Good day Nairalanders,
it's been quite a while since I made a thread here.
Well,actually,I am in a kind of dilemma right now & could use some of Ur help.
I ve been dating this girl for over 8months now,infact we started dating in the 1st semester of my 4th yr in sch and she had just been offered admission to study accountancy in a polytechnic not too far from my own sch.Everything was going on fine until the end of the semester when I had to go back to Lagos(where I am based) where I was going to spend the next six-month doing my Industrial attachment programme in an industry.I told her about the situation and asked her if she could endure a long-distance relationship,she said she could as long we will be talking to eachother on phone.While in Lagos,we would call each other on phone & talk about thesame thing,realy,it started getting boring,she just wasn't skillful in keeping an interesting conversation.I was always the one doing all the talking.As a result, I reduced the calling as there was almost nothing to talk about,she didn't complain though.We carried on like that,calling only when we felt there was sth to talk abt.Then one midnight,sth happened that started giving me mixed feelings abt the r/ship.An old flame that left me some 2yrz back called around 1am(those of us in naija know the mtn free midnyt call stuff),my God! We chatted and chatted till 4am,geez!it was like she was right in thesame place with me,lively and invigorating,I laf'd till it was morning.Then the next day I decided to call my present gf at midnyt,so we could chat extensively. . .mehn! To say it was a bore is to be nice.It was like a question & answer session,U know the type between a counselor and his client,it came to a point,I told her point-blank that I was bored and wanted to take my sleep,she excused me.Geez!To me that was it,that was the last straw that broke the camel's back.Later in the morning,i started comparing the ignited flame I felt with my former and the cold room icechill i felt with the latter,U know the rest.As if that wasn't enuf,my childhood crush came around at christmas to stay with her elder brother,we spent all of xmas together,needless to say,she awakened my yearnings and the butterflies in my stomach.Although,we didn't say anything abt starting a r/ship,I knew it was only a matter of time we would start looking that way.
Now am back in Sch,for some unknown reasons,I ve not felt any need to visit her in Sch.Although,I was planning to visit on her matriculation day,I even bought her a designer wrist watch as present,I had planned to give it to her that day.But fate would not ve it that way, my cousins who also are students 4rm dsame sch and were also matriculating dropped by my hostel,I couldn't leave them there to attend my gf's.I called her to inform her of the development,although she didn't freak out,i could sense anger in her reply.Not satisfied,I called the 2nd time,this time,I invited her over to my hostel,I wanted to make it up to her,I told her I wanted to take her out that evening,geez!That was when she freaked out on me,she started getting preachy abt how it was wrong for her to come out by that time for any reason,me,sensing it was going to end up in a fruitless arguement kept mute and later sent her a text to beg her and also explain myself.
However,since then I ve been planning to tell her that I am fed up and want outta the r/ship.But the problem now is,I dont know how to go about it without hurting her,she's realy a nice person and the last thing I want to do is hurt her.But then again,am not feeling the r/ship again.Infact,am just not into her as it is now.Since her matriculation debacle,I ve intentionally decided not to call her again to see if she would get the message.Just this evening,I opened my FB inbox and there was a msg 4rm her.She said she was slightly angry with me but she misses me.That threw me off balance,she got me there but the fact is,i think my feelings for her has metamorphased into pity and not love.Am so confused right now,mehn. . How do I go abt it.

Oh the whole story is too long, can't go through all of them.

Just looking at the tile, the answer is NO.

I advice you to do it with a text message or over the phone.

So if i understand you correctly you are not going back to the area where she is and you aren't just breaking it off because youare not able to handle a long distance relationship.

Well my friend as far as your question is concerned there really is no way to dump her without hurting her if she really cares about you. It's not like she gave you one of heer kidneys shuuuu just call her and let her know but of course be nice about it and dont even think about doing it by email or text because that is just tacky.
The watch you bought her did you ever send it to her? and your cousins visiting was a poor excuse for not going to her school thing.

[size=13pt]there is no nice way of breaking up with someone,a party ll still get hurt at the end of the day so just get it over with if you want to break it off[/size]

@Omega25red
yeah U re right abt my cousins showing up as a weak excuse but the fact is,it wasn't realy an excuse that was exactly what happened.Seriously,i couldn't do that coz until then,i was actually looking 4ward to seeing them after they left lag and relocated to abuja with their parents.
As I write,the wrist watch is still in my box,it's not my fault she's not had it yet.if there is a chance,I will give it to her,afterall,she is actually the one I bought it for.So U think telling over the phone is ok. . . Hmmm. . I think she would hate my guts if I did that.But thanks though.

