mind him, I'm pitying his wife already.

He is probably going to settle down with one woman like that

niceeric:

Your last paragraph is an intentional misconception of my ways and ideas as expressed in my previous posts and I must say I feel bad I'm viewed In this light

to the above, i'll say 'you don't know me'

Really? Well that's the perception of u I can see, sorry. If u can't allow a woman to make a choice on somethn as mundane as her having a compound name of her husband and father, becos of ur own rigid resolve, then I don't knw what u see are as, then u call ur home 'my house'. U can't compromise on something she'll bear.
Let me tell u what u see her as, a property u can stamp whatever name u want on whether she likes it or not, since it's ur 'rigid resolve' wc she must accept or the relatnship is over. And a property u can discard anytime u want afterall the house is urs. Tht is what I see

daretodiffer:


Use your brain. Think rationally not emotionally.

How is it inferiority complex to say one relationship is superior to another? Her father is her identity not her husband. What is hard to understand in it?

You are the one threatened her we. You seem to think you are everything. Who the hell are you? Is it because you are a man?

Take another look at the 21st century. A smart woman can't be bothered by such childish, immature and complexity threats?

I saw this moniker yesterday and I concluded the person behind it must be unruly, rude and probably deranged to insult people who av a different opinion from hers without provocation and I promised myself not to drag myself so low as to av a banter of words with its owner if it comes close to aving that. So I'm sorry, youll av to look for audience somewhere else

HaneefahRN:

Really? Well that's the perception of u I can see, sorry. If u can't allow a woman to make a choice on somethn as mundane as her having a compound name of her husband and father, becos of ur own rigid resolve, then I don't knw what u see are as, then u call ur home 'my house'. U can't compromise on something she'll bear.
Let me tell u what u see her as, a property u can stamp whatever name u want on whether she likes it or not, since it's ur 'rigid resolve' wc she must accept or the relatnship is over. And a property u can discard anytime u want afterall the house is urs. Tht is what I see

some things are just like they are by default... don't question them.....or would u rather get married to your man and still remain in your father's house?

my family is gonna be all I care about when the time comes and my wife would be human and not a doll as your posts suggest plus it's gonna b a good one and I'm not gonna marry a feminist....those ones end up being dumped and become 'self sufficient, no man needing' lonely, broken toys...

niceeric:

I saw this moniker yesterday and I concluded the person behind it must be unruly, rude and probably deranged to insult people who av a different opinion from hers without provocation and I promised myself not to drag myself so low as to av a banter of words with its owner if it comes close to aving that. So I'm sorry, youll av to look for audience somewhere else

Says a man who can't think, whose proof of manhood depends on his future wife?

Well, I don't have a robust policy on whom I choose to insult, all I know is that I insult sexi.st pigs, misogynists and political idi.ots


I didn't insult you. I was merely asking you to use your brain to think rationally. All I can see is a man who does not want his wife to use her father's name because of what? I still don't know.


Yet you want to lead a home abi

Good luck to that woman!

Have you noticed that almost all the ladies that commented on this issue have similar responses. They just don't see the reason the fiance will insist on her jettisoning her maiden name for his last name.

Anyway, there is no big deal in her keeping her maiden name and there is no big deal in switching it for his last name.

However, it is important to note that she has become very unyielding on trivial matter of lastname and her mother even took her side on this issue. Invariably, she can be a deviant and she can command the support of her mother against her husband, when she wishes or they wish.

I am not against highly opinionated ladies or wives but I think ladies should learn to submit to their husbands, especially when he insists. I don't expect the husbands to always have their ways or be selfish and inconsiderate with their wives but......

Just as God is the head of the church, the man is the head of the home. We learnt to pray the will of God be done even if it is against our will, we should replicate that in the home.

A true and responsible woman should know how to get her man or husband to do what she wants without making him feel disobeyed or hurt. However, when he insists on his way and the consequences will not kill or endanger the lady or wife, it is her responsibility to obey and adhere. That is tolerance, unconditional love and sacrifice. It is a virtue that is fast eroded these days.

niceeric:

some things are just like they are by default... don't question them.....or would u rather get married to your man and still remain in your father's house?

my family is gonna be all I care about when the time comes and my wife would be human and not a doll as your posts suggest plus it's gonna b a good one and I'm not gonna marry a feminist....those ones end up being dumped and become 'self sufficient, no man needing' lonely, broken toys...

