Philosophia:
Thanks Rokia2, wristbangle, freepop, danladi7, fayded and ilekokonit and others that commented before.

You guys have really saved a life tonight. I'm so glad I brought this here. God bless you all. Thank you all for your advices. I feel better but I have to sleep on it.

My head aches and my vision is blurry but my heart is less heavy.
I will still fast and do whatever prayers I can if not for revelation, atleast to put the situation into God's hands. I don't think God is a God of injustice and I will not be guilty of not doing what she has advised me to do. Since she said she did it, I need to as well.

Thank you all. I will update you as things progress.

My brother Pls don't be deceived and come to think of it if the lady ask u to pray and fast about the situation. You must ask urself some important question.
Is the lady herself spiritual or marriage issue made her to see fasting and prayer as an antidote to tie u down and making u believe she got a revelation from God.. ......... Don't be deceived my brother on this issue, she has made up her mind you God cannot change it. That is why it is wise not to invest heavily on any lady that u are not married to.

I have been in dis situation,it hurts n I nearly died bt hey, bro I got ova,.....let her go,it hurts bt let her go,i repeat let her go! if it finaly didnt work out for u2,u wil b blamed for life,just let her go,...
u make feel lyk dyin,bet me u wont die...no woman is worth dyin for.....u may cry for weeks n months bt at d end u wil b fine I swear it hpend to me,i was saved by grace,...
let her go, and alwys do woteva makes u hpy, be it, music,sports,hangin out wt frnds,clubbin.....i bet u,wt time u wil b ok,ur own no evn worse,bro I had chest pain til today coz of her,bt I am sure u wil b fine,,,dt forget u Must get a beta girl,N u wil settle down in peace no hurry in life.....be a man!B strong next tym dnt luv wt all d heart,like I said bro u wil b ok soonest I bet u

ezenwajosh:


And who said anything àbout pushing drugs....Ur brains processing unit is outdated

Sorry Nwanne. It's just that all my men for malay na that lane dem dey run.

Philosophia:


Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.

First of all you need to use "pure water" to wash your face to clear that love for your eyes,

Let me share a story ( real) I once dated a lady ,very beautiful to the extent that the dad likes me that when I visit the house the mother will always ask me questions if I have seen the lady ,I will just st pretend like say I don't know what she is talking about ,the mother will send the junior ones to call her she will just come to,the sitting room and we go dey pretend for each other,she later messed up ,just something similar to your case ,I was really pained because it was my first and true love ,also an introvert like you, I just had to bone and leave area as guy never hold pepper, fast forward 4-5 years later that was how she came to my office and my oga saw her with me and was surprised that I had such a beautiful babe, she came to me to continue the relationship and I told her that it can't work as I will not be able to tell the current babe to leave because of her.

It was later I did some investigation and discovered that the mother and father was really eager for her to get married and were like asking her about me and was desperate to win me back.

Young man I prophesy into your life , that this is just a small disappointment in your life that will eventually open bigger and better financial breakthrough and opportunities for you very soon.

My candid advise let her go, though it's painful but I assure you will never regret the decision !

Some pple didn't do summary in school.couldn't finish the long story. biko let her go since u not ready,woman time dey quick expire

Menzy86:
bro calm down. I dated a girl for three and a half years, showed her to all my family and all that and she still went ahead and cheated with a little undergrad guy. She is married now and we even still spoke today. Women these days live only for the present. The moment u understand this, nothin will ever surprise u. U will heal. Just stay calm.

you're strong oo,u passed thru all these nd still maintained ur sanity.... nd ur still friends with the girl.all the memories u both shared,hope u hv found another girl?

Wow! Thanks for all the love and advice.

Thank you lalasticlala.

I am glad I brought this here. Thank you too to my good friend who asked me to bring it here. You don't want me to name you, so I won't.

I have learnt so much because I decided to share tonight. I feel much better. Before logging in now, I just called her to say goodnight in my usual way.

I asked how she was and she said fine and returned the question. I said I was "just there". She asked why and I told her that her decision got me into a bad place. She then asked "My decision is a good one now, not so?". I told her that I am not sure it is a good decision. Her tone changed and she told me that it was not my place to be sure about her decision. She said it was her decision to make and she was sure about it. I got a bit angry, but I calmed myself and told her as I usually do that I love her. She said a simple ok and goodnight.

If not for the advice I have gotten here, I would have gone on to ask her why she is acting the way she is. But I did not, I just goodnight and hung up.

It is clear to me now what you guys have been saying. I know her to be quite stubborn but this time around, something more is giving her impetus.

