Good day everyone, I have been reading on this forum since Dec 2013 & I know there are a lot of intelligent people here, my reason for coming for advice.

I will be clocking 33 & also become a PhD in few months. I'm financially stable, Virgin and a Christian. I had my first and only true love relationship while in the university with a sister in the small campus fellowship. The relationship failed after I graduated and went for my NYSC because of communication issue of 8 months. She told me my love in her heart has faded away and she could not love me any more.

Some times around 2014, I met a 300L student on Facebook from same university where I graduated from. I went to see her face to face after 2 months of friendship. I told her from my heart that day I'm going to marry you. This was time I was battling with master's degree thesis when I had no idea of being where I am today. I saw her love for me. She replied immediately by telling me how she lost her virginity pride during Jamb wàhálà and between then & late 2013 she had slept with 4 guys,and had an abortion before gaining admission. I still loved her and appreciated her openness.

Today, these are issues bothering my heart. Most times, I now think why must I still be a Virgin at 33 & still want to marry someone who has been sexually active since jamb days? I appreciate her openness but this disturbs me a lot. I have met her parents and she does visit my parents at home too. My parents like her as well. Also, I have considered, this lady have no idea of what I worth today. She persists despite being in a long distance relationship. I have saved twice for wedding and I diverted it to other projects. The university has been on strike for many months now, this is not issue anyway.

I have made this lady cried on phone because of my attitude due to what I think some times not that I'm dating anyone else. Presently without deceiving anyone, I'm tired of living single life, apart from the part that my parents do remind me of marriage,I love marriage and I really want to get married.

Lastly, I do have conversations on WhatsApp with many of my students especially the female ones of which some of them would be graduating from university soon. These are students I taught mathematics during my masters degree programs. Some of them do ask me when am I getting married? But I still think I might be disgracing myself talking to them about marriage since many of them are below 20 despite fast education while I'd be 33 soon. I have saved again for a wedding I have no date for.

I strongly believe advices from matured & intelligent people especially from married people would be of great help for me. Thanks.

I forgot to add this, I had discussed this with a wonderful brother of mine, a matured Christian, he said to me "All I could see is that your life became meaningful shortly after meeting this lady, this might be more than what I know"

Tosyn2much fall in

If you are a true Christian, Is prayer too hard for you? Hearing God is the easiest thing if you truly have a sincere open heart, HE IS ALWAYS THERE TO LEAD YOU. Besides the BIBLE SAYS... By their Fruits you shall know them.... not by their education or age.

If you already have a Lady then go for her... VIRGINITY and SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS or PERFECTIONALISM is your MAJOR PROBLEM... You want a VIRGIN... VIRGINITY is not character... it is merely lack of opportunity... Consider this, IT TOOK A LOT FOR THE LADY TO TELL YOU ABOUT HER PAST, that should make you respect and trust her even if she was once a LESBIIAN or a RAPIST.....

GOD NEVER JUDGES OR BLESSES ANYONE BASED ON THEIR PAST FLAWS OR IMPERFECTIONS AND MISTAKES.

Marriage is for a Life time, virginity does not last.... so look beyond it and FIND the virtues that you will be pleased to live with for the rest of your LIFE. simple.

Elders of nairaland over to you...this one pass me.



Genius J

Lol. I'm no counsellor but one thing I notice is you're being so naive. I'm not gonna tell you to marry the girl or not, but I'll advise you to clear your mind off the virginity bullshït and how sexually active she's been. This mentality will always make you not to want any girl. Trust me, virginity is 'overrated' and majority of girls above 25 who are still virgins just lack the opportunity to have sex.

Like you stated, the girl is a good girl, you and your family love her but then her past gives you concern. Brov, you've been with her for over 3 years now, that's enough for you to figure who and what she is. Leaving her for another girl now will further delay your getting married as you'll need another few years of courting.

