elfmann:

Wow..did u take it in d wrong? U are good thou.

oh I didn't get you earlier, I'm sorry about that

dangotesmummy:
that was her own fault

First year she wasn't able to identity whether the relationship was worth it it not
Second year her brain wasn't still functioning
Thrird year she didn't know what she wanted out of life and her relationship
4,567!!!!!

Are u serious or just dumb?
Did she mentioned that dating for that long was the guy's idea?

She travelled for education and from her write up, they might have agreed to let her concentrate till she is done before settling down. The guy agreed and waited only for when she is about finishing and from her post again, she can't travel down here due to her green card she is expecting. The guy still went to meet her family in her absence and you are here talking shit?

Gosh! Some of u ladies sha

PatriotTemidayo:


Exactly my thought too. And the lady in question doesn't understand the game plan by the parents.
They cant tell her directly to leave the guy cuz they fear she'll retort cuz she's highly educated and a bit liberal since she lives in the US, so they instead wanna plant contempt and bitterness in her mind for the guy. Its a trick. And she doesn't know it.

Girls and their drama na wa ooo. Imagine perso come visit u for usa more than once. And still yet he no complain say u neva finish wetin u won do ni. And all becos of there is no gold in the boxes dey brought u are now complaining. See its just ur parents way of telling u to stay abroad and marry a white man dat has money so dat u can be a bonafide member. I pity u sha cos if dat guy goes I am willing to bet that u wud nt find anyone like him.
Use ur number six. Je ki ori e pe.
Just my one kobo advice.

CHAIRMAN!!!! This ur statistics where u get am from na from international Registry of pornography coverage and viewership?

LePrezident:
Lol. So OP picked a fight with her bf because he was watching porn? Smh. Not because he was caught cheating o, because he was watching ordinary porn that 99.79% of men watch including pastors? OP must be a drama queen.

slurryeye2:


I believe I was having conversation with someone that can comprehend. But If you have difficulty in understanding my previous post, then good luck to you. However, this is my advice to you. Instead of living your life with inferiority complex of believing that white lifes are better than black, I will advise you to blanch off your melanin, restructure your face and join the white race.

You are actually the one who lacks understanding. How does whites being more objective and less sentimental relate to melanin and inferiority complex?
Oga,you must be an educated illiterate. Schooling abroad doesn't make one less stupid and you just confirmed it!

CoCoLav:
OP, I guess you are the first/only daughter and you are igbo. First daughters are a symbol of pride and I get where your mum is coming from. Your boyfriend I believe after seven years should have known the kind of family you come from and so should have known the type of gifts to bring. Most of the people commenting here wont dare bring cheap/fake wine to their prospective in-laws. Its because you mentioned gold thats why their mouths are running. As the poster before me said, whatever is worth doing is worth doing well. How can you buy cheap items for the girl you want to marry knowing very well her family background? Its like buying cheap ankara you know her mother will never ever wear. Where is the pride in that? How many of you guys bought cheap ankara instead of hollandis for your prospective mother in laws? You saw that ankara was cheaper but that element of respect wont allow you buy the cheap ankara.

I am not saying he should have bought things he ordinarily cannot afford like a car or the most expensive wristwatches but have some respect for the parents of your future wife. Imagine buying something so cheap for your prospective inlaws that the very next day it starts to peel off, wont that be embarrassing? For the mum to have sent the items to the girl, it means she was trying to prove that she was not exaggerating. The guy even admitted that he didnt know the items will get to the girl which means he knew they were cheap items..maybe from Yaba or Tejuosho.

This is not the normal gift situation where it is not the value but the thought that matters. This is about showing I can take care of your daughter...thats African culture. If OP had fought because she wants Instagram wedding, thats a different story and she can be blamed.

OP you even messed up too. You are supposed to ask what he is taking and plan together so that where you see he is falling short, you add money to it and help him save face in front of your parents. Your manner of approach must have also added to his fury and words must have been said. Next time, try to find a better way to approach the topic, maybe by suggesting he buy additional items and take to your family, you dont have to tell him exactly what your mum said but be tactful and diplomatic. Your mum just wants to be able to show her friends what her prospective son-in-law bought for her especially if you are the only daughter. She may also be worried that he may not be able to take care of you to the standard you were brought up and you may end up being the breadwinner. No parents want their child to suffer.

Your parents obviously dont need his money or his gifts, they need him to show how much he values their daughter and it is obvious from the china gifts he bought just how much he values you.

