I understand your plight.
Go for the DNA secretly. Arrange with the lab that will do the test never to mention DNA in the presence of the girl.
After the test, if the girl is yours good luck and tear the result immediately but if not, scan the result and save it in two to three emails and cloud. Then it is either you confront her or keep silent and visit good counsellor if you can't handle the situation yourself. The counsellor will guide you to prepare for any eventuality that may arise in future.

memories1:
IF I were your wife, I would prefer you talk to me AND also do the DNA test. If the girl is truly yours, then I'd always dangle the guilt over your head.

Either way, communicate your doubts to your wife, do it with tact. The earlier you allay your fears the better. I'm sure she would agree to the test... but if she appears reluctant or begins to emotionally blackmail you....well, check each other's fidelity.

worst Advice ever. You either Ask for it or you don’t. Your speaking with your wife isn’t gonna ever improve situation.
Your DNA test is to prove her credibility which means you don’t have that trust in her. So it is better you only just info her only for her to be aware. No need for heart warm discussion.

Conduct your DNA test... just a hair I believe will do or a blood in disguise of Genotype and Bloodgroup will cover the loophole.
My brother please run that test for all your kids, but which ever way it turns out, don't treat or blame the little girl for someone's else mistake.

TheNaijaMan:
This is something I have been thinking about for some time now and I’m hoping I can get some mature advice here or have someone share their own experience

I have been married for 11 years now and our first daughter is 10. I also have another girl and then a set of twin boys. I have never had any cause to doubt the paternity of my last 3 kids and I have also never doubted my wife’s fidelity since we got married but a few years ago, some doubts crept into my mind about our first daughter as I recalled a few things that happened before she was born, when my wife and I just met essentially- but I would spare you all that.

Because of this doubt, I’m beginning to observe that, although I make every effort to conceal it, I have somewhat less affection for her than I do for her sister and brothers. I feel this is unfair to the little girl and I try to dismiss those thoughts but they come back occasionally and it also affects my peace of mind.

I had considered a secret DNA test as I do not want to upset my wife but the girl is all grown up and smart and I do not know how this can be done without her probably saying something about it to her mom and causing the same rift I want to avoid. I also considered speaking to my wife about it and getting her consent to do it but I have a feeling she might not like it and this might even have unpleasant effects on our marriage in the long run. So do I just leave it and continue to stomach those doubts and for how long? or should I discuss it with my wife and live with all the possible after-effects? This is my dilemma!

I love my wife and I believe she loves me too but I really don’t want to go to bed every time with these doubts or wake up someday when I’m quite old to realize she really isn’t my child.

Appreciate matured advises please. Thanks

It will be difficult for you but you don’t need to take permission from your wife before going for the DNA
Test.

DNA test is just like knowing your children’s blood group when need arises so going for a DNA is not a bad idea rather it’s advisable, if the child is yours, FINE but if not, know the real father in-case issues that needs blood transfer comes up in-order to safe life.

[quote author=NiCurious post=92868645]Dude, I am not playing victim, but it seems that you are. Reread the original post.

OP wishes to keep his family intact, and continue his good relationship with his wife. He likes his life the way it is, but he is curious to know about his daughter. He does not like that he is feeling doubt, and feeling less affection toward the girl. He is curious to know the truth, without potentially turning his world upside down, when he finds out.

OP is free to do a DNA test for knowledge sake, but he would be well advised to think ahead, what he will do with this knowledge, and how it will affect those around him, and himself. Supposing he discards the child as it seems you would do--whom does that benefit? Not the child who has done nothing. Not her siblings. Not his wife, who he feels has been faithful, all these long years. If you are the type who thinks of nothing but money, why would he throw away his investment so far, on someone so promising? He has been well pleased with this child, in her own right. If she is indeed another man's child, it is the other man's loss. Families do indeed raise children that aren't theirs. It's called adoption.

My advice is to the OP and his sensibilities, and not to you. If you don't want to raise a child that isn't yours, don't go raw when your girlfriend is still dating around. And if you do, please, [i]when your pregnant girlfriend marries another man, fight tooth and nail for a DNA test to prove the child is yours, so you can raise it.......





All I see here is lamenting and speaking in languages.....

Do you read the part that the op says he doesn't treat the girl as equal as his other siblings

Answer me what is happy home when infidelity and lack of trust has taken place

Even if the said child didn't do anything....that spirit that whispers to the op that this child might not be his.....will still whisper hatred and maltreatment towards him to the girl

So why don't he Clair his dawt...and consult a secret DNA and even if his wife gets to find out...
Let him face the wife and sort things out between them.....so that he will know where the girl belong and put her in her place...

Period.....