BTW, forget what a brother in church will say, follow your mind. A Christian brother will always advice another brother against marrying a non virgin girl

Godhelpme2017:

I forgot to add this, I had discussed this with a wonderful brother of mine, a matured Christian, he said to me "All I could see is that your life became meaningful shortly after meeting this lady, this might be more than what I know"

First, this is crap.

Op let the girl go because you are already judging her. She's better off without you.
You said the girl is a good girl but your problem is her lost virginity.

I think it's only fair for someone who's virgin to want to go for 1 as well BUT thinking virginity is a measurement of being a good person/wife is kinda naive.

If you continue to see her lost virginity as a problem, let her go because you might end up ruining things first you and HER. But by letting her go, you are at least giving her a chance to find someone who will cherish her, while only YOU regret losing someone you love

@ OP, Since you claim to be a christian, and you kept yourself from sleeping with any girl till this age, I could assume you're a spiritual person (born again); but that may not be correct anyway. But if it's correct, at this your age and level you should have discovered how God speaks to you personally. And if you have, has God spoken to you about this particular lady? Or you just want to lay the forgiven sins on her head? Though you have been a virgin, has God not let go of many atrocities of yours against Him over the years? Shelah!

greatnaija01:
If you are a true Christian, Is prayer too hard for you? Hearing God is the easiest thing if you truly have a sincere open heart, HE IS ALWAYS THERE TO LEAD YOU. Besides the BIBLE SAYS... By their Fruits you shall know them.... not by their education or age.

If you already have a Lady then go for her... VIRGINITY and SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS or PERFECTIONALISM is your MAJOR PROBLEM... You want a VIRGIN... VIRGINITY is not character... it is merely lack of opportunity... Consider this, IT TOOK A LOT FOR THE LADY TO TELL YOU ABOUT HER PAST, that should make you respect and trust her even if she was once a LESBIIAN or a RAPIST.....

GOD NEVER JUDGES OR BLESSES ANYONE BASED ON THEIR PAST FLAWS OR IMPERFECTIONS AND MISTAKES.

Marriage is for a Life time, virginity does not last.... so look beyond it and FIND the virtues that you will be pleased to live with for the rest of your LIFE. simple.

Thumbs up........ you've said it all.

Don't get me wrong but i kinda noticed virgins(esp male) tend to do well financially.

Op there is nothing wrong with been a virgin at the age of 33, strange but not wrong

I can tell from your write up that you have a conflict of interest because you really want to get married but not just to anyone
For example, you sited how you feel it is not proper for you to marry a girl that was disvirgined at a very young age and how the young age of your students can't make you consider them as serious suitors

Don't get caught in your idea of perfection. I know you feel you deserve a gift of a woman as a wife to match your educational and life achievements but marriage and falling in love is not as logical as a thesis

You may find love in the strangest of places , give ladies you have met already a chance, don't judge any of them and don't look at age as barrier, you will be surprised at where you may find your happiness

Bottom line keep an open mind

Stay blessed bro

Cladez:
Don't get me wrong but i kinda noticed virgins(esp male) tend to do well financially.

Hmmm... That's not generally true anyways. A virgin guy may be financially discipline, or seem so, because he's not really entered a woman's world- so to say. He is free from certain fear and anxieties- but he's actually not yet a man until he's been financially committed to a woman (I am not saying until he's slept with a woman)

First thing I'll tell you is do not let anyone pressure you into marriage, you're the only one that's going to be in the marriage with your spouse so take your time and be wise.



Secondly a girls virginity status has little or nothing to do with her personality, the part that should only bother you is the abortion she had but well such is life, no one is flawless and she has already opened up to you from inception so you should forget about it, there's no one above mistake and go for fertility test if you want to ensure her womb is intact , Just know what you want in a woman and if she has it then you're good to go.



And virginity is not overrated as someone, there are virgins above 25 who even get to have more opportunities to have sex than nonvirgins self but chose to remain chaste in this perverse generation so don't believe that crap.



