Jacksparr0w1207:
just shût up and get the steppings.

You think everything/time is joke?

Godhelpme2017 is not lookin for boyfriend so pls...go n find fun on yahoo gay website!!(no oofeense)

MrCork:




Godhelpme2017 is not lookin for boyfriend so pls...go n find fun on yahoo gay website!!(no oofeense)

soro niyen?

Someone should please summarize this article for me!

greatnaija01:
If you are a true Christian, Is prayer too hard for you? Hearing God is the easiest thing if you truly have a sincere open heart, HE IS ALWAYS THERE TO LEAD YOU. Besides the BIBLE SAYS... By their Fruits you shall know them.... not by their education or age.

If you already have a Lady then go for her... VIRGINITY and SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS or PERFECTIONALISM is your MAJOR PROBLEM... You want a VIRGIN... VIRGINITY is not character... it is merely lack of opportunity... Consider this, IT TOOK A LOT FOR THE LADY TO TELL YOU ABOUT HER PAST, that should make you respect and trust her even if she was once a LESBIIAN or a RAPIST.....

GOD NEVER JUDGES OR BLESSES ANYONE BASED ON THEIR PAST FLAWS OR IMPERFECTIONS AND MISTAKES.

Marriage is for a Life time, virginity does not last.... so look beyond it and FIND the virtues that you will be pleased to live with for the rest of your LIFE. simple.

Bro I respect u in fact you have said it all, the guy need to be prayerful before taking any step.

Jacksparr0w1207:
Wow! The distance and not having spend time together is a problem. It's really gonna be hard for you to know each other well.

Do you reckon you gonna be able to spend more time together anytime soon? Or the distance will always be there?

But whatever the answers are, I'll still advise you give it a chance. But maybe you'll have to delay the wedding plans so you both can have enough real time together.

It will also be nice if she can spend maybe a month or few weeks with your family even though you won't be there with them. They'll be able to figure one or two genuine things about her.

Lastly, I'll enjoy you to get over nativity and get the issue of her sexual life out of your mind as it will always ruin whatever you both have going

I wish you all the best sir

You have said it all. Sexuality is not the real problem but the lack of spending quality time together.

MrCork:




.. Oyi..ndidi of nairaland is available,
single & ready to mingle...she calm she lightskin thou..bro pls talk to her!!

Why you mumu like cold akamu like this?

Oyindidi:
You have said it all. Sexuality is not the real problem but the lack of spending quality time together.

That's what it is

Oyindidi:
Why you mumu like cold akamu like this?

...tryyyyina fix u up witan...the least u can say to me is: thank u Mr cork!

Jacksparr0w1207:
That's what it is

^°°but why is this gay's talkin to Oyindidi?...ain't u gay anymore?((this is confused since)))

MrCork:


^°°but why is this gay's talkin to Oyindidi?...ain't u gay anymore?((this is confused since)))

ori e ti fòka

I had to lie down for this one.
Anxieties about being married are understandable. Your misgivings have grown into what could be best described as avoidance. You have found a reason and you have moulded into becoming an excuse. It's not a reason it's avoidance.
The lady did it lie to you, some would have. Has she given you any reason to doubt her moral & character?
Sir you are a higher functioning mammal a woman being a virgin guarantees nothing at all. An intact hymen does not define character,sincerity personality, commitment,support good work ethics and moral( yes I said it)
You are ruminating on semantics unnecessarily. The lady in question came with history you will find that is the norm, people tend to come with histories that shape then to be the people they are.

Self sabotaging is an avoidance tactic . What are you are you really worried about? She will find you inadequate and turn to another man? If that was the case do you not think she would have tired of your behaviours and contritions and left you?

You have a good thing going here, you need engage brain you are clearly clever enough to look at this logically. Would she make a good mother,wife and friend?
If you respond yes to all three then ask yourself this
How does the state of her hymen impact on her ability to perform all three? Don't be a morality police just for the sake of it. Don't let your emotions make your decisions.

[quote author=Godhelpme2017 post=58778674]

Thanks for your contribution. We have not really spent so much time together. But sincerely, I could see her true love for me. The first I went to see her in school, I arrived late night around 10pm, I slept in her room(off campus) while she went to sleep with one of her friends in the school hostel. We spent about 8 hrs together the next day which happened to be Sunday including church service.

The second time was when I went to her family house to meet her parents about (Lagos to Ondo). I was there for about 6hrs while she prepared the food, I was being entertained by her parents. This time, I knew I was travelling for my PhD but none of them knew. The third time of meeting and most emotional was at airport. My flight was 6:10am but I was surprised how she made it to see me off as early as 4am. This is someone who has no family in Lagos. She told me how her friend helped her and arranged with someone with a car to drive them to the airport so early after travelling from her school down to Lagos though within SW but I cant but really appreciate anyone who could do thing like this just because of me.

