I think you need to talk to him about his anger and find out why he gets angry quickly and easily. I know this is his only fault but it is also a very big issue and if doesn't get resolved could lead to a disastrous marraige.

perhaps you can ask him to seek help by getting counseling either spiritual or maybe attending anger management classes.

I for one dont agree with the whole motion of you leaving him because he has anger isssues, what happened to the human spirit and helping one another to overcome our demons. you should not abandon him because of this.

if you love him like you said you do, help him work out his issues,

You must be going through a hard time at the moment, situations like yours are very difficult to deal with.

I wish you the very best.

@sesman - thanks - but try telling an african man he needs counselling!!! lol - hmm somehow i dont see that going down too well.

i do love him and i am willing to work though it with him -provided he too makes an effort and sees that its a theat to our relationshp - just because its the way he is is not acceptable

he has been like that since childhood and when i first met his mum she told me you need a patient heart and calm head to deal with him and to not take things too much to heart

i suppose mothers know their sons.

its not easy as i need to find a way of dealing with it and talking to him that he wont offend his maculinity

@ jaybee

The keyword I used was "EMOTIONAL" not "PHYSICAL".

Wow, he easily gets angry quickly, his anger knows no bound, his Mum's aware of this, her Mum's aware of this, he's been counselled by the Pastor several times and he is quick to apologise yet goes and does it again, and again and again, luxoire's already walking on eggshells, having to watch her choice of words in order not to set him off, she's not allowed to have a general random conversation with her own Mother about people who have relocated, he does not value her opinion and wants his input on every matter pertaining to both of them to be final, leaving her with no say on anything AND YOU DEEM THIS "SILENT TREATMENT".

I love the way Naija men likes closing ranks and rallying round themselves, lol.



@ OP


Marriage is supposed to be about partnership, with both parties able to zing off each other, rub minds together, be full of laughter and taking the mickie outta one another, having in-jokes between you two, looking out for each other, not having to feel like you are giving up your dreams or making do, with each party respecting each other's decision even if they are different, etc, not about one party having to pander all the time to the whim of the other nor having a Sherpherd and a sheep relationship.

Your situation is not ideal for now, so why not try advise him to attend anger management classes, at least it is not different from him visiting the Pastor for counselling.

Busy_body:

@ jaybee

The keyword I used was "EMOTIONAL" not "PHYSICAL".

Wow, he easily gets angry quickly, his anger knows no bound, his Mum's aware of this, her Mum's aware of this, he's been counselled by the Pastor several times and he is quick to apologise yet goes and does it again, and again and again, luxoire's already walking on eggshells, having to watch her choice of words in order not to set him off, she's not allowed to have a general random conversation with her own Mother about people who have relocated, he does not value her opinion and wants his input on every matter pertaining to both of them to be final, leaving her with no say on anything AND YOU DEEM THIS "SILENT TREATMENT".

I love the way Naija men likes closing ranks and rallying round themselves, lol.



@ OP


Marriage is supposed to be about partnership, with both parties able to zing off each other, rub minds together, be full of laughter and taking the mickie outta one another, having in-jokes between you two, looking out for each other, not having to feel like you are giving up your dreams or making do, with each party respecting each other's decision even if they are different, etc, not about one party having to pander all the time to the whim of the other nor having a Sherpherd and a sheep relationship.

Your situation is not ideal for now, so why not try advise him to attend anger management classes, at least it is not different from him visiting the Pastor for counselling.

I agree with everything u have said

@post
Anger may be his only weak point but it is also a very strong emotion . anger can spoil alot of things n also the guy is childish and arrogant.

wait till he starts slapping you when you're married. If you were my sister i would insist you DO NOT marry that man.

You say he is perfect, meaning you think it would be hard to find someone like him.

But when you're married no one will rescue from his anger.

he cannot even respect your mother, he wont respect you.

He has problem and they will be yours as well if you marry him.I think

you came here and you already know the answer.You always go for the first gut feeling.

@ poster

that guy is obviously mental. Break up with him & move on with ur life.

I have a quote from a poster on some random thread. .

"Whatever you cannot tolerate when you're married, don't tolerate it when you're dating"

Don't ever think he'll change or he'll get better. If you don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone who has anger issues, then don't date one.

Cut your losses and run.

luxoire:
My boyfriend has anger problems, in that he gets really angry very quickly and when he gets angry he does not eat my food, does not talk to me at times for days until he calms down. We love each other and are planning to get married in December. We have been together over a year now. He knows he has anger problems, and even our pastor has tried to talk to him about it. He always apologises and is quick to restore peace.
He is a traditionalist in that he thinks african girls abroad are lax and not as submissive / respective as they should be. So he takes the whole respect and submissive thing very seriously and you can imagine how angry he gets at the least notion of not being given his due respect / authority

We had a falling out on friday night, and didnt talk to each other. On sunday we went to my mum's as we had promised her a visit. Whilst there we started talking about jobs back home, and a friend of mine that left UK to work for Guiness back home. infront of my mum, he stood up and said that will not happen and walked out of the room and walked back in to say lets go home. (his tone was angry and not very respectful)He drinks (occassionally) but as a born again he was brought up in a household that did not encourage drinking and so does not support the industry. I was brought up in a catholic household and i suppose my mum didnt think much of it, its just a job.

My mum called me and is having a go saying she did not like his tone, anger outburst or reaction in front of her, she is not comfortable thinking that is how he talk to me (does not discuss things) and that i will live the rest of my life with such a person. She wants us to discuss somethings and not just take his word for final because he says so. She does not want to bring it up with him as she might lose her temper, so she thinks i should tell him how she feels and let him come and apologise to her if he thinks he did something wrong. I sometimes have doubts and thinks what if he doesnt change? what is the difference between being submissive nad being opressed? He wants me to trust his judgment and do what he asks of me - which i do sometimes, but then what about what i like/want to do, does that not count for anything?

Also, should i just let the whole thing with my mum go, or bring it up with him? We just started talking again since last friday (he has calmed down) this might mean we don't talk for the whole week.

I need help to understand and get my head round the whole thing. At the start of this year, we were so sure and I was so sure about us, but now i need to find a way to deal with his anger, cos it seems he wont change soon.

He will change,just hold on a bit longer...how about that player bf?I'm sure he dumped you...hahahaha and you are now settling for less,lol.You ladies don't deserve good things,husbands included.