Hello Nairalanders,

My Girlfirend of 5 years who has a child for me confessed to me about a month ago that she had been sleeping with older men for money before she got pregnant for our child, I have been out of the country but going back in less than a Months time.

I am aware she he had cheated a couple of times because I caught her while she was at it, twice when we just started the relationship(her excuse was that she didn't know I was taking her serious) and the second time was about 6-7 months into the relationship(her excuse was that I was pushing her away). There was never a time she asked for money that I didn't give her and before this revelation, she has even boasted to my sister that I am very generous when it comes to giving.

I am worried that if I should go on and get married to her, she might still cheat and if I do not go on, how do I explain to her parents that their daughter has done these horrible things hence the decision to cancel the plans. Although I told her I would tell her parents, she cried and begged me not to.

Your kind advice is highly needed.

Thanks


Edit:- At some point, she had sent requests to some male Nairalanders(this I also found out before she got pregnant) but she claimed it meant nothing

well for me ooo, there is no assurance you will have peace of mind in marriage

cominghome:
Hello Nairalanders,

My Girlfirend of 5 years who has a child for me confessed to me about a month ago that she had been sleeping with older men for money before she got pregnant for our child, I have been out of the country but going back in less than a Months time.

I am aware she he had cheated a couple of times because I caught her while she was at it, twice when we just started the relationship(her excuse was that she didn't know I was taking her serious) and the second time was about 6-7 months into the relationship(her excuse was that I was pushing her away). There was never a time she asked for money that I didn't give her and before this revelation, she has even boasted to my sister that I am very generous when it comes to giving.

I am worried that if I should go on and get married to her, she might still cheat and if I do not go on, how do I explain to her parents that their daughter has done these horrible things hence the decision to cancel the plans. Although I told her I would tell her parents, she cried and begged me not to.

Your kind advice is highly needed.

Thanks

cominghome:
Hello Nairalanders,

I have been out of the country but going back in less than a Months time.

Mr man, as you are creating this thread, I wonder where she is right now.



I just wonder.

Aaaaah! You're under the influence of strong juju oh.

When your eyes open, make sure you do a DNA test to confirm that child is yours.

I wonder why people still contemplate on a relationship that constantly requires them to sacrifice their self-worth, happiness and sanity. Lets not try to be economical with the truth, she slept with older men for money, she's officially a runs girl and "runs" is the baptismal name for prostitution. If you're hoping she's going to change when you finally marry her, then you're on a long thing.

Hoes don't retire. You should have left her when you first saw the signs but now it's not going to be easy cause the only thing between you two is the child, of which we're not even sure who the real father is. Runs girls are next to devils when it comes to lying, they will never admit the truth about something unless you have enough evidences against them. Call off the marriage plans, man, she's not worth it. You deserve a better woman. What's the guarantee that she won't ply the same route when you travel, or when you're financially down? Think, man! Save yourself from this disaster before its too late.

my brother, why allow u nneccessary things brother you? this is matter of calling her and discussing it one on one. . .he who is without sin,,let him cast the first stone. .have you not slept with another woman aside her? beside dnt embarass your woman by trying to tell pple that she cheated on you in the past. .whatever happens was in the past..besides you knew about them n kept dating her. .so why remember them now when marriage has come . . .though they may hurt you but learn to let go. .try talking to her and see her response. .bside you guys have a child together. . so be focus...talk to her...

valentineuwakwe:
my brother, why allow u nneccessary things brother you? this is matter of calling her and discussing it one on one. . .he who is without sin,,let him cast the first stone. .have you not slept with another woman aside her? beside dnt embarass your woman by trying to tell pple that she cheated on you in the past. .whatever happens was in the past..besides you knew about them n kept dating her. .so why remember them now when marriage has come . . .though they may hurt you but learn to let go. .try talking to her and see her response. .bside you guys have a child together. . so be focus...talk to her...

