all in all both of them are important and i will die for either of them

The Husband is more important . . . .

Vindy:

Any woman that says she will choose her kids 2 d husband after she has said 4 beta 4 worst, 4 rich
r and 4 poorer, most be a promiscuouse woman.

I think you are not qualified by any standard to contribute on this issue, i advice you go and make a child first so as to be able to experience the inexplainable bond that exist between a woman and her child, if you are a woman anyway. as for all of you saying the husband comes first, is either you are not married or you are guys . no woman that have given birth will say otherwise.

In the year 2005 I had a cause to visit my relation at Kirikiri prisons and I saw a funny but pathethic sight, an aged woman of about 70 and above laboured from , i think osun to visit her son who she said was an area boy at cele bustop okota, and was arreseted for one crime i cant remember, tagging behind her was yet another son that looked worn out with india hemp,

I tell you, at that point the father would have disowned them but her love was steadfast and un dying even unto death, it is naturall, it is divine

nkb:

I think you are not qualified by any standard to contribute on this issue, i advice you go and make a child first so as to be able to experience the inexplainable bond that exist between a woman and her child, if you are a woman anyway.   as for all of you saying the husband comes first, is either you are not married or you are guys . no woman that have given birth will say otherwise.

In the year 2005 I had a cause to visit my relation at Kirikiri prisons and I saw a funny but pathethic sight, an aged woman of about 70 and above laboured from , i think osun to  visit her son who she said was an area boy at cele bustop okota, and was arreseted for one crime i cant remember,  tagging behind her was yet another son that looked worn out with india hemp,

I tell you, at that point the father would have disowned them but her love was steadfast and un dying even unto death,   it is naturall, it is divine

Care to tell me about the women that dump their kids inside the well, abort pregnancies, dump them in the orphanage, kill them after birth, or abandon them?

The fact that people dont agree with you, does not mean they dont have a family of their own

sure,
but you know there always an exception to every rule, people that dump children in bushes or well as you said are not real women, atleast when i say a woman I dont mean commercial sex workers, and I belive you realise that too

Wanna tell me all the women that dump their kids are sex workers?

Im going to say this again, the well being of a child depends on the bond between mummy and daddy, if that extreme bond is not there, if that "im going crazy for you baby" feeling is not there, those kids will not give you the future you expect from them

if you think im joking, ask 99.9% of the single parents, and watch their kids, you'll know that some of them have issues with the opposite sex

So whats your point?

Now let us direct this question to the men if they were asked that out of their mother and their wife who is more important
you will hear the majority say their mother is more important cos you can have another wife but not another mother

As for me i will love my hubby and take care of him but my children are more important 'cos if a man wants wants to take another
wife he will not remember all this vow you all are shouting he will only do what pleases him not considering the pains
his wife and kids go through.

All you Ruth "aboko ku" in the the house it is good to love ones husband but always remember that men are polygamist in nature
you cannot take that away from them,you can share your husband but no one can share your kids with you.

Take this for example most widows don't remarry after the death of their husband why?

because 1. they love their husband and will not like to hurt him even after his death
2.Cos' of what the society will say, things like she killed him

But on the other hand a widower remarry at most 3 months after his wife's death
can you see how much he loves his "wife"

My husband is more important than any godam kid.With him l can have as many kids as l want,but without him what happens?

simplychic:



'cos if a man wants wants to take another
wife he will not remember all this vow you all are shouting he will only do what pleases him not considering the pains
his wife and kids go through.

All you Ruth "aboko ku" in the the house it is good to love ones husband but always remember that men are polygamist in nature
.

Exactly thats why i said you people should speak for your husbands and self, if you have a womanizer as a husband for example, why generalize, comon some of us were lucky to have "the one woman" kinda man, so your point?

you cannot take that away from them,you can share your husband but no one can share your kids with you

A wife/ husband can share your kids with you, infact a wife will take your son from you the minute he takes her to the altar, if your son lives with you, he will move out? sometimes they relocate abroad to find a better ground for generation yet unborn

Eaglebabe:

My husband is more important than any godam kid.With him l can have as many kids as l want,but without him what happens?

without him is the end for you ,lol u are a kid

A wife/ husband can share your kids with you, infact a wife will take your son from you the minute he takes her to the altar, if your son lives with you, he will move out? sometimes they relocate abroad to find a better ground for generation yet unborn
[quote][/quote]

@ amebo ,
unfortunately that is not true, infact the mother will not view it as taking his son away,  on the contrary she is happy that she groomed him well to be the  man she expected, so it makes her happier and gives her a fullfilling old age,

or how do u explain a mother,s agony when the child attains the age of settling down to a wife but feels reluctant to it?

But on the other hand a widower remarry at most 3 months after his wife's death
can you see how much he loves his "wife"

were you taught how to lie in school just to send a message across? do you have 100% facts that this is true? should we start interviewing all widowers?