But before you think of getting married to any one go to God personally in prayer not to some priest or pastor and seek his face and direction, he's not difficult to find.

There is no perfection in this life. May God almighty help us

Virgin at 33?

Dude where have you been?

33 years old male virgin! This is what we call Scarce Commodity in Economics.. Lolz

elantraceey:
First thing I'll tell you is do not let anyone pressure you into marriage, you're the only one that's going to be in the marriage with your spouse so take your time and be wise.



Secondly a girls virginity status has little or nothing to do with her personality, the part that should only bother you is the abortion she had but well such is life, no one is flawless and she has already opened up to you from inception so you should forget about it, there's no one above mistake and go for fertility test if you want to ensure her womb is intact , Just know what you want in a woman and if she has it then you're good to go.



And virginity is not overrated as someone, there are virgins above 25 who even get to have more opportunities to have sex than nonvirgins self but chose to remain chaste in this perverse generation so don't believe that crap.



But before you think of getting married to any one go to God personally in prayer not to some priest or pastor and seek his face and direction, he's not difficult to find.

Thank you beautiful
Was going to say that but just chose not to. Really I don't know why people keep saying that. While reading that i was like "can you please stop already?".

OP it is well with you.

Go down on ur knees and ask God to lead you to make the right Choice.

I also congratulate you. It's not easy been a virgin as a male at age 33.

I hope you'd be a role model to a lot of people out there.

Also, what if in your quest for a virgin girl, you meet someone bad, someone with an annoying attitude.

Hmmmm.. This is strong.

rosalieene:
OP it is well with you.

Go down on ur knees and ask God to lead you to make the right Choice.

I also congratulate you. It's not easy been a virgin as a male at age 33.

I hope you'd be a role model to a lot of people out there.

Also, what if in your quest for a virgin girl, you meet someone bad, someone with an annoying attitude.

Forget that thing.

Tell the lady that you cannot marry her because she's not a virgin, she will accept and move on to someone who will readily accept her.
Look for one of your students of around 20 years and discuss marriage, some girls are young but quite matured, maturity is not by age alone, you will see some single women of 30 years still doing anyhow.
Look to other places like churches too, you will surely get a virgin, and that, my brother is the only way you can find satisfaction in marriage.

But no need to blow lie say you be virgin, what does it mean for a man to be a virgin?? Who ask you sef??

Jacksparr0w1207:
Lol. I'm no counsellor but one thing I notice is you're being so naive. I'm not gonna tell you to marry the girl or not, but I'll advise you to clear your mind off the virginity bullshït and how sexually active she's been. This mentality will always make you not to want any girl. Trust me, virginity is 'overrated' and majority of girls above 25 who are still virgins just lack the opportunity to have sex.

Like you stated, the girl is a good girl, you and your family love her but then her past gives you concern. Brov, you've been with her for over 3 years now, that's enough for you to figure who and what she is. Leaving her for another girl now will further delay your getting married as you'll need another few years of courting.

BTW, forget what a brother in church will say, follow your mind. A Christian brother will always advice another brother against marrying a non virgin girl

Thanks for your contribution. We have not really spent so much time together. But sincerely, I could see her true love for me. The first I went to see her in school, I arrived late night around 10pm, I slept in her room(off campus) while she went to sleep with one of her friends in the school hostel. We spent about 8 hrs together the next day which happened to be Sunday including church service.

The second time was when I went to her family house to meet her parents about (Lagos to Ondo). I was there for about 6hrs while she prepared the food, I was being entertained by her parents. This time, I knew I was travelling for my PhD but none of them knew. The third time of meeting and most emotional was at airport. My flight was 6:10am but I was surprised how she made it to see me off as early as 4am. This is someone who has no family in Lagos. She told me how her friend helped her and arranged with someone with a car to drive them to the airport so early after travelling from her school down to Lagos though within SW but I cant but really appreciate anyone who could do thing like this just because of me.