Thanks for the advise bro, we will definitely talk about everything when I get to Nigeria, honestly, I have slept with another during these years we have been together, twice in Nigeria and once here which I haven't been proud of irrespective of my knowledge of her infidelity. On one occasion, I reported to her mum about one of the guys she cheated on me with and right there her mum asked her why she would even think of telling me the truth(I might be wrong about this but what I expected was for her mum to make her understand that what she did was wrong while I was there and maybe when I'm gone, she would then say what she said) and this made me understand that her mum will always take sides with her even if/when she is wrong. To make matters worse, she said her married friend was responsible for linking her up with most of her clients and I know her husband very well(although this isn't my business). We had even visited one of the men in his office while I was in Nigeria(when he called her, I insisted that we go together because I suspected foul play) but she lied that the man was her friends uncle or whatever(I can't really remember what she called him) and that he sends her to do some transfers to her friend who happened to be in the UK at that time.

RadicallyBlunt:
Aaaaah! You're under the influence of strong juju oh.

When your eyes open, make sure you do a DNA test to confirm that child is yours.

Will do but I am quite certain he is mine.

OK now bros, what do you really want to do? You're clearly and obviously seeing signs, and please don't say you're hoping she will change. Nobody changes except by God's intervention. I think you already know the actions you want to take, you just probably want to see if ours will be same.

If what her parents will say is your biggest concern for calling off the relationship, then deep down your lying to yourself. You even said it yourself that they supported her supposed cheating attitude. If you think you can still cope with her attitude after marriage, then by all means go ahead.

But let me tell you something as a woman, if I truly love a man, I will never do anything that will hurt him emotionally.. Like cheating and after he finds out, I will still make excuses for my behavior (e.g 'I thought u were not taking me serious').

I hope u know what u are doing?

If you're planning to dump a girl who has sacrificed 5yrs of her life for you just because you've seen better ones, just go ahead and stop giving the dog a bad name before hanging it.

CaptJeffry:
If you're planning to dump a girl who has sacrificed 5yrs of her life for you just because you've seen better ones, just go ahead and stop giving the dog a bad name before hanging it.

If I was "planning" to "dump" her because I found someone else, trust me you wouldn't be reading this. One of the reasons I had not posted this sooner was because I needed to let go of the initial anger I felt when she told me about it.

cominghome:


If I was "planning" to "dump" her because I found someone else, trust me you wouldn't be reading this.

So if you're not planning for that, why open this thread? Truth is most people are in here just for fun and you don't expect them to be serious or give you you serious advice so I suggest you take your personal relationship problems off Nairaland. Believe me, except on few occasions especially on people's health or politics, you can't see me being serious.

CaptJeffry:
So if you're not planning for that, why open this thread? Truth is most people are in here just for fun and you don't expect them to be serious or give you you serious advice so I suggest you take your personal relationship problems off Nairaland. Believe me, except on few occasions especially on people's health or politics, you can't see me being serious.

The remaining few will still give serious advice. Stop discouraging a brother Pls.

Most nairalanders behaves like an immaturr.

cominghome:


Thanks for the advise bro, we will definitely talk about everything when I get to Nigeria, honestly, I have slept with another during these years we have been together, twice in Nigeria and once here which I haven't been proud of irrespective of my knowledge of her infidelity. On one occasion, I reported to her mum about one of the guys she cheated on me with and right there her mum asked her why she would even think of telling me the truth(I might be wrong about this but what I expected was for her mum to make her understand that what she did was wrong while I was there and maybe when I'm gone, she would then say what she said) and this made me understand that her mum will always take sides with her even if/when she is wrong. To make matters worse, she said her married friend was responsible for linking her up with most of her clients and I know her husband very well(although this isn't my business). We had even visited one of the men in his office while I was in Nigeria(when he called her, I insisted that we go together because I suspected foul play) but she lied that the man was her friends uncle or whatever(I can't really remember what she called him) and that he sends her to do some transfers to her friend who happened to be in the UK at that time.

this my number call me 08033559733 or email me valentineuwakwe2@gmail.com

CaptJeffry:
So if you're not planning for that, why open this thread? Truth is most people are in here just for fun and you don't expect them to be serious or give you you serious advice so I suggest you take your personal relationship problems off Nairaland. Believe me, except on few occasions especially on people's health or politics, you can't see me being serious.