And bearing her father's name means she is still in her father's house? Are men not the same ones tht'll tell their wives of over 18yrs 'blood is thicker than water'?
Having a brain and having to make choices abt one's life and not following one man's rigid resolve doesn't make one an undue feminist.
Whatever rocks ur boat, goodluck wt ur doll who doesn't even av a right to make decisions concerning her life becos she has a man wt rigid resolves as a husband.

HaneefahRN:

And bearing her father's name means she is still in her father's house? Are men not the same ones tht'll tell their wives of over 18yrs 'blood is thicker than water'?
Having a brain and having to make choices abt one's life and not following one man's rigid resolve doesn't make one an undue feminist.
Whatever rocks ur boat, goodluck wt ur doll who doesn't even av a right to make decisions concerning her life becos she has a man wt rigid resolves as a husband.

keep misinterpreting, its fun lol

Yea my ideas are what rock my boat and I love em!...cheers!

Wallade:
Have you noticed that almost all the ladies that commented on this issue have similar responses. They just don't see the reason the fiance will insist on her jettisoning her maiden name for his last name.

Anyway, there is no big deal in her keeping her maiden name and there is no big deal in switching it for his last name.

However, it is important to note that she has become very unyielding on trivial matter of lastname and her mother even took her side on this issue. Invariably, she can be a deviant and she can conmand the support of her mother against her husband, when she wishes or they wish.

I am not against highly opinionated ladies or wives but I think ladies should learn to submit to their husbands, especially when he insists. I don't expect the husbands to always have their ways all the times or be selfish and inconsiderate with their wives but......

Just as God is the head of the church, the man is the head of the home. We learnt to pray the will of God be done even if it is against our will, we should replicate that in the home.

A true and responsible woman should know how to get her man or husband to do what she wants without making him feel disobeyed or hurt. However, when he insists on his way and the consequences will not kill or endanger the lady or wife, it is her responsibility to obey and adhere. That is tolerance, unconditional love and sacrifice. It is a virtue that is fast eroded these days.

Brother, the Internet has finished so many ladies.....its the reason why there are so many single mothers/40+ year old single women these days and the numbers keep increasing. Every lady wants to be a man these days and I'm sure they are 'enjoying' the consequences lol

Wallade:
Have you noticed that almost all the ladies that commented on this issue have similar responses. They just don't see the reason the fiance will insist on her jettisoning her maiden name for his last name.

Anyway, there is no big deal in her keeping her maiden name and there is no big deal in switching it for his last name.

However, it is important to note that she has become very unyielding on trivial matter of lastname and her mother even took her side on this issue. Invariably, she can be a deviant and she can conmand the support of her mother against her husband, when she wishes or they wish.

I am not against highly opinionated ladies or wives but I think ladies should learn to submit to their husbands, especially when he insists. I don't expect the husbands to always have their ways all the times or be selfish and inconsiderate with their wives but......

Just as God is the head of the church, the man is the head of the home. We learnt to pray the will of God be done even if it is against our will, we should replicate that in the home.

A true and responsible woman should know how to get her man or husband to do what she wants without making him feel disobeyed or hurt. However, when he insists on his way and the consequences will not kill or endanger the lady or wife, it is her responsibility to obey and adhere. That is tolerance, unconditional love and sacrifice. It is a virtue that is fast eroded these days.

I like ur post. Yes, the man is the head of the house and the wife is the neck, there to support him. They are both partners, but the woman has to be submissive. Yes, we grab all tht.
But when a man decides to be selfish and make rigid resolves on non-issues, not even considering what her own opinions and choice is, then something is wrong. What is the problem wt a woman deciding to bear a compound name of her husband and father's name enof for someone to be making a mountain out of a mole hill for. It's not like she decides not to bear his name at all, if she decides to bear her husband's name alone, fine, if she decides not to drop her father's name for whatever reasons and add her husbands own to it, what's the big deal. She bears the name, her children will also bear their father's name. It's high time women aren't treated like mindless dolls who av no right to make any choice even when it's regarding them wholly, but av to always say 'Yes sir', becos a selfish man has a rigid resolve wc he can't compromise for any reason.

niceeric:
keep misinterpreting, its fun lol
Yea my ideas are what rock my boat and I love em!...cheers!

Wareva

HaneefahRN:
Wareva

u don vex??....come on!...no vex o lol

daretodiffer:




Says a man who can't think, whose proof of manhood depends on his future wife?

Well, I don't have a robust policy on whom I choose to insult, all I know is that I insult sexi.st pigs, misogynists and political idi.ots


I didn't insult you. I was merely asking you to use your brain to think rationally. All I can see is a man who does not want his wife to use her father's name because of what? I still don't know.


Yet you want to lead a home abi

Good luck to that woman!

