zicoraads:

Oh, that! I really think a woman's upbringing plays a huge part in this. Not every lady or family would see this as something to disrespect the man for. My two elder sisters are basically the providers in their homes. The cars, rent, children's fees etc. is all on them. Still, this family respects the men their siblings are married to all the time.

In short, if I want my sister to send even one kobo to me for any reason, she'll always refer me to her hubby. The house finances are majorly his to handle anyway.

No one's condition is permanent. No one knows what tomorrow holds.

Hi,
Quick one please.

I think there's a difference between a man who is a victim of circumstances for whom we can say "No one's condition is permanent. No one knows what tomorrow holds" and a man like the Op who has simply decided to live off his FIL. If the Op was bringing in something no matter how small, he would have no issues except of course the girl's family has issues like you rightly pointed out.

But a man that is so eager and comfortable to spend his in-laws money without looking for how to make his own?

Your sisters you say are basic providers in their homes, but their husbands at least do something right? Perhaps the only difference being the income that comes in from what they do.

In the Op's situation, the wife and family are SOLE providers. That's a whole different ball game. The man is doing nothing, and from his comments he is not even interested in doing anything.

Man up go make money and take control

winningwinner:


Thanks a lot, but how much money will I be able to make now that will bring back the usual love my wife had for me? Will I be able to satisfy her in anything again? I actually need to dislodge her father and start marrying her as my wife or else I take a far journey away from home.

My advice to you is this:
Get enough money that can last you for 6 to 12 months then leave Abuja to another part of the country without your wife knowing where exactly you went to. You may discuss your movement with your own parents and siblings about your plans. And they must not inform the wife and her parents about it.
Anytime your wife call you on phone, do not pick it but discuss all issues with her on whatsapp only. Message only and not whatsapp voice call.
If she ask you to come back home, tell her you will come back when you are able to be her husband. Because, now you don't know what you are in your matrimonial home.
But, when your father in-law, pick the call and man up to him. Tell him you are not happy, as your home is turning to somthing else. Tell him you left the house to be able to be the husband of man home , so that the love between you and your wife that is once there to rejuvenate again. Let him know you left your former place of work because of his daughter, for love. And now you are being treated by her irrationally because of his interference in you marriage through his generous support for your family.
He may ask you to come back to resolve issue. Never fall into the trap except you are able to get something tangible.
Likewise, move out of the house to another house you can pay the rent, probably smaller apart away from her parent, without packing anything her father bought for you to furnished the house. Let her see what you can afford to buy yourself and not what her father bough for you. What she sees in your house or apartment must be what you bought and not what her parents bought for you.
Let her know, if she still in love with you, she must be ready to leave with you as per your capacity and not her father's capacity. That her parents will not be there for you two forever.

Note: You need to handle the issue with care and avoid issue with your mother in-law.

And be prayerful.

Good luck

Job when people dey find this mumu resign

The mistake has been made already. Human beings make mistakes but thank God you are still alive and things will become better for you. Please see my views as a family man, below:

1. Hand over your challenges to God in prayer. Do not stop praying, knowing that God still answers prayers.

2. Do not relent in your search for a job. Chat with old and new friends and let them know that you are looking for a job. Subscribe to online job alerts; visit the sites of recruitment agents; when you go out, talk to people about job, do not shy away. Make sure you go out most times so your wife won't be seeing you at home always.

3. Continue to love your wife, let her know that you are making effort to get a job. Also, let her know that you are not comfortable with a third party dictating the affairs of your family just because you do not have a job currently.

4. Do not shout at your wife, do not argue with her. Learn to keep calm even if she brags or insults you. Continue to respect your wife.

5. Make new friends. Do not wait for opportunity, create an opportunity to make friends.Attend public functions where you can make new contacts.

6. Let your CV be well prepared and handy. Check your email regularly in case you might be invited for an interview through your email.

7. You should buy data from telecom SME agents who sells data that has 3 months validity so you don't buy data every month.

8. Only make calls that are necessary. You don't have to call all the numbers that fla

KillaBeauty:
I wonder! Is it not better the rich father in law helps him by getting him a job than giving him money all the time? Nawa oh

that should have been the first thing he asked from the rich father inlaw. I quit my job to make ur daughter happy, u want me to marry her? no wahala, but no wedding if I dnt get a job first and stand by ur words.
its your woman that would have given her father sleepless nights to use his connection and get u a job. u missed the chance to make an impression as a serious minded person.
now u have the chance to make an impression by smartly gathering money from all the money trees around u and starting a biz.
secondly, meet your father inlaw and tell him u need a job that u r tired of bin jobless( do not talk about his meddling in ur marriage, play the fool, get all the help u need and then systematically start cutting off aid by renting a new apartment, stop taking from him and find a way to get ur wife in on ur plan at a later stage.
im married for abt 3 yrs now and I can tell u that women always want a man who can take charge, look them in the eyes and say no/yes when the need arises. a man who is not scared to defend and fight for them.
lastly bro, the mission to take back your family will not be completed in one day/month/year as the deed was not done in one day/month/year. sit down plan urself and execute it with precision.