I opened the thread so I can grab a thing or two from here no matter how serious, funny or insulting they may be. I can't keep all of this to myself for fear of making a move I might regret, neither can I discuss it with anybody that knows me personally(I want it to be a carefully guarded secret). So I feel this is the best option I have for now and I hope you understand.

valentineuwakwe:

this my number call me 08033559733 or email me valentineuwakwe2@gmail.com

I shall send an email

Hang on! When you say “cancelled” is this in the interim or this is you done with marriage were she is concerned?
Getting paid to have sex is called prostitution! Regardless of the age of the men.
How do you know the child is even yours? This is something you need to explore. You don’t have to tell her parents everything but you can make it clear that the relationship has ended. It’s up to their daughter to explain to her parents why there is no wedding anymore and please don’t get talked into working things out as being married means nothing to some women it’s just another way to fund a lifestyle.

If you dig a little deeper i am 100% certain that you will find that there are other men even when you have been together for 5 years.

Look after your child but this is not a relationship it is a village well where many have access.

I'm confused! Is she a prostitute? Does she sleep with older men for money?

Are you asking me if you should knowingly marry a prostitute? HIV, no scary you? Ok... Yes continue please marry her and may you have a fabulous ever after.

nanauju:
OK now bros, what do you really want to do? You're clearly and obviously seeing signs, and please don't say you're hoping she will change. Nobody changes except by God's intervention. I think you already know the actions you want to take, you just probably want to see if ours will be same.

If what her parents will say is your biggest concern for calling off the relationship, then deep down your lying to yourself. You even said it yourself that they supported her supposed cheating attitude. If you think you can still cope with her attitude after marriage, then by all means go ahead.

But let me tell you something as a woman, if I truly love a man, I will never do anything that will hurt him emotionally.. Like cheating and after he finds out, I will still make excuses for my behavior (e.g 'I thought u were not taking me serious').

Your comment is much appreciated. To be honest, I am very much confused on what to do, a part of me wants out but when I think of my kid I get totally confused. Before I made her open up and tell me the truth about these men, I had been told that she was a well known "runs girl"(I got this information after I left Nigeria) but I tried not to think much about it so I could focus on my work. A part of me tells me she will never change and thats the reason I thought about telling her dad about it so maybe he can talk to her and just maybe by some miracle make her change but she doesn't want her dad to know and this issue cannot be discussed with her mum because of her mums reaction the other time.

We did our introduction before I left Nigeria and the only reason we couldn't go ahead with the marriage was because she was pregnant at the time(it's against their tradition). I understand people make mistakes but everything she has done was a choice.

MissRaine69:
Hang on! When you say “cancelled” is this in the interim or this is you done with marriage were she is concerned?
Getting paid to have sex is called prostitution! Regardless of the age of the men.
How do you know the child is even yours? This is something you need to explore. You don’t have to tell her parents everything but you can make it clear that the relationship has ended. It’s up to their daughter to explain to her parents why there is no wedding anymore and please don’t get talked into working things out as being married means nothing to some women it’s just another way to fund a lifestyle.

If you dig a little deeper i am 100% certain that you will find that there are other men even when you have been together for 5 years.

Look after your child but this is not a relationship it is a village well where many have access.

Thanks for the time, all these happened even after we started dating and according to her, it stopped just before she got pregnant. I guess I'm not in the position to tell her dad about it as he might think I'm just making excuses to "dump" their daughter. You made some nice points in your comment. Thanks once again

Edit:- The only thing my kid lacks is "father figure"(but I'll be with him soon) asides that, I make sure he is well taken care of.

cominghome:
Hello Nairalanders,

My Girlfirend of 5 years who has a child for me confessed to me about a month ago that she had been sleeping with older men for money before she got pregnant for our child, I have been out of the country but going back in less than a Months time.

I am aware she he had cheated a couple of times because I caught her while she was at it, twice when we just started the relationship(her excuse was that she didn't know I was taking her serious) and the second time was about 6-7 months into the relationship(her excuse was that I was pushing her away). There was never a time she asked for money that I didn't give her and before this revelation, she has even boasted to my sister that I am very generous when it comes to giving.