The most surprising of this is that, my friend told me that she waited till around 6:20am to confirm my flight departure because I left them around 4:30am, they we not allowed to follow me at a point in the airport. Altogether, we've spent less than 24hrs being physically together.

Godhelpme2017:


Thanks for your contribution. We have not really spent so much time together. But sincerely, I could see her true love for me. The first I went to see her in school, I arrived late night around 10pm, I slept in her room(off campus) while she went to sleep with one of her friends in the school hostel. We spent about 8 hrs together the next day which happened to be Sunday including church service.

The second time was when I went to her family house to meet her parents about (Lagos to Ondo). I was there for about 6hrs while she prepared the food, I was being entertained by her parents. This time, I knew I was travelling for my PhD but none of them knew. The third time of meeting and most emotional was at airport. My flight was 6:10am but I was surprised how she made it to see me off as early as 4am. This is someone who has no family in Lagos. She told me how her friend helped her and arranged with someone with a car to drive them to the airport so early after travelling from her school down to Lagos though within SW but I cant but really appreciate anyone who could do thing like this just because of me.

The most surprising of this is that, my friend told me that she waited till around 6:20am to confirm my flight departure because I left them around 4:30am, they we not allowed to follow me at a point in the airport. Altogether, we've spent less than 24hrs being physically together.

Wow! The distance and not having spend time together is a problem. It's really gonna be hard for you to know each other well.

Do you reckon you gonna be able to spend more time together anytime soon? Or the distance will always be there?

But whatever the answers are, I'll still advise you give it a chance. But maybe you'll have to delay the wedding plans so you both can have enough real time together.

It will also be nice if she can spend maybe a month or few weeks with your family even though you won't be there with them. They'll be able to figure one or two genuine things about her.

Lastly, I'll enjoy you to get over nativity and get the issue of her sexual life out of your mind as it will always ruin whatever you both have going

I wish you all the best sir

greatnaija01:
If you are a true Christian, Is prayer too hard for you? Hearing God is the easiest thing if you truly have a sincere open heart, HE IS ALWAYS THERE TO LEAD YOU. Besides the BIBLE SAYS... By their Fruits you shall know them.... not by their education or age.

If you already have a Lady then go for her... VIRGINITY and SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS or PERFECTIONALISM is your MAJOR PROBLEM... You want a VIRGIN... VIRGINITY is not character... it is merely lack of opportunity... Consider this, IT TOOK A LOT FOR THE LADY TO TELL YOU ABOUT HER PAST, that should make you respect and trust her even if she was once a LESBIIAN or a RAPIST.....

GOD NEVER JUDGES OR BLESSES ANYONE BASED ON THEIR PAST FLAWS OR IMPERFECTIONS AND MISTAKES.

Marriage is for a Life time, virginity does not last.... so look beyond it and FIND the virtues that you will be pleased to live with for the rest of your LIFE. simple.

Thanks for the contribution. I understand that no one is perfect but sometimes, I think it is because of lack of discipline that makes some people lost their virginity which could still repeat itself when they are married.

Love your personality, ur wife wen u eventually find will be lucky.

Jacksparr0w1207:
Wow! The distance and not having spend time together is a problem. It's really gonna be hard for you to know each other well.

Do you reckon you gonna be able to spend more time together anytime soon? Or the distance will always be there?

But whatever the answers are, I'll still advise you give it a chance. But maybe you'll have to delay the wedding plans so you both can have enough real time together.

It will also be nice if she can spend maybe a month or few weeks with your family even though you won't be there with them. They'll be able to figure one or two genuine things about her.

Lastly, I'll enjoy you to get over nativity and get the issue of her sexual life out of your mind as it will always ruin whatever you both have going

I wish you all the best sir

Thanks so much. My plan is to get married and relocate her since I have offers already unless I want to come down for a lecturing job which my parents doesn't like. Also, she is still in school because of many months of strike with reopening date still remains unknown.