Didn't the fiancee know that when a woman and man wants to get married, they must leave their past and parents, stick together and chart a new course in a new beginning.

Didn't she realize it is part of the mutual agreement that she will drop her parents name and take the fiance or husbands last name when the marriage was contracted.

He paid her dowry; she didn't pay his dowry.

I know that a lot of ladies will find it difficult to understand why it seems a woman is an asset acquired by the husband, open up your mind and analyze it logically; the husband acquired the wife.

niceeric:

u don vex??....come on!...no vex o lol

Yes, I don vex o. I'av never even thought abt this issue really whether to use a compound name or use only my husbands name. But the way u guys presented it infuriated me. Like whether she likes it or not, my rigid resolve is 'She must not bear a compound name' wc she MUST adhere to or the relatnship is over. Is it only women tht are to make compromises in marriage? And this issue is even a non-issue, what's the big deal abt her choosing the form of name she'll bear? But since the man is the head, his commands always av to be accepted whether the woman likes it or not becos it's rigid

HaneefahRN:

I like ur post. Yes, the man is the head of the house and the wife is the neck, there to support him. They are both partners, but the woman has to be submissive. Yes, we grab all tht.
But when a man decides to be selfish and make rigid resolves on non-issues, not even considering what her own opinions and choice is, then something is wrong. What is the problem wt a woman deciding to bear a compound name of her husband and father's name enof for someone to be making a mountain out of a mole hill for. It's not like she decides not to bear his name at all, if she decides to bear her husband's name alone, fine, if she decides not to drop her father's name for whatever reasons and add her husbands own to it, what's the big deal. She bears the name, her children will also bear their father's name. It's high time women aren't treated like mindless dolls who av no right to make any choice even when it's regarding them wholly, but av to always say 'Yes sir', becos a selfish man has a rigid resolve wc he can't compromise for any reason.

What is the reason she wants to keep her father's name in marriage? If the reason is understandable or justifiable to the husband, then the husband should reconsider his position but if her reasons can't be explained, understood, justified and validated by her husband, she can't have her way on that.

Ordinarily, that should be final; period but today's ladies.....

We should read and digest the principles, origin and design of marriage as invented by God in the Bible or Quran. This can help our understanding of marriage, especially recommended for today's women, opinionated wives and unsubmissive wives.

HaneefahRN:

Yes, I don vex o. I'av never even thought abt this issue really whether to use a compound name or use only my husbands name. But the way u guys presented it infuriated me. Like whether she likes it or not, my rigid resolve is 'She must not bear a compound name' wc she MUST adhere to or the relatnship is over. Is it only women tht are to make compromises in marriage? And this issue is even a non-issue, what's the big deal abt her choosing the form of name she'll bear? But since the man is the head, his commands always av to be accepted whether the woman likes it or not becos it's rigid

see,its not like you're being forced to do it.....no right thinking man sees women as toys, the name issue shouldn't just be an issue cos it's something that is made so by default. When it comes to things that can be debated in the home, a woman's inputs are very important....very very important and the man makes the decision most times in favour of the woman cos u guys have the power to do so....feminism isn't power, women are born powerful already.

Wallade:


What is the reason she wants to keep her father's name in marriage? If the reason is understandable or justifiable to the husband, then the husband should reconsider his position but if her reasons can't be explained, understood, justified and validated by her husband, she can't have her way on that.

Ordinarily, that should be final; period but today's ladies.....

We should read and digest the principles, origin and design of marriage as invented by God in the Bible or Quran. This can help our understanding of marriage, especially recommended for today's women, opinionated wives and unsubmissive wives.

Thank u my brother. If she has a good reason to make such decision and she tells the husband what's the big deal in him accepting? But him saying he has a rigid resolve abt it is something else.
I don't know the Christian or bible view but in Islam a woman is allowed to bear her father's name even wtout compound name wt her husband's own. It is even encouraged for women to be identified wt their father's name. But we av to look at the context of our culture here, the woman is to take up her husband's name, if she wishes not to drop her father's name then she makes both into a compound surname, as simple as that and a non-issue

niceeric:

see,its not like you're being forced to do it.....no right thinking man sees women as toys, the name issue shouldn't just be an issue cos it's something that is made so by default. When it comes to things that can be debated in the home, a woman's inputs are very important....very very important and the man makes the decision most times in favour of the woman cos u guys have the power to do so....feminism isn't power, women are born powerful already.