Nice piece u have written dear.
But what if the guy had bought diamond, would she had complained hmmm
She only knows the market quality of items the guy brought. Like you said, the guy ought to know the family he was going and do the little he could. Not going to please her with stuffs but pleasing her with an item.
I personally do not treasure cheap things and so cannot, buy one for someone i treasure so much.
Degree does not qualify anyone a good home, she should place less importance to her degree concerning her marriage. She should use her degree to bring honor to her marriage and not her marriage to honor her.

ayokellany:
Na wa O. Should he now marry you by force. Person say he no get money for real gold or expensive things.

I don't understand how some people read. From the OP post what suggests that the guy could not afford expensive things.Though am not saying he should breAk a bank cos of engagement things but that was not stated or insinuated in the post.

ayokellany:
Na wa O. Should he now marry you by force. Person say he no get money for real gold or expensive things.

Stop sounding bleep...is that all you picked from her travails?

madone:
I think u re too pushy and u have a nag for picking a fight over trivial issues ,maybr na too much book.sweet heart no african man will stick to a lady that argue and fight everytime with big big grammar. Gold was not in the wedding item u got angry.i think ur guy just tire for ur tomuch drama.listen girl in nigeria here a guy that travel to u.s to see his babe deserves worship from other ladies and am sure he has seen a worshipper... Not a fighter

I totally agree with u..... Babes can nag and under appreciate guy that re trying their best to make it here in Naija..... If care is not taken the story of me and my fiancé may just end up like dis...... Dey want gud guys but can appreciate the little we can afford at the moment..... Be it in finances and time..... My fiance has in recent times begin to look inpatient and cultivating a spirit of lack of self control..... Maybe she thinks she is getting to old at just 27 or maybe parents re pressuring her.... We had plans to get married dis year but dis her new attitude of transferring aggression towards me in recent times has been to start to tink oda wise..... As it stands I am currently planning on traveling out of Naija.... We have been daring for 2 years Nw but have been friends for more Dan 14 years ..... Am only going to disclose dis my new plan to her wen it works cuz we haven't been talking for more Dan 3 weeks Nw.... The truth is Dat I rather have a broken relationship Dan have a broken marriage..... Gals be wise

Nawaoooh.

I met him in 2010, and I had to leave for graduate school in 2012. We continued dating and he visited me in the U.S as often as he could. After one of such visits, i discovered he had used my laptop to watch pornography. We had a fight, broke up, then made up again.

I am currently studying for my Doctorate and my greencard application (thru sister) is pending, therefore, i cannot travel out of the country now. So last year we decided to do our wedding in the U.S, and he and his family went to my family in Nigeria to pay my bride price.

My dad gave them a small price because he said we don't need their money and he is not selling me. But the problem was that the boxes of items they were to bring for me ended up being all cheap stuff, not even one single set of gold jewelry. My mum was unhappy and embarrassed, and i was terribly unhappy too. His excuse was that they didn't think the stuff would actually get to me since i am far away. My mum actually sent some of the stuff to me to see for myself. So we got into a huge fight and didn't speak for weeks. I later reached out to try and sort out our differences but he now says that he doesn't want to get married anymore.

I am distraught and embarrassed to even tell my family now because i had to fight for him and stand on my decision despite their hesitations. Is this relationship worth fighting for at all anymore? Do I deserve this after all this time?

Abeg you deserve better.Why can't he buy something expensive if he can afford it and going by the excuse he gave that means he has no regard for your family n trying to play on their intelligence. Your parents wrote the list I suppose,didn't they know u are far away when they gave him the list?What they do with it is not his business. O yea,it is not.It is called bride price that's what he has to pay what u do with it is your business. Abeg it is good radiance to bad rubbish!

PatriotTemidayo:
Every piece of advice am about to give is curled out of your write-up. First, I think you think too highly of yourself and less about him. Secondly, picking a fight over him watching porn describe you as Naive and close-minded cus like you've said, you're in the US and he's in Nigeria, how else did you think he survived? Thirdly, you do not appreciate the fact that while you're busy pursuing you personal educational agendas, he was very understanding for waiting for you, that was a big sacrifice.
Lastly, you live in the US and called Nigeria's Item inferior? That's absolute ignorance. I think your parents and family are top used to very expensive and imported items that they forgot that stuffs in Nigeria ain't exactly the same quality as that of the US, and I am sure your people just wanna make an issue for this. I think they got another hidden suitor someone and I think they suddenly think your man of 7 years is not worthy of their heavy investment who is now a PhD in-making.

Think.

You said they dont wanna sell you so why should box of gold matter?