The most surprising of this is that, my friend told me that she waited till around 6:20am to confirm my flight departure because I left them around 4:30am, they we not allowed to follow me at a point in the airport. Altogether, we've spent less than 24hrs being physically together.[/7quote]

This here is the main issue, relationship of three years yet you both haven't t spent quality time together. I think you guys need to get to know one another on a one on one level since she is on break from school.

greatnaija01:
If you are a true Christian, Is prayer too hard for you? Hearing God is the easiest thing if you truly have a sincere open heart, HE IS ALWAYS THERE TO LEAD YOU. Besides the BIBLE SAYS... By their Fruits you shall know them.... not by their education or age.

If you already have a Lady then go for her... VIRGINITY and SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS or PERFECTIONALISM is your MAJOR PROBLEM... You want a VIRGIN... VIRGINITY is not character... it is merely lack of opportunity... Consider this, IT TOOK A LOT FOR THE LADY TO TELL YOU ABOUT HER PAST, that should make you respect and trust her even if she was once a LESBIIAN or a RAPIST.....

GOD NEVER JUDGES OR BLESSES ANYONE BASED ON THEIR PAST FLAWS OR IMPERFECTIONS AND MISTAKES.

Marriage is for a Life time, virginity does not last.... so look beyond it and FIND the virtues that you will be pleased to live with for the rest of your LIFE. simple.

Your contribution softly touched me deeply. Thanks so much sir.

MissRaine69:
I had to lie down for this one.
Anxieties about being married are understandable. Your misgivings have grown into what could be best described as avoidance. You have found a reason and you have moulded into becoming an excuse. It's not a reason it's avoidance.
The lady did it lie to you, some would have. Has she given you any reason to doubt her moral & character?
Sir you are a higher functioning mammal a woman being a virgin guarantees nothing at all. An intact hymen does not define character,sincerity personality, commitment,support good work ethics and moral( yes I said it)
You are ruminating on semantics unnecessarily. The lady in question came with history you will find that is the norm, people tend to come with histories that shape then to be the people they are.

Self sabotaging is an avoidance tactic . What are you are you really worried about? She will find you inadequate and turn to another man? If that was the case do you not think she would have tired of your behaviours and contritions and left you?

You have a good thing going here, you need engage brain you are clearly clever enough to look at this logically. Would she make a good mother,wife and friend?
If you respond yes to all three then ask yourself this
How does the state of her hymen impact on her ability to perform all three? Don't be a morality police just for the sake of it. Don't let your emotions make your decisions.

Thanks for your advice.

Fadiga24:
Virgin at 33?

Dude where have you been?

He's been watching porn and masturbating daily. I fear for any woman who marries him.

sunshineG:
Op there is nothing wrong with been a virgin at the age of 33, strange but not wrong

I can tell from your write up that you have a conflict of interest because you really want to get married but not just to anyone
For example, you sited how you feel it is not proper for you to marry a girl that was disvirgined at a very young age and how the young age of your students can't make you consider them as serious suitors

Don't get caught in your idea of perfection. I know you feel you deserve a gift of a woman as a wife to match your educational and life achievements but marriage and falling in love is not as logical as a thesis

You may find love in the strangest of places , give ladies you have met already a chance, don't judge any of them and don't look at age as barrier, you will be surprised at where you may find your happiness

Bottom line keep an open mind

Stay blessed bro

Hmm, the last sentence is very deep. The truth is I have met a number of ladies from different nationalities esp in church. My next visit, I might be coming with 2 or 3 of them to see banana plantation, cocoa, coffee, yam etc in my town in Ekiti (funny). I see them all as friends. There is a lady who would have been a perfect option for me. Her both parents are from Imo State but the only thing she has in common with Africa is just her skin colour. I want peace and quiet lifestyle free from unnecessary drama.

Godhelpme2017:


Hmm, the last sentence is very deep. The truth is I have met a number of ladies from different nationalities esp in church. My next visit, I might be coming with 2 or 3 of them to see banana plantation, cocoa, coffee, yam etc in my town in Ekiti (funny). I see them all as friends. There is a lady who would have been a perfect option for me. Her both parents are from Imo State but the only thing she has in common with Africa is just her skin colour. I want peace and quiet lifestyle free from unnecessary drama.