So, what are u saying? If u can make an undisputable resolve abt the name she bears, is it now in other issues her opinions will be valued.
Maybe I don't understand u but tht is all I can deduce from ur points.
NB: I'm nt a feminist, but I blive men and women av in marriage differing roles wc are as important as the other, the woman shld be submissive to her husband but the man shld not stress down on tht opportunity to make the house a military ground where everything he says must go, making rigid and selfish resolves wtout taking into consideration the opinions or feelings of the wife. It shld be like a partnership. Like it is said in the Quran 'Ur wife is a garment for u and u a garment for her, binded by love'. What do garments do? They protect.

NemzySeries:

Mitcheeeeeeew.....apart frm d *a55hole* U've not made any sense as far as masef & orda NLanders are concerned.....seems U've not read d part bible said a man & woman wud leave deir parents & start a family of deir own? So y carrying ur fada along?

The bible says a MAN shall leave HIS father and mother and CLEAR to HIS wife... if anything, it's the man that should bear the Wife's name, going by the bible

NemzySeries:

Mitcheeeeeeew.....apart frm d *a55hole* U've not made any sense as far as masef & orda NLanders are concerned.....seems U've not read d part bible said a man & woman wud leave deir parents & start a family of deir own? So y carrying ur fada along?

The bible says a MAN shall leave HIS father and mother and CLEAVE to HIS wife... if anything, it's the man that should bear the Wife's name, going by the bible

Joy1706:

The bible says a MAN shall leave HIS father and mother and CLEAVE to HIS wife... if anything, it's the man that should bear the Wife's name, going by the bible

is d man moving to d woman's hauz?.....also are u saying God calling eve adam's helper & mate wuz a mistake?.....wat happened to d part of bin submissive? (mind u I didn't say u shd b a slave to him?)

HaneefahRN:

So, what are u saying? If u can make an undisputable resolve abt the name she bears, is it now in other issues her opinions will be valued.
Maybe I don't understand u but tht is all I can deduce from ur points.
NB: I'm nt a feminist, but I blive men and women av in marriage differing roles wc are as important as the other, the woman shld be submissive to her husband but the man shld not stress down on tht opportunity to make the house a military ground where everything he says must go, making rigid and selfish resolves wtout taking into consideration the opinions or feelings of the wife. It shld be like a partnership. Like it is said in the Quran 'Ur wife is a garment for u and u a garment for her, binded by love'. What do garments do? They protect.

thank God ure not a feminist....i was beginning to see u as one.
seems you're unshakeable on the surname issue and I can only pray your husband is gonna b the kind of man who cares less about his surname and won't mind u adding yours to his to form a new one for yourself...come to think of it,Mr and Mrs 'surname' would be out of it....unless ofcourse,the good Lord would give u a husband who also won't mind being called your father's name along with his if you are to be addressed together....its not too big for God to manufacture a guy like that for u sha.

last sentence was a joke ooo....before u descend on me again oooo

niceeric:

thank God ure not a feminist....i was beginning to see u as one.
seems you're unshakeable on the surname issue and I can only pray your husband is gonna b the kind of man who cares less about his surname and won't mind u adding yours to his to form a new one for yourself...come to think of it,Mr and Mrs 'surname' would be out of it....unless ofcourse,the good Lord would give u a husband who also won't mind being called your father's name along with his if you are to be addressed together....its not too big for God to manufacture a guy like that for u sha.

last sentence was a joke ooo....before u descend on me again oooo

Lolz, I never mentioned being interested in using a compound name. Besides there are many men out there who wldn't make a mountain out of a non-issue such as tht, so I don't av to make one. there are lots of women outside there who are using compound names. One is 'Fatimah Abass Hassan'. Abass is her dad's name and Hassan is her husband's name

[quote author=Wallade post=41019012]

Didn't the fiancee know that when a woman and man wants to get married, they must leave their past and parents, stick together and chart a new course in a new beginning.

She leaves her parents to begin a new life. A new life does not mean taking someone else's identity. Can the husband take her in the name of new life?

Children always take their father's name. My father's lineage is my lineage not my husband's.

Didn't she realize it is part of the mutual agreement that she will drop her parents name and take the fiance or husbands last name when the marriage was contracted.

Contract abi norm

He paid her dowry; she didn't pay his dowry.

I know that a lot of ladies will find it difficult to understand why it seems a woman is an asset acquired by the husband, open up your mind and analyze it logically; the husband acquired the wife

And so? He paid it according to the culture of the land and the culture does not prescribe change of name

You really need to start thinking. He did not acquire anything. He merely found her so that he would be a father. Marriage was primarily because of continuity. All these formalities were founded for formality sake, if not it will not be such a shame to a be a barren woman in those days. And if tit is about the dowry, stop paying it

Wallade:


What is the reason she wants to keep her father's name in marriage? If the reason is understandable or justifiable to the husband, then the husband should reconsider his position but if her reasons can't be explained, understood, justified and validated by her husband, she can't have her way on that.

