Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers - Jokes Etc (4) - Nairaland
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| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 7:26pm On Aug 18, 2010 |
After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed that a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than he. "I don't understand," he complained to God. "I devoted my entire life to my congregation." "Our policy here in heaven is to reward results," God explained. "Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?" "Well," the minister had to admit, "some in the congregation fell asleep from time to time." "Exactly," said God, "and when people rode in this man's taxi, they not only stayed wake, they even prayed." |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 7:29pm On Aug 18, 2010 |
A guy dies and goes to the gates of heaven where he meets God. God says to him, "I have looked at your book of life and you are welcome in heaven under one condition." The man said, "Yes, God. And what is that condition?" God says, "You must spell the word: love." The man spells the word and God lets him into heaven. As the man walks in, God tells the man to watch the gate until he returns, and reminds him that he must ask whoever comes to spell the word. After a short period of time, the man's wife shows up at the gate. "What are you doing here?" he asks her. "Well," she snorts, "on the way home from the funeral, there was an accident and I died." "Alright, but before you enter heaven you have to spell one word," he told her. "What word is that?" she asks. "Czechoslovakia," he says. |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by tanimz(f): 7:31pm On Aug 18, 2010 |
^ HA!!  |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Vic2k3(m): 7:33pm On Aug 18, 2010 |
Rebranded,reformed,repainted and re re joke well still funny though |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by EfemenaXY: 7:34pm On Aug 18, 2010 |
Okija_juju: Love it!! I tell you - If I were in that mad cab driver's vehicle, me I go pray well-well too!! |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 7:34pm On Aug 18, 2010 |
A teacher was working with her Primary 3 class on "Thinking Skills". She was giving some concrete examples of deductive reasoning skills. "I'm holding an object behind my back", she said, "And it's round and red." Little Tanimz in the front row stuck her hand up. "Is it a cherry?" she inquired. "No," said the teacher,"It's an apple, but I like the way you think." Next the teacher said, "I'm holding something behind my back. It's long and yellow. Can anyone guess what it is?" "A banana! A banana!" shouted little Ben 10. "No," said the teacher, "It's a pencil, but I like the way you think." A voice boomed from the back of the room. It was Blacksta. "Hey teach, how about I hide something and you guess." Not to be outdone the teacher agreed. Blacksta swaggered up to the front of the room, dug his hand into his pocket, and said, "I've got something in my pocket. It's round and hard and it's got a head on it." The teacher thought for a moment, her face reddened. "Blackkie, that's obscene, sit down." "No it's not teach," he said as he brought his hand out of his pocket. "It's a quarter, but I like the way you think." Submitted by: Okija JujuTM |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 7:39pm On Aug 18, 2010 |
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. Pastor said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the Secret Service." |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by tanimz(f): 7:40pm On Aug 18, 2010 |
Okija_juju: You know well! But you try sha. I love it! |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by EfemenaXY: 7:43pm On Aug 18, 2010 |
hehehe once again excellent jokes OJ!! but make you slow down sha - nor too overdo am  |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 7:48pm On Aug 18, 2010 |
Taking Efe's advice, I hereby go on a 6-hours recess.  |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by tanimz(f): 7:52pm On Aug 18, 2010 |
When you come back, I want a joke just for me.   |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 7:55pm On Aug 18, 2010 |
That na homework!! But just cos of those two kisses, I will try. |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by tanimz(f): 7:57pm On Aug 18, 2010 |
Good boy, and if you do the assignment well, there are more to come. |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by EfemenaXY: 10:31pm On Aug 18, 2010 |
^^ Lol! |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 8:21am On Aug 19, 2010 |
Back after my Recess!! A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. Pastor said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the Secret Service." |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 8:22am On Aug 19, 2010 |
A frustrated housewife decided her sex life needed spicing up after 20 years of marriage. After her husband went to work she slipped out and went into a lingerie shop and picked up a pair of crotchless knickers. She went home, tarted herself up and donned the new garment and selected a short skirt to go with it. She greeted her husband when he came home from work and sat across from him after she prepares him a drink. She slowly spread her legs,and in a husky come f**k me voice says "Honey, would you like some of this?" The husband looks between his ageing wife's legs and lets out his breath, looking up at his doting wife replies, "HELL, NO! Look what it's done to your underwear." |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 8:43am On Aug 19, 2010 |