@Kokoye
Mehn bro! I am considering the first option,sending her a text but my room mate thinks it would be too hard on her especially when she's not thinking in that direction.He says I should rather not call her again.
@Google
U re a female,come on!help a brother here!it's not as easy as U are saying it U know?

rhymz:

@Omega25red
yeah U re right abt my cousins showing up as a weak excuse but the fact is,it wasn't realy an excuse that was exactly what happened.Seriously,i couldn't do that coz until then,i was actually looking 4ward to seeing them after they left lag and relocated to abuja with their parents.
As I write,the wrist watch is still in my box,it's not my fault she's not had it yet.if there is a chance,I will give it to her,afterall,she is actually the one I bought it for.So U think telling over the phone is ok. . . Hmmm. . I think she would hate my guts if I did that.But thanks though.

well the reason why i suggested the phone is because you make it seem like she is 2000 miles away so i figurre why travel to break up with someone when you can do it over the phone and please keep the watch for the next girl since you are going to dump her you dont want to send any mixed messages

@ OP

just tell her friend to tell her in a nice way, that way it will be just girl's talk and it wont hurt

hey rhymz

whats up broda
papi new year
havent seen u since like 2009 or sometin~
u don chop~

anyway i dnt have tyme now 2 read ur thread
wud check it out 2morow
gotta go clubbin now

talk 2 u 2mrw

@190
Mehn Brother I Dey oh. . . Just that I ve been very busy with a lot of stuff,Sch work,project,hussling and so on. . But I dey kamkpe!Thanx Bro and I expect Ur response 2moro,dont 4get to garnish it with Ur jokes,na Ur way. . Hehehe. . Thanks bro!
@na2day
Are U kidding or U re serious with that suggestion,U know say these dayz person no fit tell when U serious,U re always joking. . Lol. . u mean I should tell her friend to tell her?hahahaha. . . That is so not smart.
And here is another cracker,I know the two of her very close friends,one is talkative and frankly I dont like her.The other is a lil too hot for me,she gives me this "I want to f U kinda looks".The last we realy had some fun,she told me she was not in talking terms with her hotty friend.I ran into that one some 3wks back,I deliberately didn't ask her abt my gf.we exchange numbers though.Can't tell any of em 2.no way!

@omega25red
Actually, our schools are close by,not even up to 10km drive.To be frank telling her on phone will make her cry and I don't want her crying voice in my head tormenting me.Already,am feeling guilty of not reciprocating.U know U re right about keeping the wrist watch to avoid sending mix msgs to her.By the way she just flashed/called,am not even sure which one she was trying to do.I am flirting with the idea of not calling her again and not picking her calls.

@omega25red
Actually, our schools are close by,not even up to 10km drive.To be frank telling her on phone will make her cry and I don't want her crying voice in my head tormenting me.Already,am feeling guilty of not reciprocating.U know U re right about keeping the wrist watch to avoid sending mix msgs to her.By the way she just flashed/called,am not even sure which one she was trying to do.I am flirting with the idea of not calling her again and not picking her calls.

fifi09:

That is definitely not the right approach to end a relationship.

why not?

That is definitely not the right approach to end a relationship.

why not?

are you actually serious in asking why not Give the girl a bit of respect and break up with her like a man, tell her yourself, if you've been dating for 8 months, you should be the one to tell her. I think if its so close you should meet up with her, you seem to feel this yourself, tell her how you feel.

But please tell her, whatever way, if she still wants to be with you she will get hurt no matter how you tell her, don't drag it out any further, she will only get more hurt when you do eventually break up, so is better if you can tomorrow, or ASAP. The more time you spend not telling her, the more she could be missing on the Mr Right for her. So please be gracious and tell her in the nicest way you can, just do it soon. If i was her, i would appreciate that.

vfocus:


why not?   

are you actually serious in asking why not Give the girl a bit of respect and break up with her like a man, tell her yourself, if you've been dating for 8 months, you should be the one to tell her. I think if its so close you should meet up with her, you seem to feel this yourself,  tell her how you feel.