I will study all your advice and create a good path to exit as gracefully as I can. Thank you all. It is well.

Augustap:
You should leave her and continue your hustles. Since she has made up her mind, there's nothing you can do about it. A desperate woman is fiercer than a raging lion. If you try to hold her back, she may end up humiliating you and you'd be making one of the greatest mistakes of your life. Her heart is taken. I wish you luck.

How you take know? You dom see Raging Lion before ?

Danladi7:

Get ready for marriage with her.you both dont have to be rich to get married if she really loves you.If you become rich,get married and things take downtown will you divorce each other.If you now propose marriage and she says NO,then just know the girl is using "marriage" as an excuse to break up with you.Then move on,she is not your wife.she is not really to struggle with you and she will definitely give you serious problem in future.

Na d only sensible post wey I see be this. Obviously, when thing get bad for the so man she wants to marry, she will say her family wants her to divorce. Useless girl that wants to marry to escape poverty. When the marriage fails tomorrow, they will say marriage was not meant to be or that it didn't just work. When it is obvious she went in there for her selfish reasons. See why marriages fail in Nigeria. She has tried albeit. Point is she should work on herself. My advice for OP is to leave her and move on, prolly she is the ill luck!

Flaghouse1:



First of all you need to use "pure water" to wash your face to clear that love for your eyes,

Pure Water? Really?

cruchenutii:


How you take know? You dom see Raging Lion before ?

Hahahahahahaha....you never see where woman dey craze b4, if you don see u go know say raging lion na understatement

Rokia2:


This is not the movies.

Give the brother some realistic advice.

it's not about movies. The girl is non better. The mistake many ladies make is they see the man as the "ultimate provider" without wanting to work on themselves to be self sufficient. What are we marrying for? Survival or to complement the other person? Why do we marry?

sayhi2certified:


please I need it...suffer it is clean and pure

My location is Delta. Sapele, you can come whenever you want it.

sben2308:


I AV one like that left me 2013 that I don't look serious for marriage n now it's 2017 yet to b married o .Now d dey drain my ba3 with calls n msgs but me no get ha tym again cuz God don butter my bread

No mind them. Confused beings. They are all around. I have one like that too. No focus. Always looking here and there. They can't work on themselves.

Tbillz:
Ladies are funny creatures, their heart is deeper than bore hole. My game plan; I used traffic light policy in my relationships, I watched the green light and red light carefully. Bro U don't need millions to get married "If truly she is into U" but if she is her body language isn't helping issues. She totally felt U not ready, why will she conclude that deep within all alone? Don't put yourslf under unnecessary pressure. Someone Is made for U, if she is, U can't miss out on her. I will suggest U have a final meeting with her, read in btw her lines and make your final conclusion.

exactly, go to court and marry. Abi

sben2308:


I AV one like that left me 2013 that I don't look serious for marriage n now it's 2017 yet to b married o .Now d dey drain my ba3 with calls n msgs but me no get ha tym again cuz God don butter my bread

No mind them. Confused beings. They are all around. I have one like that too. No focus. Always looking here and there. They can't work on themselves.

Philosophia:
Wow! Thanks for all the love and advice.

Thank you lalasticlala.

I am glad I brought this here. Thank you too to my good friend who asked me to bring it here. You don't want me to name you, so I won't.

I have learnt so much because I decided to share tonight. I feel much better. Before logging in now, I just called her to say goodnight in my usual way.

I asked how she was and she said fine and returned the question. I said I was "just there". She asked why and I told her that her decision got me into a bad place. She then asked "My decision is a good one now, not so?". I told her that I am not sure it is a good decision. Her tone changed and she told me that it was not my place to be sure about her decision. She said it was her decision to make and she was sure about it. I got a bit angry, but I calmed myself and told her as I usually do that I love her. She said a simple ok and goodnight.

If not for the advice I have gotten here, I would have gone on to ask her why she is acting the way she is. But I did not, I just goodnight and hung up.

It is clear to me now what you guys have been saying. I know her to be quite stubborn but this time around, something more is giving her impetus.

I will study all your advice and create a good path to exit as gracefully as I can. Thank you all. It is well.

That is the spirit- you win some ,you loose some

Adopt this candor and you will see that more unpalatable news like this will not shake you, be the man you are expected to be

Philosophia:
Wow! Thanks for all the love and advice.

Thank you lalasticlala.

I am glad I brought this here. Thank you too to my good friend who asked me to bring it here. You don't want me to name you, so I won't.

I have learnt so much because I decided to share tonight. I feel much better. Before logging in now, I just called her to say goodnight in my usual way.