Take this for example most widows don't remarry after the death of their husband why?

because 1. they love their husband and will not like to hurt him even after his death
               2.Cos' of what the society will say, things like she killed him

90% of the widows still marry, especially the young ones, even those that are in their 50's still look for partners

Do you wanna tell me why a lot of kids have ended up with step daddy's?

You are not giving a valid point to backup your claim

@ amebo ,
unfortunately that is not true, infact the mother will not view it as taking his son away,  on the contrary she is happy that she groomed him well to be the  man she expected, so it makes her happier and gives her a fullfilling old age,

or how do u explain a mother,s agony when the child attains the age of settling down to a wife but feels reluctant to it?

hahahha like we dont have mother inlaws that think that way


Let me tell you, in as much as it is a difficult question, i will tell you to go ask women this question and come to give me the answer

" would you rather loose your husband 6 months after marriage or loose your child immediately after birth"

you know what answer you will get? some would rather have their husbands around them to make some more babies for them

@Topic,
It depends. You could be married to Mr Bill Gates in which case the equation dynamics will be much different from being married to Mr Gbolahan a contractor forever looking for jobs and not getting any.

Why this question

dyabman:

The Husband is more important . . . .

nkb:

I think you are not qualified by any standard to contribute on this issue, i advice you go and make a child first so as to be able to experience the inexplainable bond that exist between a woman and her child, if you are a woman anyway. as for all of you saying the husband comes first, is either you are not married or you are guys . no woman that have given birth will say otherwise.

In the year 2005 I had a cause to visit my relation at Kirikiri prisons and I saw a funny but pathethic sight, an aged woman of about 70 and above laboured from , i think osun to visit her son who she said was an area boy at cele bustop okota, and was arreseted for one crime i cant remember, tagging behind her was yet another son that looked worn out with india hemp,

I tell you, at that point the father would have disowned them but her love was steadfast and un dying even unto death, it is naturall, it is divine

I beg to disagree with you. I have been married now for almost fifteen years with lovely children by the grace of God and I can tell you that my husband comes first and my kids know it. Granted there is a great bond between mother and child but the understanding of marriage makes my position mandatory. The situation you painted is a fall out of a home were parents did not see themselves united as one before their children.

@ OP, the answer is obviously the husband, it the kid dies then you can always have another one. If the husband dies you may never be able to find a husband who would love you the same way and would accept your child as well, think about it, u dont want ur husband leaving u cause u didn't give him any attention,

am stl single,bt if i get married 2day,my husband cms first,i knw God wl provide anoda kids 4 us.
i dnt pray 4 dat kind of problem

^^ ure husband will come first until u have a kid, It is a different kind of luv, U will kill for ure baby but I don't think I will kill for a husband or a man, cos a husband can cheat on u any day, just ask Tiger Wood's wife.

For me it depends on the situation because children are defenseless and since i brought them into the world i have more responsibilities towards them than a grown man. Even if the situation is reversed, i would expect my husband to save our kids before saving me.

Chi_Chi77:

^^ ure husband will come first until u have a kid, It is a different kind of luv, U will kill for ure baby but I don't think I will kill for a husband or a man, cos a husband can cheat on u any day, just ask Tiger Wood's wife.

And Tiger woods is someone's son, u know.

It could go either way (son/hussy). NO?

@ otukpo i totally agree wit u jo.dis days men r not predictable b4 marriage deyll b at ur beck n call.afta u drop 1 dats wen deyll no u r 2 fat or ur fud is not nice.abeg my child wil come 1st cos no mata wot ur children will always love n respect u.in ur old age deyll be lukin out 4 u.i dont no bout odas but as 4 me i can liv widout my husband but my kids hell no

@ otukpo i totally agree wit u jo.dis days men r not predictable b4 marriage deyll b at ur beck n call.afta u drop 1 dats wen deyll no u r 2 fat or ur fud is not nice.abeg my child wil come 1st cos no mata wot ur children will always love n respect u.in ur old age deyll be lukin out 4 u.i dont no bout odas but as 4 me i can liv widout my husband but my kids hell no

@koolchicco, Tiger worships his mama though, but when it comes to his wife, well, guys will always be guys, u can love them, but can't trust them.

Chi_Chi77:

@koolchicco, Tiger worships his mama though, but when it comes to his wife, well, guys will always be guys, u can love them, but can't trust them.

So in other words, A 'hardened criminal' is still [b]w[/b]orthy of his Mum's love?

^^ in other words a son will worship his mama more than a husband will worship his wife, not in every situation but in the majority of the situations.

This one is tricky. But im really surprised at the no of guys saying they wud choose their wives over their kids. kudos guys!