I know what you want bro, I have a bro just like yyo, as a lecturer like your self, you want a quiet woman to match your lifestyle
The truth is you have worked hard all your life and you deserve where you are today, But when it comes to marriage, things maybe a little different
I am glad you have chosen to spend time with your girl in Nigeria, that is a good start
I will reckon a devil you know, is more than the saint you don't know, keep an open mind and stay blessed

sunshineG:
I know what you want bro, I have a bro just like yyo, as a lectural like your self, you want a quite woman to match your lifestyle
The truth is you have worked hard all your life and you deserve where you are today, But when it comes to marriage, things maybe a little different
I am glad you have chosen to spend time with your girl in Nigeria, that is a good start
I will reckon a devil you know, is more than the saint you don't know, keep an open mind and stay blessed

Thanks so much.

Jacksparr0w1207:
Lol. I'm no counsellor but one thing I notice is you're being so naive. I'm not gonna tell you to marry the girl or not, but I'll advise you to clear your mind off the virginity bullshït and how sexually active she's been. This mentality will always make you not to want any girl. Trust me, virginity is 'overrated' and majority of girls above 25 who are still virgins just lack the opportunity to have sex.

Like you stated, the girl is a good girl, you and your family love her but then her past gives you concern. Brov, you've been with her for over 3 years now, that's enough for you to figure who and what she is. Leaving her for another girl now will further delay your getting married as you'll need another few years of courting.

BTW, forget what a brother in church will say, follow your mind. A Christian brother will always advice another brother against marrying a non virgin girl

Nice

Honestly, I'm happy the way u're getting married virgin...that is how it should be.....i congratulate u for that B-)B-)

Jacksparr0w1207:
Lol. I'm no counsellor but one thing I notice is you're being so naive. I'm not gonna tell you to marry the girl or not, but I'll advise you to clear your mind off the virginity bullshït and how sexually active she's been. This mentality will always make you not to want any girl. Trust me, virginity is 'overrated' and majority of girls above 25 who are still virgins just lack the opportunity to have sex.

Like you stated, the girl is a good girl, you and your family love her but then her past gives you concern. Brov, you've been with her for over 3 years now, that's enough for you to figure who and what she is. Leaving her for another girl now will further delay your getting married as you'll need another few years of courting.

BTW, forget what a brother in church will say, follow your mind. A Christian brother will always advice another brother against marrying a non virgin girl

You have some points I agree with
"This mentality will always make you not to want any girl. Lol very funny but true"

And some I don't agree with

"Trust me, virginity is 'overrated' and majority of girls above 25 who are still virgins just lack the opportunity to have sex."
This is not true at all. It's a decision cos I've seen quite a number

How many years do you reckon that dating could be??
Two months is enough sef

The things is the person must be the special person

Some ladies just make themselves unspecial by sleeping around.

Why has this not made front page?, from what I can deduce here is self judgement and that same self judgement is being pass to the lady you're in a supposed relationship but you are not sure. you shouldn't be concerned with the fact you're still a virgin at 33, what should be your utmost priority is a woman who can keep a home, a good mother to your unborn kids, a good wife and a good daughter inlaw.if you actually care about this present lady, her past should not be a concern. vigirnity does not guarantee a happy married life.

raphafire:
Tosyne2much fall in

Hahaha me ke?

Why you call me baba?

tosyne2much:
Hahaha me ke?

Why you call me baba?

Cos I think u might be of help...

tomdon:



You have some points I agree with
"This mentality will always make you not to want any girl. Lol very funny but true"

And some I don't agree with

"Trust me, virginity is 'overrated' and majority of girls above 25 who are still virgins just lack the opportunity to have sex."
This is not true at all. It's a decision cos I've seen quite a number

How many years do you reckon that dating could be??
Two months is enough sef

The things is the person must be the special person

Some ladies just make themselves unspecial by sleeping around.

I don't think dating have any particularly time limit. It all depends on how quick you both get to figure out each other. You don't need to date for years if you can figure out each other in months. But it's always good to figure one's partner before walking down the isle.

I also do not think there's such thing as 'special person'. I believe we've only got to know how to manage our differences perfectly.

thestevens:
Why has this not made front page?, from what I can deduce here is self judgement and that same self judgement is being pass to the lady you're in a supposed relationship but you are not sure. you shouldn't be concerned with the fact you're still a virgin at 33, what should be your utmost priority is a woman who can keep a home, a good mother to your unborn kids, a good wife and a good daughter inlaw.if you actually care about this present lady, her past should not be a concern. vigirnity does not guarantee a happy married life.