If they don't wanna collect so much money from his family, so how much does a box of gold cost?

As far as am concerned, he has the right to break up with your ass cuz you've been so carried away with the word "YOU" that you forget you're trying to build a relationship, and not a factory.

Don't blame him, but make amend. And make it humbly. Your doctorate degree, your Green card and your family and stuffs wouldn't help you get a man. He was your man b4 you got to this level, be wise.

Trust me, if I have any means to show you how 'in love' I am with your view and observation on this issue, I will do that!

You captured every angle of the issue.

The guy isn't the problem here, she is the author and finisher of her own relationship! Self centered being!

Nancy2016:


Your argument doesn't hold water. She never said it was her work laptop. Most people don't let others use their work laptops. I have never used my husband's work laptop and I don't even know his password. Also your claim that people have been turned away at US airports because they had porn on their laptops seems to be a tall tale. Remember that America prides itself on being the land of freedom, there is no way the US authorities would get away with such overreach of authority. If you are over 18 you can watch porn as long as it doesn't involve minors.

you are daft was my remark limited to the OP. She never said it was her work laptop did she say it was not? She obviously did not like it. The bottom line is if you must watch porn do it on your computer or with the permission of the owner so as to avoid causing them unwanted surprises or worse.

My claim seems to be a tall tale and when it involves minors it is no longer porn? It has another name.Did I say whether it involved minors or not? In your eyes you are clever but you are quite stupid

laamdee:

I don't understand how some people read. From the OP post what suggests that the guy could not afford expensive things.Though am not saying he should breAk a bank cos of engagement things but that was not stated or insinuated in the post.

Ekaka1:


Stop sounding bleep...is that all you picked from her travails?

Pls you both should drop your address and phone # so that when the guy start pounding her like Mercy is experiencing i can reach out to you both. So you need me to conjure how someone that was chasing simply stopped abruptly due to your demand " whether frivolous or not" which he refused in it's totality without you bulging. Of what help is the sobering after the cookie already crumbled ? Maybe the dude needs to go on his kneel before you yield to his heed.

decatalyst:


Trust me, if I have any means to show you how 'in love' I am with your view and observation on this issue, I will do that!

You captured every angle of the issue.

The guy isn't the problem here, she is the author and finisher of her own relationship! Self centered being!

My brother, am Humbled. I think being real and frank with our peers and buddies is appreciation enough.

We sometimes create problems where there's none, making enemies where we should make friends. One Love brother.

Dig gold for usa again with green card bro? haba na

ChiefSweetus:


Mumu. You wan dig gold wey u no plant. You no see say na gold dey cause all dis wahala abi.

Lol@cheap stuff and gold jewelry... Is as if OP does not know the size of the guys pocket... You better know your guys capability well or you will be disappointed when you marry.

Or...

The guy just doesnt want to spend so much on you, OP. Search yourself, you are the one who knows whether the relationship is worth fighting for. You know the guy more than anybody here who will give you advice.

aribisala0:
you are daft was my remark limited to the OP. She never said it was her work laptop did she say it was not? She obviously did not like it. The bottom line is if you must watch porn do it on your computer or with the permission of the owner so as to avoid causing them unwanted surprises or worse.

My claim seems to be a tall tale and when it involves minors it is no longer porn? It has another name.Did I say whether it involved minors or not? In your eyes you are clever but you are quite stupid

You are an ignoramus. You make stupid assumptions and then tell a big fat lie. Name anyone who has been sent back because they had porn on their laptop. Ode, please go and fool people in the village with your lies.

Trina0936:

You are actually the one who lacks understanding. How does whites being more objective and less sentimental relate to melanin and inferiority complex?
Oga,you must be an educated illiterate. Schooling abroad doesn't make one less stupid and you just confirmed it!

I can see the lane you are taking the conversation to. I won't engage you in mudslinging and vilification, rather, I will try to be reasonable with you. If what I said about blanching your skin and restructuring your face makes you feel insulted, I'm sorry. The whole conversation started when you said white people believe that if a relationship doesn't work, you move on because there are other people out there for you which is the reason why their lifes are much better than blacks. I said it's nonsense because I believe moving on with life after a failed relationship is not believed only by white race. Other races believe so too. Whether it's black, asian, latinos or native americans. Also saying white people lifes are much better than black is totally wrong. Do not be fooled by what you see on movies. Hollywood is not a true reflection of what happens in real life. White people aren't less sentimental or understand relationship better than black people. Relationship is an individual thing not a race thing. Trust me, I know what I'm saying.

slurryeye2:


I can see the lane you are taking the conversation to. I won't engage you in mudslinging and vilification, rather, I will try to be reasonable with you. If what I said about blanching your skin and restructuring your face makes you feel insulted, I'm sorry. The whole conversation started when you said white people believe that if a relationship doesn't work, you move on because there are other people out there for you which is the reason why their lifes are much better than blacks. I said it's nonsense because I believe moving on with life after a failed relationship is not believed only by white race. Other races believe so too. Whether it's black, asian, latinos or native americans. Also saying white people lifes are much better than black is totally wrong. Do not be fooled by what you see on movies. Hollywood is not a true reflection of what happens in real life. White people aren't less sentimental or understand relationship better than black people. Relationship is an individual thing not a race thing. Trust me, I know what I'm saying.

Okay sir,I have heard you. But our traditions and customs are not as liberal as theirs. That was what I was referring to.

Trina0936:

Okay sir,I have heard you. But our traditions and customs are not as liberal as theirs. That was what I was referring to.

Absolutely, our traditions and customs are far from being liberal as theirs which was why I said we need enlightenment. Some of our traditions and cultures are as good as for the garbage. However, we shouldn't get liberal to stupidity level where a girl of 12 years will be slapping her mother in the public or a wife decided to sleep with her brother in law with her husband's consent.

MVLOX:



I totally agree with u..... Babes can nag and under appreciate guy that re trying their best to make it here in Naija..... If care is not taken the story of me and my fiancé may just end up like dis...... Dey want gud guys but can appreciate the little we can afford at the moment..... Be it in finances and time..... My fiance has in recent times begin to look inpatient and cultivating a spirit of lack of self control..... Maybe she thinks she is getting to old at just 27 or maybe parents re pressuring her.... We had plans to get married dis year but dis her new attitude of transferring aggression towards me in recent times has been to start to tink oda wise..... As it stands I am currently planning on traveling out of Naija.... We have been daring for 2 years Nw but have been friends for more Dan 14 years ..... Am only going to disclose dis my new plan to her wen it works cuz we haven't been talking for more Dan 3 weeks Nw.... The truth is Dat I rather have a broken relationship Dan have a broken marriage..... Gals be wise

if u re travelling out of naija let her know in good time so she can move on if possible.dont hold her down only to end up leaving at age 27. If she truly loves you it ll distabilise her big time.

I think you should move on. Unless you want to get stuck in a break up/make up cycle , you don't want that really. He's not a serious person.

slurryeye2:


Absolutely, our traditions and customs are far from being liberal as theirs which was why I said we need enlightenment. Some of our traditions and cultures are as good as for the garbage. However, we shouldn't get liberal to stupidity level where a girl of 12 years will be slapping her mother in the public or a wife decided to sleep with her brother in law with her husband's consent.

Obviously not every white is that stupid.

Nancy2016:


You are an ignoramus. You make stupid assumptions and then tell a big fat lie. Name anyone who has been sent back because they had porn on their laptop. Ode, please go and fool people in the village with your lies.

Your father is an ignoramus he will die u stupid. Your epileptic mother will die stupid. I do nor know stupid people so I won't know people sent back for stupidity. Ask your father

when a woman is too educated she becomes more complicating,....your parents want a dangote for an inlaw,...its keft for you to evaluate what you want from a husband,..if after the evaluation you come to realise that money, gold and all manner of material things dont matter,..then you should try reaching out to him once more,..7yrs is nt smetin you would jus let go off.

aribisala0:
Your father is an ignoramus he will die u stupid. Your epileptic mother will die stupid. I do nor know stupid people so I won't know people sent back for stupidity. Ask your father

Raving lunatic and a liar. Own up to your lies and stop ranting like a crazy man infected with gonorrhea.

That's weird [color=#000099][/color]

Kelvin1971:
You prefer gold so go and marry gold how can you say because he buy gold and silver in the box you decided to quarrel him now you lost him

she actually deserve Adekunle Gold

dan56:

Hmmmmm and you think your guess work will always be right??

Not guess work

madone:
if u re travelling out of naija let her know in good time so she can move on if possible.dont hold her down only to end up leaving at age 27. If she truly loves you it ll distabilise her big time.

I guess u re right...... I really love dis babe as she is even my 1st babe... But I just can't stand dis her attitude.... We will even eventually talk but for D Nw I have nothing to tell her as I have allowed her to do Wat she likes and feels like.... It's like dey say... She has the yam nd knife all to herself Nw she is free to do Wat ever she likes with it.... Any decision she takes concerning our relationship will be accepted by me....