Maybe the oppt might be a simp....who knows


And for my relationship matter....i don't date a cheat....i don't date a promiscus lady...
I don't date Jezebels in disguise of a woman

Keep your advice to your self.....thanks

Have a blissful Sunday!!!!!

Oyindidi:
Baba T for President

If I'm your wife, the marriage will end after the DNA test.

And if the girl is not his , what will you do after DNA?

memories1:
IF I were your wife, I would prefer you talk to me AND also do the DNA test. If the girl is truly yours, then I'd always dangle the guilt over your head.

Either way, communicate your doubts to your wife, do it with tact. The earlier you allay your fears the better. I'm sure she would agree to the test... but if she appears reluctant or begins to emotionally blackmail you....well, check each other's fidelity.

The best advice you can take

chris2face:

Is weired to just wake up one day and ask ur wife for a DNA test on ur girl for me if am the wife not biggie i wil do that but thats the end of that marriage
I will tell the Op the let the sleeping dog lie

What of after 20 years you found out she's not your daughter what will you do then

Medunah:
I would have said let sleeping dogs lie too but did u guys see the part where Op said he shows less love to the girl compared to his other kids because of his doubt?
Pls op, do the DNA test and clear your doubts.

But the question is, what will you do if she isn't your daughter? Ask your wife to take her to her father? Or you will start to treat the child with even more contempt than you have been doing before?

My own advice for you is treat her solely as your own and show her as much love as you show the others DNA or no DNA

Of course , I will not rise another man child

.

[quote author=chuddyforlife post=92876690][/quote]

Lamenting? I don't think so.

Indeed, lack of trust and failure to be trustworthy, do not make a happy home. But OP's household has been based on trust, and apparent worthiness of trust, for at least the last ten out of eleven years.

I did read where he feels less love for the eldest child. He says it's because he's not sure she's his. Will he suddenly start loving her again if he discovers she's his?

The conflict is taking place in the OP's mind, for now:
-whether his love for a child is conditional, and why he feels less love for her, if it turns out that she's his
-whether the last ten years of fidelity from his wife no longer count for him, even if the first year was doubtful
-whether the peace and happiness of his household around him is worth more, or less, to him than having only his blood children in it.

These are questions he needs to resolve before any DNA test, because if he acts with a mind unprepared for what the knowledge may bring, his whole family will be affected and himself with it, and there is no taking back his actions and going back to the way things were, if he doesn't like the result.

OP is indeed free to seek a DNA test. Knowledge is good. But he needs to prepare his mind, before he trades a smaller knot in his peace, for a larger one--the risk of losing all of what he values.

You are free to disagree with me. But the dilemma being discussed is not yours, but the OP's, and he has different priorities than you do.

A blessed Sunday to you too.

TheNaijaMan:
This is something I have been thinking about for some time now and I’m hoping I can get some mature advice here or have someone share their own experience

I have been married for 11 years now and our first daughter is 10. I also have another girl and then a set of twin boys. I have never had any cause to doubt the paternity of my last 3 kids and I have also never doubted my wife’s fidelity since we got married but a few years ago, some doubts crept into my mind about our first daughter as I recalled a few things that happened before she was born, when my wife and I just met essentially- but I would spare you all that.

Because of this doubt, I’m beginning to observe that, although I make every effort to conceal it, I have somewhat less affection for her than I do for her sister and brothers. I feel this is unfair to the little girl and I try to dismiss those thoughts but they come back occasionally and it also affects my peace of mind.

I had considered a secret DNA test as I do not want to upset my wife but the girl is all grown up and smart and I do not know how this can be done without her probably saying something about it to her mom and causing the same rift I want to avoid. I also considered speaking to my wife about it and getting her consent to do it but I have a feeling she might not like it and this might even have unpleasant effects on our marriage in the long run. So do I just leave it and continue to stomach those doubts and for how long? or should I discuss it with my wife and live with all the possible after-effects? This is my dilemma!

I love my wife and I believe she loves me too but I really don’t want to go to bed every time with these doubts or wake up someday when I’m quite old to realize she really isn’t my child.

Appreciate matured advises please. Thanks

a strand of your daughter's hair will do

I think that the proble that you have is that you are searching for any excuse to reject your daughter and break your marriage. If your wife loves you and you have been married for more than 10 years then why do you want to ruin your marriage by find out if the child is yours or not? Let it go and live in peace because you ay not like the truth.

Out of all those years that you have been married, why is it now that you want to find out of the child is yours? Even if it turns out that she is not your daughter then wha are you going to do? Are you going to abandon her and make her siffer for something that she never did. She is just a kid and please do not try to ruin your marriage because that is where you are headed with this.