I asked how she was and she said fine and returned the question. I said I was "just there". She asked why and I told her that her decision got me into a bad place. She then asked "My decision is a good one now, not so?". I told her that I am not sure it is a good decision. Her tone changed and she told me that it was not my place to be sure about her decision. She said it was her decision to make and she was sure about it. I got a bit angry, but I calmed myself and told her as I usually do that I love her. She said a simple ok and goodnight.

If not for the advice I have gotten here, I would have gone on to ask her why she is acting the way she is. But I did not, I just goodnight and hung up.

It is clear to me now what you guys have been saying. I know her to be quite stubborn but this time around, something more is giving her impetus.

I will study all your advice and create a good path to exit as gracefully as I can. Thank you all. It is well.

happy for you bro

Whenever I hear people shouting double your hustle for a situation like this, I just shake my pric.k... My present mindset would never double any hustle for the sake of marriage or just to protect a relationshit. The power of the pvssy is so strong to some men and that's all they live for.

Philosophia:


Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.

same here bro.just take hrt n move on wt ur life

jdluv:
you have bein gettin advice from men... Let me give you froma lady view, that lady has someone else knockin. She might Not have said yes but the guy is tellin her the "i am not here for jokesi really wantto marry you if you say yes we can have the wedding before the year run out" line. then This Got her thinkin. if i wereto advice you i will say tell her to do a break down costin for a weddin

how can on tell she is not being deceived. The problem with many single Nigerian ladies is " they don't want to experience life". They do not want to take the uncomfortable situation as one for them. They think life will always be rossy. Why do we marry? What do we want in an individual? Do we get what we want in an individual when we marry just anyone? These are few questions we need to ask ourselves. Do we wish to be happy in our marriage? I have seen people life get miserable after marriage. I have seen a guy's life turned to misery after marriage. One came lamenting on NL. Marry a compliment not an escapee or a pressuree or a liability!

Halo22:
If I had never been in ur situation, I would have called u stupid names. But guy, don't get yourself troubled. Just give her some time, then return to her to find out if she z still on her stand. My own was that after all stories she told me, she quickly made a U-turn before another lady takes over.

lols, threats but it may not be, she was smart to see who really loves her truly. The problem with young ladies is they feel because they got good behaviour or are beautiful, a man will always love them. They need to understand men

Philosophia:
Wow! Thanks for all the love and advice.

Thank you lalasticlala.

I am glad I brought this here. Thank you too to my good friend who asked me to bring it here. You don't want me to name you, so I won't.

I have learnt so much because I decided to share tonight. I feel much better. Before logging in now, I just called her to say goodnight in my usual way.

I asked how she was and she said fine and returned the question. I said I was "just there". She asked why and I told her that her decision got me into a bad place. She then asked "My decision is a good one now, not so?". I told her that I am not sure it is a good decision. Her tone changed and she told me that it was not my place to be sure about her decision. She said it was her decision to make and she was sure about it. I got a bit angry, but I calmed myself and told her as I usually do that I love her. She said a simple ok and goodnight.

If not for the advice I have gotten here, I would have gone on to ask her why she is acting the way she is. But I did not, I just goodnight and hung up.

It is clear to me now what you guys have been saying. I know her to be quite stubborn but this time around, something more is giving her impetus.

I will study all your advice and create a good path to exit as gracefully as I can. Thank you all. It is well.

To help yourself better, withdraw gradually from her.
You still have feelings for her and they'll continue to grow if you keep on fueling and feeding it.

Channel that energy into something else and be productive. You'll be glad you did few years from now

My prayers are with you, it's well even in the well.

cescky:



Guy, I perfectly get what your going through... because I went through similar stuff.

I'll summeriise, and be brief...yes your in pain now..but this pain will do two things to you, depending on you, if you stay positive, be God dependent you will meet a better person...or let it depress you and soak you in negativity which will drag you years back in terms of finance, etc. But your thinking won't affect bher plans or her intended marriage so you'll only be killing yourself.

Talking frm experience, years from now you will see her and laugh over the matter...she may not laugh though because evidently she loves you...but girls marry for many reasons love is not in the top of their list.so she may most likely suffer in this new relationship because, she's spent more time with you and is marrying the other. Guy for society...she may suffer or not but she will put up a front like shes happy

Move on bro, girls are hard hearted... both chuch and non church girls ..they don't marry for love

Don't depress your self with some one who eloped, because things went bad financially, get busy and get your mind occupied, you'll laugh over the matter with time...she will probably cry over bthe matter with time...she eneterd a spiritual concept with a physical idea..

what's a sick society we live in. What's the essence when we are not happy within. I have had senior males friends that were f*cking their married Exs. What's the essence? Why can't we marry for love and happiness? Must we do photoshoot and spend millions on marriage. We can't we live an easy life in Nigeria? OP, can get married but he is planning one big wedding I would think!

sben2308:



Bro I know how u feel cuz AV been there but I tell u dis let her go cuz if u rush into it now ,sorry o but u will rush out cuz she is like a woman who is yet to AV mind of her own n pls let no one give u ultimatum cuz u r priceless to someone who knows ur worth o .