What judgement has he passed to the lady.
Is he not allowed to have a heart desire again or what??
Your utmost priority is yours and let it be yours. Stop passing judgement to the young man.
I wonder who has said virginity guarantees a happy marriage. Some people just like twisting things

raphafire:
Cos I think u might be of help...

Ehn ehn Lemme try

Because of your mentality girls find it difficult to tell guys their secret.bros if am to say marry that lady that you made mention of if you love her.

Godhelpme2017:
Good day everyone, I have been reading on this forum since Dec 2013 & I know there are a lot of intelligent people here, my reason for coming for advice.

I will be clocking 33 & also become a PhD in few months. I'm financially stable, Virgin and a Christian. I had my first and only true love relationship while in the university with a sister in the small campus fellowship. The relationship failed after I graduated and went for my NYSC because of communication issue of 8 months. She told me my love in her heart has faded away and she could not love me any more.

Some times around 2014, I met a 300L student on Facebook from same university where I graduated from. I went to see her face to face after 2 months of friendship. I told her from my heart that day I'm going to marry you. This was time I was battling with master's degree thesis when I had no idea of being where I am today. I saw her love for me. She replied immediately by telling me how she lost her virginity pride during Jamb wàhálà and between then & late 2013 she had slept with 4 guys,and had an abortion before gaining admission. I still loved her and appreciated her openness.

Today, these are issues bothering my heart. Most times, I now think why must I still be a Virgin at 33 & still want to marry someone who has been sexually active since jamb days? I appreciate her openness but this disturbs me a lot. I have met her parents and she does visit my parents at home too. My parents like her as well. Also, I have considered, this lady have no idea of what I worth today. She persists despite being in a long distance relationship. I have saved twice for wedding and I diverted it to other projects. The university has been on strike for many months now, this is not issue anyway.

I have made this lady cried on phone because of my attitude due to what I think some times not that I'm dating anyone else. Presently without deceiving anyone, I'm tired of living single life, apart from the part that my parents do remind me of marriage,I love marriage and I really want to get married.

Lastly, I do have conversations on WhatsApp with many of my students especially the female ones of which some of them would be graduating from university soon. These are students I taught mathematics during my masters degree programs. Some of them do ask me when am I getting married? But I still think I might be disgracing myself talking to them about marriage since many of them are below 20 despite fast education while I'd be 33 soon. I have saved again for a wedding I have no date for.

I strongly believe advices from matured & intelligent people especially from married people would be of great help for me. Thanks.

I forgot to add this, I had discussed this with a wonderful brother of mine, a matured Christian, he said to me "All I could see is that your life became meaningful shortly after meeting this lady, this might be more than what I know"

you are wrong to judge that girl by her sexcapades, she was submitting totally by telling u her dark secrets. you had a choice, you chose to be sentimental about it. what of ladies who have abortion and even abandon born babies yet return to church to scan the gullible.


you will encounter major depression if by this time next year you have still not made up your mind about your future Cersei (queen)

shine your eye, go back and​ Marry her if you still have any feel for her. Good women are hard to find. I am also single n searching with age coming up fast, so I understand what you mean

no woman is perfect, but you can take the woman and perfect her imperfections

Jacksparr0w1207:
I don't think dating have any particularly time limit. It all depends on how quick you both get to figure out each other. You don't need to date for years if you can figure out each other in months. But it's always good to figure one's partner before walking down the isle.

I also do not think there's such thing as 'special person'. I believe we've only got to know how to manage our differences perfectly.

I agree with every of your point

Much depends on the amount of time you commit to the relationship. A lot could be achieved in weeks which is unattainable in years

You're alsl right because there will always be considerations for whom one loves and concession to whom one loves
But one must ist make that person special then doing those things would be effortless

bennymark:




you are wrong to judge that girl by her sexcapades, she was submitting totally by telling u her dark secrets. you had a choice, you chose to be sentimental about it. what of ladies who have abortion and even abandon born babies yet return to church to scan the gullible.


you will encounter major depression if by this time next year you have still not made up your mind about your future Cersei (queen)

shine your eye, go back and​ Marry her if you still have any feel for her. Good women are hard to find. I am also single n searching with age coming up fast, so I understand what you mean

no woman is perfect, but you can take the woman and perfect her imperfections

I believe that the guy isn't judging her in any way to the best of my deduction.
Even if he does judge her, what does it matter, he is not God and his judgement doesn't stand if God sees otherwise
What I think is a dilemma faced of not marrying a virgin.
There are many good ladies out there, you don't even need to search too much. the difference is whether a lady is willing and able to say to her husband "my ist love" since it matters to men.
If it matters to the ladies too that the man must say same, so be it, It's allowed. All men to their own preferences