But please tell her, whatever way, if she still wants to be with you she will get hurt no matter how you tell her, don't drag it out any further, she will only get more hurt when you do eventually break up, so is better if you can tomorrow, or ASAP. The more time you spend not telling her, the more she could be missing on the Mr Right for her. So please be gracious and tell her in the nicest way you can, just do it soon. If i was her, i would appreciate that.

slow ur roll baby girl, if u take every response from NL seriously u will get a heart attack. now to why tell her friend to tell her, i was told that "what a man can do, a woman can do it better"

fifi09:

How would you feel if a girl breaks up with you like that?

i will spank the silly out of her

@ Poster

Story too long. . . . there is no easy of tellin someone its over, just get it over and done with and pleeeze don't turn it into a slow painful death, just go ezi on her!!  

There's no nice way of saying it, It's over means it's over.

Vfocus
coincidentally,I ve been thinking abt going to her sch 2moro morning.Since 11pm i ve been listening to some strings of love songs & guez what most of them are heartbreak songs and am thinking of breaking sb's heart 2moro! I doubt if my guts would be enuf to spit it out,am thinking anothing again,maybe I should go there 2moro not with the intent of breaking up but maybe see how we would act around eachother and then consider whether to give it another shot or just move on with my life.Now I understand why they say love can be so cruel!

Vfocus
coincidentally,I ve been thinking abt going to her sch 2moro morning.Since 11pm i ve been listening to some strings of love songs & guez what most of them are heartbreak songs,am even surprise that I have a huge collection of these kinda songs and here I am thinking of breaking sb's heart 2moro! I doubt if my guts would be enuf to spit it out,am thinking another thing again,maybe I should go there 2moro not with the intent of breaking up but maybe see how we would act around eachother and then consider whether to give it another shot or just move on with my life.Now I understand why they say love can be so cruel!

by giving her an its all over but it was good while it lasted present of her choice

@Poster sorry but I could not read the whole story,long day and my beds calling.

Why not just say "sorry it's just not working, but lets still be friends" it would work for me.

Vfocus
coincidentally,I ve been thinking abt going to her sch 2moro morning.Since 11pm i ve been listening to some strings of love songs & guez what most of them are heartbreak songs,am even surprise that I have a huge collection of these kinda songs and here I am thinking of breaking sb's heart 2moro! I doubt if my guts would be enuf to spit it out,am thinking another thing again,maybe I should go there 2moro not with the intent of breaking up but maybe see how we would act around eachother and then consider whether to give it another shot or just move on with my life.Now I understand why they say love can be so cruel!
Na2day
did U just wittingly say "what a man can do a woman can do it better" . . Lol. . u sure know how to crack ppl up!

Na2day
did U just wittingly say "what a man can do a woman can do it better" . . Lol. . u sure know how to crack ppl up!

rhymz:

Na2day
did U just wittingly say "what a man can do a woman can do it better" . . Lol. . u sure know how to crack ppl up!

i did, i heard that line somewhere and i hope for ur sake it is true alternatively u can tell her "honey, u are so Oscar Victor Echo Romeo" then leave quickly

@madlady
sorry i had to stress U with my long epistle,i just wanted to capture my wahala in writing to enhance understanding before some feminist or sexist will lambast me for lack of understanding.But Ur suggestion is noted too.
Vivaladiva
I wish it was that easy to say.

this new girl you are planning to go out with, what makes u think u won't get bored of her after a couple of months when you meet another girl who has nicer teeth or cooks better or whatever excuse u will come up with.
I think you should work things out with your gf instead of looking for an excuse as to why u shldn't be with her. you said it is long distance, do you plan to go back? will the new girl go back with you?

u know, many married men who cheat usually have the same excuse. "my wife isn't doing this and that"  the thing is, before they met the new girl, they didn't see anything wrong with the wife, it is when they find someone else, that suddenly the old boring wife or gf has a problem in their eyes. of course new stuff are always more exciting but never long lasting.

so my point is, think hard about this decision you want to make. the reason u feel bad is because u kno your actions are not fair. the idea of the date is good. but let her know your motive. [b]explain everything to her [/b]and based on her reaction, u can go ahead and break up with her. who knows, she might actually be the one who ends up breaking up with you once u tell her you have suddenly taken a preference in a new girl  just make sure she doesn't knock u out with a pestle in the process.


anyways, u can keep the girl as a friend as long as nothing intimate goes on between you. because trust me, after a few weeks the butterflies n excitement will go away and u might probably regret breaking up with ur gf