I cant help but ask what kind of a father in law gives his daughter to a jobless guy and never bothers to help him get a job. or was the guy not showing enough ambition for the father inlaw to invest his time and resources on him?

u can continue taking the shit mean while try and save some money from your rich father-in-law and your wife, use it to start a business.
best of lucks

zicoraads:

Oh, that! I really think a woman's upbringing plays a huge part in this. Not every lady or family would see this as something to disrespect the man for. My two elder sisters are basically the providers in their homes. The cars, rent, children's fees etc. is all on them. Still, this family respects the men their siblings are married to all the time.

In short, if I want my sister to send even one kobo to me for any reason, she'll always refer me to her hubby. The house finances are majorly his to handle anyway.

No one's condition is permanent. No one knows what tomorrow holds.

Truly. I agree with you. Ideally, a wife should be able to step in fully if need be, without making so much noise about it. Your sisters should be commended. Not every woman would so graciously do that.

babzo:


Fear this madam o

Haba! Why na oga?

Trustworthiness:


My advice to you is this:
Get enough money that can last you for 6 to 12 months then leave Abuja to another part of the country without your wife knowing where exactly you went to. You may discuss your movement with your own parents and siblings about your plans. And they must not inform the wife and her parents about it.
Anytime your wife call you on phone, do not pick it but discuss all issues with her on whatsapp only. Message only and not whatsapp voice call.
If she ask you to come back home, tell her you will come back when you are able to be her husband. Because, now you don't know what you are in your matrimonial home.
But, when your father in-law, pick the call and man up to him. Tell him you are not happy, as your home is turning to somthing else. Tell him you left the house to be able to be the husband of man home , so that the love between you and your wife that is once there to rejuvenate again. Let him know you left your former place of work because of his daughter, for love. And now you are being treated by her irrationally because of his interference in you marriage through his generous support for your family.
He may ask you to come back to resolve issue. Never fall into the trap except you are able to get something tangible.
Likewise, move out of the house to another house you can pay the rent, probably smaller apart away from her parent, without packing anything her father bought for you to furnished the house. Let her see what you can afford to buy yourself and not what her father bough for you. What she sees in your house or apartment must be what you bought and not what her parents bought for you.
Let her know, if she still in love with you, she must be ready to leave with you as per your capacity and not her father's capacity. That her parents will not be there for you two forever.

Note: You need to handle the issue with care and avoid issue with your mother in-law.

And be prayerful.

Good luck

My guy this may boomerang, if after leaving the house and his father in-law decided to do things irrationally and deal with him, that's the end of the marriage. Being rich man he will just send his daughter and d kids to abroad. He might not see them again till he dies, he will just start afresh.
What I know he can do is that he should continue to endure and pray that God answers his call. God doesn't not forget anyone.

Ikpongiton:
he suppose to be the one advising you.

How do you mean

noblesteve:


How do you mean

because he claimed to be a first class material,which means that he is a genius or he suppose to be one ,if he had really earn his firstclass through hard work.

winningwinner:


Thanks a lot, but how much money will I be able to make now that will bring back the usual love my wife had for me? Will I be able to satisfy her in anything again? I actually need to dislodge her father and start marrying her as my wife or else I take a far journey away from home.

Out of love you took a decision that wasn't going to help you, but love conquer all.
Have a heart to heart talk with your father in-law, when you are with him,let him know that you want to be a man but you need him to help you to stand well and have a source of income for your self and your wife.
That you want him to give you net to learn how to catch fish instead of giving you fish.
By the tie you get something doing you will regain your respect in the family.
As for your wife overlook the one you can overlook and the one that you can't tolorate stand firm and don't move your ground.
With time both of you will understand better how to run your home with out your inlaws interference.
But bear in mind ,fathers don't joke with their daughter's expecialy first daughter's.

Step 1- Guess you don't sit home all day, so if you earn something reorganized your family to match ur personal income and stop collecting you daily bread from her father.

miqos02:
MAN up when he is not paying the bills? You are wicked oh. He needs a job first.

Getting a job and paying the bills is manning up brov

prettyboi1:


My brother, don't panic. It can still be solved. Thankfully, you and your wife are still together. First and foremost, women are built for comfort & so when anything changes that, they become agitated....they usually don't even realize that.

Men on the other hand are built to make way. You don't need to make all the money in the world for your wife to love you or start respecting you. She just needs to see you take charge. How can you take charge? First & foremost, cut your father-in-law's influence off. How can you do that? Start looking for a job. Preferably,look for a job outside the city where your father-in-law lives. If you can afford to relocate your wife & kid(s) with you to the new city, do it....if you can't afford to do that, be the only one who works in the new city but make an arrangement to always see your wife and kid(s) weekly, fortnightly,monthly or however you deem convenient for your family.

When you can do this, your wife will see effort & if she loves you and she's reasonable she will support you and even fight for you against her parents' control.

Another option is if you have some reasonable savings from the monies your father-in-law has supported you both with, try to start a really well-thought business & once you start that, stop collecting monies from them. The bottom line is that you should cut off your father-in-law's financial support to you. I am sure that the support he offers you may be from a good heart, but that also cuts your own influence in your own home & increases his own influence in your home.

Stay strong, brother.

Women are built for comfort and Men are built to make way.
I've learnt something big from you.
tiri gbosa for you
Barman, give am one chilled ORIGIN

WomanOfRace:


Haba! Why na oga?

Correct woman

id4sho:

Women are built for comfort and Men are built to make way.
I've learnt something big from you.
tiri gbosa for you
Barman, give am one chilled ORIGIN

Thanks my brother.