I AV a lot that wen I look bak now am glad I let dem go as requested

You've spoken well. I like that part where you said "You're priceless to someone who knows your worth" That part speaks volume

teemy:


There is a part of love that works selflessly. If you believe your partner has a chance of a better life if she move on with someone else and you try to keep her against her will, in years to come if you guys still remain on the same financial scale, she would detest you as the one she sacrificed a lot for and all for naught. If you guys are true friends, wishing her the best will be what you should aim before and wherever you are, she would always appreciate you for this. Better to part as friends with you letting her know that her happiness is top rankling in your heart than your self love. You will be fine dear.

A good thing you realized where you went wrong concerning finances and that different seasons come to man in his lifetime. Now, work on your earning ability and do well for yourself as well. Once again, you will be fine.

Wishing you well - Teemy

good there is a clear difference between " I Want to go and I want to stay". But why is the I want to go always about marriage. This is the problem I have with many of our Nigerian single ladies.

Gerrard59:




I had to quote for the laughs.

At bolded, I reason that if young women are not castigated or excessively pressured into getting married before a certain age. Most guys will marry their first love or loved partners. But then, nature has a way of paying someone for deeds done.

You force ladies to marry before 28 like Enusimthy did months back, they retaliate by marrying the ready guy. OP's GF does not want to be seen as a leftover, "slay queen", standard looking kind of girl. Let her marry before she becomes 28 years old and have a thread created because of her spinsterhood.

Now they're here to sing how girls are wicked, tomorrow they'll create another thread bashing single ladies. Yet some of them have been dating one girl for 5yrs.

How many ladies marry their first love? They end up dating these guys for years, till they fall for pressure and hook the next available groom. Like I said, it's a vicious cycle.

cococandy:

Exactly. Many people don’t understand that putting pressure on young girls to get married at a young age has ripple effects.

The Genevieve they are yabbing today, they don’t know if she’s still single because she spent her 20s in a long relationship with someone hoping it would lead to marriage .

They don't know. Some ladies don't care anymore, there is no pleasing men and the society. They do what works for them.

If you are financially unstable, don't go Into marriage.

shadeyinka:

You were doing Boyfriend-Girlfriend instead of courting. That's your problem.

Three years and her whole family hasn't fallen in love with you, what have you been doing?

She doesn't have anyone else but you don't seem like serious to settle down. Getting married has to do with setting the time-period and working towards it. Everything does not have to be perfect.

Money!?
I once encountered a couple where the man lost his job two weeks into marriage. He works in a bank or insurance company (not too sure).

If you manage to restore your relationship, set the ball rolling with her family. You don't even have to get married within the next two years if both your families are involved.

The girl you found has become a woman but you're still treating her like a girl. That's the key issue. If you love her go for her

depends on the family. Some families no just get joy. I will make a thread on that shortly

ofalu047:


Your life is far from over. Your life is just starting. Infact thank your stars that she wants to leave your life.
A lady you have been with for 3 yrs and you never had a positive tale to tell except "Love tales", if you spend 100 years with such, you will only have love tales to tell, and nothing more.
I take you are still 27 or thereabout. Thats a very good sign. Shows you still have so much to time to get your acts together.
You might ask, how do l know this? I have been in your shoes before bro. Infact quite recently, l experienced similar fate. Mine was 6yrs relationship. Good thing was l saw it coming and l prepared ny mind for the worst. Lo and behold, the worst happened. She got married 3 months after we broke up, and she is already pregnant.
How is my life now, you might ask? Fantastic!
Focus on ur life as it is now. Life is not a race. It might be hard, but let it go.
You can meet a lady tomorrow that will turn your life around directly or indirectly in less than a year.

6 years too much now haba!!

Augustap:
You should leave her and continue your hustles. Since she has made up her mind, there's nothing you can do about it. A desperate woman is fiercer than a raging lion. If you try to hold her back, she may end up humiliating you and you'd be making one of the greatest mistakes of your life. Her heart is taken. I wish you luck.

Thank you. She is a disaster waiting to happen to the next man