I think its diff. to say, if u dont have a husband nor kids. both are ur flesh n blood, only dat with the kids, its physical. still, i have no opinion. sorry!

But judging from society, manyyyy women have chosen their kids over their husbands in many ways. look around you. its sad, but do you blame them?

Teminio:

I beg to disagree with you. I have been married now for almost fifteen years with lovely children by the grace of God and I can tell you that my husband comes first and my kids know it. Granted there is a great bond between mother and child but the understanding of marriage makes my position mandatory. The situation you painted is a fall out of a home were parents did not see themselves united as one before their children.

Are you minding them, all of them saying "you are not qualified to be a wife, or you are still a kid", are the kids themselves

My mum loves us like crazy, but i tell ya she made us know her husband came first, even though they provided us with everything decent, back then if my dad comes home, he kisses his wife first before anybody, same with my mama, i remember when my mum was teaching me how to cook, i noticed that the stock fish she used to reserve for my dad was marvelous in size, i asked why, she said " Your daddy is my husband, and he is the reason why i have smiles on my face everyday, he is the head, never , never forget to put your husband in that position whenever you find a man", this was said years ago, but it still lingers on my mind, sometimes when we dont travel with them, she calls her younger sister to come stay with us cos she and her husband are going for a week holiday, we grew up like that, and we never got jealous, but the fact still remains that we got all the attention we wanted, the relationship was balanced.

Now that we all have left the house, this two are all by themselves, everybody has gone to make a family of their own

[b]For most women, the mistrust in their marriages which makes them bend towards their children, lies on the Nigerian man's habitual infidelity.  Unfortunately, Nigerian men consider this, their God given rights. What on earth would make a woman not to love a good husband? Because, of the above attitude and more, 40% of Nigerian women (30% abroad and 10% in Nigeria) tend towards their children.  At least, in them, they have loyal friends - their children obviously would not disappoint - THICK'n'THIN. They would always look for mama no matter what and where!

From what I am reading here, a lot of women are bending towards their husbands but knowing Nigerian society, it doesn't surprise me at all.  Majority of their reasons for saying so could be economic, social and physical/emotional security which can often lead Nigerian women into ignoring/keeping a blind eye over their husbands abuses and continuous infidelity. Since, not many women in Nigeria has a job and some are traders - life generally is difficult, how then could a dog bite the finger that feeds him/her other than remain loyal till 'D'? Tell, me?

Besides, Nigeria is a Patriarchal Society, where women are always reminded of their statuses, not only as 2nd citizens but also, the need to find a husband quick and marry.  In this society, marriage is be all and end all and if you're not married at a certain age, you'd know about it too and, this might have led to all the "Thumbs up" for husbands by these women though, they might not admit it.

Personally, where do I stand here?  Like I'd said before, I'm one of the luckiest women to have a great guy in my life but understand too that, not many women are lucky in this aspect.  We can't all be lucky in everything. Some are blessed with good marriages, friends etc and no children others have good children, good family support but bad marriages and that's life.

For me, my children come first and nothing can change that.  Husbands/wives could be replaced so are children but for the fact they slept in me, the labour pain, bosom feeding etc the bonding is too great to separate. Yes, our bonding with our husbands lies on the fact that: firstly, we fell in love and now are life companions cemented or bonded via our regular intimacy without which the Ol boy don leave house be that o o o!  .  Sey you don't regularly oil and turn the wheels? Well, you go no sey in no be dog o o o, man's best friend wey dey, dey loyal at all cost  .

However, unlike some women I will not tolerate any sign/trait of infidelity in my relationship though I have had no reasons not to trust him, completely. Having said that, any sign of it he's out like a flash irrespective of the million years I'd been married to him, trust me!!! I don't advocate remaining in an abusive and unhappy marriage for the sake of answering "Mrs Somebody" when essentially, you are "Mrs Nobody". I'm not one of those women that welcomes abuses by remaining in an abusive relationship, hoping things will get better, eventually.

No, I haven't got that patience, ok! Besides, it's a sinful to defile your matrimonial bed.  Yes, God frowns over divorce too (I could hear some say) but my rationale on infidelity would be justified and forgiven!

Finally, yes, my children will always comes first based on the fact that, like most women, I love them so dearly and I love my husband too but I had very strong bonding with them and still have therefore, can't ignore my emotions towards my children because, all woman are not the same as, some have no emotional bonding towards their children at all.[/b]

what are you guys saying

I definitely love my husband, but my kid is a part of my body, my life, I can't explain it further than that and my husband understands that bond and agrees, women who choose their husbands/boyfriends over their children do so out of a sense of dependency.

in life n death situation i will save my husband over my child cos thats who i made my vow to n promise 2 spend the rest of my life wit. But in everyday activity the kids welfare comes first cos i chose to bring them into the world so i owe it to them