Yep!! I dont know how many of you have seen this one before but it definitely got me laughing. ENJOY: The new priest was so nervous at his first mass, he could hardly speak. Before his second appearance in the pulpit he asked the Monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor said, "Next Sunday, it may help if you put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly." The next Sunday, the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm. He felt great. However, upon returning to the rectory, he found a note from the Monsignor. It read: 1. Next time, sip rather than gulp. 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 Disciples, not 10. 4. We do not refer to the cross as the big "T". 5. The recommended grace before meals is not "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah Lord." 6. Do not refer to our savior, Jesus Christ and his apostles as "J.C. and The Boys". 7. David slew Goliath. He did not "kick the shit out of him." 8. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are never referred to as "Big Daddy, Junior, and The Spook". 9. It is always the Virgin Mary, never "Mary with the Cherry". 10. When David got hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey don't say, "he was stoned off his ass." 11. Jesus was consecrated not constipated. 12. Last, but not least, next Wednesday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s. There will not be a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s. |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 9:20am On Aug 19, 2010 |
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?" "Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters." "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days." The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy?" "Well miss, I just saw both of your garters." Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks." Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "Where do you think you are going?" she asks. "Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!" |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by EfemenaXY: 9:49am On Aug 19, 2010 |
Already seen Joke 1 & 3  But, loved 2 & 4 - Joke no. 4 got me laughing Nice 1 OJ |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 10:19am On Aug 19, 2010 |
A man wearing a balaclava bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun. "Open the f*****g safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter. "But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money". "Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your f*****g head off!" She obliges and opens the safe door. "Take one of the bottles and drink it!" "But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously. "Don't argue, just drink it" he says. She prises off the cap and gulps it down. "Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands. The girl drinks another one. Suddenly the guy pulls off the balaclava and to the girl's amazement it's her husband, "Not that f*****g difficult is it?" he says |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by EfemenaXY: 10:21am On Aug 19, 2010 |
^^ Urrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! **runs to the bathroom to throw up violently** |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 10:25am On Aug 19, 2010 |
^^^ LOL!! Why you dey vomit?! Are you pregnant already!! |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 10:26am On Aug 19, 2010 |
A husband, wife and their seven-year-old son walk into an ice-cream shop. The dad says "I'll have a chocolate cone, and my wife here will have a vanilla." He then slaps his son on the back of the head and says: "What do you want, fat-head?" The lady behind the counter, shocked, says, "Why did you call him that?" "I'll tell you why," says the dad. "There's really only three things a man wants in life. First, he wants a nice big truck. See that nice big truck parked outside? That's mine. Second, he wants a nice big house. I have one of the biggest houses in town. Third, and most important, he wants a nice tight pussy and I had that too until fat-head here came along." |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by EfemenaXY: 10:32am On Aug 19, 2010 |
^^ Now this is silly not funny OJ!!  **or maybe 'tis b/cos I haven't fully recovered from your previous joke**  |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 10:42am On Aug 19, 2010 |
Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did. Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "Marijuana from Colombia" "Very well son, come in." Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "Cocaine from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in." At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Crack from New York" "Very well son, come in." Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judas" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!" |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by StudioCFR(m): 10:44am On Aug 19, 2010 |
Blasphemy! |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 10:46am On Aug 19, 2010 |
HUH!!  |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by StudioCFR(m): 10:47am On Aug 19, 2010 |
no dey joke with jesus name |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 10:47am On Aug 19, 2010 |
Shoooo!! See yawa o!! Na ehn be say my Jokes don finish be that na!! Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, miss, me, me!" Teacher says "All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?" Little Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate." Teacher smiles and says "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful." Little Johnny says "No, miss, you're thinking of a Mouth Action. I'm talking about a self-service |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 10:49am On Aug 19, 2010 |
A married couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws." |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by EfemenaXY: 10:54am On Aug 19, 2010 |
Last joke's the best (from the bad bunch) |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 10:57am On Aug 19, 2010 |
Una want put Parental Guidiance for my Jokes?! Na wah O!!  10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty 1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls. 10. Damn, I missed the hole again. |
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