Ordinarily, that should be final; period but today's ladies.....

We should read and digest the principles, origin and design of marriage as invented by God in the Bible or Quran. This can help our understanding of marriage, especially recommended for today's women, opinionated wives and unsubmissive wives.

Who the hel is the husband o determine how he wants a human being to be addressed?

Can e tell to be to pronounce my name 'marian' instead of 'mariam' because he is my husband

In Islam, it is frowned upon to tkae your husband's name at al because she is her father's not her husband's

Wallade:
Have you noticed that almost all the ladies that commented on this issue have similar responses. They just don't see the reason the fiance will insist on her jettisoning her maiden name for his last name.

Anyway, there is no big deal in her keeping her maiden name and there is no big deal in switching it for his last name.

You might have sweet-talked Haneefah but good luck trying that with me. I can see through you and your buts!

Who cares if it is a big deal to you Is it your name? Is it your identity? She is within her right to make it a big deal. It is her bloody name and identity!!!!!!!!!!!!!

However, it is important to note that she has become very unyielding on trivial matter of lastname and her mother even took her side on this issue. Invariably, she can be a deviant and she can command the support of her mother against her husband, when she wishes or they wish.

I am not against highly opinionated ladies or wives but I think ladies should learn to submit to their husbands, especially when he insists. I don't expect the husbands to always have their ways or be selfish and inconsiderate with their wives but......

And so what if he insists..he cannot always have his way even if he insists from now till eternity

Just as God is the head of the church, the man is the head of the home. We learnt to pray the will of God be done even if it is against our will, we should replicate that in the home.

It is very rude of you to compare man to God. Even with God how many people obey despite the promises of scorching hell-fire and eternal damnation, people do what they like

Not to mention a common flesh and blood

You didn't think this through at all

A true and responsible woman should know how to get her man or husband to do what she wants without making him feel disobeyed or hurt. However, when he insists on his way and the consequences will not kill or endanger the lady or wife, it is her responsibility to obey and adhere. That is tolerance, unconditional love and sacrifice. It is a virtue that is fast eroded these days.

No human being is born with a happy bone, women are made up of flesh and blood. They also have blue days. No true and responsible woman will make a habit of caoling her husband every now and then to have her way. If you ever see that woman, she is not human but an alien. It is the man's responsibility to obey and adhere to his wife. Life is all about reciprocity. You cannot have what you do not give and you lso cannot expect it. If a man wants his wife's unconditional love, sacrifice an tolerance, he has to work for it. You cannot act like an asshole and expect me to treat you like a prince

I don talk my own o

daretodiffer:


You might have sweet-talk haneefah but good luck trying that with me. I can see through you and your buts!

Who cares if it is a big deal to you Is it your name? Is it your identity? She is within her right to make it a big deal. It is her bloody name and identity!!!!!!!!!!!!!

However, it is important to note that she has become very unyielding on trivial matter of lastname and her mother even took her side on this issue. Invariably, she can be a deviant and she can command the support of her mother against her husband, when she wishes or they wish.



And so what if he insists..he cannot always have his way even if he insists from now till eternity



It is very rude of you to compare man to God. Even with God how many people obey despite the promises of scorching hell-fire and eternal damnation, people do what they like

Not to mention a common flesh and blood

You didn't think this through at all



No human being is born with a happy bone, women are made up of flesh and blood. They also have blue days. No true and responsible woman will make a habit of caoling her husband every now and then to have her way. If you ever see that woman, she is not human but an alien. It is the man's responsibility to obey and adhere to his wife. Life is all about reciprocity. You cannot have what you do not give and you lso cannot expect it. If a man wants his wife's unconditional love, sacrifice an tolerance, he has to work for it. You cannot act like an asshole and expect me to treat you like a prince

I don talk my own o

Lolz. He didn't sweet talk me, I only seem to see his points are a little bit more manageable than some others.
I share ur view. They see women as zombies or toys who just av to take their orders wtout questioning not considering her own views and opinions. Imagine someone having a rigid resolve on the name another person will bear like she is his property he can stamp any name on

HaneefahRN:

Lolz. He didn't sweet talk me, I only seem to see his points are a little bit more manageable than some others.
I share ur view. They see women as zombies or toys who just av to take their orders wtout questioning not considering her own views and opinions. Imagine someone having a rigid resolve on the name another person will bear like she is his property he can stamp any name on

I fear o