I am worried that if I should go on and get married to her, she might still cheat and if I do not go on, how do I explain to her parents that their daughter has done these horrible things hence the decision to cancel the plans. Although I told her I would tell her parents, she cried and begged me not to.

Your kind advice is highly needed.

Thanks


Edit:- At some point, she had sent requests to some male Nairalanders(this I also found out before she got pregnant) but she claimed it meant nothing

I don't know why guys still act like sisi, bros man up even if na juju, e go respect you. You are still having double mind on a cheating babe, continue

cominghome:


At some point, she had sent requests to some male Nairalanders(this I also found out before she got pregnant) but she claimed it meant nothing

Hmm.. who could that be?

nanauju:


The remaining few will still give serious advice. Stop discouraging a brother Pls.

Thanks

cominghome:
Hello Nairalanders,

My Girlfirend of 5 years who has a child for me confessed to me about a month ago that she had been sleeping with older men for money before she got pregnant for our child, I have been out of the country but going back in less than a Months time.

I am aware she he had cheated a couple of times because I caught her while she was at it, twice when we just started the relationship(her excuse was that she didn't know I was taking her serious) and the second time was about 6-7 months into the relationship(her excuse was that I was pushing her away). There was never a time she asked for money that I didn't give her and before this revelation, she has even boasted to my sister that I am very generous when it comes to giving.

I am worried that if I should go on and get married to her, she might still cheat and if I do not go on, how do I explain to her parents that their daughter has done these horrible things hence the decision to cancel the plans. Although I told her I would tell her parents, she cried and begged me not to.

Your kind advice is highly needed.

Thanks


Edit:- At some point, she had sent requests to some male Nairalanders(this I also found out before she got pregnant) but she claimed it meant nothing

men we are in the same shoes na so my baby mama dey 4uck oda men behind my back

chai, bros, wise up oh, na ashawo u dey negotiate marriage with like dis so oh.
u wan marry ashawo put for house? yes or no?
u neva marry, see issues wey u dey face, dem cook giv u chop?

valentineuwakwe:

this my number call me 08033559733 or email me valentineuwakwe2@gmail.com

I have sent an email. Thank you

pedrilo:
chai, bros, wise up oh, na ashawo u dey negotiate marriage with like dis so oh.
u wan marry ashawo put for house? yes or no?
u neva marry, see issues wey u dey face, dem cook giv u chop?

Bro...let's keep it real...your gf is a prostitute. Should you have a relationship and consider marrying such a person? It depends. Some girls were forced into prostitution. ...some due to circumstances... some by choice....that's the life they want to live. Your gf is by choice... that's the life she wants to live and that's the life she is going to live.If you are giving her more than enough money...and she is still sleeping around...my bad...she is not a prostitute...that's a LovePeddler. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.... always look at a girl's family.... if the girl is bad...and the family good....you can take a chance with her....she was brought up good...strayed to the bad side... and can be good again.
If the girl is good...and family bad....leave her alone... she was brought up bad and will likely return to bad.This your gf is bad...her family is terrible.... how can you expect anything good to come out of the relationship?..and worse...marriage?
Is up to you..... maybe when...not if...when you are tested HIV positive your eyes will clear. Do you know her status?..your status? Your life your choice.

You, my brother is a fool.

cominghome:
Hello Nairalanders,

My Girlfirend of 5 years who has a child for me confessed to me about a month ago that she had been sleeping with older men for money before she got pregnant for our child, I have been out of the country but going back in less than a Months time.

I am aware she he had cheated a couple of times because I caught her while she was at it, twice when we just started the relationship(her excuse was that she didn't know I was taking her serious) and the second time was about 6-7 months into the relationship(her excuse was that I was pushing her away). There was never a time she asked for money that I didn't give her and before this revelation, she has even boasted to my sister that I am very generous when it comes to giving.

I am worried that if I should go on and get married to her, she might still cheat and if I do not go on, how do I explain to her parents that their daughter has done these horrible things hence the decision to cancel the plans. Although I told her I would tell her parents, she cried and begged me not to.

Your kind advice is highly needed.

Thanks


Edit:- At some point, she had sent requests to some male Nairalanders(this I also found out before she got pregnant) but she claimed it meant nothing