Godhelpme2017:


Thanks for the contribution. I understand that no one is perfect but sometimes, I think it is because of lack of discipline that makes some people lost their virginity which could still repeat itself when they are married.

U deserve d best
Talk to God, he sees d end from d beginning..

From your writeup, i see you believe you deserve better than Her.I understand you put a lot of priority in her virginity.

You need to go to God in Prayer, let him direct you in all your decision.
I will also advice you to be open minded, you are to hard on yourself.
About her,I believe you don't love her, if you do, you will see better things in her other than her virginity. This will continue to hurt you even in marriage.

I will advice you keep her while you continue to prayer with an open mind, remember you don't chose for God, he chooses for us.

I'm closely following this.....

Godhelpme2017:
Good day everyone, I have been reading on this forum since Dec 2013 & I know there are a lot of intelligent people here, my reason for coming for advice.

I will be clocking 33 & also become a PhD in few months. I'm financially stable, Virgin and a Christian. I had my first and only true love relationship while in the university with a sister in the small campus fellowship. The relationship failed after I graduated and went for my NYSC because of communication issue of 8 months. She told me my love in her heart has faded away and she could not love me any more.

Some times around 2014, I met a 300L student on Facebook from same university where I graduated from. I went to see her face to face after 2 months of friendship. I told her from my heart that day I'm going to marry you. This was time I was battling with master's degree thesis when I had no idea of being where I am today. I saw her love for me. She replied immediately by telling me how she lost her virginity pride during Jamb wàhálà and between then & late 2013 she had slept with 4 guys,and had an abortion before gaining admission. I still loved her and appreciated her openness.

Today, these are issues bothering my heart. Most times, I now think why must I still be a Virgin at 33 & still want to marry someone who has been sexually active since jamb days? I appreciate her openness but this disturbs me a lot. I have met her parents and she does visit my parents at home too. My parents like her as well. Also, I have considered, this lady have no idea of what I worth today. She persists despite being in a long distance relationship. I have saved twice for wedding and I diverted it to other projects. The university has been on strike for many months now, this is not issue anyway.

I have made this lady cried on phone because of my attitude due to what I think some times not that I'm dating anyone else. Presently without deceiving anyone, I'm tired of living single life, apart from the part that my parents do remind me of marriage,I love marriage and I really want to get married.

Lastly, I do have conversations on WhatsApp with many of my students especially the female ones of which some of them would be graduating from university soon. These are students I taught mathematics during my masters degree programs. Some of them do ask me when am I getting married? But I still think I might be disgracing myself talking to them about marriage since many of them are below 20 despite fast education while I'd be 33 soon. I have saved again for a wedding I have no date for.

I strongly believe advices from matured & intelligent people especially from married people would be of great help for me. Thanks.

I forgot to add this, I had discussed this with a wonderful brother of mine, a matured Christian, he said to me "All I could see is that your life became meaningful shortly after meeting this lady, this might be more than what I know"

.. Oyindidi of nairaland is available,
single & ready to mingle...she calm she lightskin thou..bro pls talk to her!!

Godhelpme2017:


Thanks so much. My plan is to get married and relocate her since I have offers already unless I want to come down for a lecturing job which my parents doesn't like. Also, she is still in school because of many months of strike with reopening date still remains unknown.

Ok bro. Since her uni is on strike, I'll suggest she spend some time with your family before they resume. I bet, no matter how hard she tries to fake things, she wouldn't be able to fake for long staying around your family

I see you're a good man, you've got good plans and you deserve the best. But like I said earlier, give it a try bro. The Lord is your strength


Once again, I wish you nothing but THE BEST in whatever decision you take

MrCork:




.. Oyindidi of nairaland is available,
single & ready to mingle...she calm she lightskin thou..bro pls talk to her!!

just shût up and get the steppings.

You think everything/time is joke?